from Lovelight23 - Thursday, June 09, 2005
accessed 1637 times
I'm not sure if I'll get all of this out in a way that's completely understandable or even received by members and bloggers in this site but here goes.
I'm so tired of the fighting and arguing about what should be done or what shouldn't be done or said against TF. We are failing as members of this world, in that I mean we are turning into exactly what we were told we would turn into if we forsook the teaching of TF. We were told that if we left the group we would be drug addicts, criminals, prostitutes, and god forbid abusers. We're loosing sight of many things that we once believed and reasons we left the group to begin with. Many people say, "I'm ok with TF, but that life isn't for me" as an excuse for getting out. Instead of recognizing that what they were teaching and doing was the real reason we got out. I can't speak for everyone, but I know in the cases that I've read about and my own familiesí case, we left because we knew there was something very wrong with the group in a whole. We disagreed with beliefs, practices or just lost our faith because of those things plus the pain we'd seen in the kids that were leaving the group and that is why we left. If we really believe in a whole that what was going on in the group, either currently or years before, was wrong then it's our duty to the little ones still in the group and those that left the group to step up and do something about it. There are those of us that are really trying to do something, but it seems that at every turn there is someone out there that is trying to bat us down, break down our resolve and humiliate us out of doing the right thing.
If you were the one that was abuse, tell your story, get it out there and don't be afraid of criticism, from the group or your friends. It's important that we all realize that not only is it not ok for things to have gone on as they did, but to do something about it and make a difference.
I hate it when I read excerpts from people's emails and postings, SGA's, FGA's or current members, that us former members are just bitter or vengeful and that's the reason we are willing to "persecute" TF. God I hate that word, it's a word that only the guilty use. If someone feels persecuted for one reason or another it's most likely because they know they did something wrong but don't want to accept it or take responsibility for it. I doubt the kids that were abused and are now coming out feel very good about themselves when they hear that they are "persecutors" and they are just on a vendetta against them. It's not in their minds to "persecute" their abusers when they tell their story, society doesn't "persecute" groups or people because they haven't done anything that goes against the laws of the land or wrong in a moral and Christian way. They are trying to "PROSECUTE" offenders and get them out and away from society so they can't hurt or damage anyone else. TF doesn't want to get prosecuted for the crimes they have committed because like any criminal wants to get away with it or feels they can get away with it. Well, I'm here to say, it will not be tolerated any longer. We all have to hold people accountable for the crimes they have committed against us and not stop until they pay for their crimes and justice is brought to the land. That is the attitude we should all have, and if we employ that attitude NOW we will get results and we will prevail against our abusers. Because of our inability to come together as whole we have allowed these people to not only get away with the crimes that they have committed but almost OK'd their behavior by not acting sooner. Most of the men and women that abused us are going to get away with it because the statute of limitations has run out. How sad is that? Does that mean that it's ok to let people that hurt us and our children and our brothers and sisters go free and continue to live free lives when our lives have been so badly affected by their crimes? It seems to, we let it seem so in our inability or unwillingness to come forward before. And to you FGA's and SGA's that don't want to prosecute the group because you weren't abused or don't want to come forward because your afraid to hurt people you once knew and loved and want to remain friends, or whatever, get a grip. If someone was hurting you you would want someone to listen to you and do something. Getting out of TF isn't enough, saying that youíre not bitter or against TF is a cop-out! Your running scared and don't realize that in you insisting that your "ok with the Group, but it's not for you" has made it impossible for the ones that were hurt by members of the group to ever get closure, to ever see justice for the injustice they had to endure. In effect, by sitting idly by and ignoring the pain of your Brothers and Sisters in God, you have been accomplices as well. You weren't willing to come forward with information about the group and the people that directly hurt others, you are unwilling to be assertive in your own thoughts and minds and let them get away with it. I don't know which one is worse right now. If you witness a crime and fail to report it you are just as bad if not worse than people that commit crimes. You are in affect abusing the victims further by not standing by them and helping with all your might to see that they have justice and find peace of some sort or another.
I almost finished reading a posting I found from James Penn on xfamily.org and I'm disgusted by the things he said on there that was going on, it's so sad that so many people saw things that were wrong and stood by and did nothing. We failed our brothers and sisters; we failed our children by allowing this to happen to them and continuing to allow them to practice in this universe. It depresses me to think that they might have been people that could have stopped this from the get go. How anyone could be so easily led and fed this crap is beyond me, only the weak minded allow themselves to believe garbage like this and do nothing. Shame on you James Penn, for not helping the ones that are suffering for your unwillingness to get out there in the trenches and fight for them, telling them that they are wrong but not doing something about it isnít doing the right thing. Shame on all of us for letting things get so far out of hand and letting these people influence us and our loved ones. Iím so reminded by this with the Michael Jackson case that is going on, he had so many people around him that saw things day in and day out and did nothing. They were afraid to lose their job or lose the money they were receiving to stay quiet that these children that he abused are the ones that suffer for it. Who is worse? Someone who commits the crimes? Or someone who knows itís happening and does nothing about it? Itís a toss up for me. If I had first hand knowledge that someone was abusing my son or my daughter, oh boy, god help me but I would do more than just go to the police. If you are a parent, you know you would do everything in your power to help your children. Well guess what, SGAís and FGAís, wake up, we are failing our children, they may not be our children by blood, but we have to all feel responsible for them in some way or another. I know everyone has their own lives and they donít want to disrupt it by bringing something this vile into it, but itís a necessary evil. In order for things to be set right, some hard decision and actions must be made. If weíre going to ďmake a differenceĒ, as TF is so apt at saying, we must stand up and do something. This is our chance to make our world a better place. Itís impossible to undo the bad and go back to the beginning, but was in our power to unite and let TF know that we will not falter, we will not be scared or feel bad to bring them to justice and demand that they take responsibility for the evils that they have committed. We must demand that they release all and any information about the members that were the abusers and demand that they make amends and take responsibility and culpability for every criminal act they have committed against our brothers and sisters and sons and daughters. The Catholic Church is just now starting to give into the demands of the victims of abuse by their Priests, why should TF be any different. They have equaled or put themselves above the Catholic Church in many way so why should be treated any different than any Religious organization that is guilty of such heinous crimes. I know, I know, innocent until proven guilty, but we all know they are guilty of everything if not more than we have heard or seen or been done to us.
Iím speaking her so forcibly cause Iím really sick of some of the attitudes of some of the postings Iíve read and the general inaction I have witnessed by my own parents to believe or accept responsibility for the abuse they themselves subjected us. One of the main reasons TF and itís representatives are denying every instance of abuse is because if they acknowledge even one of them, theyíd have to acknowledge that they themselves have been abusers in one way or another. Iím not just talking about sexual abuse here, Iím talking all forms of abuse. Some of the things that happened to us as kids is abuse, be it physical or sexual or mental. My brothers were severely punished on a regular basis for the most infinitesimal reasons. If they couldnít find them doing something they would have considered wrong, they would make something up just to get a chance at spanking them. They were subjected to Victors programs and beaten as young teens. Made to do the most debasing things for no reason but viciousness and cruelty and these things were done by members, leaders and even our parents. My 2 sisters were sexually abused at the most early age of 8 and 7, repeatedly until they were 10 and 12 by men that were set up as caretakers for these girls in the combos in PR and homes in South America. I was sexually abused as well when I was 12, there was never full penetration because I was just too small for him, but he tried, he was kicked out at the time back in the late 80ís. But to my disgusted and dismay I was confronted by the fact that he had been let back in and forgiven for his sins when I was 20. God, heíd not been forgiven by me, thatís for sure! He had since married a member and she had a young 15 year old girl. How sad! One of my brothers had many problems with drugs and was in and out of rehab a few years back. Iíve been able to be there for him and help him as much as I could but itís still not enough, his life is forever affected by the events that happened to him as a child. How sad! One of my other brothers was just recently released from jail in PR because he was just being a juvenile delinquent, thankfully heís ok and hopefully he will be ok, but heís going to be plagued by his past for the rest of his life as well. Some of these kids that are abused arenít strong enough to make it out in the world, and one of the reasons for that is no preparation for the outside world, but mainly because they have broken souls and have been demoralized so badly by the events and actions or inactions of TF and itís former members that they will never recover and live normal lives. Iím not really up on my bible lingo since itís been a while, but didnít it say somewhere in the New Testament about not letting one of His children perish? Well, many of our children have perished and many are still perishing because we donít stand up and do anything about them. Iím guilty of doing nothing for so long as well, but no longer. I will be involved as much as I Can as my circumstance allow, but I will not stop helping Jim and the media with information and my support until I die. If you are not with us, you are against us. Who said that? Ha! Life demands that you take a stand, make a choice, who do you support, who do you believe, who do you want to win this fight. We all must do what we think is right, but if that means to leave one person out there in pain I donít know how you could live with yourselves. I speak of my brothers and sisters as children cause I am the oldest of them all. I have 6 brothers and 2 sisters, all of which have been affected by their life in TF in one way or another. Every single one of us is out of TF and so is our Mom. Our dad continues to support his belief in TF and probably always will, he doesnít deny that bad things happened to us, but is unwilling to do anything about it and has had that attitude from the time we all decided to leave. Very sad! He forsook his family for TF, heís stopped being a father to us long ago and some of my brothers and sisters will never forgiven him for that, heís not a bad man, just a misguided and blind man.
I realize how hard it is for most kids to talk bad about their parents, itís been hard for me for a long time, but my family needs me to stand up and be by their side. One of my other brothers is currently in prison for a very bad bad thing he did. I wonít write about any details of what heís done as itís still all up in the air as to what can be done for him, but I will say this. His soul was broken, tossed out, and replaced by something that none of us have ever been able to live with. Heís been sick for a very long time but been too proud to get the help that he so very badly needed and because of that heís in the situation he is in now. He was a very bright child, always inquisitive about how machines worked and wanted knowledge about anything and everything he could get his hands on from a very early age. He was very strong willed and even rebellious when he was a child, but to most of us that are parents, thatís nothing new, we all have at least one of those and we all know that beating them will only lead to more violence. He was taught by my father and those in the homes that violence was acceptable by repeatedly beating him and being extremely hard on him during a time when most children are in the formative years and needed encouragement and knowledge and love more than anything else. The only thing that comes to mind as I think of those years that I had to sit and watch the abuse that he had to endure is evil. They were evil and controlling and destructive to a child that had done nothing wrong but be just that, a child. And now he has to live with the man that they helped create, itís not pretty and heís not nice, heís was mean and abusive to us as he became a man. As a teenager he got bigger and less controllable by our parents and the leaders and eventually they asked my dad to leave and find him some place to live. They kicked out one of their own creations and unleashed him on the world. How worse can evil get. He tried to make the best of it, he was very good with his studies, he tried to make friends and tried to have a normal life, but as it goes he was never able to live with his demons and lost it big time and is now in prison. Heís my heart break, heís my heart ache every day. I was never able to protect him and now heís lost to us for good. He was lost for a long time, but now itís almost as if heís beyond redeeming. Even if itís possible that he gets out of prison, heíll always be a reminder to me of my failure to be there for my brothers and sisters. I could go on and on about my family and the problems weíve had to live up, as most families goes, Iím sure there are other people that are worse off. There is always someone that is worse off in any situation, but Iím ashamed to say that because of the things that have occurred, in and out of TF, we are as dysfunctional a family as it gets. I wonít place blame solely on the TF, because that would just be impossible to believe even for me, so I wonít even try to do that. Not all our experiences were bad either. I can say that I am proud of the person that I have become and I would like to think that Iím a better person for what weíve had to endure and learn from, but there is always that small part in my mind that wonders if I would be a better person had none of this happened. Maybe not better, but certainly better off. I donít regret the hard lessons that Iíve learned, I just wish I could have done something about my siblings before they were hurt. I think thatís the reason for my anger, I was unable to help them then, but I can now, and Iíll be damned if anyone can stop me. I will do whatever it is that it takes for me to help the ones that mean the most to me, and I would hope that if someone in your family was hurting you would do the same. So, in closing, wake up, stand up and do something. Itís going to make you feel better and make life a little more bearable if you do the right thing, I promise. All these things are hard to talk about but they are even harder to face, and thatís the real trial, but if we are able to do that, we can do anything! In order for us to move on, we MUST say no more, no more lies, no more covering up by any of us. And sad to say, by some people not getting out there and standing up, no matter how many posts you put out there with your stories and long winded explanations for not wanting to "persecute" TF, you are helping in the cover up. If you aren't with us, you are against us. I know that there are 2 factions here, ones that want criminal prosecution and others that want a civil case, that's great and all, but if we can't unite one way or another, we are going to get neither. Anyway, I've said what I had in my heart, hopefully you will all understand and take it to heart as well. If not, no hard feelings, disappointment for sure, but I don't completely understand how you could just ignore the plight of those you know are suffering, but I do know it's a hard pill to swallow, I've been there too.