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Getting Out : Leaving

snowing in surrey

from out at last - Tuesday, February 22, 2005
accessed 1423 times

It was snowing this morning. A mundane event for the people living here in the UK, but a momentous and special one for me. As most of my life in the Family was spent in South Africa, where it is rarely cold and almost never snows, I have not seen snow for over eight years. I left the Family a little over five months ago and naturally, moving on is difficult. Every day is a battle as I try to come to grips with the new world I have thrown myself into. From a job to education, from using public transport to learning social rules, everything is different and adjusting is hard. People can be cruel, and they are unforgiving when their social conventions are stepped upon. Finding work and trying to obtain a college diploma is a struggle, when one has no real academic experience at all. I often feel overwhelmed with how much I have to learn and how many amendments I must make to my attitudes and even the way I interact with people. Often the temptation comes to just give up.

Catching up on work at college and making it back in time for work and studying for my graduation were the only things on my mind this morning as I shrugged on my coat and headed for the door. The enormity of the task before me dragged down my spirits as I drank the remnants of a cup of coffee and prepared to brave the cold outside.
And yet, as I stepped out of my front door and saw the snow falling gently, transforming the scenery from a dirty grey to a magnificent white, it struck me how very far I now am from my former situation. I can now make my own decisions and do what I want to do; make my own mistakes if need be, but I am now allowed to be my own person. The fact that even the terrain and the weather was so different now to what I am used to brought home the fact that I am not in those conditions any more.
I walked down the small country lane, and saw the landscape being covered in a glittering blanket of snow, I smiled. The little white flecks fell silently, until, with a tiny hiss, they hit the warmth of my face. A tear rolled down my cheek as I whispered two words into the cold, morning air- “I’m free”.

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from ¨Sia
Monday, February 28, 2005 - 03:50


So much to freedom, i thought the same afew weeks after i left, its been five years since then and to be honest,for me that feeling of freedom has just about totally disapeared!

Im doing an apprenticeship as a hairdresser(3 years) and that is anything else but freedom, believe me!

If you think you were treated bad by all thoughs sick uncles and aunties! its awhole lot worse out here in the "real world"!

ofcourse its my fault, i should have gone back to school, but hey what 14 year old kid dicides for herself to go back to school

when she can enjoy all that so called freedom out here!

oh well thats what i think about it or what ever! totally fustrating!
(reply to this comment)

from openmind
Thursday, February 24, 2005 - 12:32

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

Thanks for this great post!

I'm quite sure the majority of us have felt that great feeling of freedom.

For me it happened when I was on the mass transit system with my bags after just leaving. I thought to myself "now, I can go wherever I want, and do whatever I want, whenever I want". We were as creatures born in captivity and managed to escape the zoo of The Family.

(reply to this comment)

from mikio
Wednesday, February 23, 2005 - 06:55

good to hear, wish you all the luck in your endevours, and it sounds like you're doing great to be in college just 5 months after leaving. Your comments reminded me of some of the feelings I had my freshman year of college, waking up and feeling so excited to realise that I was going to learn something totally new that day. Every now and then I would feel so happy thinking to myself, "I'm actually doing good not just as an ex-fam, but compared to my peers in society", btw, have you chosen a major yet?
(reply to this comment)
From out at last
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 09:35

yes i'm taking business studies, boring but i found out to my surprise that i'm good at it :D(reply to this comment
From out at last
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 09:35

yes i'm taking business studies, boring but i found out to my surprise that i'm good at it :D(reply to this comment
from Baxter
Wednesday, February 23, 2005 - 06:30


The thing to do:

Foundation (access) course. Myself and John Proctor both did them last year and are now both in very good universities. You do not need any prior schollastic qualifications and they are designed to limit the amount of time you actually spend in classrooms, so that you can work. They equivalate to two years of A-level essentials crammed into 1 year, and are designed for people who; like us, were denied the chance for conventional education. The best thing about them is that when you apply for uni, they will confront your application on a much more personal basis than A-level students, which means more opportunity to impress. It is a fact that they like people whose backgrounds are more interesting and complex than the run-of-the-mill, so play to that. The only -side is that you have to be over 20.

I hope everything works out for you, mate. enjoy the home counties (without spending too much money!)

(reply to this comment)

From Piratepax
Saturday, February 26, 2005, 17:38


Hello Baxter. Someone wants to get in touch with your brother. Please enable your contactability, or reply to me with an e-mail & I'll give you his info. Tx!(reply to this comment

From Baxter
Monday, February 28, 2005, 08:06


It is enabled. Send me the e-mail.

I don't wanna know why you wanna get ahold of my brother. Which one anyway?(reply to this comment

from Regi
Wednesday, February 23, 2005 - 05:43

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
I know just how you feel. Life in the real world can be exhausting given the enormity of the challenges and obstacles we face. When I feel tired and discouraged, I have to remind myself how far I've come since leaving TF.

Right after leaving the cult, I felt a wave of euphoria. I felt free! Later the fear of the unknown challenges ahead of me sank in, but I will never forget that initial moment of freedom. In cult lingo, "the chains had been lifted."

Isn’t it ironic that TF thinks they are “free?” Leaving the cult was like fleeing a miserable life in an oppressive regime.
(reply to this comment)
from chrissy
Wednesday, February 23, 2005 - 04:50


Hi my name is Christina and I ive in London and would like to get in touch with the person who wrote this post.My email is christinawalton2
(reply to this comment)

from Bella
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 16:00

Congratulations on making it out! I'm wishing you the very best of luck and if you ever need someone to talk to about all this new found freedom, my email address is available through my profile.
(reply to this comment)
from ErikMagnusLehnsher
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 15:55

Congrats and here's wishing you all the best.
(reply to this comment)
from Gothsmack
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 15:36


I still remember the euphoric feeling I got while smoking my first "legal" cigarette while being dropped off at the airport when I left. No more need to hide. Perhaps it was the early-morning buzz from the tobacco, but more probably it was the first taste of real real freedom I had ever experienced.
(reply to this comment)

from John Jr.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 15:14

You sure are. Welcome to the club.
(reply to this comment)
from EyesWideShut
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 15:04

Wonderfully written. Thank you for your thoughts.
(reply to this comment)
from xolox
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 11:58


It get better and better toward the end, sort of. I like it.
(reply to this comment)

from Vicky
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 11:52


Oh yes it was wonderful! I dare say there is nothing that cheers me more than watching snowflakes drifting on the wind. For a few hours, at least, the world is an enchanted kingdom, and I can allow the child in me to believe in magic yet again...

I really needed that today. : )
(reply to this comment)

from Wolf
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 10:40


Yo u write well. That’s certainly a plus in college. Good luck with everything.
(reply to this comment)

from moon beam
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 10:22

I was out today when it snowed. It is magical!
Good luck with everything.
(reply to this comment)
From Baxter
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 06:43


I was out today when it snowed: it was miserable - I nearly slid down the hill, thanks to the slippery sidewalk. My hands are freezing, my ears keep turning cherry red.

(reply to this comment

From moon beam
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 07:18

Hat, scarf and gloves for you next christmas ;) (reply to this comment
From Baxter
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 07:22

Try Spiked shoes! (reply to this comment
from Joe H
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 09:02

I like this one. Freedom IS great, isn't it?
(reply to this comment)
From out at last
Tuesday, February 22, 2005, 12:22

tell me about it. the euhporia wears off every now and again, but things like this always bring it back :D(reply to this comment
from Mir
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 08:45


I know just how you feel! I left in the winter of '91. My parents lived in Surrey and it was beautiful. You have described my feelings down to a "T" and taken me back all those years.

I'm so glad you're out. I know how hard it is. My family and I still live in Surrey- Croydon in fact! Are you out on your own? If you'd like to pop round and meet us sometime for a cuppa tea, drop me an email...

(reply to this comment)

From out at last
Tuesday, February 22, 2005, 12:31

no i'm out here with my sister, we're "country girls". and yes being free is the greatest high i know(reply to this comment

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