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Getting Through : In Remembrance
To Ricky | from fairlight - Sunday, November 06, 2005
accessed 1541 times I wrote this after seeing a documentary about the Fam. and Ricky and just being reminded of the pain that he must have felt and that so many of us have to face as well and will likely have to live with for a long time to come.
Sometimes it just overwhelms me and I feel so increadibly sad and angry...angry because of how hard it is for so many of us to make it without that support network of family and friends that was denied us when we left. Of course there are a lot of amazing people out there that can provide that but I think it is important and healthy to acknowledge the pain and give an outlet to our feelings. Here it is:
Brothers, brothers, lovers
with your guns
sitting in your dark skin with the short hard history of your lives
little prayers books
with butterflies and plastic covers
cradling your questions
your confusion at not being heard
when we were children God was in the rising bread
in the blackened cave of the oven
in the cold drops of rain that pelted our leaking houses
in the open mouths of our parents as they asked to be filled
fed
and all of us were brothers, sisters
spread like a sweet jam over the uneven map of the world
dropped into all the countries that they had only dreamed of
stretched over the curious eyes of children
that must find God
in us
brother with your tears on a sharp knife
tears that became a sharp knife
an edge that longed for blood
the blood of parents who had turned away
we were no longer with God
brother, brother
with the moist blade of red-tinged steel
as you slid it painfully (you felt every stab)
into the heart of a God that had not heard
what was that the poet said: "Mother is the name of God to a child".
And your God with her sweet smile that hid rejection
your God who turned her blue eyes on you in
wrath
hatred
oh, angry angel
fallen prophet of an empty faith
one third of you turned to bitter bile
at your mother-God's smile
as she pointed a warm white finger that you would never feel against your skin
as she pushed you with her heavy prayers
further and further in
to the handle of that blade that should have been for her
no amount of angry tears
can pull it out again
where you rest with the wet earth
around eyes that saw too much
and that big black gun
as you drove for hours over a straight road that was paved by the past
destruction, destruction
love like a cruel twist of that blade
as she professed in disbelief
"Innocent, innocent!"
and then silence
her life blood made no sound
was she with you when you put the hard mouth of the gun
to your head
was she silently holding you to it
oh devil
oh dark, dark
was it dark? |
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from placebo
Wednesday, November 09, 2005 - 08:42
 (Agree/Disagree?)
I don't mean to sound heartless as I realise the subject matter is a very sensitive subject to many here....................but am I alone in thinking that the poem was just a bit shit?
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | |  From placebo
Thursday, November 10, 2005, 04:17
(Agree/Disagree?)
"a bit shit" sweetheart.That's vernacular for basically anything I don't care much for. If you choose to assume that I am ignorant and/or am "inable to appreciate the arts" that is your perogative. I have been called worse things in my life. All in all, I don't think you're particulary bad at writing and if I'm sure if I were to read something else of yours, I could find something that I liked.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | from Albatross
Tuesday, November 08, 2005 - 08:28
(Agree/Disagree?)
Beautiful!!!!!!
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | from one who knows
Monday, November 07, 2005 - 22:10
 (Agree/Disagree?)
that was dumb. who cares.
(reply to this comment)
| from Lance
Monday, November 07, 2005 - 12:18
(Agree/Disagree?)
In death, a Vandari has a name. And his name is Ricky Rodriguez.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | from EyesWideShut
Monday, November 07, 2005 - 07:39
(Agree/Disagree?)
Perfect. It touched me immensely. Thank you for taking the time and for sharing.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | | | | From fairlight
Tuesday, November 08, 2005, 12:30
(Agree/Disagree?)
This poem is not copyrighted yet...do you need some kind of official permission? I am ashamed to admit that due to the fact that I haven't gone about publishing any of my stuff yet and generally don't share it much I am not sure how to go about copyrighting it. Any thoughts?
In any case you do have my permission, I almost feel as though this poem does not belong to me and that its purpose is to express what so many of us have felt and still feel. It belongs to Ricky and all of the others who's lives have been ireperably affected by the Fam., those who could not be saved (in the true sense of the word, not religiously).
In British History last night a sociological term was mentioned that I thought was very fitting for the Fam. and that was "total institution" except that for those of us born and raised in the Fam. it had an even more extreme effect than most total institutions. A total insitution is one that isolates its members from society at large and replicates all the elements of society within their isolated community. In the case of a group like the Fam. that created its own culture,value system and moral code it is not suprising that those who have known nothing else find it very hard to survive--in particular,emotionally and psychologically--cut off from everything familiar to them. Increasing the difficulty of readjustment was the fact that the shock and effect of being utterly cut off from everything we'd ever known was intentional, yet another tactic of control and there was nothing really to soften the blow. Not only were we often physically on our own but we had been alienated "from the life of God" as they said, from the life of the only god we had ever known and by association from all of our family. They couldn't even justify offering emotional support, not sincere support anyway. How is a largely uneducated, sheltered (from normal life), young person, recently berieved of their God, their loved ones, their purpose in life and everthing that oriented them in life supposed to survive, much less thrive?!
I do believe that, as the devil said, we are gods in our own right to have had the power to survive and recover from our past as much as so many of us have. Congradulate yourselves people, you are neither weak nor cowardly. And if some of us have fallen because we were harder hit then we must mourn the loss of those who taught us how damaging, how destructive that "faith" was. Ricky said what so many of us tried to say only he shouted it out through his death so that the Fam. and so many outside of the Fam. had to pay attention. His actions embodied the pain,the anger, the psychological and emotional torture that so many other have had to face. Ethics aside, he spoke in the most powerful way possible.
Well, this is considerably longer than I had intended. Probably shouldn't even post it here....:)(reply to this comment) |
| | From Hydra
Tuesday, November 08, 2005, 13:26
(Agree/Disagree?)
Because of the simple fact that you wrote the material, you own the copyrights to it. Registering your work is unnecessary in creating a copyright (the act of creating the material automatically does that).
The issue of registering a copyright mainly comes up when more than one person claims ownership of a piece of work and the issue of "who wrote it first" arrises.(reply to this comment) |
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