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Name this movie from our childhoods

from rainy - Wednesday, January 24, 2007
accessed 1036 times

(I started talking about this film and was shocked to discover I was the only one of my siblings old enough to remember it...but I watched it all the time when I was about nine! Then on further thought, I'm horrified at it. I mean, it's like the rocky horror picture show or something. Anyone know what I'm talking about?)

User Comments:

5 out of 5 people found the following comment useful:-
A film so horrible, you can't stop watching, 8 June 2003
Author: planktonrules from Bradenton, Florida

Kudos to this German production by Golan/Globus. Who else could have conceived of a Sci-fi/Disco/Musical/Religious epic? Unlike Ed Wood's flicks (such as Plan 9, Glen or Glenda and Bride of the Monster), this movie proves that an embarrassingly silly and awful picture does NOT need to be made on a shoestring budget! Horrible costumes and extremely silly sets cost big bucks!

While some of the actors do actually sing reasonably well, Vladek Sheybal and Ray Shell's singing (among many others) are straight from the "Paint Your Wagon" school of movie-making which states that "just because some actors have NO discernible singing ability does not mean they cannot sing in a musical". I assume based on the banality of the music and lyrics that the same philosophy was also employed. In fact, the same could be said about the acting, sets and directing and choreography (e.g., the great song and dance number in Hell midway through the movie). It's as if Golan/Globus said "let's find as many UNTALENTED people as possible and get them together to make a movie--it will be a real HOOT!".

So, if I hated this movie so much and found it abounding in ineptness, why am I writing this review? My wife tells me I am a masochist and about awful movies, I think she's right. I love to watch wretched movies.

_________ is not an annoying bad movie (such as ANYTHING involving Pauley Shore), a cheap schlocky bad movie (SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS or ROBOT MONSTER), a disgusting bad movie (any movie involving groups of semi-brain-dead teens being stalked by a hockey masked sociopath) or a boringly bad movie (THE CONQUERER or most of the Jerry Lewis-directed films). Instead, like such notorious greats like THE TRIAL OF BILLY JACK, this movie seems to try VERY hard and yet fail on almost every level. This is definitely the case with __________.

In summation, I call all lovers of dreck to tune in to __________. And, I am happy to say, it is NOW available on DVD!!! This makes this is an absolute MUST SEE!

(Don't know? Okay here)

THE APPLE - 3 Slimes
Rated PG
Copyright 1980 NF Geria III-Produktion München.
Reviewed 29 January 2006

The Characters

Alphie - Incorruptible and a talented singer. After he grew all that facial hair I was waiting for Burgermeister Meisterburger to show up. Ascends to Heaven. (He is from Moose Jaw, Canada.)

Bibi - She spends a goodly part of the movie engaging in all sorts of debauchery, before realizing that her place is at home, in the cave, raising the children. Also Heaven bound. (Also a Canadian.)

Mr. Topps - Not exactly the picture of the almighty that most of us might imagine, but he does have a cool ride.

Mr. Boogalow - The Devil went down to Georgia, to start his own recording company (BIM: Boogalow International Music). He also stole Darkness' chair, probably because Darkness never answered his calls.

Pandi & Dandi - The female (Pandi) and male (Dandi) BIM stars who were created by Boogalow. Pandi gets saved.

Shake - Wow, talk about a comprehensive study in glitter eye shadow and metallic lipstick.

Bulldog & Fatdog - These would be Boogalow's pet musclemen. The latter guy needs to drop a few pounds.

Ashley - The head of BIM's marketing department. I do not think this is a guy; it looks more like an ugly woman.

Full review is here: memories!)

Reader's comments on this article

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from Haunted
Tuesday, January 30, 2007 - 20:25

SIGN! SIGN! SIGN! - yeah dude, none of my siblings remember it either - you gotta see it again, my local blockbuster actually carries's insane!
(reply to this comment)
from Kennyskiller
Thursday, January 25, 2007 - 00:12

Dammit, now I have "Hey, hey, hey! BIM's on the way!" in my head...aargh!
(reply to this comment)
From JohnnieWalker
Thursday, January 25, 2007, 07:18

Lucky you!

I'm stuck with "Child of Love ... Child of Looooove ... Child of Love ... Chiiild of Looooove".(reply to this comment
from Oddman
Wednesday, January 24, 2007 - 15:21

Some of the better childhood favorites off the top of my head.

War Games

And does anybody, anybody, remember Blakes 7?
(reply to this comment)
From Luciferian Advocate
Sunday, April 15, 2007, 08:32

Journey to the center of the Earth
The day the Earth stood still
When worlds collide
Battlestar Galactica
Moon Base Alpha(reply to this comment
From figaro
Wednesday, March 21, 2007, 09:16

i actually watched D.A.R.Y.L. not too long ago. never did see war games though.

how about these

flight of the navigator
the cat from outer space
the Philadelphia experiment
dont eat the daisies
the music man (watched that one last week for the first time since i like 5)
the last unicorn.

anyone else watch these movies many many times as kids?

(reply to this comment
From Luciferian Advocate
Sunday, April 15, 2007, 08:24

The cat from fuckin outer space! Radge film! What about TRON and Forbidden Planet?(reply to this comment
From Kennyskiller
Thursday, January 25, 2007, 00:07

Blake's Seven, thank you, had been trying to remember what that weird series was called!(reply to this comment
From Oddman
Thursday, January 25, 2007, 00:26

Blake, Jenna, Avon, Vila, Cally, Gan, Zen, and Orac Vs. The evil Servalen, Travis and his blood drinking androids. Aaah, nostalgia. My favorite characters were Avon and Travis. I only watched some episodes from season one and two, and would love to watch the rest. Good ol' British Sci-Fi.(reply to this comment
From Kennyskiller
Thursday, January 25, 2007, 01:54

Oh, I think I always wanted to be Jenna, we used to secretly play the characters during "get-out". lol. (reply to this comment
from Nick
Wednesday, January 24, 2007 - 10:41

What about that movie "Hunk" about a geeky programmer that signs a deal with the devil and becomes a hunk. That has got to be the all time cheesiest movie ever! And to make it even worse we had to watch it with Faith Berg's voice over pow-wowing the whole thing.

Damn I am gald I don't subject my son to that crap!
(reply to this comment)
From Haunted
Tuesday, January 30, 2007, 20:28

Hunk, man I haven't thought of that one in ages! And way to ruin "For Keeps"....the infamous rewind - -lol!(reply to this comment
From Snufkin
Wednesday, January 31, 2007, 00:53

Heh, that was on the sci-fi or horror channel (cant remember which) a couple months back. Had another look at it... its sooo bad its almost good!(reply to this comment
From AnnaH
Wednesday, January 24, 2007, 15:45

Fucking pow-wowing! They cut out the best part of Pinocchio!(reply to this comment
From Oddman
Wednesday, January 24, 2007, 15:55

I have nothing against pow-wowing, so long as it is conducted in the proper and traditional manner. In fact, I propose this traditional method be reintroduced to US politics. Now quit hogging the peace pipe.(reply to this comment
from Phoenixkidd
Wednesday, January 24, 2007 - 10:31


Gawd, I remember that film, hell I could probably quote you a lot of lines, sing almost every song and remember the exact progression of sequences in the film although having only seen it twice when I was 10 years old!! In late 1986 our home watched it and went bananas! I remember all the teens talking about it, and I remember getting especially se**ally excited during some scenes.

I later looked it up and found out it was on the rotten tomato list and some other listing for worst Musical every produced. I think just becuase it is associated with our childhood it's something we always like even though the film or production itself was not that great. Same thing with other films or shows that normal American society likes now, such as Grease, Muppets, Andy Dick Show, Rocky Horror Picture Story etc.. When I see it I think it's crap because I do not have associative memories with it and am watching it as a media saturated Adult.

Anyway, about "Apple" loved the costumes, the monorail, hairstyles and "SPEED I NEED SPEED....SPEED"

ok enough said

Crazy maniachal Apple Lover here.
(reply to this comment)

From Oddman
Wednesday, January 24, 2007, 15:16

Nostalgia. "~ Love, the universal melody" and my favorite "~ I know how to be, a master" I remember fairly well. "~ speed" was Bibi's number when she was on contract with BIM records right? They had mock bikes set on stage or something, with dancers prancing on them. They had inverted triangle BIM stickers they stuck on everything, including their foreheads? And Mr. Topps comes to collect them in a Caddy? Someone was definitely shooting more than a film when this came out. Don't ask me why a 4 year old was watching it though.(reply to this comment
From Luciferian Advocate
Sunday, April 15, 2007, 08:25

Rolls Royce(reply to this comment

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