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Getting Through : Dealing

Bringing out the dead.

from xhrisl - Wednesday, September 25, 2002
accessed 1904 times

The legacy of abuse and suicide.

Let me first comment on the mindset of many of our parents & family who still hold ties with The Family---they are weak individuals subjected to manipulation, who hold an doomsday world doctrine which justifies all things based on the "revalations" that TF has recived. Furthermore, culpability is not an issue (as the concept of accountability for ones actions is something they have never learned), my own mother for instance finds it highly convenient to shift responsability for her own actions onto the doctrines perpetuated by TF at any given time & can thereby live a guilt free life by blaming all questionable activities on leadership & interpritation of new revalation by being only too willing to be a simple-minded follower.
Case in point: Shortly after I left the group from an RTC in Itally in the summer of '91, I was involved in a motor-cycle collision. At this point I had been out of TF for a little under a year, this of course was the time TF & my mother decided to notify my sibblings that I had left, & to subject them to the horror stories of my full-body cast & disfigurement (none true) as my punishment for having left TF lifestyle.
Needless to say this was only a foreshodowing of the of the lies that where to be told in the years that would follow, as one by one my siblings themselves choose to leave. And my parents placed themselves humbly on the ulter of sacrifice by forsaking their own children in order to "fullfill Gods best"---thereby enabling them to truely be able to claim, that they had truely forsaken all and fallen upon the rock.
This willingness of theirs to so subjegate themselves to "Gods higher cause" even left them to shun off my sisters suicide attempt as being mearly a cry for help & no more than an adolecents' attentiion seeking behavior, as well as Gods judgements for leaving the fold. This attentionseeking behavior was not serious enough to warrent much conncern---she (my baby sister) had only drunk herself silly in a bathtub and run her wrists (cutting the tendons to the bone) on a sword and was to weak to pull the triger of a loaded gun (found on the toilet seat).
Two years latter another one of my sibling (my brother Josh, also younger) choose to end his own life by smoking a .38. And it was only after after this incident, (the second one of my siblings whose limp bodies I held in my arms as life slipped away) that my parents began to comprehend that the lifestyle they had inflicted upon us a children growing up in TF & the subsequent disavowing of our existance after we had choosen to pursue another lifestyle may have been cuasal influences in our development, or lack thereof as healthy adults. Among myself & my siblings, as well as other young adults that I have known who left TF the majority of us have experimented with drugs & our sexuality, battled depression & substance abuse, & to this day seek stratagies to cope with our experiances & adjustment to life in real world.
These issues aside, what really chaffes my ass is that their brief insights into reality are so fleeting and their delusions so strong, that they will never be functioning members of any society outside of the horror that they have created for themselves (& forced us to live). And while they may not be the monsters in the preverbial lake, they are the ones who threw us in as their sacrifice!
Shortly after my brother Josh took his own life, "Mama" got a spiritual message from beyond for my mother stating that; "Josh is so sorry for having missed Gods call in his life, however, I (Jesus) have wiped away all tears from his eyes, & that he now watches over you in TF from beyond." This line of bullshit was used to placitate my mother (& she fell for it).
As if, an organisation & the experiances he went through which played a such a strong role in his development that he latter took his own life, would be those whom he would appologise to from beyond. Josh left behind a note for us his siblings and one for his 2 children---he left no note for my parents, this was his discision and I have often speculated as to why he choose to leave no parting words to them, but really the answer is not all that difficult to surmise.
In closing I would like to say that regardless of how I feel towards TF or my parents, or the manner in which you the reader relate to yours, it is behoving to remember, that they as individuals are not well. One of these days very soon they will be forced to admit to themselves that they have lived and perpetuated a lie, & as the promise of their inevitable Rapture fails to appear, & the lines on their faces grow deeper with age it may be supposed with ernestness that the scales on their eyes will be lifted.
Otherwise, as my sister says to my mother when she decides to go on her religiious rampages...... "BAD NURSING HOME!"

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from I can't be forsaken for I was never one.
Friday, April 09, 2004 - 22:19

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Excellent article! I was talkin with my dad awhile back about family doctrines and how they can profess to be Christian. There are many doctrines of theirs that contradict bible teachings. But the one that pissed me off the most is that they take one verse about forsaking all and use that to run from their parental responsibilities. Due to the new restructuring in TF, my teenage brother was going to have to leave my parents home because he had already made it known that when he turns 18 he wants to go to college. I was mad but the stronger emotion was it broke my heart that my parents would once again drive one of their sons out. They had already done that to me and my bro; us 2 out of 8 kids have left TF. In the past couple years they've remained members but said their primary devotion was to the kids. Now it's clear that they're still brainwashed by this "elite higher calling". Talking with my dad is like talkin to a programmed robot. He can no longer think for himself. I challenged him with one question. If he was given a gift and there was no other alike in the world would he give it to someone else for safe keeping? He couldn't answer and he knew I was refering to his children. I used to have hope that one day my parents and us kids would be able to grow close and be like a normal family. TF destroyed that and they are adamant on keepin it that way. The last thing I said to my dad is, you have 2 choices: TF or your son, and he chose TF. The past few years, out of respect to him, I tried treating him like my father even though he had already forsaken me, repeatedly. That respect came from my hope of being loved by him and accepted for who I choose to be. In the last month the reality that I mean nothing to him has become to painful. I wish I had accepted this years before and moved on but I couldn't.
(reply to this comment)
from Jerseygirl
Thursday, September 26, 2002 - 10:05

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Xhrisl,thanks for writing this.I have so many issues with my parents that I feel will never be resolved. Not only were most of us "sacrifices" to their beliefs, but the retched thing is that they had a choice!!THEY had a fucking choice!That will always be the most important point to me. When you are given choices,even tho you may want others to blame,the consequences are your own fault.If all you are given to deal with is consequences where do you go from there? I asked many times to leave and only got in trouble for it.My various cries for help were definately scoffed at and considered fake attempts for attention.One interesting thing is that the Mene series was really a sprinboard for all the harsh treatment of behavioral problems or stunts."Typical teenage traits" aka:anything natural that any teen in the world goes thru,were horrible sins that should be beaten or "exorcised" out of us.I was talking with my daughter the other day about what she wants to be when she grows up.Why didn't anyone ask me that?Why was I told that the only way to be with someone was to marry them?Who is gonna help me now when I'm not even 30 and facing a possible divorce?Who will help to pay for my college education--or even just lend a hand with the kids so I can study? Not my parents--once again they are off doing"Gods highest".The worst part is that not only did we support their lifestyle when we were kids and teenagers, but because they refuse to see that they're getting old and maybe should

(reply to this comment)
From Jerseygirl
Thursday, September 26, 2002, 10:11

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
cont. start thinking about a way to support themselves,we will still have to help them the rest of our lives. I somehow still feel that to refuse them might be more than I can do but GOD!--who is helping us? I don't care if I sound childish or demanding. When will this end? And now I am even more upset when they continue to fail to see they are making all the same mistakes with the younger guys.I am at a loss for words. AND--whenever I have tried to say these things it is a stonewall I am only patronised with their silly words and lack of understanding.Anyways, sorry this got long, but believe me, it ain't the half of it.Take care (reply to this comment
From xhrisl
Friday, September 27, 2002, 03:45

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Dear Jerseygirl,
Sad as it is, you have hit the nail on the head. The "Baby Boomers---for Jesus" are just that: babies!
(reply to this comment
from Elsie
Wednesday, September 25, 2002 - 13:43

(Agree/Disagree?)
Truer words were never spoken: "they as individuals are not well." I have been in such pain about my parents these days. I have worked hard to achieve so much that objectively is impressive given where I come from, but my parents are nowhere in sight. I appreciate this article very much, and I wish I could more intelligently express all it brings up, but there is so much pain that I can't go there right now. Thank you for putting it in words, it has helped me very much today. I don't know what I would do if I had lost a sibling. Mine are out; scarred, like me, but out. And that is something that at one point looked like it might never happen. At least we have each other and that is nothing to sneeze at. Your profile says you work in mental health and are studying psychology. I can tell by reading this that you will be very good -- are already.
(reply to this comment)
From xhrisl
Thursday, September 26, 2002, 04:23

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Dear Elsie,
Family as I relate to the concept is not about biology, in reality an individuals true family consists of the friendships that we cultivate with those individuals who matter most to us, and us to them. As you mentioned, with regards to your siblings "at least we have each other." Your statement is something that I relate well to, as my siblings and I are all very close as well, I affectionately refer to the commonialities between us as the bond of "shared misery."
The Budist have a saying; "life is pain." and while not a comforting thought---it holds much truth. We can however, be greatful for small rewards. Every day above ground holds promise.
I had a conversation with one of my sisters, shortly before she decided to leave TF---she had come from the Soviet Union for our late brothers funeral, and she asked me what it was like here on the outside, expressing her doubt and disilutionment with The Family lifestyle. The reply I recall giving her was simply this:
It's hard out here!
More so for some than others, and the only guarentee that I am aware of is that obsticals will present themselves at every turn, and fork in the road.
People will use you, and those you give your love and heart to will turn around and stab you in the back, and others will walk over you as you bleed. But, your life will be your own, and if you are very lucky or blessed, you will find someone, who although not perfect, will love and care for you just as you are. And really that's all any of us are looking for.


I wish you the best of luck.
(reply to this comment
From pharmaboy
Friday, September 27, 2002, 02:18

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
If suicide and major depression or dysthimia were isolated stories among ex-fam SGAs it would be bad enough, but who of us hasn't gone though it & had friends that ended it? It gets me angry when I talk to CM people or read some stupid GN where we are just dismissed as running away from the straight & narrow(I recently had someone say this to me, & I laughed but felt like knocking him senseless). I also lived in Palermo in '90, & though only 9 at the time(escaped the whole victor thingy), it deeply affected my way of thinking. I hope(not pray. Sic!) that there will be a happy ending(beginning) to your story, X. I remember just few months ago sitting in my room with a handful of Ativans & a bottle of vodka, wanting so badly to end it all. The only thing that kept me was thinking: ďI canít let them get the best off meĒ, itís been a slow uphill since, with plenty of mental ups & downs. I have a feeling though that we will be the last ones laughing, while they will be traumatized living in the real world once the family finally chokes on itís own poison! (reply to this comment
From xhrisl
Friday, September 27, 2002, 03:54

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
"Life is a long walk up-hill, loose the rocks" Is one of my favorite quotes--- yes, I do agree with you, and there have been times when I was so low that I did not want to go on. Among the things that keep me striving for the next day, is that I know that life is hard, and filled with pain and loss---if however I can stay just one more day and save another person some pain at my loss it is worth it to me on a personal level. Besides---it's a challenge to myself, and one day I hope to live well enough to thumb my nose in the faces of all the "familymities" and say, "I did it my way."
Best of luck to you as well.(reply to this comment

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