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from Marvin Wednesday, March 07, 2007 - 15:00 (Agree/Disagree?) Life. Don't talk to me about life. Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it. Funny, how just when you think life can't possibly get any worse it suddenly does. Life's bad enough as it is without wanting to invent any more of it. I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed. My capacity for happiness, you could fit it into a matchbox without taking out the matches first. Wearily I sit here, pain and misery my only companions. I'm not getting you down at all, am I? Pardon me for breathing, which I never do any way so I don't know why I bother to say it, oh God, I'm so depressed. Do you want me to sit in the corner and rust, or just fall apart where I'm standing? And if your depression makes you feel just a little suicidal, repeat after Marvin. "Why stop now just when I'm hating it?". (reply to this comment)

From Existential Bummer, aka better living Wednesday, March 07, 2007, 16:22 (Agree/Disagree?) Now I understand what der Svedeman's post is all about. Get a frickin' sun lamp with the full color ray spectrum if what this is about is enduring the dark night of the soul. Your neurotransmitters thrive on light, just like little seedlings, and I'm not talking metaphorically or spiritually. The brain needs full spectrum light for a certain number of hours a day in order to feel hopeful--and therefore, open to the possibilities of love and life. You can choose to manipulate your environment so that you feel better about your existential dilemma, or you can turn your existential angst into art. But how many lovers/friends will you attract with your culturally-bound version of Munch's "Skrik"--? (reply to this comment)

From rainy Thursday, March 08, 2007, 01:16 (Agree/Disagree?) No wonder it's such hard work for Aussies to be goth.(reply to this comment)

from Scandinavian Wednesday, March 07, 2007 - 14:41 (Agree/Disagree?) Hang in there buddy, the long dark Scandinavian winter is drawing to a close... Spring is here & your beautiful looong summer days are on their way. That's enough to brighten anyone's outlook... Many happy/sad memories of that "...north country fair..." Remembering the one who lives there... "for she once was a true love of mine - A true love of mine." (reply to this comment)

from CanCanDoll Tuesday, March 06, 2007 - 18:28 (Agree/Disagree?) I suffered from depression IN the family for years!!!! when i left, i still had moments and days but it wasn't as bad because i loved that i was free from someone telling me what to do all the time. It didn't hurt when i found a decent better half, and that helped the depression ease up even more, cuz i love that person so much and don't like seeing them depressed because i am. For me, it took willing myself each day to make it thru that day concentrating on something other than my own situation and history. forcing a sense of humor doesn't always help right away, but eventually, i was able to convince myself life isn't all that bad, and i have anything i want ahead of me if i can hold on and work for it. anything is possible outside of TF. i'm so happy i can see that more nowadays. By the way, Sean, did you used to live in Japan a while back? and are you like in your late 20's early 30's? Just wondering if you're a Sean i knew. cuz if so, wish you the best of everything (reply to this comment)

From better living through environmental change Wednesday, March 07, 2007, 07:52 (Agree/Disagree?) What you've described is called situational depression. The stress of conflicting demands, which is what life in TF repesents, will cause people to feel depressed. Another way to look at this form of depression is "anger turned inward." The anger or frustration was turned inward because you didn't feel like you could express it outwardly. Basically, you weren't in control of your life. Containing that kind of anger results in a lot of anxiety, which results in nervous exhaustion or depression. Changing your environment relieved the main cause of nervous exhaustion, i.e., constantly trying to cope with conflicting demands and not being able to express your frustration over your situation. Also, not being able to make the kinds of personal choices you need to make to take care of yourself emotionally. Now you are in control of your life, and you get to decide things for yourself. It's not surprising that your depression lifted, because the brain is amazingly resilient and can self-correct itself on the chemistry that's involved with feeling good. For some people, however, the depression doesn't lift as a consequence of environmental change. In these cases, which is true clinical depression, the natural brain chemistry has been radically altered and is not able to self correct when the stressful situation changes. Some people are more prone to clinical depression because of their genetic heritage; where the brain is concerned, some people inherit a resilient constitution and others do not. It's similar to like people who smoke. Some smokers will develop emphysema and some will not. Some will develop cancer and some will not. Nevertheless, smoking is an environmental factor that produces changes in the lungs over time just as stressful situations produce changes in the brain over time. People with resilient constitutions where their lungs are concerned aren't as likely as people with a less resilient constitution to develop lung diseases. The same is true for the relationship between situational depression and clinical depression.(reply to this comment)

from jolifam77 Monday, March 05, 2007 - 19:36 (Agree/Disagree?) I'm depressed every day of my life. I think about suicide all the time. My only comfort nowadays is music, and good music is hard to come by, but occasionally someone sings a song (see below) that just dashes my heart to pieces, and I cry a sweet bitter cry, and find a strange comfort in the sad beauty of hopelessness: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rGzcKHImik (reply to this comment)

From Better living through chemistry Tuesday, March 06, 2007, 09:55 (Agree/Disagree?) You describe all the signs of a clinical depression. This is not a case of temporarily feeling blue or sad. It's a matter of your brain chemistry being messed up. The way I see it, you have four choices: 1) Keep on feeling bad and obtain temporary relief from time to time through wellness activities. For example, exercise will elevate your endorphins and seratonin, and you may feel better after working out. The same processes happen with listening to music. With a clinical depression, however, this elevation in your feel-good brain chemicals will only be temporary. 2) Keep on feeling bad and obtain temporary relief through self-medication. That would be booze, pot, crack, or whatever works to chill you out and take off the edge. As with wellness activity, the relief is only temporary. What makes this option a worse choice than wellness activity is that over time self-medication makes the underlying problem--i.e., the messed up brain chemistry associated with clinical dpression--a whole lot worse. 3) Keep on feeling bad and attempt suicide. If you're successful, the people who care about you will feel bad for a long, long time, possibly the rest of their lives. If you're not successful at suicide, you'll end up in the hospital. Depending on which hospital, you'll be given a psychiatric evaluation. Again, depending on where you live, you could be hospitalized on a psychiatric unit against your wishes. 4) Choose to see a mental health professional for an assessment. From the sound of things, you'll likely be advised to take an anti-depressant medication. If you're working with a knowledgable doctor and therapist/counselor, you'll start to feel better in three to six weeks. You'll quit having suicidal thoughts every day and feeling like shit. Medications do work, and that's because they address the fundamental problem of screwed up brain chemistry. You may have some other iproblems with maladaptive learned behavior and irrational beliefs, but these behavioral and cognitive issues are nearly impossible to deal with as long as your brain is in the grip of a depressive fog. As for option 4: If you had the symptoms of diabetes and were told you needed to take insulin, would you dismiss it? Probably not. That would probably be the case because it's primarily your pancreas and endocrine system that are malfunctioning with diabetes. With clinical depression, it's your brain (a physical organ of your body just like the pancreas) and neurochemistry that are malfunctioning. The neurochemistry of your brain is similar to the endocrines that regulate other organs of the body such a blood glucose levels--in fact, some of the neurotransmitters utilize endocrines to regulate moods. It's not unusual for people with diabetes to also have mood disorders such as clinical depression. That may be more whole body brain science than you want to hear. The main point I'm making is this: Clinical depression is a physical condition pretty much like diabetes or asthma or high blood pressure. Clinical depression can even be diagnosed with a blood test, although these tests are expensive and rarely used in routine practice. The way I see it, you can keep suffering because you don't accept the fact that the brain has its own, independent ability to create and influence your thoughts, mental states, and moods. At this point, your brain is completely deaf to all those pep talks you give yourself. That being the case, you do have the option of modern medicine and treatment for your brain disease.(reply to this comment)

From jolifam77 Tuesday, March 06, 2007, 17:32 (Agree/Disagree?) interesting, but I don't have a brain disease, nor do I have a chemical imbalance. I'm simply morose. I've given up on life, but I'm afraid of death. To distract myself, I work--all the time. And I try to ignore life, because life is pain. As long as I'm working, I'm fine. As long as I'm crushing the competition in my field, and forging ahead in my career. I'm fine. But thinking about life, love, the future, friendship, normalcy, being different, it just disturbes me, and I just conclude that I have nothing to live for--but I'm afraid of death. So I continue on living in a state of limbo.(reply to this comment)

From better living Wednesday, March 07, 2007, 09:29 (Agree/Disagree?) If what you're saying is true, then you've basically made a choice to be melancholy as a response to life. Perhaps what's going on is that you are very sad and constantly grieving over the loss of things you believe are not in your future--love, friendship, normalcy. Are you saying you've given up all hope of ever finding love, friendship and a life that approximates "normal" in your own estimation? If that is the case, does your choice to give up hope and live in limbo seem like a rational response to the challenge of living? (reply to this comment)

From jolifam77 Wednesday, March 07, 2007, 17:16 (Agree/Disagree?) Yes. I've dedicated my existence to revenge against the elements that forced me into misery. I don't expect to overcome or achieve normalcy. I expect that I will however sublimate my energies into something that I'm proud of. However I will always ache inside, knowing that I'm different and can never fit in. Life is a race, and I got started down the wrong track. Now that I've turned around, I can't catch up.(reply to this comment)

From existential bummer, aka better living Thursday, March 08, 2007, 07:33 (Agree/Disagree?) I understand your choice is a rational one, but I tend to agree with figaro. Why let the people who robbed you of a normal life have so big a place in determining how you will live the rest of it? You got dealt a bad hand, I'll acknowledge that. But how you play your cards--even lousy ones--is entirely up to you. Seems like you've decided to fold 'em--and that is OK, because you can always decide to get back in the game at a later point. It ain't over till it's over, and life is full of surprises. Over a lifetime, the ache inside may become more tolerable, and you could conclude at a certain point in your life that being an outsider has certain benefits. Maybe I sound naive or pollyanna-ish. I have contemplated suicide quite a lot over my life, and I am not afraid of death. I've concluded that if I ever loose hope that my suffering will never change, I'll go ahead and check out. My life experience to date has mostly taught me that the pain of living becomes tolerable as I learned better ways to cope & adapt. (reply to this comment)

From figaro Wednesday, March 07, 2007, 17:40 (Agree/Disagree?) we have all felt that way, most of us have even vowed revenge, but in the end most of us have realized that we dont want to waist any more of our lives on these fucks.(reply to this comment)

From this is far better though Tuesday, March 06, 2007, 08:16 (Agree/Disagree?) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvBlKcyfeoU&mode=related&search=(reply to this comment)

from valhalla Monday, March 05, 2007 - 13:57 (Agree/Disagree?) well depression is a common thing for most x-fam's i know ...i was not exempt from it myself ...i guess the main thing to keep in mind is that your living in the real world now..there are bad days but there are good days too .... find somthing to love about life ... go on a crazy party binge, make a new friend, try a happy drug, take a trip somwhere and just peace out, try an extream sport , vandalise something and video tape it, just try and forget abbout your depression and focus on enjoying life. (reply to this comment)

from clark Monday, March 05, 2007 - 11:03 (Agree/Disagree?) My kids do it for me. Have you tried jogging? (reply to this comment)

from Tester Monday, March 05, 2007 - 07:30 (Agree/Disagree?) Try alcohol! (reply to this comment)

From walking Monday, March 05, 2007, 08:12 (Agree/Disagree?) exercise(reply to this comment)

from steam Monday, March 05, 2007 - 06:40 (Agree/Disagree?) Unfortunately Sean the way of the transgressor is hard. When you chose to listen to Mr and Mrs Doubt and all the Doubtlets, which caused you to backslide you opened the door to this. There is still hope to rid yourself of Vandari demons and get on the Lords channel. "Let the light in and darkness will flee of itself". (reply to this comment)

From SeanSwede Monday, March 05, 2007, 09:58 (Agree/Disagree?) ...eh excuse me?(reply to this comment)

From Nick Monday, March 05, 2007, 10:56 (Agree/Disagree?) It was a joke Sean. THis person is just taking the mick(reply to this comment)