Deconstructing the English Language

from John David - Wednesday, August 04, 2004
accessed 1492 times

My mother: From English teacher to Broken English Missionary

I'd like to share a letter with all of you from my mother. She lives in Costa Rica and still continues to live the life of a freelancing The Family missionary. Now over the years, it's hard not to notice how bad her english has gotten. And here's the example:

"Hey John,
You have to help me out on this one! Your brother and sisters are asking me,"and our brother John, he is back, alive, where, how & when!" Yes, I tell them, he is in, I think Texas, doing things with oilwells...not enough info, what does that mean, Mom? Help me out on this one son, they are teenagers, and prayed everyday for you, and your safekeeping! I need to give some more details! They say to me, "Mom you talk all the time through e-mail, why is it you don´t know more? Well. HELLO! not sure, but that is how it is, I guess! They and me (not good english), want details!!
I love you, as well as the rest of the creatures called your brother and sisters! Don´t let them know I called them creatures, but it is a jungle out here!
Love,
Mom"


Apparently she's trying to ask me what I'm doing with my life at my younger sibbling's requests. But to give it some third world country flavor she's added in things like "Yes, I tell them, he is in, I think Texas".

At one point in her life she was an english school teacher. And she also currently works in a Costa Rican school. Now, I don't know what kind of marijuana or other plants that might be chewed up, spit out and firmented by Costa Rican pygmies, but count me in. Because whatever she's taking down there has made her so aloof that she's willing to type out "They and me (not good english), want details!!".

I think the funniest part of this whole deal will be the great times she's going to have in a nursing home. There she'll be sitting with her grey hair; a white woman, and she'll be asking the south american janitor to try and relay what "soy hijo de dios" means to a balding cratchety old man she's trying to flirty fish into giving up his valium regiment for the night.