Vanna White's got nothin' on me.

from Phoenixkidd - Monday, February 18, 2008
accessed 457 times

You think you've walked miles?

There are a few things in my life that I will never do again.

A. Walk to the store or do a job that requires walking.

B. Wash my own car

This statement sounds ridiculous but Vanna's got nothin' on me when it comes to miles. In a 1996 interview it was stated that she had walked 476 miles in her 13 year career as Wheel of Fortune's gracious letter-turner.

Today, bored at work as usual, I decided to do a little calculating of my own. I've pieced together the years that I spent in the cult tapenessing, postering, litnessing, walking through parks and streets to get souls "saved". My conservative estimate I came up with was 820 miles that I've walked rain or shine dishing out "The Gospel" How?

I took the years I was most active in this activity 86 thru 87 1/2, 91 through 93 1/2, 94 1/2 through 95, 97 1/2 through 98, and came up with 90 months, Since there are generally 4 weeks in a month times 4, and since I walked on average 2 miles a day and went out 3 days a week to do proselytizing, I averaged at least 5 miles a week.

(90x 4)*5 =1800. I added to that an extra 300 for pre-1986 times for postering, litnessing, road trips etc..trudging through parks to get people into heaven etc, and I've got a grand total of 2200 miles.

That's more than the distance between Los Angeles, CA and Chicago, IL!

What do I have to show for all this "training/ work experience"?-- Nothing! Not even a line on a damn resume. So don't ask me to walk with you anywhere.

I also estimate I did 30 carwashes between 1994 and 1995 and averaged washing 16 cars each so that's 480 cars. that's why I will never wash another car again.

This of course is nothing compared to my dad who still does night singing and other forms of cult activities. I would assume he's down double the amount as me at around 4800 miles. More than the distance between Miami Florida and Ketchikan, Alaska.

Don't get me started on the money he's made in the cult that don't amount to jack-Sh** when he's done.