Ballad of the Endtime Prophetess

from ErikMagnusLehnsher - Saturday, January 22, 2005
accessed 1756 times

After reading "Deviant Lego Men" on MyConclusion.com I thought it important to raise the quality of satirical discourse.

Paul Theophilus I am certainly not but here goes nothing:

Ballad of the Endtime Prophetess

Being The Endtime Prophetess sometimes
Can really get me down.
Especially when it comes to spiritual gifts:
I am not talented like Oda Mae Brown.

We've published quantity over quality:
Books upon books of droning prophecy.
Since when was there such a premium
On a tiny detail like accuracy?

All this controversy about some harmless child sex!
Victor Camps for kids? what's that to me?
Sometimes I long for the good ole' days:
Life was simple back in Tenerifee...

I've danced my way around blame
By throwing under the truck some former "CRO"-ny.
It was mid-level leadership misinterpretation!
The buck stops anywhere but with me.

Sometimes my blood starts to boil
When people bring up old things I've written and said.
I say: "You can't handle the truth!"
"Yes! I ordered the damn code red!"

Oops! Did I actually say that?
I thought I was thinking to myself.
I'll have to dust off those old Pub
Purge notices sitting neatly on the shelf.

I convinced The Family that it's because
We serve Jesus that persecuted we'll always be!
I don't want those good people thinking
That it's association with our sordid history.

Some of the vocal SGA Ex-Members are Vandari
And to the Devil pledges they've made!
Watch out the same could happen to you
If you ever stop drinking the tasty Kool-Aid.

You Family Members are strong spiritual warriors
armed with The Truth you've nothing to fear.
But meaningful discussion with Vandari is overrated
And bad for your spiritual health, my dear.

We'll roll out MyConclusion.com and
The good side of our group we'll show:
Tell our kids: "It's you being attacked...
Write about Deviant Men of Lego."

Some SGA Ex-members have been successful!
I guess what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
But something tells me these same young people
Won't be buying stuff from me any longer.

But very recently I experienced
An epiphany, now I clearly see:
The way for The Family to put the bad past behind them
Is to give a pink slip to little old me.

So I'm taking a two-decade-long-overdue step and
Throwing in the towel like I should.
Even within a calculating heart like mine
There's a bit of disinterested good.

The Family International can find new leadership
If some of the good folks want to give it a try
But if beating kids or sex abuse is on the resume,
For this position they need not apply.

I do Obfuscation, misdirection and
Character assassination.
I acquired these valuable skills
Due to administrative necessitation.

So you won't catch me in some spider hole or
Begging on a corner while trying to sing.
I'm already searching Monster.com
A politician may pay me major bling-bling.

I'm taking some of my posse with me and
I won't be providing any redress.
So don't bother with the hate-mail or subpoenas
'Cause I won't be leaving a forwarding address.

"King Peter, Hurry up with the bags!
Oh...stop whining about your back."
"Matthew...Francis drop those Swiss Francs
and help Amsterdam pick up the slack!"

Coulda'...Shoulda'...Woulda'...
I know it's fruitless to play that game.
But If I hadn't published "The Last state!"
Would my plight be quite the same?

Berg was a crazy, dirty old man
with only one thing on his mind.
But when he turned to teen girls,
That's where I should have drawn the line.

But hindsight is 20/20 and a
Modern-Day Moses couldn't have been denied.
But sometimes I stay up late crying:
"At the very least I should have tried."

Ambition for Power can be seductive
And sacrifices had to be made.
He could have easily replaced me, you know?
So for my position they paid.

(Pause)

Honest instrospection and self-doubt
Is a depressing exercise I won't soon repeat.
"Quick! Load up my fake plants!
Got places to go...things to do...people to meet!"