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Getting Out : Inside Out

Brian, Welcome To the Jungle

from Spat - Thursday, February 05, 2004
accessed 2222 times

Day: 5840
Location: Home XXXFF
Revolution Period: PER aka (PhukyouERse)
Mission Objectives: Survival, persecution (child abuse court cases) evasive maneuvers, L of L (Lick another Lollipop)
Primary Objective: Screw Brian

A very content Brian, (he had managed to hug all 3 of his favorite girls during devotions) made his way to the bulletin board in the living room were a very complex set or schedules spelled out his duties for the day. This week his ministry was the yard something he did not mind at all since he had discovered that garden work was really simple and could be avoided altogether by hiding in the shed, making occasional cameo appearances with a rake at key moments (when Untie Vessel took her morning stroll).

His JJT’s for the day were The OC bathroom, Untie Joy's bathroom and the sheds bathroom. He was also on dinner dishes, something that put a damp in his spirit since tonight it was video night and Brian had missed many movie starts due to his inability to scrub clean one of the daily featured 20 pound pots used for kitchen duty. Last but not least Brian took a look at the outreach and errand schedule, He was delighted to hear he would be accompanying Uncle Uriah to the Video store to get tonight's featured presentation.

Brian ran up to his room and pulled out his walkman (A reversible Sony that was Brian’s pride an Joy) he then opened his Cubby hole and pulled out his contraband Break out tape, the tape what Brian considered one of his bravest and brightest accomplishments (it had been recorded last time Brian and his family visited his systematic-relatives) Side A was Michael Jackson’s Dangerous Side A. Side B contained family great hits such as Jeremy Spencer rendition of Labor Not. Bryan had discovered that doing this he could rock to “Remember the Time” and other great MJ hip songs most of the day, avoiding a potentially devastating detection by flipping the other side and playing the Break out song whenever asked by an uncle to sample what he was hearing.

Brian proceeded to the Bathroom supply closet and pulled out the 20 point bathroom cleaning checklist and a bathroom cleaning kit and happily marched to the OC bathroom, as he listened to will you be there at under a quarter of the Brian’s preferred volume (a past occasion had made Brian aware that listening to MJ at higher volume could only invite trouble). His gay spirit was quickly damped when he approached the bathroom to find a putrid smell of diapers mixed in with urine and vomit filling the heavenly home atmosphere. Brian cranked up the volume closed the door and with a determined face murmured "bring in on".

After the bathroom clean up was done and the following inspections were concluded (Brian got a single demerit because he forgot to check the rinse bottle in the shed bathroom), Brian excitedly run to met Uncle Uriah (who was finishing his 2nd word time), Brian was careful to knock very softly Teamwork office/sharing room door (From experience Brian knew that the 2nd word time sometime was utilized by the teamwork for napping and to recuperate from the extremely heavy responsibility laid down upon the homes 12 shepherds, in addition to this since the room doubled up as a sharing room somebody might be hard at work showing Gods love to a needy brother).

After the 4th knock a slurring voice told Brian he could come in. Brian carefully removed his shoes (the team worker’s room had a rug on the floor and after many prayers for shepherdess Patience Asthma attacks the Lord revealed thru prophecy that the reason was the dust in the room, further confirmation came when Uncle Uriah had a vision of Moses by the burning bush and thus the removing of the shoes before coming in the presence of this holy room was implemented. Brian was not very sure of the biblical and prophetical credentials of this practice but the triple demerit he got once for forgetting to follow this direct prophecy had impressed on him the importance of following this simple rule).

After the 3rd nod Uriah Open his eyes with a sincere PTL (Brian was not sure if it was a predisposed reaction or Uriah had been deep in prayer). Uriah instructed Brian to get the blue suburban keys. After a key hunt that lasted 30 minutes (it would have made Sherlock Holmes proud), Brian discovered that Uncle Jeho had the keys. Brian knew the exact place to find him and headed directly to the laundry bathroom where Jeho was completing his 45-minute bathroom reading routine. Keys in hand, Uncle Uriah and Brian carefully follow the 7 necessary car safety steps, to make sure the car was road worthy. After the examination was complete and Brian and Uncle Uriah had said a fervent prayer. They made their way out.

Upon arrival at the local video store they discovered that in a horrible turn of events they had forgotten the video list, after praying and asking the Lord for forgiveness for going too fast and not taking time to listen Uncle Uriah received thru prophecy that they should still go in and look for video because thru his careful study of the word he had been able to retain the names of some of the videos suitable for teens, and that at the end it was a Romans 8:28 situation with the Lord trying to impress upon them the importance of treasuring the word in their hearts since some day (very, very, very, very soon) they would have to do without the printed word.

After examining videos for 30 minutes and a prayerful deliberation. (Brian suggested they rent "Return to Witch Mountain", because he believed was on the list and he had only watched it 5 times. Uriah objected due to the fact he did not recall that movie being on the list) They rented "Peter and Paul", Brian was a little disheartened by the turn of events (He had watched Peter and Paul 27 times), but took heart in the fact that even if he was late due to his dish duty he would not miss anything.

Once they started approaching their neighborhood Uncle Uriah began vigorously praying to ask the Lord if they were being followed. He then proceded to carefully inspected his rear mirror, after discovering that a blue car followed them thru 2 turns he decided to be wise as serpents and circled the adjourning blocks 10 minutes, by the time the wise as serpents time was finished the gas meter was at 0 so they decided to return to the city and fill up the gas tank.

After another careful approach to the home, Uncle Uriah got out and carefully rang out the elaborated door bell codes to let the people opening the gate know that they were returning safe and sound and without any Romans.

Next episode OHR reports, Quiet time and the Fun hour of Getout

Reader's comments on this article

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from loch
Friday, March 12, 2004 - 00:49


The plumber once thought we were a "funny farm" because we were all pace walking, silently, with our memory books!

And I'll never forget the neighbor girls face, pure horror, when she happened on us doing the "popcorn prayer" Pure insanity! My fav. was "silent prayer", it got me a good two min. nap after the excrusiating hour of devotions, and trying to keep my eye's open!
(reply to this comment)

From Joe H
Thursday, April 22, 2004, 10:00


What was the popcorn prayer?

(reply to this comment

from exister
Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 12:47


The other day my GF asked if I had ever seen "My Fair Lady." I laughed a hearty laugh.

Good narrative Spat. You should consider compiling these for publication, after a little proof reading by JoeH and myself of course. :-)
(reply to this comment)

From Albatross
Thursday, March 11, 2004, 14:37


Ready Ex? Let's whip out the old lisp and let the show tunes roll:

Singing: om gent'n marri'd in the monin...ding dong the bells ah gunna chime....pull out da stoppah...let's av a woppah, bot git me to tha church...oh..git me to tha church..ah say for god saik git me to tha church on toime.

Henry Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter,
Condemned by every syllable she ever uttered.
By law she should be taken out and hung,
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue.
Aaoooww! Heaven's! What a noise!
This is what the British population,
Calls an elementary education. Pickering Oh,
Counsel, I think you picked a poor example. Did I?
Hear them down in Soho square,
Dropping "h's" everywhere.
Speaking English anyway they like.
You sir, did you go to school?

Wadaya tike me for, a fool?

No one taught him 'take' instead of 'tike!
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
This verbal class distinction, by now,
Should be antique. If you spoke as she does, sir,
Instead of the way you do,
Why, you might be selling flowers, too!
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse,
Hear a Cornishman converse,
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat.
Chickens cackling in a barn Just like this one!
Garn! Henry I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that?
It's "Aoooow" and "Garn" that keep her in her place.
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face.
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique.
If you spoke as she does, sir, Instead of the way you do,
Why, you might be selling flowers, too.
An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him,
The moment he talks he makes some other
Englishman despise him.
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get.
Oh, why can't the English learn to set
A good example to people whose
English is painful to your ears?
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears.
There even are places where English completely
disappears. In America, they haven't used it for years!
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
Norwegians learn Norwegian; the Greeks have taught their
Greek. In France every Frenchman knows
his language fro "A" to "Zed"
The French never care what they do, actually,
as long as they pronounce in properly.
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning.
And Hebrews learn it backwards,
which is absolutely frightening.
But use proper English you're regarded as a freak.
Why can't the English,
Why can't the English learn to speak?

(reply to this comment

From loch
Friday, March 12, 2004, 00:44


Oh dear god, thats sad!!! Yet oddly amusing! Horror of horror's, when ever some one says the fraze " I was right" , what goes through my brain? "I was right, he wispered,touching her cheek," a fair young bloosom in truth!" from that horid Candina poem! We must have memorised that long assed thing three times, and performed it before the whole home. Right, like they could find time to instill that usless junk in our minds, but no, any education of (god forbid) america the whore, was wasted time indeed!! ha!

Joeh, remember that poster on our class door, with our heads cut out and pasted on VERY adult bodies? ha, voodo anyone?(reply to this comment

From exister
Thursday, March 11, 2004, 14:47

Indeed Alby, my extensive knowledge of show tunes from this movie and "The Sound of Music" gave me lots of street cred in the underground, gay nightclub scene. Of course that was back in my "club phase", which you of course refuse to believe is just a phase. For a quick chuckle try belting out "The hills are alive, with the sound of muuuuuusiiiiic..." when they shut off the music in the club at 4 a.m.(reply to this comment
From Albatross
Thursday, March 11, 2004, 15:27

(Agree/Disagree?) give me way too much credit. Sadly, my clubbing days have gone the way of sexy hippy cult leaders and pre Ban the Bomb Family of Love orgies. Instead I spend my time studying, working, romancing, and the occasional dabblling in Wiesenthalian justice.

Just for fun sometime....When you are in an elevator in a very tall building......try singing "How do you solve a problem like Maria?" At twice normal speed. Remember to use the various pitch registers of the nuns. Ask your fellow passengers if they want to sing a part, say ....Mother superior. It should be a blast.(reply to this comment

from moon beam
Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 12:00


That's nothing....

Sound of music;

Chitty, chitty,Bang Bang;

The Wizard of Oz;

The railway Children;

The Lion,The Whitch and the Wardrobe;

The Ten Commandments;

The Sword in the Stone;

In the 100's- OH How I "prayed" to be a Pre-teen!! Good stuf Spat, Keep'em coming
(reply to this comment)

From moon beam
Thursday, March 11, 2004, 13:47

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
"Theses are a few of my favorite things.." Sugi, Snake-gord, egg-plant, Semo-fucki-lina, what curd will we have today surprise. Banana's..........(reply to this comment
from Tom I.
Saturday, February 07, 2004 - 02:57


I remember this one place we lived in, the guy from the electric company couldn't get anyone to come to the gate, until one of the neighbors leaned over and said, "ring three times; then they'll answer".
(reply to this comment)

From John David
Saturday, February 07, 2004, 15:10

hahaha(reply to this comment
from Shaka
Saturday, February 07, 2004 - 00:42

Fuckin' A right! Keep 'em coming, man.
(reply to this comment)
from John David
Friday, February 06, 2004 - 10:32


27 times, eh? that reminds me of "back to the future", a movie we saw about 50 times in monterrey, mexico.
(reply to this comment)

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