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Getting Through : In Remembrance
Immer | from Holon - Friday, January 03, 2003
accessed 2940 times Immer Glimmer Beckman took his life this week. He was only 26 years old Immer was a very sad soul, my heart breaks for him and his family. His poor Mom has been fighting cancer and now this.
He was looking to get into a drug treatment center but they were full so he was on a waiting list. How can they turn people away?
He was so unselfish and sweet and kind to everyone. He would have given the shirt off his back to anyone who needed it.
He told me once that there was no place for him, but what he didnt realise is that he had a place in the heart of everyone who loved him. And he will be in mine forever.
Alot of times when someone takes their own life people will say "What a shock" or "I never would have thought he could do somthing like that", but you couldn't say that about Immer. Anyone who knew Immer knew how lost he was. He needed help so badily.
This has been happening way too much. I can't stand it. Too many SGAs are taking their lives.
Goodbye cruel world
I'm leaving you today
goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye all you people
theres nothing you can say
to make me change
my mind. Goodbye.
-Pink Floyd- |
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from Bystander
Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 02:10
(Agree/Disagree?)
Immer;
Your heart was too gentle for this world. I will never forget you!
(reply to this comment)
| from Mirswith
Thursday, January 09, 2003 - 16:16
(Agree/Disagree?)
I knew Immer ...not very well.. but he is related to me...he was a really great guy...and like Pink said he really would have taken the shirt off his back to give to someone in need.....this is the second suicide in my family within the past year...and it hurts bad...first with my brother last July now with Immer....his family are all very close friends of mine...and I understand how they feel...Immer is truly going to be missed by a whole lot of people....and I know that he is happier now....
You'e in our thoughts always Immer....I love you very much...you were like a brother to me...and I will miss you
(reply to this comment)
| from CherishL (A.K.A. Cherish Ety)
Saturday, January 04, 2003 - 14:26
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Holon,
I heard about the terrible tragedy of Immer's untimely death, and I cannot begin to state the pain I feel; as a result of the similarities between my past experiences and those of Immer's!
In March I will celebrate my 11th anniversary away from the COG. At the age of 21, I also tried to take my own life. Luckily I didn't succeed. I too have struggled with substance abuse demons, with not having family (all of my family, with the exception of one, are still devoted members of the cog), and with being turned away from drug rehab and rape rehab centers.
When I heard about Immer I wept! I never had the pleasure of meeting this young man, but I can imagine the demon's he was facing based on the ones I've faced, and which I continue to face.
I'm not interested in bashing the cog (family), I have no need to! Any intelligent person has only to look at the cog's past and present history:
Davidito book, heaven's girl, mexican teen training camps, peru teen combo sharing schedules, vendara prophecy, and sex with jesus prophecy, to know that being born into such an environment messes with ones head. With that said, Immer may have been a weak person, but I question the role his upbringing had in his final decision.
When soldiers came back from the Vietnam war many experienced post traumatic stress syndrome and flash backs. It's been 11 years since I managed to successfully run away from the cog, and to this day I still have nightmares and flashbacks about my childhood beatings, mental & physical torture, sexual abuse, lack of real parents, and fear of being put in jail for my parents zealous religious beliefs. When I first left, at 17, I would sleep in my clothes and I thought that police officers were 'bad' because of the BS brainwashing dear Berg and Zerby instilled in my head as a child. I look back the progress I've made over the years and my chest swells up with pride, because I know that there have been many times I could have slipped away from this world, yet I didn't!
I wake up every day and I tell myself that I am going to keep trying to live and learn. I used to tell myself that I'd try to stay alive for the benefit of my siblings, but now I try to stay alive for myself! Each morning I wake up, I also tell myself to never fear my past, but to embrace it as a wonderful story of human strength and ability to recognize evil and abuse at a young age, without having known anything else. The Anne Frank diary, a 14 year old who kept a diary of her time spent in Nazi war camps and who also died in one of Hitler's camps, has been a wonderful encouragement to me of the human spirit admist hardship.
Not am I confident that I'm going to succeed in living, but I've promised myself that I will avenge the suicide's and death's of former second generation ex's (and Rick Dupuy, this goes for you to), through education, and through leaving a record for future generations of humans as to the evil's of zealous religious fervor and abuse!
Life is hard! I've had two friends (whom did not share my same past) take their lives, and it's a sad thing! For some of us, such as Immer and myself, life is harder to deal with than it is for others. For those of us who do find it hard to live we NEED TO TRY ALL THE HARDER!!!!!! Don't give into despair! But most importantly, do not give the cog any credit by taking your own life!
I don't want to start any blasphemous rumor's,
But I think that god has a sick sense of humor,
And when I die I expect to see him laughing!
Depeche Mode
In this proud land we grew up strong, we were wanted all along, I was taught fight, taught to win, I never thought I could fail.
Now it seems I am a man who've dreams have all deserted. I've changed my face, I've changed my name, but no one wants you when you loose.
Don't give up, cus you have friends, don't give up I know you can make it good.............
Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush
(reply to this comment)
|  From mad in Atlanta
Sunday, January 12, 2003, 18:49
(Agree/Disagree?)
I just wanted to say Holon, that I don't think it's right for you to freely announce information about Immer that is not correct. He was not turned away from any drug re-hab and he had already been to and tied to get help from alchohal re-hab. Basically the other comment I wrote to Cherish is to you too. Please have respect for his family. The whole world doesn't need to write and read about Immer over the internet right after he dies! Especially those of you who claim to know him or his situation. You don't. None of you have any idea what was happening with him or why and I know it's a free country and all but coming from his sister, I just want to say please, I know you meant well but don't take it upon yourself to explain a tragedy you know nothing about.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From CherishL (A.K.A. Cherish Ety)
Monday, January 13, 2003, 14:04
(Agree/Disagree?)
You most certainly have a point in me not knowing your brother or brother-in law (which is it by the way as your response contradicts itself)!
However, as a writer and someone who was subjected to a similar upbringing that Immer was, you must understand the value that freedom of speech brings to modern society! And you must also recognize a writer's right to express their true feelings on the matter they are writing about!
In modern literary terms it is not at all unusual for a writter to draw similarities with their protagonists, based on their own personal experiences.
Nor is it unusual for writer's to come to a syllogism about the theme they are writting about.
If you read my post word for word, you'd know that I wasn't making reference to him being at any Peru teen combo; that was me sharing my own personal experiences with the world.
Furthermore, I never have, and never will, feel any qualms about expressing my opinion to the 'world' as you put it!
And while I knew about this tragedy before anyone posted anything on the internet, I did not post anything until Holon had! I commented on Holon's post because I felt the need to speak my mind, and to share my '2 cents worth' opinion; in hopes that other's, who may see this, could relate to the struggle that not only ex cog kids face, but a struggle which kids in this century and era face!
(reply to this comment) |
| | From mad in atlanta
Tuesday, January 14, 2003, 01:15
(Agree/Disagree?)
Cherish, i don't care about your "modern literary terms" or about the fact that you seem to have this need to remind everyone that you are indeed a "writer". All i care about is that you are using the death of some one you know absolutely nothing about to express your own past or present problems. I know you called Immer's mother and that really caused some heart-ache on the part of my husband as he was the one whom she called afterwards. She felt confused and discouraged as she still loves the Family in her own way. -- Because you decided it would be fine for you to share your mind with the mother of someone who just took their own life and tell them that it was all the COG's fault really wasn't helping any of us, altho maybe it helped you.
I'm sorry but I just don't understand. Isn't that a bit selfish? Do you think you could've maybe realised that his mom had been on the phone for two days straight talking to relatives and people that knew and really loved Immer and she was completely exhausted? Don't you think it would have been a little easier if she didn't have to talk to you on top of all the pain? My husband was very upset, which made me upset as NONE of us wanted to hear at that time in our lives your opinion on the matter. So , please(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From mad in atlanta
Tuesday, January 14, 2003, 01:14
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Cherish, i don't care about your "modern literary terms" or about the fact that you seem to have this need to remind everyone that you are indeed a "writer". All i care about is that you are using the death of some one you know absolutely nothing about to express your own past or present problems. I know you called Immer's mother and that really caused some heart-ache on the part of my husband as he was the one whom she called afterwards. She felt confused and discouraged as she still loves the Family in her own way. -- Because you decided it would be fine for you to share your mind with the mother of someone who just took their own life and tell them that it was all the COG's fault really wasn't helping any of us, altho maybe it helped you.
I'm sorry but I just don't understand. Isn't that a bit selfish? Do you think you could've maybe realised that his mom had been on the phone for two days straight talking to relatives and people that knew and really loved Immer and she was completely exhausted? Don't you think it would have been a little easier if she didn't have to talk to you on top of all the pain? My husband was very upset, which made me upset as NONE of us wanted to hear at that time in our lives your opinion on the matter. So , please(reply to this comment) |
| | From exotik tom-boy
Tuesday, January 14, 2003, 03:25
(Agree/Disagree?)
Just for your own information, the reason I called Immer's mom was in no way to deal with my own past, it was first and foremost to offer financial support and assistance for his memorial. I've dealt with my past, when I write about it, or draw similarites on other kids who've faced what I've had to face, it's for the benefit of other kids whom I hope to god will be able to learn from my own stupid past decisions.
When I talked to her she was obviously distressed. I didn't just offer financial assistance, I called to ask HER permission to do so. She told me that she had to consult with her husband, 2 days later I received a call that they were going to deal with this tragedy in a private manner and I've never bothered to pursue the matter since!
As for my 'modern literary terms', I guess I can't help but use my education to speak my mind!
And, no pun intended, but anyone who 'still loves the family in their own way' (had I known this was her state of mind before making the call, I would have never extended my services nor those of my professor's or friends who've never spent a day of their lives in a cult), and anyone who joined as an adult rather than being unfortunate enough to have been born into the Family's white trash regime, is just that: ignorant!
I appologize for the anger I've caused you! Immer did choose to take his own life which SUCKS, and one of the consequences of having done so is that other second generation kids are apt to speak their opinions on the matter.
The only reason I make a point about being a writer is to point out the similarities which every other writer in the free world adopts to prove their points.
It's a free world! In the U.S. freedom of speech is valued, and it's ironic that it is also a right which has gotten the cog/family out of so many legal predicaments.
So, I'm still in the dark, is it brother? or brother-in law?
(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Jerseygirl
Tuesday, January 14, 2003, 12:54
(Agree/Disagree?)
Mad in Atlanta is one of my oldest and dearest friends and as much as I have tried to butt out of this thread she is writing from my home and I cant help but read what is being said. You both seem so blinded by your own pain(which I am not discrediting)that you seem to be completely unable to take one minute to try and understand what she is saying. Someone has lost their life!! Free speech is a bit beside the point at this moment. The point was her simply asking for a little respect to let it lay, in love for her and her family and at least to get the facts straight. What is very wrong ,is you making a comment about her driving Cherish to do the same! What kind of sick thing is that to say?? (reply to this comment) |
| | From Holon
Tuesday, January 14, 2003, 15:00
(Agree/Disagree?)
Jersey, I do understand what she is saying and I hear her but,she came here and just attacked this girl who obviously has some problems along this subject. What is she looking for?What does she want her to do?Appoligize for how she feels?
Who is the "mad in atlanta" person?she wont tell us her name.What's really "sick" is her, freeking out at a girl who needs help and support.For all I know she is just some random person who thinks this is s big joke.Well, it's not!!!
I have my facts stright girl,I would NEVER write anything knowing it wasnt the truth or if it could be disproven. That would just be stupid.
Immer didnt loose his life,he threw it away.Theres a big diffrance.And I feel very sorry for his parents regardless of what there beliefs are, no parent should have to burry there child.
As for this other person,I dont believe I know her( being as she wont tell us who she is)So I feel no obligation to continue this nonsence on with her.
When my brother-in-law killed himself we were very greatful to hear stories from people who knew him and loved him.It was just nice to hear that a piece of him would live on in someone else's memories.But, like I said people feel there pain differently.
I'm sorry if you didnt like what I said about Cherish but,really what does she want the girl to do?
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| | From
Sunday, January 12, 2003, 18:28
(Agree/Disagree?)
Cherish, I just wanted to clarify a couple things about what you wrote about Immer. I'm sorry but I'm having a real hard time with the things you are so freely expressing to the whole world about my brother-in law! First of all, this just happened.- if you think about it, when you wrote those things, it had only been a couple days since he died. Can we have a little bit of respect for his family by shutting our mouths about it and not just writing the first thing that comes to mind?!? I mean, my God!- Why is everyone so anxious to blurt out their little opinions. You don't know us!!- and I don't understand where you think it's ok to take it upon yourself to explain the reasons for this horrible tragedy. You don't know anything about him. You don't know that he never spent a day in any "peru teen combo's " or experienced any real "Family life" ! His family was TSed and lived alone. You have absolutely no idea what brought him to his "final decision"!You have no right to use what happened to Immer to tell your own horror stories of why you are so messed up in the head and put yourself in the same boat as Immer when you have no idea what you are talking about. It really hurts me. -If you want to tell the world why you are contemplating suicide and how it's all the cult's fault that's fine, go right ahead but don't talk about my brother like you understand anything that was happening in his life because it's clear from your article that you don't.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From exotik tom-boy
Saturday, January 18, 2003, 11:39
(Agree/Disagree?)
not to be a bitch or anything but your ignorant comments are not even worth my time.
Again, is it brother or brother-in law?
I just crack up at those who are so willing to viciously attack others who've dealt with similar circumstances firsthand, and whom are honest enough to share their thoughts on the matter for the sake of other second generation kids who may be contemplating suicide, yet they are too cowardly to identify themselves.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Holon
Saturday, January 04, 2003, 21:35
(Agree/Disagree?)
Cherish,
Thank you for sharing this.Never give up on yourself.There is always a way out without taking your life.You sound like a deep caring person.
I'm glad to hear you are living for your self, because there isnt anyone more important.I'm sorry for your struggle and I am sending happy thoughts your way.
Knowing Immer, I'm sure he thought he was doing everyone a favor( By doing what he did)I'd slap him if I could. Being a mother, I could not imagine a worse pain than loosing a child.I know he knew his mother loved him,How could he possibly think this was best.
I hope Immer has found peace. But I really hope you find yours here.
Take care girl:) (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Holon
Tuesday, January 14, 2003, 12:19
(Agree/Disagree?)
First of all,Immer was my ex-boyfriend and I loved Immer very much and spent almost 2 hours on the phone with him recently and this is the frame of mind he was in when we last spoke.Not to mention I have spent countless nights talking him out of killing himself.
I didnt want to offend anyone by wrighting about his death,I just wanted people to know what a good person he was.
I was going to send you a private E-mail but I dont know who you are or what your E-mail add is .You can find mine in the directory.If you have somthing else to say to me. But this really isnt the place.
People hurt in there own way so I undertand if you are angry with the world right now.But dont go around trashing people for there feelings.Would it make you feel better if Cherish went and hung herself tonight,because of somthing you said to her?
Your really not honering Immers memories by coming here to cause problems.If it's making you that mad than just dont read it.
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| | From Billie
Monday, January 10, 2005, 21:53
(Agree/Disagree?)
Immer was my boyfriend at the time of his death and I feel that you have no right to be saying anything about his life or feelings. Please realize that I still love him to no end and am not only offended about this but don't appreciate the arguements on this site. not meaning to be a bitch, but I can't help but feel like you are doing nothing for him, only gaining answers for yourself.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From mad in atlanta
Tuesday, January 14, 2003, 14:53
(Agree/Disagree?)
I don't want to make this worse than it already is and it has been going way too far. I am sorry if I offened you, I didn't mean to, I just honestly have never heard of you at all from Immer or any of his family. and altho I know they used to live in Fla. many years ago, I know Immer or his fam haven't spent any time there recently. I don't doubt that you do love him and have talked to him re- cently, that is not my goal here. I just (like my friend expressed) felt like info being thrown around about him could wait at least a couple weeks..as it was a little off. He was living in my house and if he wanted re-hab help, believe me, he could have gotten it easily. anyway, enough of that, IT doesnt matter anymore.-- now that I have been accused of gleefully hoping that thru my hateful words Cherish will hang herself tonight, I am having a hard time thinking of a way to defend myself against that statement! I just feel like that was completley unnessesary and very hurtful to say the least. I am not "coming here to cause problems", I have just as much a right to speak in my and my family's defense as anyone. as far as honoring Immer's memories, I can do that in my owm life and being and in my own way.
I am sorry that this is not private, I would've sent you a private e-mail but after your strange question --"would it make you feel better if Cherish...?" (i can't even say it), I honestly don't feel ok about e-mailing you personally as that is a cruel and yucky way to try and get your point across to me. But I am sorry for going on about this, I didn't mean for it to deteriorate to this degree.
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| | From Holon
Tuesday, January 14, 2003, 15:29
(Agree/Disagree?)
I accept your appoligy. And i am sorry if what I said was too harsh,I felt you were being very hurtful to Cherish and I couldnt understand, what it is you were trying to acomplish by being so cruel to a person.So forgive me if I went too far.
This is an emotional time for everyone,and sometimes things get said that shouldnt.( especiaily online)I shouldnt have made that comment about Cherish, your right. I just got very heated, and I didnt see why you were showing such hostility towards a person who needs help and understanding.
Lets all show a little more humanity.I'm sorry if I got carried away.Peace (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | from xhrisl
Saturday, January 04, 2003 - 07:07
(Agree/Disagree?)
Dear Holon,
I am sorry for your loss and that of Immer's family. Please accept my sympathy. There is nothing I know of that I can say which will lessen the pain that you are suffering at this time. Time is not a cure for the losses that one incurs on this journey, nor do I belive that it was ever meant to be. We would do a great disservice to those persons that we have loved and lost if time where to erase the pain we feel after their passing. In much the same manner as one cannot truely hate an individual that one has not deeply loved, neither is it possible that one should cease to feel in time for those who have held special places in our lives. They are missed,in the sunsets, in those quiet momments in which we wish to share with them our joys, our hopes, and our losses, durring the holidays and at reunions.
However, all is not lost, so long as we carry them in our hearts. In so doing we honnor their memory---despite the pain, and count ourselves fortunate to have shared a measure in the path of their lives wherein we walked the road together.
(reply to this comment)
| From Holon
Saturday, January 04, 2003, 21:50
(Agree/Disagree?)
Immer has not been a part of my everyday life for a long time, But I would call him a few times a year to see what he was up to.
We had some great times togeather.When I got in my car to drive to work, I remembered driving to Miami with him in my car and he would drive with his left foot, and rest his knee on the seat next to him.( Automatic)He's the only person I've ever met who did that.So in honer of him I tried it, for about a min. LOL!(reply to this comment) |
| | from Trista
Saturday, January 04, 2003 - 00:35
(Agree/Disagree?)
Holon, my condolences. Goodbye, Immer.
Last Friday I truly wanted to die. But I try to remember two things I have been told, however corny they may sound:
"suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"
and
"if you kill yourself now, you're killing the wrong person."
(reply to this comment)
| From Holon
Saturday, January 04, 2003, 22:08
(Agree/Disagree?)
True'er words have never been spoken Trista.It just breaks my heart when I think of how many people feel like this.
Death comes knocking at our door early enough as it, why the hell would you want to meet him half way?
YOU ARE worth living for Trista.Dont ever forget it.People who commit suiside arent just doing everyone a huge injustice but themselves most of all.
Take care,Holon(reply to this comment) |
| | From Billie
Monday, January 10, 2005, 21:46
(Agree/Disagree?)
I was Immer's girlfriend at the time of his death and have been effected in inumerable ways by his death. I feel that it is wrong to argue about insignificant issues an the only website that remembers what a great, loving, and perfect human being he was. I loved him with all my heart and hope that others remember him as I do, a person who cared for his family and loved ones before himself. He will forever be missed and loved in my heart and mind. I love you Immer, but resent that you left your sister the way that you did. You were everything in my life and Meri's. I could never be to her what you were, but I promise I will love and care for her forever as well. The viod I feel in my heart at his death will never be filled, but I had to put my feelings somewhere. Good-bye Immer, we love and miss you dearly. (reply to this comment) |
| | From erie
Sunday, October 22, 2006, 19:09
(Agree/Disagree?)
Hey Billie-
I know this comment comes years after Immer's death and by it I don't mean to open old wounds. I recently did a yahoo search on him, just trying to get back in touch. I was also Immer's girlfriend awhile back when he lived here in MA. We dated almost through my senior year. He went on my family vacations and spent the holiday's with me. I have ony met his family in GA once. I just wanted to let you know that Immer is still missed and loved today. Thank you for caring for him when you did. He loved to be loved.
Chrissy in MA(reply to this comment) |
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