The god that failed?

from DeeJay - Sunday, November 16, 2008
accessed 154 times

Yes I know that this is really really shitty. Yes I know that it's not really a poem. And yes I know that the stupidest part of this is actually posting it here. I just thought you know, maybe someone like colden might get it.

If god is really there,
Why oh why can’t I see him?
When I look to the skies,
Or I wake late at night,
I see nothing in times when I need him.
 
Am I all told just an ugly creation?
So he ashamed must hide his face?
Cause when I’m lost to myself,
Or I cry out for help,
The silence confirms that my plight remains.
 
I look for signs I’m mistaken.
I look to heaven, hell and the space in between.
I look for something I lost,
Amidst the fears you have taught.
And tell me, why must I believe in what I haven’t seen?
 
 
 
If god is really there,
Why oh why can’t I feel him?
I feel the joy and the pain,
From the choices I’ve made,
But fatigue is all that I get for kneeling.
 
These lifeless rooms, these empty streets,
Mirror the soul that as a child you hollowed out.
And the answers he provides,
Were paid with your children’s minds.
Now is it any wonder that I follow my doubts?
 
I wish for a warmth that won’t reach me,
I wish for a father’s love who never existed.
I wish all the lies I’ve been fed,
Could be erased from my head,
With the youth where your dead fantasies persisted.
 
 
 
If god is really there,
Why oh why won’t he save me?
See me stumble and fall.
See me struggle, see me crawl.
See him fail, this god that you gave me.
 
Too long I choked on your pills.
Too long I blindly swallowed your venom.
Now if the ghosts of your voices,
Leave me these two choices,
I choose hell, not your fictional heaven.
 
I curse the stars that fated me to you.
I curse those poisoned words that once I ate up.
I curse the days and nights,
When you covered my eyes,
And I curse the god that you made up.