Moving On - Children of the Children of God

This was a comment one of my girlfriends (a exmember) wrote in regard to "parent's and their responsibility" She wanted to respond to a comment but it didn't post so I'm just posting it for her as she can't find the original comment.

glorena:

On the subject of parental responsibility: I feel that this is indeed a very delicate matter that certainly touches on our emotional side. The question of how much our parents were to blame for the abuse we suffered as children. When I desperately struggle to find an answer for my parents "acceptance" of things I would never condone as a parent myself, one word comes to mind....ignorance. But, is ignorance something that can be blamed? After all, isn't knowledge power and freedom.

Some of our parents were more ignorant than we are today, because they chose to be, they chose to "drop out" and "shut off" the outside world by embracing Berg's teachings. They were then indeed ignorant. But is willful ignorance (which is the only term I can come up with right now)a crime? In a way I think so, but I also feel that the love I feel for my parents has overshadowed much of the wrong they did to me with a sort of shield and I find I have chosen to make excuses for them and feel sorry for their ignorance, as they no doubt have seen the stupidity of their mistakes now. I only wonder what it must be like to have parents that still stubbornly hold on to their ignorant ways and they themselves are the ones in denial.

It seems like it is even harder for the first generation who joined to come to grips than it was for us, like someone once said, all the people who joined were misfits for a good reason they joined cause they were odd to start with

Truthfully, they were seeking a "way out" of responsibility like they didn't want to go to college or work. Seems like the family way of life gave them a way to fit in and be "special" Whereas in the general populace or society they would be "losers" at worst or "normal" at best some may have achieved to great things but.....we all chose our way.

Some who left, finally got some sense and made some good but I think our generation strives harder cause we want to exceed where our parents failed.

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from Joe H
Tuesday, November 04, 2003 - 19:09
(Agree/Disagree?)
"the love I feel for my parents has overshadowed much of the wrong they did to me " I'm with you on that one. Why not save the anger for someone or something more deserving? Of course, that's just my perspective, I can't tell anyone how to deal with their personal trauma.
(reply to this comment)

From krystine
Tuesday, November 11, 2003, 02:24
(Agree/Disagree?)

Most of the physical and mental abuse that I recieved came not so much from my parents but from the leaders of that particular home but when I think back I get angry that my mom stood by and let it happen. Not so angry for the pain that was inflicted upon me but having watching my younger brothers and sisters being severely punished for an insignificant fraction and I could do nothing but watch helplessly on the sidelines. I have a toddler and I can't imagine her getting pratically beaten the devil out of her for having tantrums while I stood by praying which is exactly the scenario that my 2 year old sister went through among other momentous moments.

The wrong that was done to me was when I decided to leave TF for good and although my parents had been TS'ed (I don't know what it's called now) even though I was not yet 17 my parents would not let me in their own home because they had some DO members temporarily staying with them on their way to the mission field and my parents themselves were trying to go back DO and didn't want their wayward daughter tarnishing their reputation. Consequently, I had to sleep in abandoned car down the street and took to begging distant relatives to let me just stay the night. My parents were getting food stamps at the time but would not give any to their underage broke daughter because they had to give some first to the DO members which in fact were living in a $3500 a month house in a ritzy neighborhood while my parents lived in lower class area. What upsets me so much is that my mom's mentality was so screwed up by the Family that she would rather see her own flesh and blood homeless and starving then having the leaders see what a "rotten" girl she had. This hurts way more than any physical abuse I recieved from her or other shepherd that didn't want to "spare the rod and spoil the child."

If anything is right about the way I parent my child, it's to make sure she never feels abandoned or that I put other people's wellbeing and interests before her own. Yes, I scold, yell, and spank her but I pray I never hurt her the way I felt when I was a teenager and having to hear the words "I'm ashamed and embaressed of you," for not choosing to serve the lord but instead go to college. (I mainly say "mom" because my only dad was my stepdad who was always away most of the time) My mom has since apologized (way after the fact) but I hope I never have to make the same apologies to my daughter.(reply to this comment)