Moving On - Children of the Children of God

I'm making this cult for the express purpose of making money. The goal is to generate passive income and retire in places like Japan, France, Spain, Philippines.

I can't guarantee you much income, but we will support you and protect you from the law by shuffling you around the world. Once you reach manager status we'll give you a holy title which you can use to milk our members and live a cushy lifestyle.

We don't need to do anything new, just sensational. We'll research various religions and steal portions.

I'll need a talented writer and editor to put together a new and sparkling wonderful book of our revelations. It'll have to be at least as thick as the book or the Mormons. I'll also need an artist that has a talent with tracing and copying.

We need to analyze the market and choose our target segment. It would be beneficial to target the youth, as they are naive and easily manipulated. We should encourage random copulation, so as to generate a second generation of followers. We'll manipulate their parents so the second generation is provided with an education inadequate should they ever wish to leave us. We'd also taget the older successful people in a different way. We want their money, but they are too opiniated to be full time members. We'll put in some revelation marking their position as sponsor members.

The only basic things that would be required of you is to never challenge my authority, throw away your conscience, and make your wife available to me.

Send me your resume and a nude photo of your wife, daughter, sister, or whatever female offering you will be bringing with you. I might give you special benefits if you bring some champagne and cuban cigars when you join. It's so obvious I shouldn't need to mention, but you'll have to handover your house and car, and any future inheritance you may receive. I'll know how to spend your money better than you will. I'm the prophet.

Any questions?

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from PopNFresh
Tuesday, November 14, 2006 - 06:00
(Agree/Disagree?)
Why do I just picture Borat responding to this ad?
(reply to this comment)

From Borat
Tuesday, November 14, 2006, 06:40
(Agree/Disagree?)
Sounds like much fun! Where I go for to sign up?(reply to this comment)
from openmind
Tuesday, November 14, 2006 - 00:21
(Agree/Disagree?)
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(reply to this comment)

From Oddman
Wednesday, November 15, 2006, 00:35
(Agree/Disagree?)
Tsk tsk tsk, any false believer with any talent knows that one must alter create variations in order to avoid sounding monotous and fake.

Example

"Thank you jesus thank you lord thank you jesus thank you jesus thank you lord praise you jesus hallelujah thank you jesus praise you lord."(reply to this comment)

From openmind
Wednesday, November 15, 2006, 19:02
(Agree/Disagree?)

gee that's really hard... it's like trying to rub my head and pat my belly at the same time(reply to this comment)

From Rain Child
Tuesday, November 14, 2006, 01:53
(Agree/Disagree?)
hmmm...that would make interesting wallpaper.(reply to this comment)

From openmind
Tuesday, November 14, 2006, 22:28
(Agree/Disagree?)
*toilet paper*(reply to this comment)

From Fish
Tuesday, November 14, 2006, 00:27
(Agree/Disagree?)

Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,Ctrl c,Ctrl v,

Amen?

Do you? (reply to this comment)

From openmind
Tuesday, November 14, 2006, 00:28
(Agree/Disagree?)
no, only ctrl c once ... then ctrl v ctrl v ctrl v ctrl v ctrl v ctrl v ...(reply to this comment)
from Solo
Monday, November 13, 2006 - 23:56
(Agree/Disagree?)

Pick me pick me I am not really a very moral person and I can trace hooray I have been waiting for this so long, its a Revolution for cash PTL hallelujah TYJ Rebuke the Romans
(reply to this comment)

From Oddman
Wednesday, November 15, 2006, 00:38
(Agree/Disagree?)
No! You are out of the spirit. We don't rebuke the romans. The romans are there for our protection and we respect them. We don't rebuke them, we only hide from them when we see them coming, and deceive them when questioned. Amen?(reply to this comment)
from Rain Child
Monday, November 13, 2006 - 00:09
(Agree/Disagree?)
PTL TYJ I feel so called out and chosen! What sweet fellowship we will have. We'll be...One Wife!
(reply to this comment)

From Oddman
Monday, November 13, 2006, 03:37
(Agree/Disagree?)
I bless you Rain Child, but that systemy name has got to go. From hence forth thou shalt be called Tiffany Rockets.

Your first godly mission; find me a good lawyer that lacks a conscience. If you succeed in this, I'll arrange for your heavenly home on pluto to upgrade from straw mat to bed mat. If you want blankets to come with that, you'll also have to sell these little tract thingies I wrote.

Just so you don't get shocked later, the bed mat and blankets will be see-through. Put on your glasses of faith and you shall know it is there. But since you'll be a spiritual being, you'll sort of magically slip through both of them, without feeling a thing. Now focus on my finger and repeat after me "I believe, I believe".(reply to this comment)

From Rain Child
Tuesday, November 14, 2006, 01:59
(Agree/Disagree?)
I found you a great one, my Lord. His name is Leonard Chessler. He's quite happy to represent you, says you're his type. Can I get my see-through bed now?(reply to this comment)

From Oddman
Wednesday, November 15, 2006, 00:45
(Agree/Disagree?)
"My lord" mmm say that again. For I am a jealous prophet and thou shalt have no prophets before me. I shall grant you the see-through bed. (reply to this comment)

From Rain Child
Wednesday, November 15, 2006, 00:55
(Agree/Disagree?)
Keep the bed...I've decided to backslide. See ya.(reply to this comment)

From Oddman
Wednesday, November 15, 2006, 01:15
(Agree/Disagree?)
I hate backsliders. I must puke you out like vomit. Until you die your like will be hell. Did you know that everybody who leaves the faith becomes a stripper or prostitute, takes drugs, then dies? Some return to the fold after realizing its so hard and lonely out there. Nobody ever succeeds. Anyway, leave all your possessions when you leave. You only get to take the underwear you are wearing, and your cheapest set of clothing. Let your shepherds check you bags to make sure you are not taking any eviden.. I mean DO material out with you. But be so happy. God loves you and you will still get into heaven as a janitor.(reply to this comment)

From Rain Child
Wednesday, November 15, 2006, 01:54
(Agree/Disagree?)
My LIKE will be hell, I'll have a great body, get laid heaps, and even get money for it...and I'll be high most of the time too? AND I don't even have to take any of your rambling written rants with me!!! Thanks!(reply to this comment)