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Getting Out : Inside Out

A day in Brian's life

from Spat - Monday, December 16, 2002
accessed 2996 times

Just another day in the neighborhood

Day: 5840
Location: Home XXXFF
Revolution Period: PER aka (PhukyouERse)
Mission Objectives: Survival, persecution (child abuse court cases) evasive maneuvers, L of L (Lick another Lollipop,
Primary Objective: Screw Brian

After yet another health threatening rendition of "Time to Rise" by uncle Zebadiah, Brian opened his eyes. The cottonmouth stench rising up in his measured 14 inches of air between his triple bunk and the ceiling had been hazardously contaminated by the “anointed” smells emanating from the collective stench of 15 teen boy’s socks mixed with, Johnny A, Johnny B, Johnny C and Big Johns stomach problems.

Brian attempted to get up as quickly as possible. After all yesterday he had gotten a double demerit for being 2 minutes late for devotions, which had been extended into a triple demerit after a failed attempt on explaining that the cause of this terrible delay had been a bad case of Diarrhea contracted after a midnight kitchen raid. This heroic stunt was interrupted abruptly due to space miscalculations resulting in a sore and scraped forehead.

Brian bravely shrugged the scrap off and continued on his fruitless efforts to rid his bed of all wrinkles for the morning routine bedroom check, (he intended on providing the room with the cleanest record in order to win a weekly treat) this check had degenerated into a routine double demerit menace that had foiled Brian’s repeated attempts of making it to weekly movie showing.

After many brave and acrobatic feats Brian leapt the 9 feet that separated his bed from the floor, assuming that today’s neatness effort would be punishable by a single demerit (an odd occurrence in this double and triple demerit age) at worse, "...but you can never tell” Brian thought to himself. Lately Auntie Sweetie (The inquisition official in charge of room inspection) had been extremely demerit prone. Brian could only speculate on the cause of this new phenomenon.

He had developed 2 interesting theories:
1. - She was attempting to prepare them (the end time youth) for the future.

2. - Auntie Sweetie did not appreciate Uncle Zebadiah’s excursions to Auntie Joy’s (a cute, 24-year-old Swedish girl who had joined the family 3 years ago and was repeatedly the subject of Brian’s daydreams while attempting triple bunk bed masturbation-an act that required real talent to avoid the swinging of the whole bed) room after the reveille march was completed.

Although he wanted and attempted to believe the 1st theory the 2nd one had been reaffirmed by an obscure event he had witnessed last week while attempting a midnight kitchen raid, he had been treated to the unexpected sight of a naked Auntie Sweetie (she was about 38, and about 45 pounds overweight - therefore the visual imagery had not been of use in his midnight masturbation attempts) crying and screaming at Uncle Z (as he was referred to) to "stop fucking that ugly whore".

Stay tuned for next week’s episode, which will include the never ending, but very exciting breakfast line, Spirit filled devotions, JJT and Brian’s close encounter with Teen Joan.

Reader's comments on this article

Add a new comment on this article

from vixen
Monday, March 27, 2006 - 13:54


I'd forgotten about Brian! Shame on me!

Sigh, laughing is such good medicine.
(reply to this comment)

from The Die Joe Club
Wednesday, December 18, 2002 - 17:59

Ah, much better now. When I can understand, I can laugh. Waiting for the next one. Sorry for the insult, Spat; bad mood, you see.

It's really quite good.
(reply to this comment)
From Jules
Wednesday, December 18, 2002, 23:03

The spelling issue is not the fault of the participants. With the education level most of us had it's ridiculous to blame anyone for that.
People who are editors of a section are supposed to run the articles through a spell checker before they post them. I run pretty much everything I write through one. That was the whole point in having editors for sections and having articles on this site as opposed to stream of consciousness posts on a typical bulletin board.
Editors, please spell check stuff before it is posted. A lot of the articles here are brilliant in subject matter and it's a shame to have the grammar/spelling police (read Joe H.) pick it to pieces because he went to high school and most of us didn't.(reply to this comment
from Snuzzles
Wednesday, December 18, 2002 - 13:58

Ahhh.....That was great I understood it just great...You know some of you people should be ashamed of yourselves for puttin petty things like spelling and grammar don when the whole point of that was for a good meant laugh.... I never had schooling and yes its hard for a 28 yr. old ( Me) to have good spelling grammar when ive got lolts of other srtuff to catch up life and raising my kids so they will have good schooling:) Oh and to those people who wanna slam me down for bad spelling gramar and whatnot FUCK YOU! Love out, Snuzzles
(reply to this comment)
from JoeH
Tuesday, December 17, 2002 - 19:59

I like!
(reply to this comment)
From Spat
Wednesday, December 18, 2002, 11:59

tks(reply to this comment
From The Die Joe Club
Wednesday, December 18, 2002, 04:01

Joe, you're a fool, which has nothing whatsoever to do with this ernest attempt.

Is the writer a non-native English speaker, or perhaps an over achieving 6 year old?(reply to this comment
From Ex-member
Wednesday, December 18, 2002, 14:05

Alright bitch, some of us have to actually work while at the office which is why I was not able to edit this for Spat when he asked. But if you want an idea of what my full fury is like when you attack the creative writing of someone about whom I care, kindly proceed to the Creative Writng section and check out my heated discussion with Joe on the subject over Fortress of the Mind!
That aside, I have now corrected the spelling errors etc. which was really unnecesary to the understanding of this article anyway. If you still have a problem with it, I suggest you get lost as (you may not have understood this) he is planning on posting regular articles as a series and we wouldn't want you to be too stressed by repeated confrontations with such enjoyable and relatable comedy as this.
GBYAKYIJN, amen. Kiss, kiss(reply to this comment
From JoeH
Wednesday, December 18, 2002, 13:47

I don't suppose I could be a member of your club, which is as grammatically challenged as it is pointless?(reply to this comment
From Spat2
Wednesday, December 18, 2002, 11:56

You are right my spelling stinks, my x was supposed to correct it before it got posted it will be corrected shortly. Tks for your view(reply to this comment
From Nick
Wednesday, December 18, 2002, 10:51

Shut the fuck up you twat. That was hilarious and gave me just the laugh I needed to start my day. Reminded me of my 18-month victor program.

Waiting for next week’s episode Spat. J
(reply to this comment
From Spat
Wednesday, December 18, 2002, 12:00

Tks NIck(reply to this comment
From PompousJohn
Wednesday, December 18, 2002, 08:00

Put a sock in it, or post something of your own with you NAME attached to it, and quit acting like you speak for a club no one else a member of.

Spat's tale of the ill-fated but optimistic Brian brought back a lot of memories for me, and succeeded in letting me laugh at the ridiculous shit I put up with, rather than depressing me like most recollections of that era do. Sure he could use some editorial assistance if he ever plans to write professionally, but that's what editors are for, since we rarely find anal-retentive fastidiousness and creativity in the same person.
(reply to this comment
From Spat
Wednesday, December 18, 2002, 12:00

I hear you John the edited version should be up soon(reply to this comment
From PompousJohn
Wednesday, December 18, 2002, 12:21

No worries, I was replying to your detractor, spat, not you. I have no problem with your post the way it is.

BTW, thanks for being kind and understandiong with my wife in the chatroom when she was curious about this group I used to belong to. (reply to this comment
From Spat
Wednesday, December 18, 2002, 13:28

No prob your wife is a sweetheart its just hard to undesratand were we come from unless you've been there(reply to this comment

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