Moving On - Children of the Children of God

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they need to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a Headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, and used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made there way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls night out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties.” That’s nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, "From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'"

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from Shackled
Monday, July 05, 2004 - 22:03
(Agree/Disagree?)
The following are replies that some southern women have put on child support agency forms in the section used to list information about the father.

01. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins: child A, was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

02. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

03. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was
conceived at a party for NASCAR drivers where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you please send me his phone number? PS: I think his car color was black and white. Thanks.

04. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a
Chevrolet pickup that now has a hole made by my Hi-heels in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact local Chevrolet dealers in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

05. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Billy Graham confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

06. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have catastrophe implications for the economy in the South. I am torn between doing right by you, and right by the state. Please advise.

07. I do not know who the father of my child was as all Rednecks look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a wearing a T-shirt with a Coors logo on it.

08. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

09. From the dates, it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World in Florida- maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Mrs. Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed home and watched more TV rather than going to the party on the beach, mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.
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