A friend of Hate

from Baxter - Wednesday, May 26, 2004
accessed 1337 times

Fuck knows why I'm posting this here. Hey, at least I don't have to look any of you in the face!

I keep a friend that never leaves me

Even when I wish him to

I do not think I have always known him

At times he wonders from my side

Though never far from me, I know

He is old, perhaps as time itself

But he assumes a new face each time we meet

He is the kind of friend few admit to keeping

And yet he knows everyone

And they him

He oft makes enemies of my other friends

He makes me turn away from

Old bonds and long-suffering allegiances

He has a habit of reinvigorating old quarrels

And reopening old wounds

He has walked among the great and the trivial alike

All with equal welcome, equal disdain

When I consider the world I see still

His face, his hand, hear his voice

Know his work

Sometimes

I see him in my other friends

The ones, like him,

Whose company I do not always

Admit that I keep

He oft walks hand in hand

With pride

My dearest friend

Yet after much consideration

Still I know not the stronger of the two

Sometimes they wear masks,

These two

They convince me that they are another friend

Altogether

Honor, I think, or justice

He must have relations among my others;

I might not call pain a friend

But for the years she shared my bread

A truer companion none can know

She at times the bond ‘tween me and him

With anger do I find at times

These three bound thicker than thieves

Oft the former bears herald for the latter,

And vice-versa

Though anger usually retires earlier

Fear is their mother! That whom I hate

Who loves me

From whom I cannot escape

The enemy of reason

And the comrade of ignorance

And then there is love

Love!

I love you and I hate you

Pointless, purposeless

Guise-wearing, ambiguous

You claim before all others

Your undying loyalty

Yet hide from me your face

The hope of all, the prize of none

The oaths that you can never keep

I oft wonder if these two are not

Brother and sister

Or worse

Perhaps the same in different shades

It makes no difference

Hate! I loathe your blighting presence

Yet I love you with all my heart!

I cannot be rid of you

Nor shall I truly send you away

Yet you bring me shame at every turn

Your antithesis to which we cling

We hope, pray, wish for love

We say that it will conquer all

Why idly hold our breath

There is nothing left for love to conquer

You have moved mountains

Caused kingdoms and empires

To vanish

Silenced tongues

Vanquished armies

Ought what has love begot

In contrast to you

What edifice has love erected?

What nation built in its name?

What credit, what glory, what accolade?

I hate you

I hate what you have caused in me

I hate what you cause me to be

You make a mockery of all reason

And I cannot escape you

I hate you

I run from you, I flee your side

I deny you

I curse your name, your blighted hand

I fear your gaze, loathe your touch

I begrudge you your place at my side

And yet

You faithfully wait for me to turn

To you, when all else has fled

The pain draws me closer still

Why do I yet

Crave your cold embrace?

Can I not be assuaged?

Am I inconsolable

But through you?

And then I am alone

And none but you remains

I know not now if it is

Your company that makes them flee

Or if they were ever there at all

Somehow I know you better now,

I truly see you in all

I see the secret of your being

I understand

I cannot love unless I hate

And then I feel it again

Your gnarled claws tear at my seams

Breaking me down

Catharsis renewed

Am I made stronger by your hand? Or merely older

It matters not

For all have been where I have been

I am not unique in this

This I know with all my heart

I know no closer friend nor truer foe than Hate