thixotropic, May 12, 2004, 13:21
Folding
Does anybody know how many SGs returned to "The Fold" of TF after 9-11?  (reply to this post)

Shackled, May 14, 2004, 00:07
1 in Japan
Don't think there were any others in Japan.
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a girl comin' out, March 25, 2003, 12:05
I hope everyone can "move on"
You guys all seem to have good points! I am not full of hate...I guess because I was never subject to abuse or anything like that. My parents never let me grow up in any situation like that!! I guess I was lucky. Now that I am about to leave... I feel sort of a "peace" about it. I don't want to feel bad but in a way I do. Because nothing bad ever happened to me...nothing I caqn complain about, I was brought up and raised well by my parents and we were FM till I was about 13... now about 5 years later, they are CM and I will be choosing not to be. Anyone out there with REASONABLE responces to what I am saying here??? Maybe someone knows the feeling and can give me little encouragement!
Thanks y'all   (reply to this post)

Vicky, March 25, 2003, 15:38

I can completely relate to what you're saying and in fact I'll be writing up an article on it soon to see if there are others on the site who are likeminded. Like you I don't feel that anything really awful happened to me while in TF so my feelings on my childhood and upbringing are really rather positive (except for all the normal things that kids resent such as unfair correction and that kind of stuff). My parents did a pretty good job raising us kids (8!) and I never felt alone, unloved or abandoned by them. All in all I actually had a lot of really good times growing up and sometimes even feel nostalgic for the days when I felt so sure about everything - Everything black or white and none of the difficult grey areas... For this reason it has been harder in a way to accept that TF was not as innocent as I had always thought and it also makes it even harder to fit in out here as I have no desire to completely renounce everything I was taught all my life just because it's part of TF's doctrines; It's very hard to decide what I want to retain from that old life and which things are best to let go of. Most difficult of all is figuring out how I want to raise my children and what values etc I want them to grow up believing in but I'm realising that the best thing to do is just to go with my instincts and do what feels right because in the end that's all I can do and when they come of age I'll have to let them decide for themselves. I still believe in the simple truth of the Bible but I am adding to that bits and pieces from other faiths and finding out that in my heart I truly believe that so little in life is really all black or all white.
I think you'll find it difficult at first when you're truly "out here" standing on your own; You'll have some bad days where the guilt will get to you - It took me a very long time after I left TF (and for the first few years I was still FM and even then felt that I was doing the "wrong thing") to just feel at peace with God and trust that He does love me unconditionally and will coninue to do so no matter what.

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chica /aka beth/victory, November 13, 2002, 18:19

i didnt have that bad of a life in didnt like the phisical punishment i know some went thru alot worse i was sexualy abused too but was told i asked for it. how can a 5 yr old ask for a adult male to have sex with her my sis comes on this site but she doesnt know any of this i have suffered from clinical depression ever since i was 11 im still not well all i can say is im glad i got out before i started having kids but my mom who is still in wants to run my life again thru my kids my kids arnt bad but they deffinatly aint brats and corpral punnishment is something i dont believe in just hope i can get better soon any one who knew me as a kid get in touch would love to hear from you honeybethbabe@hotmail.com (zohar+niomi or james and mercy) my parents incase no one rememebers me to the ones i did know i miss ya all   (reply to this post)

Lance, July 27, 2002, 00:49
In the room.......
The room

In the room: Family home.

You’re never alone: Peers, Shepard’s; those that will have "personal time" with you; girlfriends, brothers, sisters, family.

Lots of people are with you, they say it is your home: The family has been you destiny since you were born; everyone and everything that surrounds you is a constant reminder of this. You are comfortable here.

The room it has a window: the family has a way of portraying the outside world; the view that you only see through their eyes. You get your news from the family; the way they see politics and everything else that has to do with the outside world; you are thoroughly engrossed in the family’s way of viewing the outside world.

And you name above the door: you are the future of the family; this is where you belong; you are the only hope for the future of humanity.

"Who wants to go out now" they say. "It’s nice and warm in here": the system will only make you miserable; education will make you a slave to the system. Isn't it better in this little fantasy world that we have created? After all, we love you, everybody here loves you. Nobody wants to see you backslide; miss your calling, or fail. (There is supposedly no conflict in the family, thus making it warm and cozy)

Come have a talk with us, we love to have you near: let’s have a discussion about how the antichrist wants to make us all martyrs; after all that is what you were born to be. You feel at home reveling in our private abysmal fantasy world; there is no need to think about anything else.

(somewhere in here can be added: I pledge my love loyalty and service to my savior, commander and chief, Jesus Christ, and to his end time army the revolution for Jesus. by the grace of god I am determined to be a faithful soldier; to fight for the right, stand up for the truth, and to love and win as many souls as I can for his heavenly kingdom.)

Remember it's your turn now, go ahead and roll the dice: Take a chance on the future, it is your "call to arms" you are the future kings and queens of the millennium. (Rolling the dice is your "step of faith", or life of faith, AKA NOT HAVING A REAL JOB OR FUTURE)
You are the next leaders of the family, the future generation who will decide its fate; it's all up to you...


Its nice little game in the room where it's always nice: despite the doubts, questions and concerns, you still get some of your needs met. Perfect strangers will fuck you for no reason; you live in a blissful environment! Why care about the outside world?

But I want to see: I don't want to be dictated my instruction on how to live, what to do, what to eat, what to listen to, who to sleep with, what to think or what no to think. I want to see the world through my OWN experiences, and not those told through the letters.

I want to feel: I want to try things! I want to wake up hung over, I want to try and possibly fail, and then have the privilege of learning the wrong way, and I want to choose what I believe in; the way I wish to express myself. I want to try drugs even though I know they are bad for me. I want to struggle against a harsh society so that I can have the satisfaction of success when I finally do succeed.

I hear the wind blowing: I have doubts, questions and concerns. They are in the back of my mind and must be answered.

I'll climb out the window: I'll take your interpretation of the system and run with it, I'll learn myself.

If you won't open the door: If you won't help me find the answers the easy way; if you won't give me an education so that I can decide if I want to stay or not; If you won't support me in my desire to know more.

I'll do anything: Whither I leave today or in thirty years, the truth is inevitable.

I know there's got to be more: I will always doubt. I have a burning sensation and whither I feel it sharply or not, it is there. Maybe what I'm living isn't the divine truth.

Sleep on my son, tomorrow is another day: take life as it comes, live by faith; don't worry about the future of your children, parents and loved ones... god will take care of everything, all you need to do is what we tell you.

Don't fret yourself for things that will never pay: You don't need an education, your "vocational" training is all you need to survive, We don't need those books and theories stuffing up our heads, can't you see its vanity if we all end up dead? Don't invest in the future because you will fail.

Our room it has the space, and there's a place for you: So what if we lose members; there will always be blissfully ignorant foreigners we can recruit to our ranks to make up for the backslidden youth. Let's just keep recycling ourselves so that we can keep the revolution alive. I'm sure we can find you a spot in some backward country changing diapers and ripping off the desolate populace of a despotic regime of their yearly salary so that auntie sunshine can indulge in the communal wine.
As a new disciple you must strip yourself of all your worldly knowledge and belongings, "we share everything" here. (Yeah right!)

We've been here a long time, and there's nothing left to do: In the history of the family we have won about 16 billion souls and distributed 1.8 trillion pieces of lit. We've been around for nearly four decades but we seem to revolutionize every four seconds, sorry I ment years. And if you have a problem with that then you can just leave, it's YOUR choice! The door is that way. The 2/3rd majority vote is only to give a cosmetic sense that you are truly in charge of your lives. If the ZERB gut’s a message from god that he is "the lamb" and therefore we must "love him" and then begins to implement mandatory lamb fucking, well you have no say in that! If you don't like it you can just leave, nobodies going to make you fuck a goat, I mean lamb! the goat would be SATAN!

And there's nothing left to do: WS is brainstorming to find new family policies that can make them look weirder to the public. (The new family salute is near completion. Instead of a traditional hand jester or military-type salute, a male family member will spread his leg, stick his head between them and bite his own balls; thus is a symbol of a man ridding himself of his worldly masculinity and ripping off his testicles with his bare teeth and then handing them to Jesus before Christ takes him to his "love chamber; women must paste golden glitter to their tongues; when addressed they will stick their tongues out to reveal that they have indeed taken gods golden seed.)

Relax and don't talk so loud: The family doesn't want you to think about, well about anything! Just relax and let the ZERB interpret life for you. So relax, give into the propaganda and for gods sake don't say anything controversial, this whole leaning on the ZERB thing is very unstable, one tiny thought could result in a cataclysm of doubt that will surely damn you to spend a thousand years washing dishes in heaven while the rest of us are fucking the holy spirit, using our magic wands to flip through the channels on the 3D sphere and clean the dishes. You don't get a wand because you doubted, you have to wash the dishes by hand, now go cry on Jesus’ shoulder!

Wait very patiently: The end time is just around the corner man, but be patient. Our moment of glory will come.

I knew a man; he told me he was free: Jesus?

He'll sell you a record that sounds just like the wind: heavenly flatulence? The family's poor attempt at living a musically gifted lifestyle?

You can play it all you want and still stay in: you see the family has everything! Including music blatantly ripped off from popular system artist, so you see they are trying to give you the world here, a "brackish” and poorly defined sense of it but we're doing our best!
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JoeH, July 27, 2002, 01:17
very poignant lance
Ironically, a lot of Family music and literature has the same double meanings.

"The Chained Eagle" = the backsliders who go right back to their ruts because they have the BS so thouroughly engrained in their heads.


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PrettiGem, March 19, 2002, 14:35
Are We There Yet?
Since being out of the group, and meeting and re-meeting others who have had the same experience I've had, I wonder when I'll arrive at that state where I am "normal". The day when I am not looking over my shoulder for the Anticrist, the day when all the "stock answers" from the Statements are not my immediate reaction to situations, when I will stop looking at the world as 'them' and start thinking of it as 'we'. I have been out for almost three years, but only recently have "come to the knowledge of the truth" about what my life really consisted of.
There are so many things that seriously bended my brain: Heaven's Girl, Sharing Night, "What if", "We Are It", OHRs, demerits, silence restriction, no influence from the outside world (not even classical music!), LOL and Loving Jesus. Will it take a life time to undo it all? I hope not. I am determined to leave it all behind, to go forward in my life and be successful. They are not going to win. I made a promise to myself to overcome this eventually, and even though it's taking an extraordinary length of time to work through it, I will do it.  (reply to this post)

Spring, May 18, 2002, 14:25
RE: Are We There Yet?
It DOES become easier the longer you've been out, but I don't think I'll ever be "free" of certain ways of thinking. I used to worry every day that God was going to strike me with lightning or find some other way to make my life miserable as punishmment for leaving. When all those horrible things didn't happen I decided that maybe it was OK to live my own life and I eventually started to examine every belief that I'd ever had. It's amazing how almost every single thought you have in "the family" is a programmed response - not really your own thinking.

Still though, after 7 years "out" I still worry about what will happen if the anticrist ever does show up, or WWIII happens, etc. I guess I still haven't decided if I believe in that or not.

For years I didn't tell anybody how I'd grown up - but lately I've gotten to the point where I tell (a few) people "I grew up in a cult/commune" - I find it's better to get it out than try and keep it a secret. Most people that I have met are fairly open-minded about that sort of thing.

It's also easier once you "get off the fence". When I first left I was still sending my tithe and trying to be all friendly with everyone. After a year or two I decided tithing was BS and I quit ... and once again wondered when I was going to get struck dead. The more ties I've severed the more "normal" I've become. Go figure! I don't think I'll ever be 100% normal, but that doesn't really bother me anymore.

Good luck to everyone...

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JoeH, July 27, 2002, 01:26
sounds like you're an old bottle!
take the new wine baby! burn your bra! the system's the new way! we're leaving the old church behind and becoming the system's sexy new bride!

you have to let satan take out all that old wiring and completely fill you with the unholy spirit!

It's a new morning, a new morning yeahahah!
new morning for YOU OOO, new morning for YOU!
So you better get ready, you better get ready yeahahha
get ready right now ow ow, get ready right now
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neez, July 27, 2002, 22:40
it's all coming back...
noooo.. please... make it stop! make it stop! :)
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porceleindoll, July 27, 2002, 22:12
I'd rather be an old bottle
then a group crazie
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Jerseygirl, July 27, 2002, 11:22
WANTED: Reveille man
Joe you're fucking hilarious!! Could you come do "Reveille" for me?-Jersey
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Lance, July 27, 2002, 01:56
Damn it!
Damn it! Now you got that fucking song stuck in my head. Thanks a lot bro! lol!
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desari, April 18, 2002, 21:48
RE: Are We There Yet?
I think for most of us, the "family" will always be with us to an extent. How can it not? We can't just throw away the last 20+ years of our life, although some of us are sorely tempted! I don't plan to though. I guess it depends on how you want to deal with it. My sister doesn't talk about it if she can help it and doesn't tell a soul. I'm the opposite, not that I go around telling everyone, but I'm not afraid of it either. Let's face it, our lives lived in the "family" have made us into some very interesting people, but it's just going to take time to feel comfortable with who we really are.
When "family" lingos, thoughts etc. pop into our heads, my sisters and I like to call it "brain-sludge", but then on the other hand, we'll also sit for hours talking, debating and going over all the crazy shit we've been through. Such is life!
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Porceleindoll, March 19, 2002, 22:55
RE: Are We There Yet?
A lot of how you get on probably has to do with how you deal with it and what you decide about it. I think though that my whole life will be tainted somewhat with group doctrines and beliefs, though I don't have to choose to follow that mind-frame, those teachings will probably be the first to come to mind in many situations. Which is why I usually try to take time to mull things over and weigh it up with what I was taught my whole life and what I personally feel is right.

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Kyla, March 20, 2002, 05:13
RE: Are We There Yet?
It's inevitable that we'll be affected by our background, strange as it was. Ask anyone in the world, and their background makes up a large part of who they are and the way they think. I too have only just come to grips with the truth of what my "beloved Family" really is, and realising that difficult truth has been the very best stepping stone on the path to healing. I'll never fully erase the belief system that has been pounded into me all my life, but from time to time I see little changes here and there. I no longer look at education as "a tool of Satan". I want to go to University and study for 4 years ("in your face, Zerby!"). I can see myself growing old with my husband, whereas before I could never see myself older than 25. I LOVE "system" music. I read anything I can get my hands on. I'm extremely cynical of everything I see on TV, hear from any organized association, and most of all, everything I used to believe as fact. Those changes, to any normal person, may seem miniscule, but to me they are challenging the very foundation of the faith I used to live for.
We can only take it one step at a time. I think all of us have come a long way, just by being on this site and speaking our own individual minds! Whoopee for us!! :-)
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nancy, July 27, 2002, 12:59
From and Old Bottle-
I'm 54 and I spent 25 yrs being a full time then of whatever us tithers were. I left completely the beginning of '93. I wanted to say that I believe much of the family was a tool for power seekers, although some really knew Jesus and were honest missionaries. Cause some idiots didn't have a clue what God's love is, don't lose faith in God and His plan thru Jesus. Yes it is hard, fitting into anything or anywhere, and if you tell all your past, they'll think you belong in an institution, but you'd be surprised how many people here, in the world, are or feel that way, too. I'm just learning how to use a computer so I'm using this way to say all this. I think it would be good if all you young people to tell how you got out, then tell how you got to where you are now, and encourage one another to see about an education, give ideas on how to go about it, hold down a job, and start working your way up to be able to just live and enjoy life. I've always been really sorry that I was so blind, submissive when I really knew better, intimidated, and whatever, and sorry I didn't get my kids out when I should have and myself for that matter. I really disciplined some of you too, and I'm sorry for that.
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just a girl, March 25, 2003, 11:55
I hear ya!
It's all good man. It honestly is very hard when about to leave!! You feel like you'll never really fit in. There will always be that difference in you that ....you know, will keep you from ever being able to relate to everyone else. It is kind of confusing for me heh! I am in the process of leaving and of course am feeling bad because my parents are wonderful and never made me do anything i din't want ...they were behind me all the way and had "complete faith" that I would make the "right" decision for my life and continue on! I hate to dissapoint them....but I guess I have to do what I have to do! Even if that just means in the long run I will feel better having made my choice and not "staying on the fence"!!! I sure hope so, and all though I am leaving, I still love the Lord and believe in praying but I just hope I can get all of this "you didn't take His highest, now YOU WONT BE HAPPY!!!" I guess I'll have to see what the new day brings! Well, I hope you all have moved on and are happy in your decision... not doing this whole "poor me" stuff but actually moving on and being able to put the past in its place! I would love someone else'advice, it would be great to know someone else is sort of in the same place as me!!

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Capt.Morgan, July 30, 2002, 12:37
Can I kick your ass?
I feel where your coming from. But its to little to late. I know you know that.
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Nique, August 1, 2002, 13:27
No...you can't kick her ass
C.M., my mom lives with a lot of regret for the years she wasted in the cult and that she never took us with her but she left years and years ago and was never part of much that went on. Although it says she left in 93, she actually left a lot before that. She was just a tither for several years because she thought that was what she had to do to be able to see us although it never helped. She never participated in any of the physical or sexual abuse, she did spank but that was about it. Her only fault was allowing my dad and others to strip away her will, her self-esteem, and all of her power. She endured years of emotional and mental abuse from "shepherds" (including my dad) who took everything away from her and tortured her for "not having faith" to be cured from epilepsy. She tried for years to just take care of her kids but they were eventually able to just phase her out of our lives with no explanation and for the rest of the time I was in we got to hear nothing but how screwed up she was and how faithless and "out of God's will" etc...I really thought she would be an invalid when I left and went to her because of all I'd been told. My mom realizes that she bears some of the responsibility for what happened but truly, none of us ever suffered serious sexual or physical abuse until after she was gone. Give her a break, okay?
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Mom9times, August 1, 2002, 16:28
You can kick my ass
I am sure a lot of "kids" would like to kick my ass, too. I am 53 years old and was in the cult for 20 some years and out for 7. I still have no self-esteem and power and have been in therapy for 1 1/2 now. I read and read and read books on self-help, etc. It sucks big time to know how many years I wasted of my life. All but my last child, who was born out of the cult have tons of issues to work through. I have 9 kids from 5 different men. Try explaining that to people!!! I have recently come to find out that all 5 of my daughters were sexually abused in the F. I was sexually abused and mentally and spiritually abused as well. All you young kids can urge and pray for those kids left in to GET OUT!!!! The mind control is way beyond I ever imagined before. I am shameful of what my kids had to go through because I didn't have the guts to pull out. I was "in trouble" continuously because I couldn't and didn't "follow closely." Anything that can be done to expose the COG legally, I am all for it. put those fucking child abusers in jail for life. All my older kids have "hit lists." No child should ever have to go through what some of you have gone through. I am sorry.
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cool8pack, May 16, 2004, 13:25
so so sad....
i am so sorry for you...no words...can change what u experienced...when u so sincerely gave of yourself for others...to be cast out...i am so sorry
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tigress, November 19, 2002, 08:47
mom7times
Hi, I am 44 and have a similar story- left 4 years ago. Would you like to email me? winner44@aol.com I was Crystal in the f.- mostly in Asia. Do we maybe know each other?
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Jesse, December 10, 2004, 07:39
Kill the Bitch
If your crystal formerly of michael(if Fukuoka) you better keep your head down. Your on my list of top 5 people to kill. Im not joking.
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tigress, December 25, 2004, 09:41
No dear, I am not the one at all...
I've never been to that part of the world, but I do wish you a Merry C-mas and great start into the New Year 2005- I guess Crystal is a common name in the Family- so just forget I ever commented at all.
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Jonnyboy, December 25, 2004, 04:19
Chill!
Whoa, got a few rage issues to work thru there, have we?! I know all about them!:-S take a chill pill, & have a Happy Christmas! :-D
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cool8pack, May 16, 2004, 13:26
what crystal
which asian countries were u in?? i knew a crystal in macau...
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Jesse, December 27, 2004, 04:45
DIEEEEEEEEE
The one from macau is the one that must die! Last I heard she was in some threesome in india of all things.
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tigress, December 25, 2004, 09:43
never been there at all
No idea which Crystal you mean, in any case , pls. view the comment to dear Jonny above.
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Nique, August 2, 2002, 22:20
Just a clarification...
Personally, I think Capt Morgan is hillarious and I actually like reading his posts. I actually thought his reply to my mom was pretty funny. My mom's feelings of guilt over "really disciplining" though are unnecessary. Her time spent disciplining usually consisted of her running around "spanking" after reaching her limit of frustration and one of my brothers running in circles around her laughing their asses off as they were being "severely" disciplined. Many times the only one who cried was her. Of all the people I know, she is one of the people the most sorry for the stuff that happened to all of us SGA although she really has the least reason to be sorry. Although some stuff did happen while she was still around, her biggest weakness was weakness and allowing herself to be manipulated when all she wanted to do was be a good mom.
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Capt.Morgan, August 4, 2002, 13:37
Parents. Regret. Guilt
It just confuses me, as we all have parents, and I would like to think mine weren't the "adults" we all grew up with. Sad to say, I'm sure they had their part in someone's "hell". But they also live in regret, for being suckered into the whole mess. I don't blame them, yet, I am very confused as why they didn't look out for..not only themselves, but there children. And yes, this has got to be in the Ripley's Believe it or not book of records as being the ultimate mind control on a mass scale. Its crazy to think about it. These people (COG) turned our folks into monsters, thinking they're doing good when infact they're destroying lives!!! Maybe not always directly, but by turning a blind eye as so many of them did, you are responsible. Maybe that guilt was the medium for control? They enticed them with sexual deviances, and then slapped them with a guilty conscience. The family was very strange, wherever you went, you saw the same people. They all where the same (yes im generalizing). It was like the freakn twilight zone. I'm glad that I have a life to look forward to, I'm sory that theirs was stolen from them. I did not make the decision to join the COG, but I did make the decision to leave, so its obvious who's reponsible. My point is not to blame anyone, our folks have some serious issues to deal with and I hope they will die in peace.
I guess I would like my parents to not blame themselves, and understand they were the victims of circumstance.
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Capt.Morgan, August 4, 2002, 13:44
Parents.Regret.Guilt
But, as some else mentiond, I to have a hit list. Dont you have someone you remember who made your life a living hell>? Jeeez, people like "Ricky" and "steven piper" ....I would love to have a piece of them.
arg
>(
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Chris Rothschild, November 18, 2002, 20:13
Ex-member
Well in my 24 years in the Family,(now 27) I don't really recall anything much to a negative effect, I left because I want to make money & some day be wealthy. However, It's thank's to people like Steven Piper that gave a bad name to "The Family", I mean I just hope that SON OF A BITCH reaps what he sowed, if not in this life at least in the next one.......He was the worst....I mean the worst
By the way I still have some respect & admiration for "THE FAMILY" I may not agree with most of the articles on this website, but I don't mind sharing what we might have in comon.
P.S.For what it's worth he told me one time that Joy & Esther used to give him blowjobs when they where only 11-12 yrs. old. in Mexico the guy is a f**king sick, psycho, powerhungry, morbid, & ugly, human being........
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gone, September 27, 2004, 00:38
been through the hell of piper.
I spent some time at the "ranch" in southern califorina, it was there I met steven as he ws in charge of the teens. worst guy I ever met abusive and perverted. I remember one time he hit me in the head because my hair was long and he said I was trying to be cool. If I could find him I would like to sue him for all the abuse on my brother as well

Emmanuel.c
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cm, August 8, 2002, 18:24
steven piper
Cappy, Steven is on nearly everyones hit list. He made my whole family's life hell for years.

Did you live in Mexico for long???

Christopher
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Capt.Morgan, August 9, 2002, 16:39
Steven Piper
No. Never lived in Mex. But I heard he was there, and in San Antonio for a while.
I could kill him. If there is any hate in me, its for these fuckers.
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Joe, August 9, 2002, 17:04
"IF" there's any hate in you?
I think you've made your anger pretty well known buddy!
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