Why bother?

from conan - Thursday, March 29, 2007
accessed 1085 times

Most of this won’t make sense. These are the thoughts of a sleepless night. I find that once I write something, it triggers other thoughts, queries, etc. to the point that my writing seems convoluted and scattered as opposed to focused and logical. Of course, focused and logical is all in the mind of the beholder, right? Besides, there are always loopholes, changes, and exceptions to the rules. Perceptions change, lives change, you change, our thoughts, and so much more change too.

Life, what is it good for? Or whom does it benefit? Is there a grand design or greater purpose to which we all unknowingly serve? Is there legitimate justification on today’s society in the ‘Western World’? Is our evolution one of enlightenment and knowledge or futility and insanity?

I don’t want to go into philosophical debate about religion and ‘higher callings’ that we’re here to perform, as all such notions are hearsay and nonsensical bilge. Instead, let’s try and be logical, calculating, aloof, and objective about this very broad topic which is really the basis for all of our actions; the jobs we do, the religion we see people choose to adhere to or ignore, the people we associate with, the aspirations we have, the offspring we spawn, and the loved ones we bury.

I have long maintained that knowledge is power, and as such believed that our evolution was progressing toward a greater society as we unlocked nature’s secrets and discovered more of our planet, our solar system, our galaxy, our universe. However, I have recently come to have my doubts. I’m an atheist in the sense that I don’t see the rationale behind a deity of any gender, moral code, or creed worth dedicating our already short and hollow lives in the worthless pursuit of said deity’s assumed happiness. Life is short, and in my opinion…futile!

Think about it. The average human life span is still under 100 years. Yes, our old are remaining old longer and therefore, obviously, living longer, but as far as I’m aware the life expectancy of an adult male Homo sapiens is 76 years while that of an adult female is a few years longer. So, we human beings who consider ourselves the most intelligent species on our planet, have about 75-80 years each in which to perform our perfunctory lives before returning to nature as potential food source for another life form.

How is that serving some grand design? I don’t care what good you may have done in your life span, in the end, you’re just as dead as an aborted fetus, a murdered child, road-kill even, or a convicted criminal executed according to the laws of the land. Are humans merely another life form who has used tools to change our behavior sets and notions to the point that we begin to delude ourselves into thinking that there is a greater purpose? In the days before ‘civilization’, life was about survival. Kill or be killed was a very real predicament for so many. Just to provide enough food for other Homo sapiens that banded themselves together for the sake of having a better chance to survive created the realization that numbers only presented more problems as well; more mouths to feed, more politicking, more feuding and more of just about everything else.

It sounds more futile the more I break it down. When humans were sparse and scattered, we hunted and were hunted and thought no more about purpose other than where the next meal was coming from, and probably where the next shag was coming from. The basest instinct of our ancestors was to eat and procreate like every animal, vermin, or other life form on our planet. Today, in our ‘modern, civilized’ world, survival doesn’t have the same fear of death that it once did. Food and sex are no longer only available for the strongest or for the strongest to provide for the weakest, but is just sort of there for everyone. Availability of our essentials as changed our species’ collective objective from one of necessity to one of comfort.

I digress. Why is it so important to us to get an education so we can get a good job so we can live comfortably while raising (potential) progeny who we in turn have to provide for so they can go through the exact same process at a later date to accomplish similar things in a similar world with similar results? Why is it that everywhere humans conglomerate, the rest of nature shrinks away? Are we, as Agent Smith would have us believe, a virus?

I say yes. I say that we have not brought about a single good thing for the future of our planet or our species. We are habitually and systematically destroying our planet, which incidentally we need for our survival and the survival of our offspring’s spawn’s spawn and so on and so forth. The majority of our civilization doesn’t feel that this is an issue and so does nothing about it. A smaller percentage thinks we must do something and loudly protest the actions of another minority that actively engages in planetary destructive behaviors. An even smaller percentage actually tries to do something about it, and yet another chunk of mankind doesn’t have a fucking clue. With so many ulterior motives and agendas, the indispensable actions to save our planet and subsequently our species will likely not occur to the necessary satisfaction of nature’s course for a very long time. Most of our generation will likely be dead and a new one will find their own ways to rain destruction down upon themselves.

Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy making money and using it to get fucked up, have a good time, etc. I enjoy the procreative act of sex as much as any other member of this species but I still feel like our ‘purpose’ is in fact to kill and then to be killed. To kill nature and have Mother Nature take her revenge via old age, sickness, disease, and finally death. Rest in Peace at last? I say yes. There is no turmoil after death. No answer to the mysteries of the universe. No heaven and hell or paradise and purgatory. No ongoing war of good vs. evil or ‘God’ vs. the ‘Devil’. It is because of our subconscious knowledge to this end that humankind created these myths and ideologies, beliefs, rituals, practices, etc.

Is our society a testimony to our greatness or an indictment on our impotent inefficacy to quell the thoughts of morbid morality and mortal flesh? I think it’s the latter. I think that Homo sapiens have systematically set out to erase the thoughts of impending doom without even realizing it and so have created more and more to distract him/herself from the realization of the pointlessness that is existence. We eat, we shit, we fuck, and we die. No romanticizing the issue. Why else do you think it is that all humans feel depression set in from time to time? We lack the necessary distraction from our idleness to ignore the thoughts that are ingrained in us subconsciously, permanently.

Suicide is, in my opinion, a shortcut to reality. I think we all realize on some level that we’re not going to be able to live forever no matter how much the drugs and alcohol that courses through my body beg to differ (they tell me I’m invincible and will live forever). Our deaths are, to quote the notorious Agent Smith once more, inevitable.

I don’t see this particular diatribe taking me anywhere but in circles, so I think I’ll quit rambling while some of my thoughts have completed themselves. The strong prey on the weak, and the weak on the weaker. Life is a bitch (non-gender specific), sometimes you marry one (gender specific from the viewpoint of either gender), and then you die.

Now having decided myself that there is no point to existence, as all life ends, should I then feel guilty for what I do, try to do more, give up and end it prematurely, or go on as I have been? Is there any reason why I should aspire for more? My quality of life isn’t going to make it’s end result more meaningful by any stretch of the imagination no matter what money I make, charities I contribute to, women I copulate with, toxins I imbibe/absorb, or abstain from.

I’m not sure that I’ve reached any conclusion from writing any of this. I have no reason to end my life (despite many thoughts to the contrary) at this time, as I don’t see what that would accomplish. I’m depressed from time to time, but I think everyone is and I don’t have it as bad as people I see every day. I’m not sure what I can really do to motivate myself to propel myself into a more ‘successful’ or ‘higher calling’ way of life as it is all taking me to my grave however smooth, bumpy, or intermittent the journey to death may be. I guess maybe I’m trying to say that it’s a pathetic and sad existence we lead, but we’re all going to the same place no matter what we do to get there. If that doesn’t lift your spirits today, well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle…wait! I think I already am.