from Matahari - Monday, January 24, 2005
accessed 1556 times
Now a happy Grandma, with all my kids out and busy with their lives, school and families, I found myself reflecting after the recent tragic death of Ricky and Angela. The result is my letter to my kids'dad who is still in TF.
It was good to hear from you. I printed up the letter you wrote about your trip to Aceh and gave it to everybody. You probably won’t get letters from the kids, because they are pretty pissed off at you for going away and leaving them. I try to get them to write, but they aren’t interested right now, especially L. and M. T. might, because he has a little better understanding of what you are trying to do, since he has been over there, but the girls are pretty bitter. T. has been really sick and I took him to the doctor yesterday, for the 3rd time in two weeks. He has bronchitis and almost had pneumonia, plus vomiting and diarrhea, then he broke out in a rash all over, which we think was a reaction to the antibiotics the dr. put him on. He is getting better now and I think will be fine by Sunday or so.
Well, your trip to Aceh must have been life-changing. I can only imagine, but probably not completely. My heart just aches, thinking of all the poor precious Indonesians who are suffering now and I wish I could do something to help them, especially the little children who lost their families and everything. I really do pray for them all through the day. I’m glad your teams are able to be there and be a help.
Thanks for sending me the attachment regarding Ricky. It brought something to mind.
I feel I need to point out to you that although I love you and a lot of the other guys there in Indonesia, who have been dear friends to me over the years, that I am diametrically opposed to Maria and Peter and do not have one bit of faith in anything they say or write. I, as you know, am not an active “enemy” of the Family, but I do not believe the Family “spin” on events that have occurred, past or present.
I think it is a terrible tragedy what happened, for all concerned. I knew Angela way back when she was Cedar, and she was always very kind and sweet to me then. She was secretary of the leadership and I was a “nobody” cook/childcare helper/laundry girl. It never seemed to matter to her, and we were friends. That was in ’71 in Houston. I grieve the loss of her life, and also Ricky’s.
You have to take a hard look at this situation and ask yourself why Mo, Maria and Peter have this kind of bad fruit. Something is wrong somewhere, for things to turn out like this.
I don’t talk to the kids about this much, but they have their own minds and are each independent thinkers and can come to their own conclusions. They’ve read the movingon website postings, including Ricky’s accounting of the Mene story and the Lord Judge Ware’s summation of the case in England, and have formed their opinions accordingly. They were the ones who found the website, and then they told me about it.
I was asked about a year or so ago to write articles for the other site which is more geared for first generation people coming out who need advice on how to transition, my “success” story or what have you. (though not really that successful, considering we are always in a financial hole!) The site managers seemed to feel that I had a positive attitude and felt they needed that on the site. I started a few articles, hoping they would be able to help someone else, but eventually I decided that I really did not have the time to invest in it because I could not get my normal stuff done every day as it was and I was just too busy. Also, I found it to be quite draining to be constantly thinking about my experiences in the Family, particularly after I left the farm and then when I went to Houston, and got treated the way I did, my kids taken away and thrown out on my butt after I had been as faithful as I was all those years. The first two years I was out I was pretty traumatized and those memories are not something I enjoy revisiting over and over, which is what I would have had to do in order to write about it. I just prefer to focus on what I’m doing now, take care of R. and the kids and try to make my life mean something now.
The reason I am telling you this is because I feel you need to understand that although I do not actively campaign against the Family, I do not believe Mo was the saint we thought he was, and I don’t have faith in his letters and certainly not in Maria and Peter. I believe Ricky’s accounting of what went on in their home while he was growing up is true. And we all read the Story of Davidito, as it came out, chapter by chapter, with pictures, so we know it is true. There’s no way it could all be lies. There are too many people who have said these things and they can’t all be lying. And if they all were, why would they want to? What would make Deborah and Ricky, and Mene and James Penn and others who know these people want to say the things they have if there’s no truth to it? What was done to them to make them hate such supposedly “saintly, loving” people? Something, obviously! Ricky was an eye witness to it, for years, and it drove him to an unimaginable end. I do not consider what he did to be heroic, to the contrary horrific, but that is the fruit of Peter and Maria, which were the fruit of Mo. It was a very sick mentality, and still is. I don’t understand how you could still be following them!
I believe many dedicated individuals in the Family have done some good over the years, with outreaching Christ to people, but there is just too much bad stuff that happened that can’t just be pushed aside and ignored. There are so, so many young people who have left the Family who have horror stories that haunt them and there are valid reasons why they are so angry. So many sweet, innocent young children who were molested by perverted, dirty old men and women! Yuck! I don’t understand how you guys can just ignore it all. What do you think happened to so many that makes them want to lash out in such a way? It’s one thing to come out with official policy statements to cover your ass as far as the law and public opinion go, but what do you really believe? Do you believe it was actually a clean safe environment for kids, but most of them just had weak faith? Why are they so angry and why do they feel so violated if it was right? If it was clean and good in God’s eyes, then why did it do so much damage to so many of these poor kids, and driven them to suicide and murder? It obviously was not! And who were the main perverts who were behind it all? Come on, get real! You have to honestly ask yourself these questions, C. It’s time to face it! You need to ask yourself how your conscience could become so jaded and calloused! You can’t just pretend it didn’t happen! It did! And look at poor Angela and Ricky’s lives. Lost forever in such a tragedy. It’s heartbreaking!
Do you remember when we were on the road in Thailand while we were in the Korat home, and Josiah came to me while we were postering and asked me to take J. (who was 12 at the time) back to the hotel room and “share” with him? Do you remember me telling him flatly NO and how disgusted I was? Well, I have thanked the Lord many many times, that inspite of the fact that I was on “probation” at the time and was supposed to do whatever I was told, that I had the guts to stand against him and vehemently refuse to do that! God Almighty! The thought of it just makes me sick all over again!
As far as I can remember, that was the only time I was ever confronted with a situation like that and I never knew personally of any other situations where children were vulnerable to sexual exploitation of the adults caring for them. But just imagine if I had been a wimp and done something like that because “leadership” told me to! It’s a damn good thing I was as “rebellious” as you always said I was! That’s probably what saved my soul!
I am honestly not trying to pick a fight here, but I feel like you need to understand where I stand on these issues. I have tried to move on with my life and so have our kids. But I must tell you, it has been a struggle. M. is really struggling, and she feels very abandoned by you. You may think your being gone from them has all been fine because R. is here, but you leaving them left a huge hole in their lives and they are pretty angry at you for it. T. and I take up for you as much as we can, but there is only so much we can do. They are all tired of me telling them that some day you will wake up and realize what a lie you have lived for so long. I know you want to serve the Lord, and that’s fine, but there are lots of other great places you could do that without all the weirdness! They have issues and they don’t even write and tell you, because they truly believe it would just fall on deaf ears. I think if you don’t attempt to open some dialogue with them, and honestly listen to them, you are really going to regret it one day.
Well, I didn’t really intend to get into all this, and I probably wouldn’t have if you had not sent that attachment of Peter & Maria’s letter, but it just hit a raw nerve when I read it, so here’s my response! I guess you’ll think twice before you do that again. Unless of course you feel I just might have a valid point or two, in which case I think you may want to write each of the kids, individually, and try to find out what is going on in their lives.
This may all just be too much for you, and if so, well, that’s pretty much what they expect anyway, so they won’t be that disappointed. My hope is, however, that you will give it some thought and proceed from there.
I better sign it off here. I’ll wait to hear back from you, if you think you can respond to this, but if you don’t I will at least feel I have spoken my peace on these issues, and my heart and soul on the matter is now on record. I have recently come to the personal conclusion that by remaining a silent survivor and not doing something to address these things, or speaking out against past abuses and Mo, Peter and Maria, I am condoning it by default!
Let us hear from you.