I am alone

from notyetdrunk - Monday, July 07, 2008
accessed 337 times

It's late and I am lost in my memories.

The bittersweet memories of youth. The times you look back and were both heaven and hell. The people you were with, that you were and always will be homesick for. You have made decisions now that are adult decisions and you know are the right ones but you will always wonder where the other road would have taken you. This is my rant about that other road. The road I look across at once in a while and wonder. The road I stumble down in my mind when I am not yet drunk enough to forget.

I see your face and it is like time has never passed. I can hear your voice and feel you breathe next to me. All of the sudden it is like standing in that kitchen with the weight of the world on my shoulders and looking over knowing that whatever it was you were going to help me deal with it. It was your voice that calmed me when I was angry, and talked me through it when I was scared.
I close my eyes and I am taken back there I miss you, I miss you to the core of my very being. I don’t know why I am here struggling and you are there. I miss talking to you and I miss touching you. I miss looking in your eyes, and hearing your laugh. I miss your sense of humor as it was so similar to mine. I miss drinking out of the same cup of coffee in the morning and planning the menu’s at night. I miss you.

I am alone, I am lonely and I am lost. I cannot find my way. I am weak and you are not here. I told myself you were not the one, or rather I was not the one. And sometimes I wonder if I was wrong, always I wonder if I was wrong. I cannot change the decisions I made, I cannot change who I am. But the question will always be there. It is not love I am looking for but companionship, someone who thinks like I do who laughs at the same things and who at the end of the day will lay with me and share my thoughts. I will never have that. I let you go.

I will always hope you are happy, I will always hope that you meet the one for you. And I will always hope it will be me.