My response to my mother about the "apology" letter

from NClaunch - Monday, March 10, 2008
accessed 603 times

This was something that i sort of fought about with my mother yesterday and today, and then proceeded to publicly blog about it. Read it if you want, it's fairly long.

OOoohh, here comes a rant!
Friday March 07th 2008, 10:49 am Edit This
Filed under: Me, life, school., complaints/dislikes, Joys of..., Troubles!, Anger and Rants!

I was called an “apostate” today by my own mother. When you hear that word you think: evil, deserter, enemy, unworthy of listening to, will report only prejudiced information. The actual dictionary.com interpretation is:

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - Share This
a·pos·tate Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[uh-pos-teyt, -tit] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun

1.
a person who forsakes his religion, cause, party, etc.
–adjective
2.
of or characterized by apostasy.
“A person who forsakes his religion, cause, party, etc.”

Could there really be anymore to say? I am proud to be an ‘apostate’ because 1. It was NEVER MY RELIGION!

I was forced into it as was every other second and third generation people in and those that came out of it. I had no choice. Don’t get me started on the physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse i suffered while in it. There is a book out (i think i’ve mentioned before) written by one of my good friends who i had lived with in various places in The Family called “Not without my Sister(s)!” I’m actually in it. If you have questions or are just plain curious as to what other apostaters have to say, you should definitely buy and read it. i can account for everything she’s said because i was THERE for most of it. i experienced it too. I am just not articulate enough to write about it, although i have been thinking about it a lot lately.

2. Well, i think 1. sums it up pretty much. I’m still angry. I’m angry that the very person who impregnanted my 14 year old sister (in his 30’s i believe at the time) is now high up in the organization and publishing statements denying any form of sexual abuse ever in the cult. Yes, i know who you are. Abuse just doesn’t go away. It lingers and lingers and hurts even years later. i have to get to class now but as angry as i am right now, i believe i will come back and rant more.

(Got through that? Wait, there's more!)

go figure, an angry response.
Monday March 10th 2008, 1:38 pm Edit This
Filed under: Me, life, school., complaints/dislikes, Joys of..., Troubles!, Anger and Rants!

This is America (where i live anyway) and that gives me freedom of speech (or write as the case may be.) Here is the email my mother sent me today and then i will post the comment she left (with my comments on that in bold and italic)

“Wanna try to put yourself thru college? I know you hate me. Sorry about that. I failed you pretty miserably. I couldn’t afford to attend your wedding, no travel funds available. Besides you didn’t invite me–I found out about it later. I’m glad Meek was there for you when I wasn’t. I know, I know, I failed miserably. I have to live with that. Are you finished blasting me publicly? Hope it feels good! Do it all you want. I still love you and am trying to help you as much as I can.

Mom

PS do they have any pills to help with bitterness and anger? ”

Now yes, i am extremely appreciative of the college, daycare and etc funds. Don’t get me wrong. That has been a major influence on my career and life altogether. I’m not saying that you never helped me out with anything, i’m just saying that the hurt is still there and as my uncle wrote me today “Americans tend to throw money at problems.”

Now, here comes the very long comment and again, my comments to that will be in italic and bold. (Get through it if you can.)(Oh and mother, i don’t publish only approving comments obviously. It is just plain silly to think that i would be that conceited and childish. i like to hear what people have to say and if i’m wrong, i accept and acknowledge that.)

“You probably won’t let this “comment” stick here, but, actually what you just said above is not true–that we deny there was any sexual abuse….”
Open Letter of Apology from Maria and Peter, (Current Cult leaders) January 1, 2008

Dear Current and Former Second Generation Family members,

Although we have written a number of apologies in Letters published since 1993, we felt we could express these more personally if we published an apology specifically addressed to each of you, the second generation of the Family, whether you are still a member or have chosen another path for your life.

Peter and I, as the Family’s current leadership, want to personally apologize to you for anything negative or hurtful which may have happened to you during your youth or time in the Family. We acknowledge that from the latter part of the ’70s to the mid-1980s the Family wasn’t as safe an environment for children and young teens as it should have been. We sincerely apologize that you were not better protected when you were younger. We are very sorry if you had any untoward sexual experiences. We apologize if you were treated harshly in any manner or received excessive discipline at any time, or if any of you did not receive an adequate education. (any of us?? Seriously?? Did any of us get an adequate education at all? Even a basic one??)

We apologize to you, our former members‚ if you felt stigmatized (stigmatized as in absolutely NO support, help, information about the real world, higher education, jobs and careeers, finances, tax information…etc, immediately cut off from friends and even family who would then look upon you with disgust and call you an apostate.)upon leaving the Family, or if you didn’t get all the help and support you felt you needed or wished you would have had. We regret any actions by anyone that were unloving, unkind, hurtful or harmful. (Regret means that you are sorry. Mistakes happen, but in this respect, the “mistakes” that happened were not done to one or two or 10 children in any particular country. It was done in every country The Family resided in, and hundreds and hundreds of people and even more children than that were abused in the ways i’ve mentioned earlier.

This means that either The Family (cult) recruited a major population of the sexual offenders, perverts and just plain sick individuals, OR that they were told by the leadership that it was ok and even permissable and suggested.)

We acknowledge that some of Dad’s(Not MY dad, Cult starter David Berg-now dead so his wife and her new ”husband” now run it.) writings misapplied the Law of Love to sexual contact between adults and minors, and as such were the direct cause of any misconduct that occurred at that time. This was rectified in 1986, when any sexual contact between adults and minors was banned. (No, this was NOT rectified by any means except for the information given out to the public! i have friends still in who tell me about the same abuse still going on. This is 2008 people! Wake UP!)(Oh, and btw, the “Law of Love” mailings and directions didn’t come out till the late 90’s)

We regret that this policy was not in place during the earlier years of the Family to protect minors from hurt or harm. Sadly, because such rules were not in place, some of you experienced inappropriate sexual contact with adults, (oh, you know, the minor felony also know as RAPE!) We acknowledge that abusive actions occurred. You should not have been exposed to such situations. It was wrong that it happened. (NO SHIT SHERLOCK!!)

Dad bears the responsibility of promoting sexually liberal doctrines, while not putting in place strict rules to protect minors from inappropriate behavior or harm. As the sole authority for deciding what was published at that time, he also bears responsibility for any harm which occurred because of these writings. In 1988‚ Dad renounced any and all literature which alluded to sexual contact with minors, and by 1994 this had been expurgated altogether from Family writings. (Maybe he did. What about you “Maria and Peter?” A lot of the doctrines you put out continue to enforce abusive behavior. Take some goddamn responsibility for ruining the lives of hundreds of thousands of people-some who are so sadly brainwashed that were they thrown into a normal environment, would certainly not be able to cope. Need i mention again the suicide list of those young people who left and couldn’t cope because they had no direction? I myself would’ve been on that list save for a nosey husband who found me first.)

(Writings perhaps but definitely not doings!)

Clearly articulated and strict rules to protect minors from inappropriate sexual behavior are in place today and have been since 1986. In mid-1989 any such contact was made an excommunicable offense. (How many children talk about their abusers to someone they trust?? Honestly.)

We acknowledge that for the first year or two after this policy was enacted‚ in some instances leadership were lax regarding the length of the excommunications; however, these rules soon became very strict and remain so today.

(strict as in word only and not deed.)

Further measures were taken in the early ’90s, to uphold the rights of children and to ensure that they would receive the best quality of care, education and upbringing possible.

(This has got to be a joke! My “education” if you can call it that ended when i was about 13 years old. The rest of the time i spent taking care of other’s children, cleaning house, cooking for 30 or more (or sometimes less) people, begging on the street for money and being accused of not being a good missionary (and basically sent back home)the final time i decided to go overseas and TRY to be a “good” missionary.)(This also affects my college education in ways that you wouldn’t believe. i didn’t go to highschool. i don’t know half the stuff people learned in elementary. It makes me an anomaly or better yet, a freak raised in a sex cult)

Since 1995, with the publishing of the Charter, clearly articulated rules and regulations have been in place to govern all aspects of Family life. The rights of children within the Family are clearly defined therein,

(defined, not necessarily practiced!)

as well as the rights and responsibilities of parents. Guidelines were put in place to ensure that any discipline of children was appropriate. Rules regarding education, leadership authority, medical decisions, etc., are codified, placing the ultimate authority and responsibility for all decisions pertaining to their minor children in the court of the parents.

(The same parents who have no health insurance themselves or for their children and rely on prayers and “healing from God” instead of actual medical care)

Our Charter also restated our zero tolerance policy regarding any form of abuse of minors.

(again, something that is written can be interpreted by someone else as something entirely different, or at least twisted to their own interpretations. I.E. The Bible! How many churches have their own interpretation of it? Look in the phone book under “Churches”)

The Charter has been, and continues to be, the Family’s governing document since 1995, and is adhered to.

(Says who? The leadership? The children who are too afraid to speak about such things?)

We are confident that these guidelines have served to ensure that Family Homes provide as safe an environment as possible for children and young people.

(Pretty bold statement from someone living in hiding and knowing just about nothing about the rest of the communal homes wordwide, except for what those home leaders report.)

We wish we could change the past, but sadly that’s not possible. As the Family’s leadership of today, we ask your forgiveness. To any Family member or former Family member who suffered hurt or harm because of the effects of Dad’s misapplication of the Law of Love, or mistreatment of any kind, by anyone, we are truly sorry and ask for your forgiveness.

We pray that you will accept our apologies as a sincere, heartfelt attempt to express our regret for any pain or unhappiness you experienced during your youth or time in the Family. We pray that this apology will help you find healing and closure.

(In my opinion, and i clearly state that it is MY OPINION, but i doubt that anyone who’s been where i’ve been won’t agree with me. Abuse is Abuse. Fear is Fear. If someone has an entirely good and pure heart and accepts the fact that mistakes were made, they may be able to forgive. But no one forgets. No one. Apologies are nice and definitely needed, but they do not fix a damn thing.)

Sincerely,
Maria and Peter

Copyright (c) 2008 by The Family International

(This i posted on my public blog.)