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I haven't officially been in the cult (at D.O. level anyway) since I was at least 13, but until i was about 20, i was still dumb enough to believe in the Endtime, so i had no interest in planning for the future, since i didn't believe earth had one. I used to have a hard time talking about my problems around normal people cause i thot they would think if i came from such a bizarre & freaky cult maybe i'm a freak also, & i couldn't have stood to be looked at like something from a sideshow. Has anyone else ever felt that? We have some pretty rich relatives, & there was a time once shortly b4 my family (consisting of my single mom, my kid sister angie, [who is now 17] & myself) got kicked out to turfer level when we were briefly visiting aunt joanne's ranch in texas, & mom was told never to look in a trunk they had in an old shed. when she did look in, she found a document saying they'd signed a contract with some particularly brutal deprogrammers saying they wanted to get us out of the cult ''by any means necessary'' & until they could actually abduct us they'd have peopl surveil & follow & electronically bug & wiretap us, & sure enuf, as soon as we bcame turfers soon after, we could see & notice REAL people geuinely hanging around watching us at the time causing mom to become deeply paranoid & NEVER trust ANY systemite, ever. But a couple years passed of us living isolated & this stuff appeared to lessen, & gradually she relaxed enuf to send us to a systemite babysitter named glenda while she worked. (She really wanted to leave us home alone with me in charge, but i was still young enuf that it would have been an act of criminal child neglect). Problem was, angie didn't get along with glenda, & told a story that she was actually a lesbian who molested her. Now, there had once been a time when when glenda was giving a bath & angie was yelling & crying REALLY loud cause was spoiled & water was freezing & arachnophobic spider freaked her out , or something. i tried to check if she was o.k., but glenda's husband ronnie told me to get away from there, so i went back to watching t.v., & later on when angie came out she looked she looked all shaky like she'd possibly been thru some sort of trauma or some thing, & then later i walked in on glenda & him having a deep discussion that went quiet when i came in. When mom heard this she said they'd conspired with our relatives to molest angie delibarately & blame mom for it or something, & got even MORE mentally ill & paranoid than b4, & even more comitted to over-protectively sequestering us. She also also had to saddle me down with a load of overwhelmining traumatic guilt, because, after all, i'd actually HEARD it going on in the next ROOM for SHIT'S sake & could at least have TRIED to do ANYTHING at all, & FUCK, maybe they really SHOULD have fucked you, too, after all. (of course, angie later said the whole thing was just a story, but this was years after the damage had been done.) So now me & angie have both moved out into group homes, & i'll be meeting with a therapist soon & what with all my youth's ingrained guilt stuff & the isolation to stunt my social skills developement, that's probably a good thing.
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