from verylonelygirl - Thursday, November 06, 2003
accessed 2982 times
After reading all those comments on Anthony’s poem, I think I will make my own comments.
Abuse is something you can be attached to and detached from at the same time. I was attached to it when I wrote that article. I recently became detached and confused after confronting my parents.
I meant to be writing about my father. I want the hate I have for him to come out. I want to stop projecting that onto the men in my life. I want to be able to let go. My father has managed to escape responsibility in my mind. How can I pin this tail where it goes?
Both of them deny any memory of the event. I gave up half way before telling my father off like I wanted to. I reminded my mom of details. I couldn’t with my dad.
What Anthony did for me by writing that poem was he gave me back my material in his own projection. After reading the poem I realized my anger is still dead center on my mother. Was she guiltier than my father?
I have yelled at her not him. I have written to her extensively not him. She is my focus. Anthony showed that to me. Although the subject matter was horrific it helped me digest my own experience in a way I hadn’t before he posted it.
I have had so many memories of the mundane in my childhood since confronting them. I have sensed my little girl inside. She is beginning to remind me of what I was like as a child beside all the shit. In conclusion, Anthony wrote that poem for me. I can appreciate it. I can use it. The memory is painful, sacred, agonizing, disgusting. It is also ancient rotten filth that is toxic and terminal. I hate to remember but it is the only way out of it…