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Getting Through : Creative Writing
We have no past | from Albatross - Thursday, June 06, 2002
accessed 6277 times I wrote this when I left six years ago. It has more emotion than it does poetic skill, still, I have not been able to express better since. I also think that perhaps I've grown more optimistic over the years. We have no past
We who all our young years
Felt the cold breath of hypocrisy
We have no past
And must spin fanciful tales of our youth,
Our lives and infancy.
And every turn we take
Another half-truth we must utter
To hide the wretchedness of our fathers
And the shame of our mothers.
We have no past
No history for our generations
No legacy for our children
We have no past
So we must lie
And also bear this burden.
We have no past
We for whom “Diaspora”
Has been,
Not history lesson
But a way of life.
We the orphaned children
Of religious lunacy
Must bear her scar on psyche
And her birthmark
On our souls.
We who felt the lustful flames
Of our faith
Every day of our tender lives
When our father took our sisters
And made of them their wives.
We have no past.
And we survive
The children of one world
The citizens of another
Outlanders
Pretenders
Fearful of discovery.
We have no past
And like survivors
Of some dreadful holocaust
Find no understanding
But in the offspring of commiserate fate.
For empathy is not possible
For those who’ve felt no weight.
We have no past
And some have no future
When this shabby existence
We call life and lying
Eat through their soul.
We have no past
But we have been born again.
Not once, but twice
And this rebirth has taken its toll
So despite our desperate struggle
The die forever is cast
And we find ourselves the children
Who have no past |
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from jolifam77
Friday, November 12, 2004 - 09:41
(Agree/Disagree?)
um.. nice poem. exactly how I felt and continue to feel. I left 6 years ago at age 21. By that age your brain is already completely pathed out, so that leaving was a huge shock, in that while everything was once defined, now everything isn't and I was sunddenly in control. However, I couldn't handle the freedom. I still can't cope in the real world. I went to college for four years and that gave me a sense of consistency, but then when the money ran out after I graduate last Year I had to get a job, so now what? Do I just work the job like a robot just for the sake of having a feeling of consistency in my life? The problem is I'm not socialized enough to live a normal life in the system. I was an extremest in the family, which means I toed the line to the nth degree, never questioning, rarely doubting, I like having a set belief system. I only left because, after Berg died, I sensed the family had solidified into a meaningless pattern of rituals like any other church, and true to Berg's protest of that, I left--but to what. I'm completely lost in the system, can't relate to anyone, don't know how to make friends. That's where I'm at. I've contemplated suicide multiple times. Now my only hope and consolation is that I can make enough money to retire early and study biology in hopes of find a cure for aging so that I can retain the belief that I will live forever. Yes I'm crazy, the family made me that way. I'm eternally f*cked!
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| from Dani
Sunday, July 20, 2003 - 15:43
(Agree/Disagree?)
We do have a past, we are better than what we are now, it's in our blood.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | from frmrjoyish
Monday, May 05, 2003 - 20:11
 (Agree/Disagree?)
That was beautiful and very well written. How can anybody critisize him for expressing his feelings? "Pouring out his heart" as TF would call it. I for one felt like I was in a "bubble", if you will, from the real world but the longer I've been out, that bubble is starting to evaporate. i went through the same feelings of sadness, hopelessness and being ashamed of my past. Over the years, I've learned to cope. Time definetly heals not all but some wounds. I can definetly relate to sarafina when she talks about about making up a past. I did too, I felt I had too. I was too ashamed of the truth.
One thing we all need to remember is what happened was in no way our fault. When I was in the family, I was stupid enough to believe in all the BS that was shoveled on me. I even felt guily for leaving with my parents and at first I desperetly wanted to go back. But, over time, I began to question all the ideals and beliefs I was raised on. It was a huge step for me to be able to realise that my whole life had been based on BS up until then. But, I was born into it with no choice of my own. I went through a lot of hard times as I'm sure many of you had basically just because I was in no way prepared for life in the real world. I was very naive and irresponsible, I made mistakes, but I learned from them.
I just want everyone to know that the best way to get back at them is to live your life and be sucessfull. Show those whakos that their "prayers" against us are unanswered. Living a free independant life which is their greatest fear is the perfect revenge. Go to college, get your GED, and do your best to live in the "system" how ever you want to.
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| | | | from
Monday, May 05, 2003 - 17:15
(Agree/Disagree?)
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| from highonhigh
Tuesday, April 29, 2003 - 20:20
(Agree/Disagree?)
Many of us fell we have no past , your poem is so true. But the sad thing is :that some of us are still fighting to have a future. I have friends, the so call nationals ( you know latins) they left the group but they had to go back because they couldn't make it in the system. Some left alone without any support from anyone their parents are the little nobodies dishwashers & in charge of taking out the garbage, with no education,no money no place to live & in countries where the economic situation is so bad that the oportunities are almost zero. I feel for them because they have no where else to go but back to live a lie. I thank God I was 15 when I left together with my parents & my brothers & sisters, except for the oldest that left a few years later. Those of us latins have to fight harder. I still feel like an alien I miss fellowship & friends but I will never go back to live such a big lie. I live in the Dominican Republic is an island in the Caribe. I grew up in South America so most of my friends are far away & some are having a hard time. I have a friend she is still in TF she wants to leave she told me that she has no future that her life is just pretending to be good so she doesn´t get in trouble. The reason I mention her is because she wrote me¨ I feel I have no past, I have no future & the present sucks¨ Well I just wanted to say that what you wrote was right on. Thanks
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|  From Rabia
Tuesday, April 29, 2003, 23:21
(Agree/Disagree?)
That is heartbreaking. It reminds me how lucky I am to be an American citizen. It was extreme culture shock after growing up in Family communes in South America, but at least I was able to live here and have a fighting chance that hard work would make a difference for me.
There should be a law that if your parents are recruited by an Aerican cult that reduces your opportunities, you get to be an American citizen. Something like asylum. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | from sassy
Tuesday, April 29, 2003 - 12:29
(Agree/Disagree?)
Albatross i wish i had the words to say how i felt after reading this poem... it struck my heart in a way no other could.
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| from Mir
Tuesday, April 29, 2003 - 08:55
(Agree/Disagree?)
Thanks for this Albatross. It hurts to read it and remember...
My siblings and I kept our past a secret for a while and people thought we were from another planet, literaly, they use to ask us "where have you been for the last 10 years?" when it was obvious that we'd never heard of a particular artist or movie. Finally we just told everyone the truth and were quite pleased to see that they were really kind and went out of their way to help us understand their culture. That was 11 years ago, and now, I have no problem at all telling people my past.
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| From your little sister
Tuesday, April 29, 2003, 14:37
(Agree/Disagree?)
This is certainly true! I read a book called "la prisionnaire" (unsure how spelt) but it was about the Oufkir Family in Morocco who were imprisoned because their father attempted to due a "cue" and they took revenge on the family - they lived in a horrible desert prison for about 20 years! I must admit I could really relate to some of the things the author who was the eldest daughter said - that their lives, hopes and dreams were torn away from them! sound familiar? and how they had to get used to their lives on the outside and felt like freaks! I was in "prison" my entire childhood - now, although I am free I still fight the COG's legacy, its easier to get out of the COG then to get the COG out of you!(reply to this comment) |
| | from holyghost
Monday, April 28, 2003 - 14:56
 (Agree/Disagree?)
If you guys really think that was good poetry, your crazy. It was terrible
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| | | | | | | | | | From Jules
Tuesday, April 29, 2003, 00:57
(Agree/Disagree?)
I could not agree more.
Perhaps this is just me, but this poem resonates with me. Every time I read it, I cry and it tells me I am not alone in my isolation.
Poetry, as with all art, is about creative expression and truth. If people wanted to get a scorecard on their art they would try out for media whoredom on some "Reality" Show. If they post on a relatively obscure web site (ie: here) perhaps they are trying to connect with other people who can understand what they have experienced.
As the founder and admin of this site, I protest the "scorecards" on spelling, grammar and meter, I am shocked at the cowards who rate other people's vulnerabilities, while staying safe behind their own psuedonyms, and I state for the record that this is not the purpose of this site.
Who cares how people write what they think and feel? The important thing is that they do. I have had about enough of this. If you don't like the style of what is written here, contact me about being an editor and changing that yourself, otherwise suck it up, and perhaps if it bothers you that much you should move on yourself.
Jules (reply to this comment) |
| | from holyghost
Monday, April 28, 2003 - 14:55
(Agree/Disagree?)
your a terrible poet, that really wreaked
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| from mex
Tuesday, March 25, 2003 - 18:37
(Agree/Disagree?)
Albatross, that was awesome.
Thanks
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| from lucid
Wednesday, July 24, 2002 - 13:26
(Agree/Disagree?)
you make me weep. This is so cathartic.
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| from Jules
Sunday, June 09, 2002 - 22:06
(Agree/Disagree?)
There's an old Jewish story which reads:
One night four Rabbinim were visited by an angel who awakened them and carried them to the Seventh Vault of the Seventh Heaven. There they beheld the sacred wheel of Ezekiel.
Somewhere in the descent to earth, one Rabbi, having seen such intesity, lost his mind and wandered frothing and foaming until the end of his days. The second Rabbi was extremely cynical: "Oh I just dreamed Ezekiel's wheel, that was all. Nothing really happened." The third Rabbi carried on and on about what he had seen, for he was totally obssessed. He lectured and and would not stop with how it was all constructed and what it all meant... and in this way he went astray and lost his faith. The fourth Rabbi, who was a poet, took a paper in hand and a reed and sat near the window and wrote poem after poem, praising the evening dove, the stars in the sky, and expressing the depth of his feeling. And he lived his life better than before.
Perhaps soul-rending experiences can only be truly processed through the inner language of art, and the healing power of creativity. Thank you for this, I agree with VWBabe, it expresses it all.
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| from sarafina
Friday, June 07, 2002 - 18:59
(Agree/Disagree?)
Hey D.
I rebember when You read that to me about 5yrs ago. It had the same effect on me now as it did then. I remembered I wanted a copy as it really expressed how I felt too. How many years I've lied about my past saying I moved because my parents were in the military..or somehting like that. I had no past from the time I left at 18. My boyfriend always wondered why I don't have friends from when I was younger...now that I've told him I've found aolt of those"old friends " through this site. You have so many other poems that are equaly good. I'm glad you decided to share this one maybe you'll share the others.
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| from nicole
Friday, June 07, 2002 - 18:02
(Agree/Disagree?)
That was awsome. In my earlier years out of the cult I kept my past a complete secret, which obviously made it difficult to have real friends. People thought I was aloof, and that I had something to hide because I never talked about my past. I just didn't exist before the age of 18. Since then I've done quite a lot of processing (emotional and mental) and although it's not most peoples business where I've come from, I've found that telling a select few about my upbringing, has only caused them to understand me better and as a result become closer friends.
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| From N R
Tuesday, April 29, 2003, 17:36
(Agree/Disagree?)
Maybe u feel U can tell people cuz U live in a city of some size. When U have lived in a small town for a couple years, everybody knows everybody and friends you have now, u may stop hanging out with in the future -- and thus all yr secret confidings become known. I guess if u live in a big city, go ahead and tell anyone you want, U can always move a couple blocks away and noone's the wiser. one thing I'll tell you, like dating people at work, it will virtually ALWAYS screw u over if someone at work hears, even if they're sympathetic. The gossip will go around, yr co-worker/sympathetic boss will change jobs eventually, and then you got some problems with the new boss/co-worker who sees you as a threat to their becoming division head -- gossip never comes out nice or rational. (reply to this comment) |
| | From NR
Tuesday, April 29, 2003, 17:36
(Agree/Disagree?)
Maybe u feel U can tell people cuz U live in a city of some size. When U have lived in a small town for a couple years, everybody knows everybody and friends you have now, u may stop hanging out with in the future -- and thus all yr secret confidings become known. I guess if u live in a big city, go ahead and tell anyone you want, U can always move a couple blocks away and noone's the wiser. one thing I'll tell you, like dating people at work, it will virtually ALWAYS screw u over if someone at work hears, even if they're sympathetic. The gossip will go around, yr co-worker/sympathetic boss will change jobs eventually, and then you got some problems with the new boss/co-worker who sees you as a threat to their becoming division head -- gossip never comes out nice or rational. (reply to this comment) |
| | From NR
Tuesday, April 29, 2003, 17:36
(Agree/Disagree?)
Maybe u feel U can tell people cuz U live in a city of some size. When U have lived in a small town for a couple years, everybody knows everybody and friends you have now, u may stop hanging out with in the future -- and thus all yr secret confidings become known. I guess if u live in a big city, go ahead and tell anyone you want, U can always move a couple blocks away and noone's the wiser. one thing I'll tell you, like dating people at work, it will virtually ALWAYS screw u over if someone at work hears, even if they're sympathetic. The gossip will go around, yr co-worker/sympathetic boss will change jobs eventually, and then you got some problems with the new boss/co-worker who sees you as a threat to their becoming division head -- gossip never comes out nice or rational. (reply to this comment) |
| | from VWBabe
Friday, June 07, 2002 - 15:33
(Agree/Disagree?)
Albatros - this was absolutely beautiful!! I don't have words to express my feelings reading this piece of poetry. You expressed my deepest feelings in a passionate, clear way.
Thank you.
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| From UrquelGuardian
Monday, May 05, 2003, 17:15
(Agree/Disagree?)
I guess poems are either inspired or un-inspired. That can be the problem and it touches different people different ways.
In the hills so green,
You will find the crowds are thin,
And the travelers are few.
But that you knew,
So which will it be for you,
Do the mountains smell of due,
Will you chose to be one of the few?
Straight is the gate and narrow is the way,
Well done, My child to you will He say?
Or will you just obey and obey,
And go the way,
Go all the way today,
Say not nay but yea,
For this I will pray,
And I know you will be okay.
Plagued with in difference,
Now easy roads are crowded,
And the level roads are jammed,
The pleasant little rivers
With the drifting folks are crammed,
But up yonder where it's rocky,
Where you'll get a better view,
The many seem to be,
But there are none as blind
As those who will not see,
Well, the few that be which follow,
And those that wallow,
Are the ones who understand,
That their faith will be rewarded,
Will they be consorted or retorted,
When they see the Promised Land,
Will I understand,
And be part of Gideon's band,
To go and claim the land,
And be dressed in Grand,
shining armour.
I can't keep trying to work things out,
Trying to see things the way I want them to be,
I must, I must sign a blank sheet,
And stand with my own two feet,
Upon rock-hard, solid Meat,
That I can use for a seat,
I ask, I ask You, Jesus,
To let me see through Your eyes,
Let me see through Your eyes,
Let my bye-byes be bye-byes
And help me to stop and listen to You,
When the mountain smells like due,
And not be a fool,
Help me let You see things through,
And through and through,
And keep sticking close to You.
And be with you just You.
-- Urquel(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From TimR
Monday, May 05, 2003, 20:26
(Agree/Disagree?)
You're right, Berg's attempts at poetry were pretty awful, and my ears are still smarting from "The battle for Brittania", and "the song of Candina" or whatever.
Joe, the reason I thought it was your joke was because of the 13th and 14th lines from the end where "Urquel" tells us how much he wants:
"..rock-hard, solid Meat,
That I can use for a seat."
Ha ha ha ha ha!..I can't believe that anyone could says something like that without realizing the implications, but I guess he may have been serious. Still, intentional or not, it was funny. (reply to this comment) |
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