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Getting Out : Inside Out

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from Tim R - Thursday, January 20, 2005
accessed 3264 times

I just read this on their web site. Apparently "Jude Osborn" has uncovered our secret plans to ruin his sons Lego playtime.

I thought the "two or three dozen" "vaguely feminine" exmembers who come to this site might be interested in reading this.

(repost from

Global Domination Through Deviant Lego Men

By Jude Osborn (a.k.a Kevin Kanwayte)

Apparently my son Kevin Junior is an evil, menacing 4-year-old villain. Why? Because from what I’ve heard, somewhere out there are maybe two or three dozen brave hostile ex-member men and women who will stop at nothing to foil his sinister plans for world domination through playing with cars and running around with Spiderman underwear on his head.

If he were old enough I imagine Kevin would have a thin, curly, evil mustache. If his head was large enough I guess he’d sport a tall, black, evil top hat. And most importantly, he might regularly let loose a long, evil cackle, except that he’s too busy moisturizing the air with car noises. What a chilling picture of pure evil.

But do not cower in fear, good citizens! You can sleep in peace knowing that the self-styled forces of good are at work to bring to justice the forces of apparent evil. All over the world are intrepid heroes, sitting behind computer desks, feverishly typing web site posts with titles like “Let’s #$%!@ those @#)$& retarded Family !@*(&^#$^ for making me mop floors when I was 11!” Their unforgettable name: “Team Apostate!”“Valiance and selflessness” - that’s their motto!

Team Apostate: the picture of valiance in the face of the omnipresent threat of 3 and a half foot tall “mini me” Family villains like Kevin. When will the villain and his psychotic sidekicks, “Daddy and Mommy” strike next? When will they launch an attack at the heart of modern society with unfathomably heinous acts of evil, such as “having pancakes for breakfast” or “reading Bible stories” or “making hideous play-dough aliens with long, slimy tongues"?

Team Apostate: The picture of “selflessness” in their pursuit of justice, as they cast aside the unnecessary frills of life, such as “living constructive lives” and “doing happy things".

“Team Apostate: Valiance and %^%!$ selflessness! Hooah!”

As cunning and shrewd as Kevin Junior and his cohorts may be, Team Apostate has the wits to foil every plan of evil. It is their unmatched intelligence that will ultimately bring Kevin’s works of evil zoo visits and bubble baths to a dramatic, grinding halt. Only then can the world breathe a sigh of relief.

“First we must start by striking at the foundation of his evil empire", proclaims noble Team Apostate member Captain Dimwit, dressed in pink spats, and holding his “mighty hammer of justice” (which oddly enough is actually a small plastic pooper scooper). “We must destroy his financial base of power by defaming the missionary foundations and organizations that support his slaves!”

Captain Dimwit tilts his superhuman head, raises a superhuman eyebrow and lifts his “Hammer of Justice” in the air as if to bring it down upon the anvil with a mighty “splat". “We now know that these organizations and foundations funnel a whopping sum of $0.00 to the leadership of Kevin’s empire of crime and peanut butter balls, and this insanity must be stopped!”

He continues: “So, if you’re a missionary home on a poor, far flung field relying on support from these foundations of evil, rest assured that thanks to Team Apostate you may soon be free! Free from the tight grip of their dreadful financial support! Free to dig for drinking water and harvest strips of tree bark for nourishment!”

“Team Apostate: @#!& valiance and selflessness! Hooah!”

Then a tall, muscular, vaguely feminine woman comes to the fore with a tight bun in her hair. The mystery woman is dressed in a business suit and large glasses. Quick as a flash she spins into a small tornado, making a low gurgling sound similar to that of a garbage disposal. When she halts her appearance has changed to that of a woman in a business suit who just spun around in circles (messy hair, crooked glasses). It’s the brave, caring and beloved heroine Whiner Woman!

She passionately proclaims, “Too many children have suffered at the hands of evil! We must save them from the horrors of giggling, playing in parks, traveling the world and eating spaghetti. We must snatch them from the clutches of happiness and lead them to the safety of orphanages and correctional institutions.” Then, pulling a large onion from … well … I’m not really sure, she peels it and begins to weep.

“Team Apostate: @#!& valiance and !@$%* selflessness! Hooah! (Sniff)”

Then, as if we hadn’t seen it all: Faster than a speeding rumor! More powerful than a “loco” motive. Able to leap tall tales in a single bound. It’s a beef! It’s a complaint! No, it’s Stuporman! Another vaguely feminine sight.

Standing several feet above ground on his personal soapbox, cape blowing in the wind, underwear on the outside and painfully constricting tights glistening in the sunlight, our hero boldly proclaims (with a slightly high-pitched voice): “The forces of good must be rallied against the forces of evil! Thousands of fortunate men and women have escaped the talons of Kevin’s empire, but still live in fear of the razor sharp claws of his Lego men.”

Then, jutting a clenched fist in the air with one hand and arranging his underwear with the other he adds, “To all you who have escaped, I say lay aside your sensible, productive lives and embrace narrow-mindedness, hatred and exaggeration. Come fight with us! Come grumble with us! Come post bigoted, overly-dramatic crap all over our web site, and together we will form a giant brownish colored snowball that will roll right over the forces of evil!”

“Team Apostate: @#!& and !@$%*! Hooah! (Ouch, my poor little superhuman nuts.)”


This column is NOT an official WS publication. And, no, Family leadership did not coerce me into writing it. I wrote it because I’m sort of … well … irritated.

I’m not normally one to write something as cynical as this, but you must understand that the few vocal and active apostates have indirectly (though almost directly) verbally threatened myself and my Family though I’ve done nothing at all to offend them (maybe until now). In my book that’s about as low as a person can go.

I have huge amounts of respect for you who have left the Family and continued on with your lives. So to the vast majority of you much more intelligent and sensible former members are reading this, I say, well done. But to those who can’t get past life’s problems, glitches and misfortunes (we all have them) and are “moving on” to hate, anger and melodrama, why don’t you do something @!$%* valiant and get a life?

Jude Osborn is a second generation member of the Family International.

Reader's comments on this article

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from Gib
Monday, February 05, 2007 - 15:39

This is a message for Jude Osborne:

Jude, if you're Nancy and Richard's son, please contact me. I grew up with your mom and have lost track of her since 2003. My email is In fact, your mom gave me that name...

(reply to this comment)
From Vixin
Monday, February 05, 2007, 16:40



You did in fact get the right Jude. This is his sister, Karen.

When you get this, write me at!

I will then forward my mother's email to you. :-)

Great to "see" you!(reply to this comment

from question
Wednesday, February 02, 2005 - 06:44

just wondering...where do they get the number of 32000 friendly ex members? are stats available somewhere?
(reply to this comment)
from Daimanon
Thursday, January 27, 2005 - 11:53

This thread is in The Trailer Park 
Thursday, January 27, 2005 - 11:38

I think it's terrible that this guy chooses to poke fun, putting words in our mouths, who said we were against any of those things? This guy needs a reading comprehension lesson, as he couldn't understand the words, abuse, sex with children, rape, beatings, silence restictions, Teen training camps, not having a mother or father, being frightened of demons, etc...

Stick with the issue's for fucks sake.
(reply to this comment)
from exister
Thursday, January 27, 2005 - 07:34


Apparently the posters at are largely incapable of ending an article title with anything other than "Speaks Out," and their profoundly subpar usage and grammar sends me into a veritable Joehian fit of nausea after a few lines. Heres a hint, you poor, uneducated, endtime soldiers: if you want to witness to us "apostates" (I wonder if whoever found that one in the Thesaurus got an extra star in their crown) you might look into developing the barest rudiments of prosaic ability first. With your poor command of the English you will find it quite hard to communicate effectively with those of us who tested out of English 101 and have actually experienced real English Literature.

Just a thought, you backward savages.
(reply to this comment)

Thursday, January 27, 2005, 08:29

Apparently, you didn't read this article. So condescending! Obvious to me, you have to put others down so you feel better about your writing skills. I can just picture you with a dictionary in your hands trying to write this particular comment. Remember, you CAME from the same place these people did. You have no right to degrade them!(reply to this comment
From exister
Thursday, January 27, 2005, 09:59


You should post your identity so we can applaude you, oh defender of the marginally literate.

I consulted neither a paper dictionary, nor to compose the above. This is the way I talk all of the time, just ask anyone who knows me.(reply to this comment

From Joe H
Thursday, January 27, 2005, 10:03

It's true. I used to read literature in a vain attempt to enhance my vocabulary. Now I just have coffee/vodka with the Exister, who, by the way, is not human, but pure light and energy! (repeat endlessly)(reply to this comment
From Dathan
Thursday, January 27, 2005, 08:44

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(
Ah..but you's not where you CAME from, but where you are heading that matters.(reply to this comment
Saturday, January 22, 2005 - 19:29


I don't know why in these comments we have to degrade someone personally. Maybe the people on this site take EVERYTHING personally. You shouldn't! This is someone point of view, not LAW! Everyone is entitled to their own opinion & not to be put down for their belief system. I for one thought it was an interesting look at those of us that have left TF. It certainly helps put some things in perspective, doesn't it?

(reply to this comment)

from Fish
Friday, January 21, 2005 - 20:26

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Ok, Mr. Heaven can wait, your name suits you. It’s almost as lame as your writing skills. You weren’t funny while I was in the family, and I can see that if anything, you’ve gotten worse. Before you were just a “right… lets skip this page then”, but now your more of a “How does one get vomit out of the cracks in a keyboard?” I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re not Dave Barry. It seems that no matter how hard you try to copy him, you just can’t get it right. Perhaps its time to “heed the lords call”, and go back to the “field” of clowning. Only by supporting “the queens” royal jelly habit will you gain “full” access to the lord’s blessings.

All jibes aside, you are disgusting. You attempt to trivialize our fight against abuse and rank injustice. The selfishness of your mindset is typical of your misguided kind. I find it nauseating that whenever “persecution” comes around, the family always attempts to project this “average Joe” image. So, your son is playing with legos and eating pancakes? That’s nice. What about the music I hear playing in the background? “Give me your seeds, Jesus! Make love to me! Ravish me!” That’s normal right? What about the bedtime story you read him last night involving demons, keys and other nonsense. What about the fact that he needs to stop playing legos in a second so he can join in your 15minite required praise/loving Jesus time? What if he doesn’t want to stop playing? Will you follow the “word” and “lay down the rod”? What about the fact that U.Josiah, your home shepherd is a child rapist? The fact that you seek direction on child rearing from a woman who you know used to encourage all manner of abuse? Do you also belive theres noting wrong with adult child sex? If not, why do you blindly obey the writings of one that does.

What about when your son gets older? Will he have an education? Or will you be too busy “hiding the word in his heart”. I could go on and on. Your “average Joe” façade is yet another pipe dream. You may actually believe that your “lifestyle” is normal. How could you know otherwise having never experienced anything else? Go back to reading your “faith” building GNs. Just remember that one day your son will ask you, “why”. I hope you’ll have an answer.
(reply to this comment)
from JohnnieWalker
Friday, January 21, 2005 - 15:17


Allow me a simple paraphrase: "All that is required for the triumph of justice-seeking ex-members is that these Family young people keep writing."

While I think the way they are jumping to the the Family's defense is admirable (if not a little amusing) they are coming accross as being a little out of touch with the real issues being raised. It's becoming embarrassingly obvious that they are being fed information about the ex-member community and this Website from within their group instead of getting it from the source.
(reply to this comment)

from Poker Star
Thursday, January 20, 2005 - 20:41

I dig it. Very creative and it sits well with someone who "got over it" about a decade ago. Has there been a poll taken on how many xers are bitter or would the results be skewed since most of the nots wouldn't bother to respond?
(reply to this comment)
From afflick
Friday, January 21, 2005, 15:45

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

I am sure this father loves his son, and I am sure he would do anything necessary to keep him from harm. I hope that little Kevin gets to go to school everyday and interact with kids from other environments. I hope that little Kevin is kept from having to raise the rent money every month. I hope that little Kevin, should he be gay, finds love and acceptance from his parents and the Family. I hope all these things for him and for all the children of our peers, but living in a Family home and obeying all of the rules would dictate otherwise.

The world has a lot to offer your son, Kevin. Perhaps he would really enjoy playing a professional sport, perhaps he has the talent to start his own business, or become a professor, doctor, or Olympian.

I hope you will allow him opportunities in the outside world so that when he finally takes the Spiderman underwear off his head, he will truly be able to see.

(reply to this comment

Thursday, January 27, 2005, 10:29

The thing is their "idea of harm" is quite different to mine. They think it's Gods love to have some "loving time("sexual abuse) and gods will that we e separated from "worldly influences" and diverse experiences.

"Saving souls" (trapsing around the globe selling their shit) is far better then education.

The reason we were bought up the way we were is that they do not consider the way we would raise our children to be of any value. their way, bergs and zerby's way is best , why oh why can't we see that??(reply to this comment
From pandora
Friday, January 21, 2005, 16:24

You coudn't have said it better. (reply to this comment

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