Moving On - Children of the Children of God

L**e at first sight does not exist. Ask anyone who has had a successfully LTR and they will tell you the same thing.
"Oh he/she irritated the Hell outta me when I first met 'em."

L**e at first sight does not exist. Ask anyone who has had a successfully LTR and they will tell you the same thing.
"Oh he/she irritated the Hell outa me when I first met 'em."

She walked into the small trailer and thought "what a mess." There were several people all of whom were there for the same reason. The celibate a life that had been cut short. At 19 her brother had been taken from her and this was his wake. A celebration of his life. So naturally there was lots of beer and whiskey his favorites.
She felt unnerved because she hardly knew anybody there. As she looked for a place to sit she noticed a guy in the only chair in the room. His head shaved bald, camo shorts and no shirt he was sitting towards the center of the room. She could see tattoos on his bicep but with out her glasses could not tell what they were.. "Great" she though a flipping skin head just what the evening needs. As she began to take more shots they began to talk

The conversation was dominated by music and how alike there taste were. (For a brief moment in time they seemed to be the only two people in the room. The loud music and chatter seemed to fade away.)
She realized that he was not a skin head and felt bad for judging him on his appearance. She noticed the blond sitting on his lap and decided that although interesting he was best placed in the back of her mind and filled under "interesting but not in my view". *Anyone who was gay, married, or in an ltr was not in her view because there was no point in looking at them after all. At least not in any capacity that was more than friend like.*n That was that. She drank her fill of whiskey went back to her friends and went to sleep.

One year later.

She walked up to the beat up Grey caddy. After the 45 min drive she was feeling unusually obnoxious. Then she noticed something funnier than duct tape saddled car and could not help but start laughing.
She saw "him"
*Did not recognize him with hair.* Standing about 5'9 shoulder length blond hair in a pony tail. *Later she would lament on how bright his eyes had been but with his back turned to her she had not yet noticed them.
She continued to watched him as place a fancy reclining camping chair and top of the line air mattress into the trunk."You do realize its called camping for a reason hell you got more stuff than I do and I'm a chick." She Chided and chuckled as she turned her back. "Well I have digenerative disc disease in my back and in ten years I will be in a wheel chair." "K Now I feel like an ass", she thought. when she would ask him later he would tell her that he was sure she was a stuck up snob. To which she would reply "Thats ok I was pretty sure that you were a whinnier." They would soon find out that they had much in common and would spend every possible second together despite the distance.
One night he would tell her "There are three things that matter in my life. My mom, My Daughter, and My girl." At that moment she had wished to be his girl. They went for walks talked on the phone and watched movies together each genuinely appreciating the other. He would casually tell her *when he was sure she was not paying attention* "I'm not going anywhere I have finally found what I have always wanted." They would never discuss the "feelings" or "emotions" that they both knew where there. It was not the right time and besides it was important to be friends before anything else.
And so they continued to work on building a friendship. He would make subtle hints. Once while they were sitting in a meadow looking beyond it at the hills ahead he had leaned in and said "I love your................. Kisses" then after a brief pause while she began to over analyze what he had just said he kissed her on the cheek and smirked a little.

She would call him one day and they would tell her that he had just died. She would cry (was rare for her almost an extinct emotion).
She would rush over and lay on his bed face buried in his pillows.
Hoping to latch on to any lingering scent that he had left. She was devastated. And rightfully so. She had no idea why she felt so upset that he had died. Soon she would pull herself together and help them pack his things for his family. She would maticulusly categorize each item amazed that she new so much his roommate stated "You learned more about him in the time you two hung out then we did the whole time he lived here."
Moments later his room mate called her over by saying "You need to see this." He showed her a small address book with a floral print. "If only I could tell him how girly it is she thought." Knowing he would have appreciated the joke. His room mate flipped throught the pages and said "Here look at this" She noticed it was he her number but there was no name. Simply a title she did not even realize she had. It simply said (in Pen) "MY GIRL". *Significant because he always said it was better to write in pencil. Things were less permenet that way. She knew at that moment that she had lost something she never knew she had and for the next five years she would reel over the thought. Comparing every one to him. Until she was finally able to let him go.

It did not hurt as much to think about him now. As a matter of fact It brought a smile to her face. For that moment in time she had something she never knew existed and few people have the privilege of knowing. She still refuses to name it and to this day has no word to describe it just. If you ask her all she will say is that she knew, and he knew which was in fact more than enough.