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Getting Through : Dealing
Claire's Conclusion | from redneckgirl - Tuesday, March 01, 2005
accessed 3344 times I happened upon the “myconclusion.com” site, and felt like commenting on all the crap those fools are saying about us, how we are lying and we are all just bitter apostates. But of course they did not post it, so I posted it on here just for shits and giggles if anyone is interested.
My name is Claire Jones, I'm 27 years old and I was born and raised in The Family.
I was born in Germany and have lived in India, Thailand, Canada and The States. I feel compelled to speak my heart at this time to anyone who is willing and able to listen. I've been reading y'alls responses to the very sad and disturbing news of Ricky and Angela. The fact that it has started a big media explosion, all the Former Members coming out of the wood work to Slander and Destroy The Family. To disrupt the lives of so many who are "serving God" and "not hurting a soul", but in actuality "saving souls" and preparing the world for the "second coming of Christ". I would like to say this:
For those of you who are still in TF I wish you the best, for those of you who are happy in the life that you have chosen, more power to you, for those of you who have never in all your lives been abused in anyway, shape or form, be very very happy! Thank your God every day and kiss your lucky stars that you were spared. Because the life of someone who has been abused is a very lonely one.
It doesn't matter what kind of abuse it is, it could be any or all. It could be sexually, spiritually, physically or mentally, or all of the above. It doesn't matter if your living with one person or one hundred people you are still alone. Your alone in your guilt, your alone in your sadness, your alone in your anger and your alone 24/7 in that brain of yours that is thinking a mile a minute trying to figure out "WHY ME", why is this God of mine, this god that I'm living, breathing and dying for everyday of my life since I was born, putting me through this hell, (and I'm not talking about having to do dinner dishes for 80 people every night for a month kinda hell) I'm talking being sexually abused at the age of 7 by your stepfather every night while your mother is off having sex with yet another random guy off the street because God and David Berg said it was so. I'm talking being left in a room for two days straight with no food because one kid out of a group of 22 JETTS possibly stole a piece of chocolate out of the pantry and no one would confess. That my friend is child abuse. If someone tried to do that to one of my boys, I as a parent would have stepped in and at least fed them some damn food.
By now y'all are most likely wondering if I am still in TF or if in fact I am one of those hateful demon filled backsliders. I actually left TF about ten yrs ago and since then have been trying to live a normal life. But before you freak out and pray a sanitizing prayer to “rebuke the Devil in Jesus name” or whatever! Please just read on a little longer, the point that I am trying to make is.... Y'all may be having a very happy and fulfilled life in TF! There may not be any other place in the entire world you would rather be then in TF! But you need to understand that there were a lot of us who didn't have a good life! Who weren't happy in everything we did, who didn't want to go beg on the streets in the most dangerous and scary parts of town to witness until dark to a bunch of non-English speaking Mexicans because they gave better donations.
Who was not happy taking care of seven to ten babies by yourself at the age of 15 when I should have been in school doing the things that 15 year old girls do. Who knows and is willing to admit that the education we were given was half ass at best, they needed us out there on the streets making the rent money, not filling our head with "System knowledge". So before you start judging us and saying that we are “hateful and bitter, slanderous and evil”. Know that we are not lying. That the ones of us who were your friends and who you did trust before we "fell away from the Lord and lost our way to the devil and all his little demons" are telling the truth! It did happen to us. It happened to a lot of us.
All we are looking for is Justice. If y’all really and truly believe the verse everyone keeps writing about "If this work be of men it will die but if it is of God no one can put it asunder", or how ever it goes, and if you truly believe that The Family is of God and that Ya'll are truly "The Chosen Ones" then I wouldn't sweat it and just let us do our thing. I mean what’s it to you if we try to fight back for all we went through if "God is on your side you won't lose!" Why worry about the IRS, the FBI, CPS and us the evil demon filled backsliders. Your dead leader and your God I'm sure can get you through it. Good Luck. |
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from neez
Monday, March 07, 2005 - 15:16
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Can someone wake me up when this is finished.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | from Jim LaMattery
Sunday, March 06, 2005 - 11:14
(Agree/Disagree?)
Dear Redneckgirl- I sent you an email through the directory on this site. If you didn't get it. would you please let me know at jimlamattery@hotmail.com? Thanks a million-Jim
(reply to this comment)
| from lacy
Sunday, March 06, 2005 - 10:34
(Agree/Disagree?)
I just want to say to my little sister that I am proud of you and I think you showed aLOT of courage getting on here and speaking up.-Which is more than I can say for myself! I think your article is smart, witty and very down to earth and relatable for alot of us. I don't think the y'all parts were distractable at all but rather just your own personality coming out which, at least you have your own personality and are not putting all your energy in trying to be someone else like some people do. I mean, maybe that's what happens when you live in Texas for over 10 years!! It's not a big deal! Anyway, I think what you wrote was truthful and good.
(reply to this comment)
| from thepersoniamnow
Thursday, March 03, 2005 - 01:48
(Agree/Disagree?)
MY GOD LOOK WHAT I HAVE STARTED. READ ALL THIS SHIT...I'M SORRY, SO SORRY...sorry.
Since it needs "clearing up". I dont mind being told off because it doesnt make me feel bad. It doesnt make me feel like much at all. However this time I read this wrong and what was a joke turned out to be just unnecessary and rude. So I apologised.
Y'all wanna stop talking about it and correcting each other already?? This sounds like a fucking home meeting.
(reply to this comment)
| | | |  From vixen
Thursday, March 03, 2005, 02:25
(Agree/Disagree?)
LOL! That reminds me, last week we had to sit through a simulated staff meeting (yes, the stuff they make us do is so mindnumbingly tedious sometimes)! I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs, 'I HAVE SAT THROUGH HUNDREDS OF FUCKING CHILDCARE MEETINGS, HOME COUNCILS, TEAMWORK MEETINGS, FOCUS MEETINGS AND 'BREAKING' MEETINGS!!! I REALLY DON'T FUCKING NEED THIS!!!'
But, being the polite, well-behaved teacher's pet that I am, I just sat there and participated (reply to this comment) |
| | From Perry
Thursday, March 03, 2005, 09:09
(Agree/Disagree?)
Speaking of meetings. Ever been to a meeting where someone wants you to give over 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? How about achieving 103%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If you represent the alphabet numerically, as in A=1 B=2 C=3 and so on, where each number is that percentage, i.e., C = 3%, then you get the following results:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T = 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G = 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top! ;-)(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | from faeriraven
Wednesday, March 02, 2005 - 16:36
(Agree/Disagree?)
redneckgirl, good job! Don't come on the site much but when I do I try to catch up on everything, the name caught my eye. You need to call me!
(reply to this comment)
| from thepersoniamnow
Wednesday, March 02, 2005 - 15:46
(Agree/Disagree?)
Sorry redneckgirl. WHen I read this article I just skimmed through it and I thot it was something someone had posted from myconclusion. Do you remember a time in the family they had taken it upon themselves to make the word "cool" and used this strange lingo?
Anyways "ya'll" was one of the new "cool" words. I didnt really read what you wrote and thats why I misunderstood and I thot it was some family girl trying to write hip.
Anyways my bad.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | | | | from Jim LaMattery
Wednesday, March 02, 2005 - 07:53
(Agree/Disagree?)
Dear Redneckgirl-
Every voice is important now. I actually print and save every account of abuse I find here and elsewhere. A larger dialogue is luming in the near future, one that will be nationwide, focused, and more effective than ever before. Ricky's murder/suicide has brought this discussion into the larger audience, assuring that your's and his voice will be heard by those that may actually be able to do something constructive en masse. This is a positive change. I'm curious to know whether this is the first time that you spoke out on movingon.org, or any other site, because I'm trying to gage how many new voices are coming to the fore. Can you let me know? My personal email is jimlamattery@hotmail.com. Thanks again for speaking out-Jim
(reply to this comment)
| from thepersoniamnow
Wednesday, March 02, 2005 - 04:12
 (Agree/Disagree?)
hey ya'll! Its cool to love Jesus ya'll...heaven is full of sinners ya'll...I'd like to pour out my heart to ya'll....
I think this girl has read those "cool" hip teen FSMs a bit too many times.
(reply to this comment)
| From redneckgirl
Wednesday, March 02, 2005, 15:04
(Agree/Disagree?)
Just wanted to reply to thepersoniamnow and say that I do not belive in Jesus, I came to that conclusion a year before I even left TF. If you have a problem with the way I talk thats ok too. I wrote this letter to the people that are still in TF so I was writing in a way that they would understand. I have no problem with people saying whats on thier minds. Just clearing up that I do not read "cool hip teen FSMs just lived the life for far to long.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Jim LaMattery
Wednesday, March 02, 2005, 08:03
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Dear thepersoniamnow-
I usually don't respond to comments made in jest, or anger, or sarcasm, but I feel compelled to respond to this comment you made. Your response to redneckgirl's story and language used surprises me. What is your true intend by the knock? Have you been abused by TF, an if so, have you posted that account? I don't know if you've noticed, but the stories of the mistreatement of children by The Family International is what's on the agenda. If you've posted your personal accounts of abuse, could you please direct me to them? Thanks-every voice counts-Jim(reply to this comment) |
| | From moon beam
Thursday, March 03, 2005, 08:02
(Agree/Disagree?)
Jim, I am pleased you take the time and make the effort to come to this site. I have bennefited from the stance you have taken and your kind words regarding us and your ability to understand where we were and what we are going through.
I think back and remember the nice "uncle and aunts" the ones who made life bearable. I don't view all first generation as one in the same.
Like you said this site can be fun, with the wity and humourous comments, keeping things light, whilst dealing with such a dark subject.
IMO, you are welcome here ;) (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From offence taken
Wednesday, March 02, 2005, 13:49
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Dear Jim,
Regardless of how I may personally feel about the lack of taste in thepersoniamnow's comment, I find it extremely offensive that you as a FGA have taken it upon yourself to give him a public correction.
This website is our space, a place for SGAs to speak freely. As far as I understand it, FGAs are welcome to come to this site, but they are here as guests. In my opinion, your comment above went way beyond the "guest" status provided.
We don't need shepherding anymore. Thank you.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From Jim LaMattery
Wednesday, March 02, 2005, 18:24
(Agree/Disagree?)
Eric- thanks. I am working on an IRS complaint form (both Federal and State of Calif) that will be filed against FCF and Activated Ministries. Within days, we should have all the necessary information and samples for you and any others that will help us identify these two fronts for TF to the respective government offices. It is a first step in dismantling their operations, at least in my neck of the woods here in San Diego. Even if you are not a US citizen, you may still file the complaint, and it can be done anonymously. I will post a reminder when I complete the necessary paperwork. Thanks again for your support-Jim LaMattery(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Jim LaMattery
Monday, March 07, 2005, 06:56
(Agree/Disagree?)
Hopefully, within a few days I will have the sample complaint letter drafted and ready to post. I am waiting for one person in particualr (this person has come out strongly against TF) and I helieve he has pertainent information regarding the intial application for tax exemption that FCF filed. Once I obtain that person's statement/affidavit, I will be asking for anyone that will to file the complaint letter with me. Thanks for asking and I'll keep you posted.-Jim (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Jim LaMattery
Wednesday, March 02, 2005, 17:04
(Agree/Disagree?)
Dear "offence taken"-
Please understand that my comment was only a "public" one because I don't have access to the actual individual's posting on this site and therefore do not have an actual name or email address of "thepersoniamnow." Mine was a comment directed to that individual and not to you. I would prefer for "thepersoniamnow" to respond to me if he/she felt at all offended. You called his/her statement "tasteless," while I preferred something else- that is, an understanding of what "thepersoniamnow"'s intent was. The comments posted by "thepersoniamnow" after the fact clearly show, to me, that his/her intent was harmless. I think that it would be counter-productive for anyone to put down another based on their use of language. Along that line, I personally don't like the use of "FGA" or "SGA" in reference to individuals. It borders on labeling and catorgorization which stigmatizes the author. "Shepherd" is a severe label that, from my past experience with it, comes as a put-down as well.
I will not, and cannot be censured from this site, unless you are the webmaster.
But more importantly, I feel a dialogue is developing in the media as well as on this site and others that is productive and useful in understanding the trauma and harm inflicted on many who have had experience with TF, and in finding a viable resolution to that harm. All voices are necessary, and mine will not be quelled. Even censureship from this site, which I think would be unfair, will not stop my voice. When I speak or write, I speak and write from my own perspective, and no one else's. When I have spoken on this site, I have invited others to speak and write as well. I don not dismiss criticisms of what I have to say, it is one avenue in which to know whether I've articulated my opinions well enough to be understood by the reader. This website is crucial in that regard, in my opinion. When you say "this website is our space" I can only assume that you are trying to speak for all SGAs? Nevetheless, I understand that each of us only really speak for ourselves. I am not a "guest," I am an individual. Does your "welcome" come with restrictions on discourse? If so, than this is not a forum for democratic discussion. Should your opinion fit mine, or mine yours? I hope not, lest we end up "speaking in the mirror." I believe that people are enriched by a diversity of opinions. I wish you would use your real name in conversations with me-it is what I have extended to you- the respect anyone deserves when addressing another. The are many valid and good reasons why individuals don't or haven't used their real names on this site, so I invite you to take this particular discussion back to a private conversation with me at my email address (jimlamattey@hotmail.com). Maybe you've hit upon a truism, that sometimes these conversations should be held privately- and I stand corrected in my private-turned-public comment with "thepersoniamnow," in that, maybe I should have asked that individual to step outside this forum for a private word. I am now inviting you to do me the favor. My end, I believe, is similar to yours, that a viable resolution is achieved whereby no one ever has to discuss TF again- like a bad memory that has dissappeared. I sincerely would love to have a private conversation with you, as I suspect that you have more on your mind about me than what I can ascertain from your comment. Sincerely, Jim LaMattery(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From Oddman
Wednesday, March 02, 2005, 23:40
(Agree/Disagree?)
Granted, we don't want to hear any "FGA" telling how to live our lives. Fact really is, we don't even want "SGA" to tell us how to live our lives. Note there are also a number of "SGA" who have chosen to walk the beaten path of culthood.
To ban or attempt to suppress opposing opinion, or alternative views is to walk the same path our parents walked. We will only recreate that which we are trying to destroy. Although I do think "FGA" have difficulty fully understanding what we went through as young adolescents, it is also fact that we cannot fully understand their experiences, and hence we cannot fully understand their views.
Bearing in mind that many "FGA" put a lot on the line when they joined that cult, I'd like to express my respect for those who have seen the light, left, and are trying to undo what damage they have done to our generation. Outside the very small circle of TF, I find it far more interesting to interact with people of the "FGA" generation. I learn a lot from the people I work with, and I teach them a thing or two as well. Most people I know out here, my age, cannot teach me anything I do not already know.
Although I have not forgiven TF, I do not let my past affect my present. I've got too many ambitions, life is short, I intend to enjoy it.
Hmmm. Am I preaching too? yak yak....Baarrfff(reply to this comment) |
| | From Jim LaMattery
Wednesday, March 02, 2005, 19:27
(Agree/Disagree?)
Dear Offence-
Maybe I slow, I know I'm tired-(I've been working on a case against Philip Slown, and an effort to encourage an en masse filing of complaints against FCF and Activated Ministries)- but somehow I don't understand what you are trying to say. it seems that at first you accused me of "shepherding" and now it looks like an accusation of "preaching." Please, I've asked you to talk personally with me at my email address- I again extend the invitation. If you feel I have "preached" could you please explain? What, in your opinion, am I "preaching" to you personally, or to others on this site? I wasn't trying to "save" thepersoniamnow. Is there no common ground (turf) between the two of us at this point in time? What is your intent in quoting to me the above verbage? Do you want an exposure of TF, and then finally a real resolution for so many that want it and asked for it? I do. Because I cannot recognize a familiar chat name,if you have been previously posting here, I really can't go back into the archives and read your prior statments/comments on other issues and fully understand who you really are. I can't help but believe that you do indeed have an issue with me when you use quotations instead of a friendly and direct private chat. I am not trying to be your friend, neither am I trying to be your foe. I'm looking for some honest communication just between the two of us. Thanks, and I hope that you will consider my invitation. Jim LaMattery(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Shaka
Thursday, March 03, 2005, 09:41
(Agree/Disagree?)
This guy has done more for us and will always be far more welcome among the people who matter in this fight against the cult than you will ever be. Try directing your enormous wit against someone who deserves it. TF for instance. I'm sure with the long hours you spend on your ass making witty remarks, you could be coming up with something creative to make their lives miserable. See you at the memorial Jim. Thanks for nailing my personal tormentor, Philip Slown.(reply to this comment) |
| | From Nancy
Friday, March 11, 2005, 17:57
(Agree/Disagree?)
Welcome among people who matter? Who are the people who matter? When was the cut made for people who matter?
Done more for us? Us who?
I'm sorry I don't judge people that way. "These are the 'people who matter.' These are the people who don't."
While I applaud any attempt to bring justice the cult, I don't think someone’s worth should be judged by what they are doing in that effort. Some people are doing all they can to just save themselves.
It could be that Joe is fighting against what he sees as the reincarnation of more of what he experienced as a child. It is easy to be misunderstood in print. It is easy to come across differently than one intends, on both sides of this discussion.
I want to mention that I recently received a private email from an "ex-FGA" apologizing for things which happened to me when I was a child. While it was off-putting to read at first and brought back a flood of memories, I did respect it. I especially respected it because it was private, to me alone. But, as kind and as well-intended and even loving as it was, it did at first throw me. Does that make sense? It took me back to all that I experienced very quickly, unlike anything else in a very long time. That is how real and how upsetting our pasts are, that even something kind from someone we knew as an "adult" in our childhood could bring such a emotional response and bring up so many past feelings.
Maybe sometimes in fighting against things we grew up with, we fall back into those things without even realizing it. Cults suck. So, do clicks. Everyone matters here, those that run their mouth and exercise their right to say what they think and those who lurk and just do all they can to get by. No one matters more than the other, at least not in my opinion.(reply to this comment) |
| | From Shaka
Friday, March 11, 2005, 19:13
(Agree/Disagree?)
lol, I knew I'd get shit from somebody about that although I'm sure Joe is capable of defending himself, at least online. When I said people who matter I mean people who are making a conscious effort at doing what they can, however small it may be, rather than trying like hell to alienate the few people that are. And us means all of us. Every news article and every court case that chips away at TF's credibility benefits all of us in the long run even if it just plays a small part in the ultimate apprehension of abusers. I just think we should welcome any and all help we can get as there should be no mistake, we are the underdogs. (reply to this comment) |
| | From Jim LaMattery
Wednesday, March 02, 2005, 19:45
(Agree/Disagree?)
Joe- What in your opinion would be "wearing out my welcome?" If truly telling it like I see it wears it out, then I'm going to wear it out with you as quickly as I did with Maria and Peter. Peter wrote to me that he wanted to begin a dialogue. When I suggested that the dialogue begin with Ricky- a true and honest communication about why Ricky did what he did- I got a big fat blank! Evidently, I had worn out my welcome! The way I "saw it" was that if Peter and Maria could talk openly and honestly with me privately about the death of their own son, then there might be some glimmer of hope towards reconciliation. I know now that there must not be any such hope with the two of them, by their choice. I know many might object with my trying any attempt at all, and in fact I was told by a few good men that I was "wasting" my time. But it was what I had to do according to my own ethics. You see, I 'shepherd' only myself. I have only myself to answer to. So now, although my "welcome" was worn out with them, the process has taken the last barrier away from my current effort-that is- to take apart their structure brick by brick until I'm done. Some will welcome this, some won't. But it's the "way I see it." You're a partner in this effort and I know it. We, I think, are on the same side. I welcome your comments- I think I had some pretty goddamn good laughs at some of your spunky comments through these trying times! (I was laughing with your comments-btw-not at them!) Every once in a while you'll hit the mark and I can appreciate your humor.-Jim(reply to this comment) |
| | From Joe H
Sunday, March 06, 2005, 12:27
(Agree/Disagree?)
Okay, Jim, listen up because this is the last time I'm going to say this. You don't belong here. This Web site is not for you. People have accused of you preaching and shepherding, but those were the wrong terms. You lecture, and how! Your self-absorbed lectures that have taken up more than 70% of this page are typical of your baby-boomer generation. The cult would never have existed were it not for people like you with such an amazing capacity for self-righteousness and ceaseless BS. Is it so hard for you to understand that the fact that you joined and helped create the cult that I hate means I might not want to converse with you? I commend you for getting out when you did, but the fact remains that you joined of your own free will, and we didn't.
Oh, but you found your kids and had a big gooey emotional public apology? Good for you! You should have done that 20 years ago! What do you want? A cookie? The way you go on and on about it, I'm not sure if you're revelling in self-righteousness or guilt, but I happen to know that excessive humility is really just another form of pride.
So stop coming here and acting like one of the gang. You're not. I'm glad you're doing something to fight the cult, but please don't waste anymore time annoying the generation you helped fuck over. Time is precious. That's why most of my comments here are short and harsh. I don't have time to pontificate over every imaginable angle of my often trivial opinions. But what I do have are the balls to tell you what everybody else is thinking: you're a nice guy, but please move along now. We heard enough lectures from our parents and our abusers. Do your thing, but do it quietly, and preferably somewhere else.
Regards,
Joe
(reply to this comment) |
| | From enough, JoeH
Monday, March 07, 2005, 11:50
(Agree/Disagree?)
Joe, I usually just ignore you, but I'm tired of your postings on this site. You are rude, presumption, obnoxious, and don’t show a hint of courtesy. For god’s sake show a little graciousness. I don’t care if this is just your “internet persona,” I think it says a lot about who you are in real life.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Shaka
Monday, March 07, 2005, 09:39
(Agree/Disagree?)
Get your facts straight shmuck. You are talking to Jim Lamattery. The one who made the public apology to his kids was his brother John Lamattery who goes on this site by LTN. Jim Lamattery joined the group while it was still in its puritanical stage. The Family at the time was for most part following the law. They were doing what millions of other hippies were doing at the time, which, while useless and stupid, was nothing harmful. It was a couple of years later when they started to fall into Berg's insanity that Jim left the group. He is not responsible for your abuse, he left before you were born. It's nice that you think you have the balls to speak for all of us, but the reality is most of us are thinking: Joe, you're a nice guy, but shut the fuck up. This man is putting his entire life on the line to bring down the group that you hate so much. What are you doing that's so commendable? If nitpicking on spelling mistakes is your idea of doing your part in bringing our abusers to justice then good luck with that, but do not presume to ridicule someone who has done far more good for our abused generation than you will ever do. Fucking A, time is precious. Too precious for you to be shooting off your trap at one of the few people doing something concrete. You don’t have time to pontificate over every angle of your trivial opinions? Good! About time! What else do you ever do on this site? If you really have something important to say to Jim, say it in 3 weeks when you see him in San Diego away from the comfort and safety of the Internet. Or is your safe little cyber world the only place we get to see your "balls"?(reply to this comment) |
| | From Amen
Monday, March 07, 2005, 12:34
(Agree/Disagree?)
Yah joe don't get articles mixed up. John Sr wrote the apology, his brother Jim wrote this one:
from Jim LaMattery - Tuesday, February 01, 2005
accessed 598 times
This letter is addressed to Claire Borowik, Karen Zerby, Daniel Roselle, the Roselle family, little John and big John LaMattery, Kristi LaMattey, the LaMattery family, The Family International, All of the parents of the Children of God, Donna and Tom Marchbank, Phillip Sloan, Peter Kelly, the Kelly family, Ricky Rodriguez, Elixcia Munumel, Sarafina, The webmaster of this site, Jules, and all of the Children of the Children of God, and all of the media that have helped express the views of the children who have been harmed and exploited.
It is 4:20 AM on Tuesday, February 1, 2005. I have waited until this moment to clarify my position. For those of you who do not know who I am, my name is Jim LaMattery and my Bible name was Jeriah. I joined the Children of God in the summer of 1970. I am not ashamed about why I joined. I sought God. Like many in my generation, I was a seeker at a time when the Cold War loomed above our souls in America. Like many kids, I did not want to fight the unjust war in Vietnam, I abhorred war. I abhor war today.
To the brothers that witnessed to me: Apollos, do you remember when you witnessed to me under an oak tree in the city park in Hemet? Do you remember when you sang "How long you been waiting for somebody to love you?" You woke my soul under that tree. Do you remember when we joined spirits in love and brotherhood and destiny? It was simple then. We had no money, no castles in Portugal, just an old rickety building in downtown Los Angeles, in the middle of Skid Row. Do you remember the days of God and Love and feeding the bums on the row? We lived like the birds of the field and we felt the warmth of God on our backs! Do you remember when you told me that this was a Revolutionary War of Love? Do you remember when we praised the King of Kings together with chalices of red wine? We were the Motley Crew! WE WERE BROTHERS!
To Simon Black: You may not remember me, but for me, you were a golden throat purged in the heat of Harlem! I remember coming back from exhausting days witnessing (in those days we had only The Book and our hearts to share) in Griffith Park, and having my heart filled with joy as you sang "My God." That was the God I fell in love with. Your young voice was so full of conviction and love that it was hard not to break and cry to hear your hymn. It was a hymn! When I see my black brothers in gangs killing one another in America, I think of you and your voice and I have hope!
You were an inspiration. WE WERE BROTHERS!
To Big Josh- Wow! You told us that you found God in the jungle! I thought that was so cool! To me you were BIG! You reminded me of Che Guevarra! You made it feel like a Revolution! Do you remember when in the dining hall of 5th and Towne Street, you would preach the gospel to us while we ate first. You would wait to eat until your brothers ate first! You were what leadership meant to me. At a time when our generation's leaders were shot down in the streets- you replaced them. The longing in my heart for great men like President John F. Kennedy was replaced by the great man you were! There was no 'Mo' at that time. There was only Jesus the Revolutionary! And although you were the lead shepherd, you acted like, spoke like, and pathed like Jesus was in control! You knew deep in your heart that WE WERE ALL BROTHERS! Not one of us was more 'divine' than the other. Not one of us was more 'inspired by God' than the other. In those days, not one of us placed ourselves 'above' the other!
The God we knew then is the God I have faith in now as I write this letter. My God was the Eternal. The Eternal is still my God today. My Eternal has never failed me. It did not fail me when my two children were kidnapped from me in 1980 by the hands of my wife, who I loved greatly. A wife who I believed God had given me! A wife that no man should have 'put asunder.' In those first glorious years of the Revolution, sex outside of marriage was forbidden, and a period of one year was established as the time required to set aside our sexual desires to prove to God and the movement that we were 'worthy' of holy matrimony. I served God as best I knew how in the Revolution and waited and was blessed with her hand. I would have never shared her with another man, as she belonged to God and me! WE WERE MARRIAGE PARTNERS, SOUL MATES!
The kidnapping of my children at the hands of the Family International did not shake my faith in the Eternal.
The taking of my wife and children by my brother and the group did not shake my faith in the Eternal. The loss of my children for thirteen years did not shake my faith in the Eternal. The betrayal of my brother John LaMattery and my wife Donna Marchbank did not shake my faith in the Eternal. When my daughters were reunited with me after they turned the age of eighteen and could get away from the Family, my faith was almost shook. The recounts of abuse that my daughters and their siblings suffered at the hands of The Family shook my faith in the Eternal! It was a burden almost unbearable. Without my faith I would have broken under its weight. The horror of abuse would have crushed my soul if not for my faith.
To Karen Zerby, Peter Kelly, Claire Borowik, and The Family International: The God you say you seek and believe in is not the God I found in 1970 with the Children of God. It is not the Eternal I have faith in today. If any of my children commits even the least of infractions, I question myself first! What did I not do for them? Is it something I did or said that caused them to steal a snack from the local Seven Eleven? How did I not know that they would drink too much and get into a car accident? Parents always blame themselves for what their children get themselves into! A normal mother would be in depression, wondering what she had done that caused her child to act in such a way and cause her child to lash out at the world! You said that Ricky went astray. How can you hold the title of spiritual leader for this community of believers if you could not untangle the most precious sheep of the flock? He was supposed to inherit the kingdom! The transfer of power was supposed to go to him and not you! YOU WERE HIS MOTHER! The Book you say has relevance in your lives reads: Matthew 5:24 Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. 25 Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison. It is not prison I wish for you. You have offended your brother and sisters. You have this chance of reconiliation. I will be willing to sit down and talk with Claire Borowik, your Family Spokesperson, before I deliver you to the judge. I don't care much for the wrath of man. But your children's souls need to be healed before another life is lost through needless suicide or murder.
To Daniel Roselle, Elixcia, Sarafina, Kristi and Little John LaMattery, and all those brave souls who have stood up in the sight of the world and God and have beared their souls: You have not spoken in vain. Your cries are heard, and will be heard for years to come. The abuses that you've suffered should never have happened. This was not the God that your parents and I followed in the beginning! Our God would never have stolen your childhood, your freedom of choice, your sexuality, your personality, your belief in the Eternal, in effect, your souls! The parents in the beginning would have nurtured all of these things, guided all of these things cautiously until the day you could take over such gifts on your own. They would have performed the most important God-given duty on earth- providing for their family! I was brought up by my parents in the way in which I was supposed to go, and I have never departed from it! My dad taught me to think for myself, consider others, speak only the truth as I saw it, and to help those in need. I see you great young people doing just that- and all without a parent to guide you! BRAVO! Your parents had greater advantages to complete such simple acts, and yet you who didn't have such parents have learned to do it all by yourselves! BRAVO! -I AM PROUD TO CALL YOU BROTHERS AND SISTERS!
To the Parents of the Children of The Family International:
This is your golden moment of truth. Another chance is being given to all of you whose children have beared their souls about the mental and physical abuses which they suffered having been put into the environment that you allowed them to be raised in. You have always had this same simple choice. It has always been a choice to protect and love and nurture your children, or to turn a blind eye and ear and heart. At this moment, your children need you now more than ever before. Karen Zerby did not make the correct choice. Ricky was trying to show YOU that. Ricky did not commit suicide for his mother. He committed suicide for YOU! He made the ultimate sacrifice, the taking of his own life, for YOU. He was a sample not a sermon! When the recent and past suicides have been committed by your children, know that they have done it for YOU. How many more suicides must be committed before you will have ears that can hear the cries of your own children? I pray that not one more will happen. I am tired of seeing my brothers die! To reject the voices of your children is to live in a lie. I am sure that if Faithy, Hosea, Aaron, or Deborah had come forth at the beginning of this movement and told all of us disciples and sheep that their father was a child molester, we would have disbanded in 1970! They didn't come forth because their father held 'God' over their heads, hearts, and souls! He make them think that the work of God would be destroyed if they 'told.' Please don't continue this cycle another moment, day, or hour! Please don't hold 'God' over your children's heads for one more minute! Please stand up with me as I endeavor to let the world know what has happened to these children. Please stand with me and not against me! STAND UP FOR YOUR CHILDREN!
There has been a rhetoric of war for a long time coming from the Children of God, and now the Family International. We are struggling to maintain a rhetoric of peace. Those parents that have come into the light and stood by their children can tell you that the light is warm and simple and good. Those parents who have quit perpetuating the lie that so many have held in their lives and hearts are free now. Free to repair the damage done by years of denial. The real abuse that your children suffer, that Ricky suffered, was your denial of the abuse in the past. The covering of the lie is more abusive than the physical torment. It is to say that the truth is not the truth. My fervent hope is that there will be no more murders. My fervent hope is that there will be no more suicides. But to accomplish this goal, much must be done. The harvest is plenty, but the laborers are few. But look what a few good men and women have accomplished throughout world history.
Regards- Jim LaMattery
http://www.movingon.org/article.asp?sID=1&Cat=21&ID=2596(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From Pow wow for Joe
Monday, March 07, 2005, 05:33
(Agree/Disagree?)
*I must have missed this "lecture".
*How could he have had a reunion with his kids years ago when his brother,wife and TF took his kids?
*From the sounds of it I'd say he has been fucked over and betrayed by both those closest to him (his brother) and TF, to have enough in common with members of this site then with the FG label of "Uncle".
*You seem to be the only one annoyed by his comments.
*If he did overstep the mark theres enough people who'd say so, but I don't see that he has.
Chill out dude!
(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From Jim LaMattery
Thursday, March 03, 2005, 12:30
(Agree/Disagree?)
JohnnieWalker-
I can't post Peter's letter to me, as it was intended to be a private email to me personally. I had written to him in regards to my personal concerns, so I was not representing anyone other than myself in my contact of him. To be fair, he told me that he was traveling and wanted to be more detailed in his response to me. I may have been premature in representing his latest response as a "big flat blank." In reality, he has not responded of late, and I felt, and still feel, that he is playing the waiting game. If I felt that the coorespondences were of value to all, I would post them, with of course, the webmaster's permission. At this point, they are of no real value. Sorry, but I will keep you posted if anything develops. Jim(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Jim LaMattery
Thursday, March 03, 2005, 18:32
(Agree/Disagree?)
There is no such thing. They made that clear years ago. But I believe that there is hope for other "parent members" to truly reconcile with their children. But that takes an incredible amount of guts to crawl out of the darkness of their past and into the light of their children's eyes. I've seen it happen. Why extend it to M&P?-because, I suppose, that even in this nation we give the one that is about to be executed one last chance to confess.(reply to this comment) |
| | From A Friend
Thursday, March 03, 2005, 20:19
(Agree/Disagree?)
The officials of TF are blinded to the fact of what abuse is and that is why, IMO, they continue to not only fail to see the seriousness of the abuse that occurred (occurs) but have no feelings of culpability in unleashing accused abusers back into the local community without reporting them to public officialdom. Another side of this is the fact that TF tries at all lengths to avoid contact with police. When police become involved in the daily lives of TF there seems to be much apprehension and nervousness about it on the side of Family members. It's a generally uncomfortable feeling to be working with authorities against their 'own'. Having an 'investigation' into an alleged abuse stirs up many issues that TF would rather not be faced with so it's easier to just quietly send these people out of their midst without reporting them. But, still the root is that TF doesn't believe that 'real' abuse takes place inside their walls. So-called 'abuse' is called abuse not by them but by the 'world' at large. They only had to deal with the 'abuse' issue (in public Statements beginning in 1986) because they were forced to deal with it by the world and not as an internal policy or a true religious belief in the inherent evil of adult-with-child sex. They have made it look like an internal move to the outside world through issuing their Statements but the fact is that they only made it look that way because of outside pressure to do so and not because of a sincere belief that it is a wrong or evil doctrine. Otherwise, the abuse would still be rampant and continuing unchecked to this very day. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From Joe H
Monday, March 07, 2005, 15:04
(Agree/Disagree?)
Being threatened with an ass-whupping by someone who's too big of a pussy to use their real name doesn't really frighten me. I am, however, concerned that all the anonymous posters are validating my fears that welcoming Jim would cause all the other camels to come rushing into the tent. Hope you all enjoy bridging the generation gap. (reply to this comment) |
| | From Sonderval
Tuesday, March 08, 2005, 00:40
(Agree/Disagree?)
hee hee, camels into the tent, it's always funny reading something like that and then it all just comes flooding back, we're all really really weird :D.
Sorry for being overly harsh in my last post btw, I spend most of my time in a really foul mood at the moment and you were just a convenient target (I don't have to feel guilty about attacking aggressive people).
As for being flooded by a stampede of FGAs, I personally don't think it's gonna happen but hey, suppose it's a valid concern, gotta weigh that against the risk of alienating people who are actually trying to make a difference, too chilled out today to really think about it.
Meh, laters(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From Vicky
Wednesday, March 02, 2005, 23:46
(Agree/Disagree?)
I think that the constant use of y'all in the above article was very distracting and detracted greatly from the points being made. But that's just my personal opinion and redneckgirl has a right to use whatever writing style she wants. I don't think thepersoniamnow's original comment about this article warranted a 'correction' and I do think guests on this site should refrain from 'correcting' people. (reply to this comment) |
| | From We all have bad days
Wednesday, March 02, 2005, 19:15
(Agree/Disagree?)
Joe's been a little grumpy lately but normally his comments are constuctive and at the very least entertaining. "The Person I am" said it was a misunderstanding and apologized. Let's forget about the whole thing. Most of us come here for support and fun not for an ass-whoopin'. Y'all settle down now, ya hear? Thangs are heatin' up here faster 'en 2 squirels fucking in a wool sock. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From Jim LaMattery
Wednesday, March 02, 2005, 17:37
(Agree/Disagree?)
Joe- I'm not your uncle. I don't even know who you are. Maybe you should identify yourself and your qualms, if any, with me in a private discussion. What have I done to you personally? Attacks on my person are part of the territory that I now face with speaking out, both publically and privately, and I prefer that they come from TF. Have we met? If not, how about a real conversation where we do get to know each other- but that takes real guts- that is, letting each other "in" on who we really are. I'm looking forward to a conversation with you where that can happen. Sincerely, Jim LaMattery(reply to this comment) |
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