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Personal Accounts

The following are first hand personal accounts from survivors of abuse as children in The Family

192 accounts.
Page 18 of 20

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Original Location

Banshee - Friday, January 28, 2005

As someone who was once being trained to be a "spokesperson" for this group, I was so upset to hear the current members sit there and claim that they had "never experienced abuse."

I used to say that too. And yet, my "father" sexually abused me for over a year. From the age of 8, I had men--adults--getting their jollies off with me. And yet I would claim I was not abused.

Because they tell you to say that. They tell you that you were not really abused. That it was..."all done in love." Or..."it was just a mistake of an individual member." (Yeah, right.) They tell you that whatever the hell you went through was absolutely nothing compared to what kids go through in the "system." Oh, THAT was REAL abuse. You, no, you had it easy. So just say it wasn't abuse. Because you really have no idea.

Who would have known, I get out in the real world...and I find out...DAMN!

Anyway, sorry, I just was so upset when I watched that, and so I just wanted to say...all that "I was never abused" crap is just bullshit. But, of course, you all know that.

Original Location

Remembers - Thursday, January 27, 2005

Josiah was a BIG EXCEPTION (aka HYPOCRITE) in the eyes of Zerby and co. In the early 90's Josiah carried on a sexual relationship with me & did everything but penetration. This was after the Charter when the rules were finally strict between teen and adult sex. And I was not the only girl around that he "liked to get it on with". There were girls ranging from 15-18 that he was "regulars" with. And it wasn't very secretive either. He had a real facination with breasts and would often fondle girls' breast in public and pull up their shirts. I know that there are a lot of people who remembers this.

I was not attracted to Josiah - he was an old man! But since he was a CRO, and was VERY push, it was hard to push him away. I would do everything to avoid being around when he was drunk (remember this was totally against the Charter - the alchohol limits were slim, but he was an expection to this) and would also avoid "ending up" in dark alone places where he might find me. When I would try to get out of it and quote the rules and remind him that it wasn't allowed, he would use his "I'm leadership, it's ok" explanation. This caused a lot of confusion for me.

Josiah was a horny/dirty old man who couldn't get his hands off any young girl around. I know there are a lot of girls out there who have stories to tell about him.

Then Mary Mom (his wife) found out and got upset. She asked to talk to me (and she can be scarry). Josiah managed to get ahold of me before my "talk" and told me to tell Mary that he had never gone below my waist, and only kissed and fondled my breasts. He said that he had gotten "speacial permission from Mama and Peter to fondle young girls' breasts, cause it was a weakness of his." He just couldn't abstain, so they finally told him if he kept it above the waist he wouldn't get in trouble. Oh my God!!! WTF?!?!! How could WS make someone an exeption to the rules - and say that an old man could play around with young girls?!?!?

He was a pervert and did everything to me but penetrate! Here's this big ass leader telling me to lie to cover his ass.

So I go finally go in to have my talk with Mary, and there's both Mary and Josiah holding hands looking at me with total disdain. Mary cross examined me about my sexual relations with her philadering husband, and I managed to stick to the "only above the waist" line that I had been scarred into giving. During that talk I had never felt so low and forsaken. She rebuked me for being a temptation to Josiah and told me that my past health problems was a direct punishment from God for what I had done. She took it all out on me and Josiah just sat there like a wet fish and let me take all the flack. First he abuses me, then asks me to lie to cover his ass, and then he lets me take all the flack. Jerk!

I felt so low and dirty. Accusing a victim of abuse of being the perpertrator is one of the lowest things a human can do. I sat there in front of two of the biggest leaders around and was meant to feel like the biggest sinner in the world.

Mary reported it to Peter and Maria while I waited to hear back what the punishment was going to be.

The next night Josiah paid me a visit in the middle of the night. He woke me up trying to get into my bed. He was only wearing a shirt (no underware) and had alchohol on his breath. I was shocked! The gull he had! I kicked him out!

The next day both Mary and Josiah informed me that Peter and Mama had decided to not punish us for breaking the rules. The punishment should have been a 6month excommunication (babes status). But since Josiah was an important leader and valuable to the Lords work, he wouldn't be required. And if I went to babes status everyone would find out why, and they didn't want anyone to know what Josiah had done. They said it "could stumble the sheep". I was told I was lucky that it had been with a CRO, otherwise there wouldn't have been an exception to the punishment. I was swarn to never ever voice anything about the event. And I never did - until now.

This always proved to me that the Family is all about double standards for their leadership and "chosen" - just like society that they claim to be so above. They cover up when it suits them, but lets the little sheep hang out to burn. How many single moms have they put out on the street because they seased to be useful? The Family leadership is just as currupt as any other organization or business. How can they claim to be "above the law", "God's chosen", "Perfect society", "A loving place". Oh please - it's the hipochrosy that makes me the most furious!

Original Location

- Wednesday, January 26, 2005

It was so easy just to think that there was something wrong with me. I thought becuz I felt uncomfortable I had a problem. We were told to do things and just did them. I mean if we didn't we'd be punished.

Id just turned 9. There were 10 kids living in a garage together with a couple. The buck beds were Family made, soooo small there was just enough room to fit in. I remember lying on my side feeling the cold cement wall against me. The male adult told us we couldn't sleep with our underwear or panties on and every night he would check that we didn't have them on. There were no separations in the garage. Boys, girls and this couple all in one room. No one has to tell me that was inappropriate.

Before bed we would do things together. One night the male adult told us he had a surprise for us. We were all so excited and couldn't wait. He then turned on some music. His wife came dancing down the stairs to the garage in just her panties and a scarf she held in both hands behind her back. I remember standing all together with the rest of the kids in shock. She finished her nude dance and the male adult then said that it was our turn to dance (the girls). None of us wanted to. We all really liked this one adult but didn't want to be put in such a humiliating situation. He was our teacher and no student really wants to disappoint their teacher. Finally one of the other girls (I think she was 12) got up and did a little dance. This happened in 1989.

I'm a teacher now, and I know that if I were to do any of these things to any of the children in my care I'd lose my job and have worse yet to deal with.

I'd willingly give names and details. I hear family/exfamily adults saying that they never knew it was wrong to do these things. BAD BAD BAD excuse! They are all trying to pass the buck. You know how much they talk about how evil and wicked Michael Jackson is. Well, guess what??!!! They are just the same!! Perverts!!

Original Location

stilled crazy, after all these years. - Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Hey man, I had the displeasure of spending about two years on a friggin bus with Ricjy and Elaine.

He doesn't want to meet me on the street.

He is an alcoholic, a wife beater, a child beater, and made one of the EA's pregnant while he was at it. He also offered me his daughter as a "gift" to get me of his back once.

But take comfort in the fact that he ended up a fat and drunken tragedy, with only his youngest kids to and wife to push around anymore.

Stay cool. We still have dignity you know =)

Original Location

moon beam - Tuesday, January 25, 2005

I witnessed a simular situation also. I left in 88' and had only just recieved my personaly copies of TTH, heavens Girl etc.. with letters still encouraging sex with children and becoming pregnant at 12. So it was banned in 86?, that is a lie. I willed myself to start my periods so that The men would finaly stay away from me, ut they made it clear that you could still have sex with a boy who hadn't started ejaculation.

Also it stated that it was because they didn't want to many teen pregnancies, so if you were not yet mensterating you could still go ahead and have sex. For boys it was fine before you started ejaculation. I'll have to find the reference.

The judge in the UK court case found TF witnesses to be telling "less then the truth" in evidence, and found each acusation agaisnt TF by ex-memers to be truthfull. He just imagined that TF would take that opportunity to change, hence his decision to alow the child to remain with his mother, on the proviso that he not leave the country and attend school.

He states;
" Nonetheless, I regret to find that in many instances there has een a lack of frankness and a falure to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

Exert from "The Devil hates sex!-But God loves it!"

"The only way to get free of (the devil) and his lies and his prohibitions and guilt complexes about sex is to get rid of his lies and his lying propaganda, his anti-sex propaganda, and believe the Lord and his word and his creation and God's love and his freedom! - that there is nothing in the world at all wrong with sex as long as it's practised in love, whatever it is or whoever it's with, no matter who or whatage or what relative or what manner (my emphasis) - and you don't hardly dare even say these words in private. If the law ever got a hold of this, they would try to string me up! They would probably lynch me before I got to the jail! When Paul said "All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient" (1 COR 6: 12), he was as good as saying, "I can indulge in any kind of sex I want to, but I've got to watch out for the system because its against the law!" (Maria/Zery: At least not let'm find out if you do it!)... We are free in privacy, and that's about all, and we mightn't be free if they discovered what we do in private!... There are no relationship restrictions or age limitations in his law of love.... If you hate sex you are one of the devil's crowd! If you think it's evil, then God and love are evil, for he created it! Come on, let's love and enjoy it like God does! he loves it.!"

"The meaning is perfectly plain!"

"I have had to look at text like that and pictures like that over these many months but still I recoil from them. I find that children exposed as they have been to widespread activity of this kind and to literature as crude as that are children who have been abused for they have been robbed of their childhood sensibilities and have been exposed to that from which they should be protected."

"Berg, Maria and Sara practised what they preached and what they preached was practised by their flock. Children should not have been exposed to blatant and indiscriminate sexual activity. It was an early experience for many, many children. It robbed them of them of the precious youth. It defiled them. It was abusive. It was deplorable."

"I am totally satisfied that there was widespread sexual abuse of young children and teenagers by adult members of The Family, and that this abuse occurred to a significantly greater extent within The Family than occurred in society outside it."

"It is, therefore, quite unacceptable for The Family to cast the blame upon the immature or weak members and not to face up to what is a harsh truth unpalatable to them that Berg bears responsibility for propagating the doctrine which so grievously misled his flock and injured the children within it."

The means was a form of physical and mental atrocity mercilessly dished out to young, often already emotionally damaged children. There seems little acknowledgement from the leadership of the abusive nature of that regime. In my judgment, the leadership must stand condemned. That this went on and they did not know it is a conclusion which I cannot accept. Jose and Faithy were in charge. Faithy was Berg's daughter. MB was his granddaughter. I simply cannot accept that he and World Service did not know what was being done. The fact is that knowing that the treatment meted out to those difficult, damaged teenagers would never stand the test of any reasonable scrutiny.

"The Family now try to rewrite the truth not just to the outside world but more importantly to their own members to whom in the Teen Special letter Macau is now presented as a rural idyll. What nonsense!"

Original Location

what I remember - Tuesday, January 25, 2005

This is really sad, especially considering that you are so young and probably weren’t around to see what was going on back then. I happened to live with your parents at the Saltillo School, and I cannot say that I remember them as being the “loving supporting” people you claim that they are.

I can still remember the time your dad came into the Jett girl’s room. God knows what the activity of the moment happened to be (although it was somewhere around quiet time/get out) and he was really angry about something. Turns out this poor boy M was being foolish and rebellious. Your dad started off by talking to him and then began slapping him across the face. He would say “answer me young man” and M would say “Yes sir” and he’d get slapped again along with a “don’t talk back to me”. This while all of the rest of us had to stand there and watch and try to look as neutral as possible.

I don’t remember anything quite as horrible about your mom. The only thing I remember real clearly about her was that she used to get upset if the JETT girls picked up the laundry buckets or the dining room benches as that sort of activity would “damage our ovaries”. I guess it’s never too early to start protecting your baby making machines

“ Not because I’ve been “abused", “horribly neglected", or “wronged” in any way, believe me if I felt I was in anyway mistreated during my life in the Family I would not hesitate to let the world know. I’m not one to suffer in silence. “That’s a pretty strong statement. Not to say that I think you were abused, I guess you don’t happen to thing that eating food that was next to garbage for a couple of years as a toddler (that’s how old you were then) is being mistreated. Ah, how I remember the TYJ soup and the wonders of plain chaff oatmeal. I must stop reminiscing, it might make me want to go back to the good old days……………..NOT!
See, I’m not maligning your parents because of their religious beliefs; I’m just bringing up something that happened. Just because you weren’t in the same room doesn’t mean it didn’t.

Oh, who cares, it's not like you're actually going to log on here and read any of this.

Original Location

xolox - Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Thank the Lord that despite the terrible circumstances surrounding Angela's death, we know that our Husband delivered her" -And of what exaclty did he deliver Angela? Strange that they find this God of theirs so mercifull, considering how he refused to deliver all the little kids from years of exploitation! Though with that particular brand of deliverance it's probably a good thing.

What can I say, I'm thrilled with this statement! Despite all the tangles of their circular rhetoric, this amounts to a Statement of Guilt. Do they truly have records of apologies going back that many years? Those are also explicit records of their knowledge of the abuse, and evidence of their inactivity regarding the matter.

"Most of these shows, while mentioning Angela’s murder at the hand of Ricky, will probably be focused on child abuse. This is the issue that the antagonistic apostates who are fueling the media campaign and are appearing on the TV shows are focusing on. They are making a number of false claims, namely that Mama and I have never apologized for any problems along these lines that occurred in the past, and that we never acknowledged that it had happened in the past. They are also insinuating that it’s an ongoing problem within the Family. They are wrong on all three accounts. At the end of this update I will include those apologies, which were written at various times since 1993. Mama and I stand by those apologies." So ones focus on child abuse makes one antagonistic, and an apostate. But note: Never can they claim that it never happened! Or that any of the claims in regard to abuse are false! How hypocritical do you have to be, to get to the point where you can find an inherent evil in the person who exposes evil, for that very exposition. (see Zerby, I can talk in circles too, the difference is that I make sence.) Once again there is a deliberate missing of the crucial point. We do not claim that sexual abuse is still rampant. We claim that it WAS, and that we WERE abused and exploited, and we demand an accounting. (and I'm sure the IRS is interested in an accounting of their own, but they'll have to wait in line.) Child labor however is still rampant, and so is the neglect. BTY, there are a lot of Jihad groups throwing the word "apostate" around as well, not a good time to start looking like a religious fanatic group with little regard for human beings! See here: " The Ansar al-Sunnah Army, one of Iraq's most active insurgent groups, claimed responsibility for the slaying. In a Web posting, the group called the judge "one of the heads of infidelity and apostasy of the new Iraqi government." Think about it...

NewsFlash: An apology is not concrete activity! It is a first step towards fruther action, not a cure-all. Do not think that because you throw around a few panicked "I'm sorrys" and "Jesus and I love you's", that the matter will dissipate. Your slaps to our collective face have been a whole lot more convincing!

"We've been accused of flip-flopping in our stance on adult/minor sex. We haven't. It is clear that 14 years ago, in 1986, Dad and I put a ban on any adult/minor sexual activity. In 1988, 12 years ago, we made it excommunicable and it has remained so since then. We made it quite clear that any such activity was wrong and not allowed within our communities. While the theological discussion may have continued, the fact is that any adult/minor sex was excommunicable. In 1995 the Lord spoke explicitly on the subject. Here is an excerpt from that GN:
As far as we're concerned, that's the final word on it. Any questions about whether adult/minor sexual contact is at all possibly permissible in theory or theologically were laid to rest. This overrides anything that was ever written suggesting otherwise. Once the Lord said it was sin, we announced it to the Family and that has been our stance since that time." What you have still failed to realize, is that not only is it a sin, IT IS A CRIME! Will this never get through? You may have "laid to rest" this notion of yours, but refuses to rest in peace! We have crawled back from the premature burial you have planned, covered in the dirt you flung on us, to point a finger AT YOU! We will not let you whitewash this. You say your wittings in 1886 override anything else you may have said, that may be so, but what it desn't do is absolve you of your past criminal activity. And let not even get into the semantics of your notion that God periodically changes His mind in terms of what is a crime or sin towards children, or anything else for that matter! It's just too ridiculous to entertain.

"Our detractors, however, continue to bring it up and try to document supposed wrongdoing on my and Peter's part. The facts stand. We've faced these accusations in many court cases and have won every time. We have admitted and apologized for the past, we have asked forgiveness, we have put strong rules in place, and we have moved on from all of this. My question is, why don't they?" You want the secret why you always won in court? It wasn't PTL, Jesus! It was me! and hundreds of others who were coerced into giving false testimony in court, thus perjuring oursevles. As a minor under duress, I bore no resposibility for that action. Though it's consequenses weigh on my mind almost daily. Yes I was abused, I was wittness to abuse. I was wittness to criminal behaviour. I was your victim, and your greatest champion! Yes, I put aside and "moved on" as was necesary, enough to lie to a judges face while in the privacy of her chambers! IN YOUR DEFENCE! I knew my older sister had been molested, my brothers toys broken on his head, my little sister denied knowledge of her mother's existance for years. (She was out of the family). You know what you've done. But you haven't a notion what you've caused. My mother spent 15 years looking for her first 4 children, thanks to Family policies. The damage has not been repaired! My mother spent time in an insane asylum, what you did to her broke her mind! And it breaks my heart. BUT NOT MY SPINE! Zerby, your day will come. I promise.

Original Location

Hanna_Black - Tuesday, January 25, 2005

1986 my ass!!! The worst stuff happened to me AFTER that, and by the way, as a 10 year old, NOBODY EVER let me know that it was banned! How was I supposed to know that I could report it when I thought it was expected of me and was afraid of being spanked should I refuse! I thought it was banned with the charter, but "cuddle times" with naked weird uncles was still considered something as normal as "parent time" in the late 80's and early 90's when I was around! No one ever took me aside as a 9 or 10 year old (in 1990 and 1991) and said, "hey, sweetie. By the way, no one is allowed to try and masturbate on you, take you into their beds in the middle of the night or use you as a sex-play-toy till you are 18!"

1986 my ass!!!!

Original Location

Bull - Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Yup, sadly I was in that JETT girls room. We had been practicing a skit to do for the Sunday fellowship (the good old Candina skit). C was one of our JETT shepherds and was all of 15 or 16 years old. Ado (your sweet daddy) asked her how it was going, and she mentioned to him that M had been a bit disrespectfull that day in practice. We were all in bed when Ado came in and told us all to get out of bed and sit in a circle around the floor, then the JETT boys all came in and sat with us. We were all in our PJs. Then Ado appeared dragging M in and told us that this is what happens to foolish disrespectfull people. I don't remember how many times he slapped M but I remember just praying that he would stop. M was one of the skinniest little JETT boys we had Ado was practically holding him up as he slapped him accross the face each time, so he wouldnt fall over.

Original Location

from pissedoff's wife - Monday, January 24, 2005

Well, pissed off maybe since you won't listen to me at home perhaps you will listen to me now. Seeing as I was one of the ones who suffered through sexual abuse when I was six and only recently was able to speak of it at all with you. I know it made you sick and mad when I told you what happened, more so when you knew the adult who did it. In all honesty it is far easier to deal with rape when I was six and again at nine and once more when I was twelve than it was going through the months of the Jumbo. I never really talk about it, and you never really listen. I really can't put into words what it is like being awake all night with my belly cramping in fear, sweating because I was afraid of what tomorrow would bring. I can't tell you what it was like to be so hungry I ate instant coffee and wash it down with water that was so hot it would scald my mouth because I didn't want anyone to know I was eating. Why was I hungry? Because some idiot decided that I hadn't had a bm because the demons had a strangle hold on me. Now you are laughing. I am too how I ask myself can anyone have been so stupid. I wasn't allowed to eat for twelve days. Let me tell you about something else theat happen there. I was slapped on my mouth as usual for my rebelous spirit, it was done with such force it losened my front teeth and I was unable to bite with my front teeth I had to bite with my molars in the back. Well because I wasn't eating "right" I was drug into the bathroom and had peanut butter smeared all over me.

This was not enough, because of my "spiritual problems" I was put on silence restriction. Maybe for a seventeen yearold boy this wouldn't be so bad, but I was eleven. It brought me into a world of silence where I forgot what my own voice sounded like. Not only could I not talk to anyone I could not look at anyone. Everyday was a nightmare. I had no clothes with the exception of two sarongs and two pair of underwear. And you whine about your sneakers and your walk-man. You may not think this was abuse but I do. I do. I am the one it happened to as well as the hundreds of other people on this site. We were beaten,starved deprived of basic nessities, over worked and uneducated. We were made to sit through mind numbing devotions where we were reminded how lucky we were to be in the Family. How much worse everyone else had it. I guess in you case it sunk in.

This is my opinion. Yes, there are alot of other people who had and have it worse. But the Family claimed to be the best. The endtime army and all the other crap they told us. Well if we were the best this would not have happened to us. If the Family was the best we would not have had been raped or starved or beaten, un-educated, over worked we would not have been made to rake rocks or do star-jumps or duck walks till we puked.

As I was always told. Obey them that have the rule over you and submit yourselves; for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy and not with grief for that is unprofitable for you. Heb13:17

Well, it is time for them to give an account for what they did, it is time they be held accountable for their deeds and to face the atrocities they commited. Who cares someone had it worse than me? Does that mean what I went through doesn't count? Perhaps because I was raped by only one person I should not persue it because someone somewhere else was gang banged? We are hurting because of what was done to us. And we want justice. If the Family was the best why did they do this to us? Why was it allowed to be done to us? Why didn't someone in one of those home stand up and fight for us. If we were their hope of the future why were we so cruely used? You are the pussy, because you have no sympathy, because you have no balls to stand up for what you know happened. You are the pussy because at seventeen you were old enough and strong enough to fight for those who were younger and weaker than you. Get some damn ball and face the reality. Stand up and make your voice heard and stop whining because the person who is doing something got your stupid shoes.

192 accounts.
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