|
|
 |
|
Getting Through : Creative Writing
Night Is Falling | from sarafina - Wednesday, September 25, 2002
accessed 1399 times Sorry if the poem isn't perfect I'm not very good at following through with poem structures. I worte this about 4yrs ago. I'm just learning. Night is falling; I lay awake
I feel myself fading away.
My body lying between dreams and life;
The moon enters my night.
Drops of moon see through black,
Your fingertips touch my back.
Leaves deep green brush the air,
Your lips blow soft through strands of hair.
Your eyes look down they lash by breast,
A beast with lust leaves its nest.
He stalks, he sees, his eyes light,
You find me in the summer night.
I run from you, a bird fly’s high,
You know me; I cannot hide.
Claws pierce skin teeth draw blood
As you drag me to your hub.
My lips turn red as I cry,
If you don’t kiss them I’ll die.
Falling down I drop, I hit the floor
As your lips reach my door.
I close my eyes you push through
The sky turns its deepest blue
Then black and dark lighting strikes, I shake.
As you satisfy my ache
A quake divides the mountains Water fills each crack
My body tries to hold floods back.
You drink I satisfy your thirst you give me mine
The skies spin the universe is high
The pounding inside grows stronger each move you make
My breathing, harder as my body you rake.
Through the faintness of ecstasy and pain
I Revel in the pleasure for which you came.
Silence hush I turn rose blush
As life return’s in a flush
The world stops it all stands still
Waiting to hear my will
The moon turns white the night to day
The hunger in the beast fades away.
Shading my eyes from the morning light
I’m left with illusions from the night.
|
|
|
|
|
Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from Anthony
Thursday, September 26, 2002 - 18:54
(Agree/Disagree?)
Well done, such sweet sorrow.
(reply to this comment)
| from sarafina
Thursday, September 26, 2002 - 13:09
(Agree/Disagree?)
I was just trying to compare need and lust for someone the same as a beast hunting for it's prey. Me being the prey. Like "I run fron you, A bird fly's high" I'm trying to show the chase, you know how when A animal is hunting you usually see birds fly up from the bushes?
And then once he catches it there is the fight for survival, like the woman is full of lust but her role is to fight it. So then you fighting it but enjoying it at the same time like when A beast finally takes its prey they become one...I'm sure you know what I'm talking about there..lol then once the rough night of passion is over...the lust sort of fades away and your finally satisfied for the momment..and your left with.."ok did that just happen" and your faint and dizzy and usually fall asleep.
I don't know maybe it's just a dark side of me. Thanks I'm glad you enjoied it and Monger you were pretty right on I'm glad that others were able to kinda feel what I was feeling and my emotions.
(reply to this comment)
| from faeriraven
Thursday, September 26, 2002 - 09:45
(Agree/Disagree?)
Sara, LOVED IT!!!
(reply to this comment)
| from faeriraven
Thursday, September 26, 2002 - 09:45
(Agree/Disagree?)
Sara, LOVED IT!!!
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from Craven de Kere
Thursday, September 26, 2002 - 04:40
(Agree/Disagree?)
I agree with monger, good use of imagery.
(reply to this comment)
| from monger
Thursday, September 26, 2002 - 04:31
(Agree/Disagree?)
Screw poem structures if you can create pictures like that Sarafina! I read this while listening to dark psychedelic trance ... fit perfectly for me! Hey I don't really know anything about poetry, but I just wanted to tell ya the lines from this that really stood out to me:
"Drops of moon see through black,
"Leaves deep green brush the air,
"Your lips blow soft through strands of hair."
"A beast with lust leaves its nest."
(Leaves ME with no idea as to what kind of "beast" you're actually speaking of, which makes this kind of open to interpretation.)
"I run from you, a bird fly’s high,
"You know me; I cannot hide.
"Claws pierce skin teeth draw blood"
(Brilliant how you manage to smoothly & effortlessly suggest that this has happened many times before with that middle line.)
"My lips turn red as I cry"
(Not sure exactly what this is supposed to mean, but to me it suggests strong emotion, pain, rage, and lust all at the same time. Maybe even blood trickling down over them.)
"My body tries to hold floods back.
"You drink I satisfy your thirst you give me mine"
"Through the faintness of ecstasy and pain
"I Realve in the pleasure for which you came."
(Damn! Never heard anyone call ecstasy & pain "faintness" before. Plus, the way you're saying, as I see it, you know he only came to satisfy himself but you're doing likewise is also cool. --At least that's what it sounds like to me, but "realve" ain't listed in any dictionaries of mine, so what DO you mean by that exactly?)
"Shading my eyes from the morning light
"I’m left with illusions from the night."
(Your "did this really happen to me?" ending borders on Absolutely Lovely.)
Tell me if I got anything here wrong though.
--Can you tell that I loved this poem yet? :)
(reply to this comment)
|
|
|
|
|
From 
]
[About the Trailer Park] [Who Links Here]