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Getting Through : Dealing

What's Better?

from Ratty - Friday, July 04, 2003
accessed 1565 times

Hi everyone. I'm a new member of this website.

My sister Tazy introduced me to it and this is the first time I've given some thought about my past since I left. When I was sixteen I made the decision to leave, and rather than leave me to fend for myself in the big bad world, my mom left with me and took my brothers and sisters with me. I will always be eternally grateful to her for that.

It was amazing to me when we left to discover how totally wierd we were and my natural exuberant personality, (which was constantly getting me in trouble in the Family), completely disappeared. It was like having to learn to do everything from scratch, develop a new personality, make up a not so wierd version of my past to explain never having been to school and learning to interact with people totally different from me.

It was embarrassing because I had to pretend I knew about music and films I'd never heard or seen before and I didn't even know how to post a letter! Crazy when I think of it now, but very hard at the time. I had so much to catch up on, including a sorely neglected education, that I ended up throwing everything into my re-education and not dwelling on my past.

I too, went through the worst that the victor program had to offer here in England, including public paddlings, 3 month long silence restrictions, canings, isolation etc (oh, and a rather funny exorcism which involved me spouting loads of gibberish which was supposed to be "speaking in tongues") For me, the worst was the psychological abuse. The rest I could take. I always told myself I was tough and they would never break me, (imagine the lectures I received on my pride, arrogance and rebellious spirit), and I was considered the worst of the lot.(For which I am a little proud!) However, the emotional and psychological shit was always the worst for me. It's not a great feeling when you're constantly being told how much of a bad person you are (very demoralising as I'm sure you're all aware)

My reason for writing this bit is because I want to pose a question. I feel like my life has been in two parts: Family and post-Family. The only problem seems to be that I have forgotten most of everything that occurred in my Family part. When my parents or sister say "Do you remember so and so or this home or that event" I can very rarely say "Yes". It seems like I have blocked most of it out unconsciously. I never meant to, it just happened. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Does this mean I have loads of unresolved issues and have repressed things so I don't have to deal with them? Or should I just count my lucky stars that I've been able to do this. Perhaps I just have a crap memory! Maybe some regressive hypnosis might help, I dunno!

Anyway, this story has a happy ending. I studied hard, went through college, then university and came out with good grades. I've travelled and am now joining the RAF. But I do sometimes worry about the sheer amount of memories that I seem to have lost. Should I endeavour to recapture them or leave well enough alone? What do you think?

Reader's comments on this article

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from Joe H
Tuesday, July 08, 2003 - 15:34

Repression is the law of psychology - repress! repress! repress!
(reply to this comment)
from frmrjoyish
Sunday, July 06, 2003 - 16:35


I don't know how long you've been out, but for me, the longer I'm out the easier it is to forget the bad memories. Talking to people I knew in TF helps too, esp. when you can laugh about funny things that happened. If its mostly bad memories, then don't worry about trying to remember. Just focus right now on getting your life together and getting on your feet, once you've done that perhaps then you can deal with certain issues that may come up. It'll probably be easier once you've had a chance to adjust to life as a normal person ( Family translation: systemite) to go back and revisit some painful issues from the past once you have your own perspective and not all the BS you were brought up with. Good Luck!!

(reply to this comment)

From Ratty
Tuesday, July 08, 2003, 10:19

Thanks, I guess you're right. I left eight years ago and feel as if I'm ready to deal with whatever issues I may have from the Family now. Sorry, but what's TF?(reply to this comment
From frmrjoyish
Tuesday, July 08, 2003, 11:35

TF= The Family :)(reply to this comment
From Ratty
Wednesday, July 09, 2003, 06:50

Do I feel stupid. Doh!(reply to this comment
From Ratty
Tuesday, July 08, 2003, 10:19

Thanks, I guess you're right. I left eight years ago and feel as if I'm ready to deal with whatever issues I may have from the Family now. Sorry, but what's TF?(reply to this comment
From Ratty
Tuesday, July 08, 2003, 10:18

Thanks, I guess you're right. I left eight years ago and feel as if I'm ready to deal with whatever issues I may have from the Family now. Sorry, but what's TF?(reply to this comment
From Ratty
Tuesday, July 08, 2003, 10:25

Sorry that came out three times. Minor computer problem!(reply to this comment
from EyesWideShut
Sunday, July 06, 2003 - 13:56


Ditch'em, I say. Let time take its course.
(reply to this comment)

from PompousJohn
Saturday, July 05, 2003 - 10:07

Leave them alone, the fact that they escaped you in the first place probably has much to do with your success. You can do without the baggage.
(reply to this comment)
From Ratty
Tuesday, July 08, 2003, 10:24

I think you're all right, actually. Might as well just get on with things the way they are. I just hope I don't have some kind of a freak-out episode at some point. My older step-brother did because of his Family issues. He had to go to a mental home for awhile and is still not quite the full ticket. They say he might never be the same again. I guess that's the main reason why I'm worried. But I suppose if that happens to me, I'll just have to deal with it. No point worrying about something that may never happen, right?(reply to this comment
From porceleindoll
Tuesday, July 08, 2003, 21:22


If you feel ready to face your past and pull out issues and deal with them, then you should go for it. Most likely many of us will have to do the same at some point or another, either all at once or slowly over the years. Every once in awhile I find a new issue I have to face and make choices on and put into its perspective, but up to that time I have found I am able to block it out of my conscious so it doesn't keep causing me anger. Just don't force issues, let them come out as you are ready to deal with them.(reply to this comment

from porceleindoll
Friday, July 04, 2003 - 22:11

You have done well with your life. Perhaps trying to bring back old memories will make you sad or depressed. Just let them come back in time, or never.
(reply to this comment)

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