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Getting Out : Generations

I Can't Just Move On As If nothing Ever Happenned

from Coolfire - Saturday, August 13, 2005
accessed 2453 times

Without trying to expose the Evil that still lurks inside TF


I recently left Bergs Ghost, Maria and Peter's EVIL kingdom of lies and darkness,now I'm writing and posting articles on my site:

My heart goes out to the young people out there that are trying to get their voice heard and find peace in their lives. I am diametrically opposed to the abuses in The Family and have vocally spoken out in letters to Peter and Maria and their Secretary, I also addressed Berg's GHOST himself with a challenge, and the guy who calls himself Jesus, that speaks through Carol Lloyd.

ALL I got to say is whatever you go for, do it with all your heart and whatever the Family or anyone says, do not give up. Rick's death woke me up, when I saw how arocious the reaction of his mother, saying she had nothnig to do with it whatsoever and passing the buck to Ricky's friends. I know one of those friends was Sarafina, so I can imagine how she felt hearing that, as she was one of the closest, if not the closest and most understanding friend he had. I cannot imagine what Elixia felt and went through and is still going through, but I want to express my sincere condolences to her, and regret that she could not find any comfort or sympathy with Rick's mother. The young people spoke out on My Conclusion com becasue they were coerced to. They were told that because Maria and Peter were getting attacked by the "enemy" they were also under attack. They were led to beleive that the articles coming out about Ricky's death and abuses in TF were a direct attack on their faith. This is what Peter and MAria told them.They didnt care about the FGAs and if they had anything to say, they were just interested in stirring up the SGAs and YAs,to defend TF and their faith when what they were really doing is brainwashing them to speak out so they(Peter and Maria) can have a wall to hide behind.Peter and Maria are good at passing the buck and in this case they put the Family young people out in front of them so they could take the brunt of things, while they hide behind in their WS and keep pulling the strings. I never abused my kids and always tried toprotect them from abuse by keeping them away from the situations I knew had crazy leaders. I wrote and reported things, but nothing ever happenned to change it. Its not that no one tried to change things. A lot of people did try but got put down, villanized, demonized, kicked out, so I did my best to keep my kids away from those large combo situations where I knew certain leaders were that I didnt like and they didnt like me around much either. I was never in WS, never wanted to be. I stood up against certain leaders and got the axe many times. It didnt bother me as long as I knew I was standing up for the truth. I knew they would fall eventually and they did. I dont want a medal,or praise or anything. I am not trying to say I was all that innocent, becasue I know I could have spoken up more. But no one knew just how wide spread the abuse was, becasue they did not share that kind of information with TF. They put a lid on everything and only gave limited info, old news.
I did some digging and found out about the Phillippine thing where Berg ordered and FFer to tell a general she was FFing to shoot a high ranking official so that could start a war, and Berg woudl take over the Philippines and run it as a Christian country. That in itself shows the perverted mind, the criminal mind behind the abuse. This mentality still lives on in Maria and Peter, who , by the way never ever lived the life of a disciple like everyone else, and were always in leadership talking the talk from day one.
This shows they were not concerned about the sheep, they were only concerned with consolodating power. Maria knew Berg would die someday. He was old and she was still young so she was all for any prophecy that would exalt her as taking over when he was gone. She played the role, and bided out her time, she danced to the music and now she will have to pay the fiddler. Peter and Maria have lost more credibility than they could ever hope to gain back, that is why they are still hiding and running and will not come out on public, for fear of prosecution. Peter and MAria are wishing persecution on TF with all the "prophecies" that they spread, to "prove" the prophecies. They are pushing the persecution and instigating it themselves with their own failure to answer questions, and refusal to give an appropriate apology. I sent them questions that no one else asked, and they had the arrogance to send back and answer that they already answered those questions. I never saw it. Where? They said I was confused becasue of what I read on the Moving On org. I wrote back and said I was confused when I read their indifferent reaction to Ricky's death.How could parents who loved their son turn against him like that and drive him to do what he did? I asked them why Gabe and Amy even had to call Ricky that day. WHat were they thinking? They must have at least checked in and got permission before they did, unless the whole thing was planned. How did Angela find out? Gabe and Amy called her afterwards and told her that Ricky would be happy to see her. This is what caused Angela to call Ricky. It wasnt just a coincidence that she called Ricky right after GAbe and Amy did. See how they try to twist things and side step any resposibility?
JUst like NIxon supposedly had no knowledge of what his men were doing in Watergate. The top always knows what is goingon and is always planning ahead to stay steps ahead of everyone else, planning and conniving. Then they try to raly the Family young people around them for protection, accuse
ex member young people for poisoning Ricky's mind, when they were the ones who poisoned his mind and drove him crazy like they drove Merry crazy. Maybe I am speculating because I have no proof I was not htere, but if you ask me the whole thing sounds fishy and smelly. So that is why, folks I am posting things on my site. If you have any article you want more people to read I wold gladly post the link on my site. Many of you want FGAs to stay away and leave you alone, and thats fine. This message is not for you. There apparently are some out there who don't feel that way and do want to try to communicate, I know , because I have communicated with them. These are the ones I am addressing. I know what it is like to grow up without a father and hardly seeing my mother. I rebelled against the older generation, and every ting they stood for. Maybe if you had been born in that generation you would have too. I suffered under the abusive system that made me get a draft card and forced the kids to go to Vietnam to fight their goddamned war for them, I saw many of my friends get killed and their bodies mutilated by the viet cong. The VC would send the pictures to their parents of their mulilated bodies. A frend of mine went crazy when he saw the picture of his brothers mutilated body
joined the Marines and wanted to go to Viet Nam to"kill those mother fuckers" he said. I never heard from him again.
This is the system I grew up in. In those days America was not land of opportunity as it is now. That was a dream. It was horror. That is why many joined TF in those days to escape the tortures and abuse of the system's War Machine.
It was compulsory, you hit 18 and you were gone. Viet nam was hell.I lived everyday in fear, knowing not what would happen to me, my mother lived in fear of losing me,
many were lost and never lived to see another day. This was the "comfortable world" I grew up in. Our fates were already sealed by the government from the day we were born, there
was no choice, we could not choose, and the parents did not have any power to do anything about it. That is why in those days the COG looked a whole lot better than Viet nam and the only other way to fight the system in those days was to join Guys like Jerry Rueben, or the Black Panthers, but I couldnt join them as I wasnt black, you couldnt even walk down a black neighbor hood without a gun. So I was taken from my family and shipped out, my friends were taken from their families and loved ones and shipped out. So many were thankful for the peace we found in the COG and dedication in THOSE days. Sad to say, it degenerated into what it is today. The same reasons I had for joining then just dont even exist anymore. I am not trying to be antagonistic, or offensive. If anyone is not interested in things I write no one is forcing them to read it. I dont read things I am not interested in anyway, its a waste of time. If you are not interested and read anyway and spend time posting comments
opposing it, that is your choice how you want to spend your time, its your right. Im not trying to create a dialogue between FGAs and SGAs. Just comunicate.You guys are adults and can work out your own solutions , you dont need our help. There are very few FGAs I communicate with anyway. I would rather go out hunting, fishing, camping. Half my kids are out of TF. One is a computer technician, another is a mechanic who builds turbo cars, another is a martial arts teacher, another is a hunter another a bike mechanic, all doing cool things they like to do. So whatever. Thats all I got to say. I dont feel a need to be accepted by anyone or any certain generation even my own. Not all the FGAs in TF allowed abuse, many stood up against it, and payed the price of persecution within TF, me included. The ones who did not stand up against the abuse compromised and were afraid to say anything out of fear of losing their position. I lost my position mnay times for speaking up and putting my foot down. I am not trying to get anyones approval of what I do, neither should you.Acceptance has nothing to do with me getting on with my life and helping my kids get on with theirs, be there for them,and thats what I want to do, help my kids and live for them, and my do what I can to help them if they want my help.I dont see any crime in that. When you talk about crimes comitted and accuse people of this or that you had better know what you are talking about and not just label people and assume that al the FGAs were guilty of crimes. Thats prejudice.
I can't speak and don't speak for any other FGAs. I dont work inside the FGA "camp" I am on the outside so its all the same to me age means nothing. In TF there are many FGAs that have diseases that are killing them. Many SGAs, YAs, Teens, Jetts and kids have the same diseases, its not only the "old " people. Disease knows no generations, fear also.
The only distinction between generations is in the mind, how you decide you are going to thnik about it and what opinions you have formed yourself. That is where the distinction is.
So thats all I had to say.

Sincerely, Coolfire

Reader's comments on this article

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from Rain Child
Wednesday, November 22, 2006 - 02:05

Is that Phillipine story true? The General must have thought she was a total lunatic. Well she was.
(reply to this comment)
from NoPhuchinWhey
Wednesday, November 22, 2006 - 01:35

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Hey Coolfire, I appreciate your take on TF.......I just got back from Iraq for the 3rd fvcking time. I almost thought about going into TF, just was always on the outside looking in, I never got to really find out what they were about growing up as a 2nd class TRF member. But I have siblings in & I've visited them in their homes & what I see are a bunch of irresponsible, immature, bums. People with no conception of what life is really like, who are EAGER to jump on " APOSTATES" & label anyone who is NOT like them. Like they brainwashed us to believing we are SOO MUCH different than those evil " systemites" just total mindfucking.......I am just trying to help out my parents who were FGA's they are totally fucked, no retirement,working shitty jobs, gave 20+ yrs of service for nothing. ..I'm sure you can relate.....thanks again.......keep your head up battle
(reply to this comment)
from waste of time
Thursday, August 18, 2005 - 03:46

Average visitor agreement is 1 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Coolfire, you're waisting your time appologising here unless you admit personally to all the evils in TF. You'll only be abused. Forget who you were, erase mindsets and start again.
(reply to this comment)
From Coolfire
Thursday, August 18, 2005, 19:12

Thanks for the advice. If you want to read my personal admiting of the evil in the Family it is posted here in my letter to Maria, and a separate letter to Peter and also their secretary, and also other articles I wrote on the site:If I left anything out I would appreciate it if you could let me know.

(reply to this comment
From how about
Friday, August 19, 2005, 16:03


OK I read your article. You said
"I have since had 13 more wonderful children. 6 of my own and 7 adopted, which I have done everything in my power to protect from abuse in TF to myself getting demoted, exiled, and blacklisted so I could protect them. And the first three want to get in touch with their half brothers and sisters."
Um, doing everything in your power to protect them to abuse in TF would have meant leaving TF.
D'oh!(reply to this comment

From Coolfire
Friday, August 19, 2005, 21:04

Thanks , you brought up a good point. The fact is that they WERE successfully protected without us having to leave the group technically, as we were not thinking of leaving.We headed as far away as we could with the desire to just be missionaries. We created a safe environment for them even though we were following "from afar" so we were free to excersize our faith and teach them without people breathing down our necks all the time such as in the big combos where most of the abuses took place. They kept us in with scare stories of what happenned to people who left. We were indoctrinated against the Church System and every other group was a cult except us, we were told. I am talking about strong indoctrination and it's power over people's mids which is still in control of the Family Members that are in today. It is something which is very very hard if not impossible to break. If you never experienced this kind of bondage it would be hard for you to understand. Just try talking to a family member today, ask them the same question
and see what they say. They will all give you the same answers. Very strong and persuasive mind controlling and manipulative indoctrination. If you read the material on mind control and cults you will understand more about that.
I dont say that to justify anything. That is just the way it was, No one wanted to leave and suffer the torment of condemnation , everlasting shame and contempt, being the least in the kingdom of heaven, having a millstone hung around their neck, weeping and gnashing of teeth, God's angry judgements, murder, suicide, insanity, no one wanted to suffer the shame of being a betrayer, a traitor, this was all very strong and very successful indoctrination that kept and still keep people in. The best we could hope to do was get out and pioneer a woek of our own and run it the way we felt led, pioneer a new city, then when it got established and leadership started coming to grab the fruits of your work, split again and keep pioneering as far away as you can go. Some of us survived like that for years, and our kids were safe. (reply to this comment
from cassy
Thursday, August 18, 2005 - 01:54

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Coolfire, I'm glad that you realized this and did something about it, because that gives hope that others like you can to, and I appreciate you writing because it is a positive step. I think all of us from the second generation should be open to our parents generation slowly coming out of the cloud and manipulation they had been in all along. While I understand the feelings of some of us who are angry at all FGA's, and I have had similar feelings, there are those of us who do want dialogue and are happy when FGA's have a turn around and publicly speak about it. It takes strength to do.
(reply to this comment)
From Coolfire
Thursday, August 18, 2005, 19:08

Thanks Cassy. I dont make it a habit to frequent this site, but your article did speak to me, and the also the article in the Cosmopolitan. If I get even just one positive response, it was not a waste of time to me.(reply to this comment
from flutterfly
Wednesday, August 17, 2005 - 02:00



Don't expect any of us to welcome you with open arms here.

What I don't understand is why part of you died when Aaron committed suicide & only recently, 30 some years later, did the other part of you die when Ricky did the same. From reading some of your website, if you are the Julius that wrote those letters to Maria, you were awfully privy to the behind the scenes goings on of Berg&Co, WS, etc. Why is it that you are only writing to her about it now since you have recently left the Family? It sounds to me that this is nothing more than trying to make yourself feel better & give you an edge over your guilt. The things you have written about are very very old. Why did you do nothing before? I can imagine you leaving now because you do not agree with the restructuring business going on, or if you may have been feeling uneasy for a few of the lastest "revolutions" but really,

Aaron, Abner, FFing, Law of love, Merry, Victorprograms, prophecy, etc, etc. Please.... these are really old. --And you did nothing.

In fact, I think I may have more respect for FGA's like my parents who were always just little people, traveling around with their kids, trying to provision toys for the orphans in poor countries, having never met B/Z & never set foot in a WS unit. Sure they may have been misguided but could it be because people like you chose to keep a lid on the truth? If you are only posting other people's accounts, then forgive my tone. But if you only just came to your senses after knowing about it for so long, you may now understand the "hippy dufus" comment below. (not by me, I might add)

And a little tip for the future: If you ever hope to be able to communicate with a young person or be any sort of help that you want to be, you might want to drop the "man" "sail" "what ever turns you on".(The latter being considered a bit perverted coming from someone your age).

Well, sail right on.

(reply to this comment)

From Coolfire
Wednesday, August 17, 2005, 06:58

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Yeah, you're right. I know how you feel. I was never in WS unit. I was just bounced around with my kids because I tried to stand up for what I believed and the leaders didnt like it, so I spent most of my time out in the boonies away from the mad leadership as far away as I can get, just trying to witness and teach my kids. I did puppet shows at orphanages and kid centers.
After the Ricky's death I wrote to Peter A and Zerb because they tried to pass his death off as just another statistic. They don't even see that they are to blame. That is the truth THEY are trying to put the lid on. I never ever abused any of my kids, I read every single account of abuse on this site and
am so so sorry for what happenned. After that I was ashamed to be called a member of TF. It hit me hard to know things like that happened.
Now I have become just another statistic, to them,another apostate, one who is speaking out, but thats ok, I dont really care. I got pushed around for too long a time and Ricky's death woke me up ok? I was a little person, after I was a leader a long time ago, but you see the only ones who make it to WS are the dedicated ass wipers that only care about their own ass. I put Celeste's post on my site, and Stephen's post on my site.He is in the Army now and I know what that feels like. He wants to communicate with people. Military life is a lonely life I know , I was down that road. I feel what they said needs to be seen and read by FGAs too. I do not think it is right to try to quench the voice of the SGAs. No one has a right to do that. Davida had the guts to speak up at the memorial and to the reporters, but her own parents call her a liar. They called Ricky a liar, and they call anyone who says anything negative about them a liar. They lied on TV and said they did not know Paul Peloquin, never heard of him, a downright lie. How long will they keep lying I dont know.That is why I left. OK? I cannot respect and follow people who show that they are against the truth. Not because of some checklists. I do not want to be a member of something that is not interested in the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I read almost every article on this site and I think you young people need to be heard. Thats all, and that is what I am trying to do with my site. Most FGAs dont want to read things on this site. They just want to communicate with other FGAs cause maybe it makes them feel comfortable. Maybe you make them feel uncomfortable. The replys to my post made me feel uncomfortable.But thats ok. Maybe I need to feel uncomfortable about a few things. If I am not welcome here that is fine, at least I am trying to give other FGAs a message to listen to you more. I dont mind spending my time doing that. If it doesnt help at least I tried to do something. And I was never a hippie. While the hippies were out smoking weed and spacing out with their flower power I was fighting in a war over in Viet Nam serving my country.
Sorry but I was no hippie. The lingo was just something I picked up along the way, and sometimes it slips out.
I am truly sorry for all you went through. I know sorry doesnt fix it. But I thought I would let you know I would be trying to do something to help some of you get your voice heard a bit more. Thanks. Sorry. Bye(reply to this comment
Monday, August 15, 2005 - 10:15

Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Fuck you, you hippy dufus!
(reply to this comment)

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