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Getting Through : Creative Writing
Fortress of the Mind | from no one - Friday, August 16, 2002
accessed 1773 times This is for VWBabe They pursue me even here
Their hatred knows no bounds
Mindless and blinded in their quest
They come for me my love
My fears come for me
The light of day has come and with it the promise of warm golden light that has ever in the past proven to be to hard a reality for doubt to shelter in
No light today
The gray that surrounds me brings no renforcement
It seems even nature itself has like friends and lovers failed me in my time of greatest need
I grope for courage
I look deep inside myself
The weapons I possess seem archaic
They have no effect on these demons
There is no stop tide no strong bullwork left
This place was not meant to be defended from within
The strong and swarthy gate upon
which I had falsly placed my placed my trust
Upon which I stood so sure of my stratagems now lays open
This thought tumbules across my mind trying to find perch
Like the surf on the rocks the question begs examining
But time like a slow leak slips away
They are at the door it shudders and splinters from their exertions
They seem to take great pleasure in their labors
Or maybe it is just that they sense what waits for them on the other side
Their howls of glee reach into my very soul
Perhaps it is a gift or the ultimate irony that I am afforded clarity in my final moments
Never was I one to doubt myself in finer days
I strode the ramparts, master of my domain
Fear was but a word then
A controlable thing not the beast that stands before me now
I feel for some perch, some high ground on which to make my final stand
This is not from some inborn sense of heroism or reserve of strengh
but rather out of a trembuling need to run
And the crushing wieght of reality that like the strongest wall holds me fast
It is in this moment that it comes like the final twist from the blade of fate the gates stand opened
My friend my closest friend closer then a lover you were to me far more then family
As if the two can not coexist
The realization drives all will that is left before it
With my finale thoughts
I love you |
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from monger
Thursday, August 29, 2002 - 00:00
(Agree/Disagree?)
This sucks a diseased, smelly penis!
(reply to this comment)
| from Ex-member
Thursday, August 22, 2002 - 14:27
(Agree/Disagree?)
I know who wrote this. It is fucking genius and moves me deeply. Knowing the person, it is heartbreaking for me to read their feelings exposed like this. But they should be a pro! And to Joe; I am an English teacher and I say fuck puntuation and spelling when you're spilling your guts to someone like this. The idea is that they understand you.
(reply to this comment)
|  From JoeH
Thursday, August 22, 2002, 16:03
(Agree/Disagree?)
Hey that's great! I also feel that certain rules of English can be bent in this sort of creative writing. However, I suggested that correction of certain errors would make it easier to read, thereby facilitating the reader's understanding. When I have to re-read a sentence because the rhythm of its parts is not clear, or the misspelling of a word leaves me unsure which word the author intended to use, my reading experience is jarring and uncomfortable.
Don't you think that if the goal is to "spill one's guts" the words should fly easily off the page and into the reader's comprehension, rather than force them to decode it like a puzzle?(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From JoeH
Thursday, August 22, 2002, 18:10
(Agree/Disagree?)
I understood it just fine, I just don't enjoy obstacles to understanding. for example, the word "finale" and "final" have different meanings and pronunciations. Maybe I'm not tuned in enough to the spirit so it takes me a couple of milliseconds to realize that "trembule" is actually "tremble". Secondly, commas not only show the reader where the pauses should be, but also help to separate the different parts of a sentence in a logical manner.
In response to Jersey, I spill my guts, but I don't have anything against proofreading them before showing them off. And shouldn't the ability to spill one's guts with eloquence be admired?
And finally, can we all lighten up? I didn't insult anyone's intelligence, I like this piece of writing, and simply stated that some corrections would make it easier to read. If you owned a fine sculpture, would you dust it and clean food off it, or simply insist proudly that it's brilliance is in no way tarnished by these small distracting (and detracting) elements?(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From JoeH
Friday, August 23, 2002, 11:45
(Agree/Disagree?)
I have posted in this section, and you're more than welcome to point out any spelling errors I may have made. I'll refer you to "Spring" in this section, and the n'sync article in the music section.
Just curious, how do you react to tiny suggestions and constructive criticisms in your own life? Or did you write this yourself? Why don't we let the author defend what you see as an attack on his writing, or are you his/her media-spokesperson?(reply to this comment) |
| | From Ex-member
Friday, August 23, 2002, 13:36
(Agree/Disagree?)
My life is not a brilliant beautiful piece of art like this. If you had read my other posts, you would know that I have no real self pride. On the contrary I welcome constructive critisism (which yours is not BTW), suggestions, even reprimands happily as I have a driving thirst for learning and bettering myself and my skills. -Which have not, as yet, reached a high enough level to have produced this...diamond in the rough. As for being this persons media spokesperson...Are you the media now?
(reply to this comment) |
| | From JoeH
Friday, August 23, 2002, 14:06
(Agree/Disagree?)
Well said, self-loathing is to self-esteem as bread is to butter. However, at this point your insistence in taking offence at the gentle suggestion to remove syntactical errors forces me to conclude that you are either a flamer, that is to say deliberately behaving in an antagonistic manner to stir up controversy, or that you are retarded and/or congenitally stupid. It is utterly ridiculous to assume that my pointing out simple human mistakes constitutes destructive criticism. To err is human, to insist in the validity of your errors, disturbed.
In light of this, I will not argue with you any further, and will hope and pray that the egomaniacal cult-like manner in which you undoubtedly run your English class will result in dismissal from your post and deportation from whatever country foolish enough to want to learn your peculiar brand of English. Hopefully they will replace you with someone who apreciates the English language enough to follow its simplest rules.
Do take care of yourself(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From Ex-member
Friday, August 23, 2002, 17:59
(Agree/Disagree?)
Oh, oh! I'm so hurt! Crushing blows indeed. You clearly are incapable of handling the heat when the flame is turned your way. Do I sense small dick syndrome? And FYI I am a superb teacher and all my students love me (as evidenced by their comments on anonymous teacher evaluations and begging me to stay and continue on at the end of each course as opposed to getting a new teacher for the next level in keeping with school policy). All my employers adore me and ask me to train their other teachers and administer their schools (teaching is mostly part time) etc.
As much as it hurts me to stress a childlike mind such as yours in any way, I am afraid your wish will not be granted any time soon. :( Poor baby!
You don't even understand that I was not saying proper English should not be used in everyday life (as much as possible with morons like you running around free, ofcourse) but that art does not necesarily follow those rules, nor should it be judged by them. Just as we wouldn't judge language by the rules of mathematics. Understand now, simpleton?
P.S. I thought we had established already, that they were neither my errors nor VWBabes. Or does that bring us back to your reading comprehension problem?(reply to this comment) |
| | From Anthony
Sunday, August 25, 2002, 17:31
(Agree/Disagree?)
Joe, what do you say we both move to Central America so we too can be adored? You may even do better than me down there due to the fact that you speak both Spanish & Portuguese. See, here in the states we're just two Americans amongst millions; but down there, well, we'd be virtual demi-gods, and who doesn't want that? Or how about China? I know of several ex-leaders and other stupid people doing that there, so it can't be that hard.
Regards,
Anthony(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Jerseygirl
Friday, August 23, 2002, 17:03
(Agree/Disagree?)
Joe what I meant in regards to the gut spilling was simply that it is not a pretty process, and often comes out very rough at first(you do note the current changes.I am glad to have seen your last post as you prove that you are yourself a very disturbed person. While you are extremely witty and funny, I have to admit, you are also an egotistical bastard.I hope they fire you for wasting the day posting on this site instead of working. Oh, and one more thing, take your "gentle suggestions" and shove them up your ass!!(reply to this comment) |
| | From JoeH
Friday, August 23, 2002, 17:56
(Agree/Disagree?)
I'm not sure if you meant disturbed as a compliment, but in any case, I'd be interested in further explanation. As a matter of fact, I am quite egotistical, and I was born out of wedlock, making me a bastard according to the stricter definition of the word.
Do we have to take life (and other people's writing) so seriously>?(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From JoeH
Friday, August 23, 2002, 11:40
(Agree/Disagree?)
And in your ability to get offended so quickly you miss the many times I have praised this work of writing. And how is correct english "tainted"? Please reread my post and pay attention to the sculpture metaphor. You'll see that I have a high opinion of this "gut-spilling".
And please, have a good laugh at yourself. It WILL do you good.(reply to this comment) |
| | From Ex-member
Friday, August 23, 2002, 13:51
(Agree/Disagree?)
"Yes, sir! Thank you, sir. Will there be anything else, sir?" excuse me while I "talk back" and "justify myself" to this "strong correction". I think I may even throw some rebellion in there and refuse to "obey" your harsh "punishment" of making me reread your post, paying special attention to the extra pretentious bits! Oh my, Uncle Joe, what will you do? Shall I just run right now and "chalk myself up a double demerit"?
I don't know about you but I am having plenty enough laughs at you to be in excellent health and spirits, this stimulating debate is just the diversion I need from work stress, thank you! :) See my happy face?
P.S. When did I ever say "correct English" was "tainted"? perhaps you should apply your own little counsel to yourself and see that my post was somehow mistakenly cut off. The full sentence said something like... "untainted by 'the little things' as you put it, beauty in peace?
(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | from VWBabe
Friday, August 16, 2002 - 15:32
(Agree/Disagree?)
To "No-One"
Thank you for this. I'm not sure who you are or why this was dedicated to me, but it's beautiful - very deep and slightly sad.
(reply to this comment)
| from JoeH
Friday, August 16, 2002 - 12:34
(Agree/Disagree?)
this is pretty interesting vw, but some punctuation, capitalization, and correct spelling would make it a lot easier to read. Remember "it's the little things"
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | From Deranged1
Friday, August 23, 2002, 00:05
(Agree/Disagree?)
Come on guys, give Joe a break already. When he originally made this post the poem here looked quite different & I had a bit of a hard time following it myself. Since then, this work of art has been modified to its current state, which is wonderful, and which changed just about everything Joe was originally talking about.(reply to this comment) |
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