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Getting Out : Leaving

Reclaiming Our Future

from Banshee - Monday, February 16, 2004
accessed 1285 times

I walked the empty halls of my son’s school tonight, on my way to a late parent-teacher conference. The only sounds echoing in the silent halls were the squeaking wheels of the super’s cleaning trolley mingling with the scuffing shoes of the other few parents who also were trying to squeeze the last drops out of their tired, overdrawn schedule.

There was a faint smell touching my senses, and I realized it was vaguely familiar to me before placing it in my own memories from my regretfully brief jaunt in First Grade. I absently wondered if perhaps all elementary schools used the same industrial cleaner. Or wax.

I walked slowly, taking in the murals and paintings and collages that peppered the walls along the hall, feeling like I was in an infant art exhibit that hadn’t yet grown up. One paper weaving arrested my attention, and I marveled at the intricacy of the pattern and the surprisingly advanced color concept that didn’t match the age written in child’s scrawl at the bottom of the artwork. I smiled to think that perhaps one day the art world would know this name, and the world will thank the ones that gave her the chance to follow her dream.

Surprising me with the suddenness that my own sense of loss sprang up, a lump lodged in my throat that threatened to bring tears. Swallowing quickly, and turning away, I realized just how near the surface the pain of lost opportunities and crushed dreams of my youthful hopes were, in spite of the many hours I have spent telling myself that now I must focus on recovering those very losses in the opportunities I will give my children, that they may have the chance to stand before the world with every possibility open to them; to hold their lives in their hands, and build their own destinies with the choices that I never had.

But sometimes I still want to cry for those losses.

In the movie “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind”, Chuck Barris’ character (played by Sam Rockwell) says, "When you're young, your potential is infinite. You might do anything, really. You might be Einstein. You might be Dimaggio. Then you get to an age where what you might be gives way to what you have been. You weren't Einstein. You weren't anything. That's a bad moment." I’ve been having that bad moment for a long, long time.

But that infinite potential was not something that I gave up. It was not something I tossed away. It was taken from me. It was not taken from me by parents that didn’t see it, or by an inadequate education due to over-crowed schools and government cut-backs. It was not taken away from me by a life of poverty, or by the location of my upbringing. It was taken from me before I even had it. It was taken from me the moment I took my first breath. It was taken from me the day I was born into the cult.

For every baby born into “The Family of Love,” another infinite potential was lost. Another doctor that might have healed the world of cancer. Another scientist that might have given us natural fuel. Another anthropologist that might have discovered another link to the earth’s origin. Another Mozart, or Bach, or Picasso, or Dante. Every time a baby was born into the cult, the world lost another possibility.

Sometimes I still want to cry for each lost possibility. Mine…yours…ours. I want to cry, but there are no tears left. We have cried them all out. Together we have wept for each other, for our brothers, our sisters, and for ourselves. We have laid the flowers on the grave of our births, and turned our backs to it.

And we have started again.

We have taken back that which was stolen from us, as we walked away from the chains of our past. We have had our second birth, into a world where we once again can find our potential--whether it be infinite or not--we are each one, in our own way, reclaiming our future. Some may burst into their new unbounded life like a show of fireworks, others come more quietly or slowly, and others are busy bringing others with them, but we are all coming into our new lives, into our potential.

Sometimes it seems so difficult, and so unfair. We have come with a greater struggle than most will ever know, and some of us will have to struggle for many years to come, but then I realize that with a greater price comes a greater treasure. There are not many people who can cherish life and all its’ possibilities the way we can, for the very reason that we have had to struggle for them. We have won our freedom the hard way. We have paid for it literally with our blood, our sweat, and our tears. Freedom was not given to us; we cannot take it for granted.

And through our struggles and our pain, we make a way for others to glimpse that freedom, and find a way to reach for it themselves. Because of us, there will come a day when no more futures are snuffed out at birth. Someday there will no longer be a child born in chains.

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from Mydestinyismine
Tuesday, February 17, 2004 - 18:43

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

Moving...

What sucks is "Some may burst into their new unbounded life like a show of fireworks, others come more quietly or slowly, and others are busy bringing others with them, but we are all coming into our new lives, into our potential."

We all suffered different degrees of abuse and I fear some will never make it.
(reply to this comment)

From sarafina
Wednesday, February 18, 2004, 10:11

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Many haven't made it..... I seriously doubt had we grown up in a normal environment and had proper schooling and not be allowed to still be home schooled or when in trouble maybe get some other advice or practical help other then "trust in the lord" or "I'll pray for you for things to get better" Then maybe I wouldn't have lost my brother. Maybe he wouldn't have shot himself at 17.

I know you can say well those are all maybes it still could have happened but even for those who've have left the children are still raised with parents who were brain washed for the last 15-20 yrs of their life and some of that "family mentality" will always remain and effect the up bringing of their kids on a daily basis even after they leave. Most FG's still don't believe in proper therapy or counseling or even in medication for depression for their somewhat disturbed kids and teenagers and still don't encourage or help w/ future education beyond high school(reply to this comment
from exister
Tuesday, February 17, 2004 - 15:06

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

And to think that we all could have been molecular biologists!

Nice reference to an excellent flick though...
(reply to this comment)

from Alf
Tuesday, February 17, 2004 - 14:10

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Yes, articles like this make us all want to cry I think.
(reply to this comment)
from Nancy
Tuesday, February 17, 2004 - 12:32

(Agree/Disagree?)
This is actually quite poetic!
(reply to this comment)
from EyesWideShut
Tuesday, February 17, 2004 - 12:17

(Agree/Disagree?)
Don't listen for a second to Joe H. He's a looser, plain and simple. Beautifully written and touching. I feel exactly, exactly, the same way--especially lately. What I might have been has given way to what I have become. That's it. Depressing as hell. Well done.
(reply to this comment)
From Joe H
Tuesday, February 17, 2004, 12:27

Average visitor agreement is 1.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 1.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 1.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 1.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 1.5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
You know, I might find being called a loser a bit more insulting coming from someone who actually knows how to spell it correctly! But never mind your ignorance of the English language, how about your complete ignorance of a much more interesting topic: ME! You guys are the ones depressed and whining about having no future, and laying all the blame on the past, and yet you think you have the right to call ME a loser because I tried to get you to look on the bright side?? Said the pot to the kettle!(reply to this comment
From lochnymph
Tuesday, February 17, 2004, 21:30

(
Agree/Disagree?)
But Joey, we all love u! and u know it! =)(reply to this comment
From Banshee
Tuesday, February 17, 2004, 12:57

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Actually, Joe, perhaps you didn't read the entire article, or perhaps you did not understand it, because it seems you really missed the point. It was not at all about being "depressed and whining about having no future." If you would take the time to read the article, before commenting on it, you would see that I was making the point that although at times we might feel sad about "missed opportunities", we have gotten over it. I mentioned turning our backs to the sadness, that we have finished our crying, and our now rebuilding. My point was that while in the group we had no opportunities or hope of a future as we wanted it, but that now, having left, we are reclaiming our opportunites and our futures. Oh, yes, that's right--that's what I called the article, "Reclaiming our future." Props to you for how much you have done in your life. But do try to remember that not everyone who frequents this site is at the same place in their effort to move on as your are. Again, I must say that I think you missed the point; the article WAS looking on the bright side. (reply to this comment
From Banshee
Tuesday, February 17, 2004, 12:58

(Agree/Disagree?)
*are* now rebuilding(reply to this comment
from Joe H
Tuesday, February 17, 2004 - 11:08

Average visitor agreement is 1.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 1.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 1.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 1.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 1.5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Have you heard of St. John's Wort? Prozac? Cause this is just a really inspiring testimony! Yes, all our lives are ruined and we're never going to make anything of ourselves. Wah wah, poor me, I think I'm going to go out in the garden and eat worms. Oh wait, I just remembered! -- I graduated from college and have a good job and I eat really well! Have your worms! Have your husks! Life is what you make of it, and heaven is a state of mind!
(reply to this comment)

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