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Getting Support : Speaking Out
To Mika | from EyesWideShut - Sunday, October 20, 2002
accessed 2092 times I grew up in the Family. Here are some things I remember. My mommy always took time to listen to and respect my side of the story, and my daddy never spanked me to pacify other home members, or punished me for being a reflection of him. I was never slapped silly for being blunt or having a strong opinion. I never doubted my parents' love.
I had a strong connection with my grandparents and other extended family members and knew that I could talk to them about anything and that they'd be there if I needed them under dior circumstances. They weren’t the subtle enemy that wanted to snatch me from my parents. I didn’t have to run everything past my parents before I could say it to my grandma. I didn't have to throw away things she had given me that might have "hitch-hiking spirits" on them.
Whenever I had 42 degree fevers, lethal food poisoning, or second degree burns I was treated by a medical professional.
Everyone gave me the benefit of the doubt and let me be a kid. I wasn’t expected to fill an adult’s shoes from the age of 7. I was allowed to play with my non-member neighborhood friends. Sweets were allowed. We did trick-or-treating on Halloween and celebrated 4th of July like the patriots we were.
I received an education that satisfied my curiosity and met social standards. I was informed of all my options so that, in future, I could make an informed decision about my own life. I knew that there would be thousands of options open to me when I became a woman, not just kids, cooking, cleaning, or witnessing. I know that my younger siblings are benifiting from this same standard of education and they too know what their options are. I never worry about them.
We always ate good food and always had good cooks. We always had whatever we needed; God always came through with those blessings He promised. We never went without at Christmas.
My dad respected himself and my mom had self-confidence. They never argued and I never wondered if they would separate. I could tell they were happy about who they were and what they had chosen to do with their lives.
I never thought I’d grow up to be a prostitute in the Tribulation, and I never worried about being tortured or burned at the stake, dying before the age of 14. I was prepared to live a full, healthy, natural life and die in peace. I wasn’t scared of police in riot gear because I knew they weren’t an extension of the AC forces from Heaven’s Girl. I was taught everyone was worthy of the truth, not just group members.
I never had nightmares about being brutally stabbed to death by “the devil” if I was “out of it”. They say that children who often fly in their dreams are trying to get away from something in their life. I didn’t dream of flying almost every night, and I never woke up in a cold sweat believing I was surrounded by Incubuses; rebuking the devil.
I was never molested as a child; I know my parents would have darn near killed the bastard if I had been. I knew, too, that if such a thing had happened I could have told them about it and they would have believed me over the bad man. Men in places of authority never took physical advantage of me when I was a teenager, and I was encouraged to date and explore romance with guys my age.
I was always appreciated for my honesty. Adult men never spanked me after I turned 16. I knew that when my shepherds said that they wanted to hear my opinion, they meant it. I never got in trouble for exposing my questions and doubts about life. I was never punished for being a teenager and put in a program and forced to turn on my friends to survive. When times were rough, which they rarely were, I never lost hope and I never cursed God. Most of all I never wanted to kill myself to end the pain.
I was always taught to love myself; that God had made me the way he wanted me to be, not as a cosmic joke, but out of affection for my particular personality. I was encouraged to think for myself, to hear both sides of the story in every situation, to believe in myself, to be educated and open-minded, to follow my heart and my dreams, and most of all not let anybody stand in the way of my destiny.
When I grew up I never thought that my only choice was to have lots of kids so I wouldn’t have to think about how unhappy I was. I was treated like the mother and wife that I had become. I was never publicly embarrassed or humiliated or yanked around at the whim of people I’d never met. My husband never felt compelled to take the shepherd’s side when I needed him most. I always knew I was doing what I wanted to be doing. I felt good about it. And I knew that if I ever decided to change my life everyone I loved would admire me for having the courage to do so.
NOT!!! |
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from Banshee
Monday, February 14, 2005 - 07:03
(Agree/Disagree?)
Did anyone else notice that this article got published on the myconclusion.com site? WITHOUT the word "Not" at the end?
I'm interested to know how this happened...heh.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | from movedon
Friday, February 11, 2005 - 19:59
(Agree/Disagree?)
I knew this was too good to be true. If this was the case for all of us, there probably wouldn't even be the need for this website. They might even post this on myconlusion.com if you took away the "NOT" since they are so desperate for positive articles. That would be funny!!
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| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | from conan
Friday, February 11, 2005 - 18:20
(Agree/Disagree?)
GREAT posting eyeswideshut. I was ready to write a few pages as to where you were sooooooo f**king lucky compared to every other child in TF....then when I saw the end I had a good laugh as well as a sigh of relief (hehe). Well written and it brings many excellent points without being too subtle. Well, it was subtle until the big "NOT"!!! Thanks!!
(reply to this comment)
| from Mika
Friday, February 11, 2005 - 15:30
(Agree/Disagree?)
I'm just curious....why is this addressed "to Mika." I don't think you mean me, but who are you referring to?
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from Guccigirl
Friday, February 11, 2005 - 12:46
(Agree/Disagree?)
For a second I thought I was reading a post from "mydelusion.com" (Borrowing your catch phrase here Alby) until I reached the end - I think that pretty much sums it up for all of us, sad but true. Very well written.
(reply to this comment)
| from Cult Surfer
Friday, February 11, 2005 - 11:32
(Agree/Disagree?)
I ran into this, it's a sad read - but true.
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| from Mir
Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 11:19
(Agree/Disagree?)
EyesWideShut, this is terrible. I'm so sorry for all of us... Some of us had a worse time than others I guess. At least I knew that my mum loved me and she would stick her neck out for us, sometimes getting into trouble with the leaders for being "out of it". All the other kids used to say "your mom is really nice, I wish my mom was like yours". And I used to feel sorry for them.
Sometimes I still wonder how she could've allowed us to get beaten so damn hard though!!! Most of the time when I got punished I knew that I had been naughty and disobedient, so I didn't question whether I deserved to be punished or not, but what I didn't understand is, why be punished so severely??? I love my mum dearly, we have been able to talk about a lot of the shit that happened and she apologised to us, however, I have to constantly forgive her when I remember stuff that happened because if I don't it just eats me up. Now that I have a son it seems to be worse. For me the only way to heal has been to forgive, but had I not been able to tell mum of the hurt she caused, I don't know that I can/could've done it...
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| from gfk_au
Tuesday, January 07, 2003 - 23:34
(Agree/Disagree?)
hahaha i too was going to go off on my own tirade. Thinking where the hell did you grow up and why did i get the opposite........cheers on the post. ;)
(reply to this comment)
| from @#$%*@&
Saturday, October 26, 2002 - 02:11
(Agree/Disagree?)
I was about to go off on a tyrade and call you all sorts of ugly names out of jealousy, until I read "Not!!!!"
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| from dan
Friday, October 25, 2002 - 23:16
(Agree/Disagree?)
why no e.mail?
(reply to this comment)
| from dan
Friday, October 25, 2002 - 23:14
(Agree/Disagree?)
got me . and sorry for this but i'm new to the site, can you tell me what vandari means?
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| from thepersoniamnow
Tuesday, October 22, 2002 - 23:19
(Agree/Disagree?)
sweeeeeet
(reply to this comment)
| from xhrisl
Tuesday, October 22, 2002 - 04:16
(Agree/Disagree?)
I was preturbed and jealous, wondering what wonderfull far flung feild of equality you had grown up in until I read.... "NOT!"
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| from porceleindoll
Monday, October 21, 2002 - 20:33
(Agree/Disagree?)
Very well written, pretty much sums up what we missed in our lives.
(reply to this comment)
| from JoeH
Monday, October 21, 2002 - 15:14
(Agree/Disagree?)
until reading the last line I was about to ask "Are you sure you were in the Family?"
(reply to this comment)
| from Hanna_Black
Monday, October 21, 2002 - 13:13
(Agree/Disagree?)
Very well written, I must say. I started believing the first few lines, then realised, "aha"...
Sort of sad to read "I was taught that everyone was worthy of the truth."
Pitiful now that I think about my past.
You deserve an A+ for this one.
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