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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from backinblack
Tuesday, January 11, 2005 - 18:01
(Agree/Disagree?)
I think that to a certain extent we are all products of our environment.
So even though no one explicitly told you to do something, is it possible that you may have just picked up on your parents´or teachers´ behavior like most children do?
(reply to this comment)
| from Haunted
Thursday, September 02, 2004 - 04:52
 (Agree/Disagree?)
You should stop balming yourself right now! A regular 9 yr old child would never have even considered the type of situation you are describing - one that I myself experienced many times throughout my childhood (so you're not alone in that).
I have a 6 yr old and have a neice a few years older, and believe me, these girls still think that the most exciting thing to do with boys is to go on roller coasters with them......
In answer to your thought - yes, you were sexually abused! No child of 9 should have to deal with sexulity on such a mature level - they simply are not able to categorize and identify their own sexuality in reference to what they are experiencing.
I sincerely hope you do find your way out of the guilty feelings that you've wrongly assigned to yourself - please feel free to email me personally (under my profile) any time if you would like to talk more or need support.
Take care.....
(reply to this comment)
|  From porceleindoll
Thursday, September 02, 2004, 18:25
(Agree/Disagree?)
I agree that you should not be blaming yourself for the incident. It all comes back to your parents and the adults in the home.
You and the kid in charge (just 12 for goodness sakes!) were all raised in an evironment that believed sex at an early age was right, and to be advocated and promoted. You were all carrying out your belief system to the best of your ability. If the adults had come into the room, I wonder if they would have
1. corrected the situation or
2. congratulated you all or
3. maybe not really do anything but try to delicately break it up without making a scene (if the adult thought it wasn't right)
I highly doubt you all would have been corrected or told off!
I was once on a road trip with 2 teen (12 and 13) boys and another teen (12) girl (times when 12 and up were teens), and 2 adult men. I was 16 at the time.
We had rented a hotel room (or provisioned), and after taking a shower the 2 boys and girl got into the bed and started going at it, just simple petting and cuddling, nothing much heavier. But I was really embarassed and uncomfortable (I'd never had sex yet, and wasn't ready to give myself up to just any guy). One of the men we were with started joking "Oh, how about if we go at it!" I had such a huge 'trial' (the only word I can think of to describe the feelings), because there was no way I was going to do anything with anyone in that room, but I was also at war with my guilt for not being 'loving' 'sharing' and 'giving it your all to those in need'. To my relief the other guy came to my rescue and diffused the situation.
This was what we were faced with as kids--the education that we were supposed to behave in a sexual manner and give to those who asked of us, and the warring conscience that it wasn't right, or the feelings of guilt that we just didn't want to do this, yet we were being selfish and unloving (in a society that placed giving and loving above all). In your case, combine your even younger years with the ingrained obedience reaction, and you have a recipe for abuse that wasn't always forced.
Have you ever read "Brave New World"? If not, you may enjoy it as some parts are so very similar to our upbringing.(reply to this comment) |
| | from Big Sister
Wednesday, September 01, 2004 - 23:05
(Agree/Disagree?)
Here's a link to a useful definition to consider:
http://drdrew.com/Topics/article.asp?id=664
Give yourself a break! How could this be your fault? You were a child. As a nine year old, you didn't have enough experience nor any support to defend your boundaries the way you wish you had.
It's likely that the 12 year old that started this event you describe was sexually abused him/herself. You all lived in an isolated world where healthly boundaries were removed or blurred (the better to manipulate you, that way). Luckily, as an adult now you don't have to accept abuse from anyone.
Sounds to me like a person ready to find a smart and trustworthy therapist and work on this issue is a safe environment.
(reply to this comment)
| From Snufkin
Thursday, September 02, 2004, 09:23
(Agree/Disagree?)
Interesting link, I know i have suffered alot of the symptoms listed there, especially depression, suicidal tendancies and low self esteem. Ive done alot better since leaving though, suddenly theres so much more to live for it seems... odd isnt it? The family always said how "the system" is so pointless and the only ppl who have a reason to live for are themselves.
So many times i came just that close to killing myself... i wish I had just realized earlier that i could just leave, would have made things a whole lot better a whole lot earlier.
One thing about that link was curious. Do u think that could be the reason the family is populated with homophobes? Ive always thought it a little strange, I mean, i guess its also Bergs teaching and all, but I know so many young guys who dont really bother with the GNs and the family beliefs but are more or less "lifestylers" -- to use a familyism -- who are obsessively homophobic... i always found it odd...(reply to this comment) |
| | From Haunted
Friday, September 03, 2004, 03:44
(Agree/Disagree?)
I just want to comment on this "living for yourself" thing:
I too always heard this growing up in the cult, and now that I'm out and have "lived for myself" for quite a few years now, all I have to say is:
What's so bad about that? I live for myself! I live my life to make myself happy! It's not like I hurt anyone else along the way.....but hey, I've found that life is too short to not live to the fullest.
I think the misconception here is that people who live as they like to further their own happiness are incessently horrible human beings who generally hurt others to get where they are going in life or a "selfish". Although this type of person is deefinately out there, this couldn't be further from the truth of the majority of those who only seek to live life to its fullest.
I'm both a wife and a mother, so of course I do things for my family, but I don't think I'm living my life "for" them - they are simly put, a part of MY life. Thus, the things I may do for them and others that I love, enrich my life and so of course, I love doing them - thus, I live to please myself.
And yes, it's sooooo important to take time for yourself!! DO a little something to treat yourself for just being so fabulous and getting yourself out of a horrible lifestyle! You deserve it!!
Live for yourself a little a you'll start learning that this is where happiness truely lies....(reply to this comment) |
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