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Getting Out : Generations
Remarks from a mom | from mlac - Wednesday, December 29, 2004
accessed 1721 times Remarks from a mom. After reading numerous articles and posts at this site, to see so much pain and resentment from the generation that was supposed to revolutionize the world for Jesus is both a heartache and a revelation for me. I'm a former member of the older generation of the F/COG, although I haven't lived in/as a home since 1980. Fortunately, my now grown sons, one born in the Family, did not experience the extent of longterm indoctrination and regimentation and abuse chronicled here and at other sites. They were still affected some, and by the lingering association of my now ex-husband and I - who clung too long to faith in some of the Family philosophies as spiritual guidance after we departed. It took a long time to actually have a clearer perspective on the situation ..regardless, I'm very thankful that my sons still love me, that they are educated [UC grads] and rational and loving. They have read MovingOn and other exmember sites and we've talked openly about issues that bothered them, hurt them and confused them in the literature, in the behavior of Family members. It was especially liberating to read Ricky/Davidito's story, as the myth of the perfect upbringing by the perfect parents, the prophet....caused so many comparisons and anxiety amongst those,like me, who had never even seen or met David Berg or Karen Zerby. Thank you. |
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from clark
Sunday, January 02, 2005 - 13:42
  (Agree/Disagree?)
I am glad you have a good relationship with your boys. If only more of the 1st gen. parents did, I think a lot of my peers would not hurt as much. My parents left over a year ago with the single motive of reconciling with all 11 of my siblings and I, and doing all in their power to be there for us and apologize. They are amaznig parents and I respect and love them more than ever. We all (ages 32 to 13) are closer than ever, live close by and get along great. We have our share of hurt and anger twards TF but are able to laugh about a lot of it. I am so happy TF was not able to destroy our family structure like they did to so many. They are incredible grandparents to my kids and even though they left with nothing but a "GBY, thank for the last 35 years of service" have managed to buy a home and get some of my siblings and my father back in school. There is great life after TF
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|  From bullwinkle
Monday, January 03, 2005, 13:02
(Agree/Disagree?)
I'm curious to know how your parents managed to buy a home and put several adults in school after being in TF for 35 years and only out of it for 1 year. You say they left TF with nothing, so how were they able to buy a house and afford college (I assume) after just one year? They must have had an incredible support system for them to be able to get their act together so fast. Not that I equate buying a house with success or "getting your act together" (education I do though), but having the stability of their own house to live in will obviously make their transition to reality a little easier. And post-secondary education was the best thing I've done since leaving TF. Perhaps sharing their "secret" will help others who are struggling with housing and education issues but who don't have much of a support system. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From clark
Monday, January 03, 2005, 16:17
(Agree/Disagree?)
Six of my siblings and myself had been out for about 7 years prior to them leaving, so they had a place to go and help to get started. My Uncle gave them cash for a down payment on a house. It's not big or expensive but it's a start and it's right here in the middle of all of us. My Dad works full time remodeling and goes to school full time. He wants to teach. My Mom stays home and keeps the grandkids while a sister is in school and another works. She is the rock of the fam and we couldn't do it with out her. Since they left, my siblings still in TF have left and it sure is nice to say we are all out and making our way. As far as school goes, we are in Birmingham, Al. which has a great set up by the state and they are all in school for FREE, yippie. It seems to me like a lot of ex mem are a bit hesitant to purchase property thanks to "owe no man anything" but with house payments being less or as much as rent payments, if it's possible it's definitly the way to go, esp with 100% financing now so readily available.(reply to this comment) |
| | From Siolo
Monday, January 03, 2005, 21:43
(Agree/Disagree?)
I am usually pretty quick to throw stones, but in this case I think it's uncalled for. Belittling someone for failing to get thier act together is one thing, but why should we be hostile to someone who is getting it right? A lot of people get help from family for thier home down payment, obviously most of us won't. But it is not a character flaw to accept the help that is offered, it would be foolish not to. I for one, am always happy to hear of exers doing well. Congrats to you and your family Clark.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From ThinkingDavinci
Monday, January 03, 2005, 23:23
(Agree/Disagree?)
It's much simpler to get a house than most people imagine. There are loan products available these days that fit nearly everyone. A down payment is quickly becoming a thing of the past even in very expensive price brackets. Coming up shortly we'll see a 40 year mortgage, which will make it 25% more affordable to buy a home. It's really not very hard! Even immediately after a bankruptcy you can walk out of court & get an FHA loan, which is insured by the Federal Housing Administration, only one of dozens of things Uncle Sam does to encourage people to buy a house. You will qualify for a payment less than 40% of your total monthly income, & you'll have to have some job history, & a home price of less than $ 200k, which is still fairly simple in most states. It's quite easy to learn how to buy a home, & you'll never regret it. You can even get a few people in on it with you if you trust them, & quite easily co-sign & get the needed income to be at 40% of your combined total income. Even in a flat market, which most states haven't seen since the 80's, buying a home instead of renting means whenever you sell you get back what you paid for it, meaning you lived for free opposed to renting. Then in a standard market you actually end up making 5-15 % off your home per year. That's hard to beat with most investments, Stocks never did that good on average. If you seriously want to know how to get into a house or condo I can give you some serious free personal advice, even you guys who are so intent on eating the rich, I forgive you. We all get hungry sometimes! (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Joe H
Monday, January 03, 2005, 23:32
(Agree/Disagree?)
Well, that's nice, but it still strikes me as a bubble, with all the attendant hype. I rather enjoy the convenience of having my landlady perform repairs and pay the property tax on my residence. Perhaps I'll buy a boat (and rent the dock space). Does the government provide any low-interest loans for that? I imagine it will cost less than $200,00.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From ThinkingDavinci
Wednesday, January 05, 2005, 13:30
(Agree/Disagree?)
They sure do- because a house is real property & it appreciates with time unlike a boat or a car, so if they have to take it away from you for not paying they're often better off than if you'd payed them in full. If you have 2 years of job history & credit history without any collections & you paid your rent, car, credit payments on time you can get a house with a mortgage payment of 37% of your monthly income- IE if you make $1,000, you qualify for a monthly mortgage of $370 with nothing down. You can finance your closing costs too! (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | from Joe H
Thursday, December 30, 2004 - 10:10
(Agree/Disagree?)
You're welcome. Go in peace.
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