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Getting Real : Speak your peace
If I could write a letter to me | from clark - Saturday, December 08, 2007
accessed 845 times I was driving home the other day and a song came on the radio I'd never heard. It said something like, "If I could write a letter to me," and he went on to say what he would write to his 17 yr old self.
I made me think about what I would say to myself as a young teen, knowing what I do now. What words of wisdom would I give and what should be left to fate.
I thought about how greatful I am for my children and family and if I could change things from my past, where would that put me today? Which led me to wonder if I would really change anything.
Anyway, I thought it would make an interesting topic for discussion. To see some SGA's "letters to me." |
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from serendipity
Wednesday, December 19, 2007 - 16:03
(Agree/Disagree?)
Speaking of letters, here are some of my favorite Mo letters:
Deceivers yet true.
The Girl Who Wouldn't.
;)
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from serendipity
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 - 18:45
(Agree/Disagree?)
i'd say,
Dear little Serenditpity (if that was my real name)
you know you are being played...but, you already know that.
(reply to this comment)
|  From Kelly
Tuesday, December 18, 2007, 22:08
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Yeah.....i want to get real now sooooo this will be painful but quick (like ripping off a bandage)....i just want to Get Real for real...like....... have it All out in the open For Real: I was never born in a cult...sorry all. You see I am a theatre major (and apparently a very good actress—WTF maybe I’ll even win a Oscar one day) Anyways....what’s a cult anyways?.... for real!!(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | from kats
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 - 18:26
(Agree/Disagree?)
to my 11year old self...
Choos to live with your dad insted of your mom! "System" schools can help you with there educated teachers, much more than the fam. ever will. Don't belive the crap they tell you. you have a learning disorder, you are not stupid, you are not lazzy, you are trying hard enough!
You don't need to know the timetables, (there is such a thing as a calculator) you will make it to university without them!
You are worth so much more so stand up for your self, it's ok to get angry. Listen to you'r sisters they can save you years of heart acke.
... and to my 17year old self
You are alowed to hate P and her kids. She talks shit! You are not the problem, contrary to comon belives you will be happeir elswhere . Don't whate for an excuse to leave, don't think it will get better, just leave! You will reget that you diden't do it sooner.
(reply to this comment)
| from Dissonant
Friday, December 14, 2007 - 16:20
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Dear 12y/o me,
You are going to go through all kinds of crap over the next 21 years. Some of the things that will happen to you will be out of your control. This will devastate you on a semi regular basis. Deal with it. Some of it will be your fault so remember to blame yourself in those situations because it will build character, Sport. You will be socially awkward for a long time, but you will eventually build a really neat facade that will put you more at ease in social situations. You will never feel quite right, but you will make an interesting game of it. Things might be better in 22-23 years. I dunno. I will keep you posted.
Your love life will be a fucking tragedy till your late 20's when you learn to stop caring what people think of you. Until then, everything you do will go to shit. It's inevitable. Deal with it. Your problem is that you wear your heart on your sleeve. You are a naive little shit and will get your heart broken quite often. Please don't change this because you need to learn these lessons as quickly as possible and experience is a great teacher. I mean let's get it over with, right.
You may be tempted to do some drugs at some point, and that point is not far away. I'd like to tell you not to do em, but I did them and I turned out okay. I could have come out worse, I guess. Look, my point is that you will want to experience all the best, and worst, of what life has to offer. You will make plenty of bad decisions. You will know better, but you will make them anyway. Yeah, do it while we are young because I am soooo over it now. You couldn't pay me to do all that shit again.
Since we are burying our soul, this might be a good time to mention the drinking. There will be drinking. Ok, there will be a lot of drinking. Sometimes there will be parties and you will feel obliged to do the longest keg-stand in history....... ah fuck, you are going to do it anyway. One day you may wake up six hours late for work to find that you are sleeping on two dozen, yes ON two dozen, sprinkled doughnuts. Why? Because you are a fucking idiot, that's why. You will have no memory of the night before, which might be a good thing. Once again, get it out of your system as quickly as possible because that is not how 33y/o us rolls. You will eventually learn, not to stop drinking, but to stop drinking like an asshole. Until then, let it be known that you embarrass me.
What else..... Oh yeah, always keep moving. If you sit still too long you will go fucking nuts. You will go through times in our life where you feel like you are going to explode. What you need, my boy, are goals. Yes, goals. You have a lot of energy that you don't know what to do with and you will find that setting goals helps you to focus that energy into something positive. It might be career, it might be fun, it might be music or art, But focus on something because it will keep you sane(ish).
I am leaving out plenty, but we can discuss it later. I guess I am trying to tell you is that life is an insane ride. There will be times in your life that will so bad that I still can't believe you pulled through. There will be good times that you will traesure till you die. There will be times where the story is yours to write. But no matter what you do, keep moving, keep doing your best, keep making mistakes and keep trying. You won't always measure up to what you expect of yourself, and you might never measure up to what others expect of you, but so what. Take what you can get. I'd love to hear what our 66y/o self would have to report if we make it that far.
Fuck, if you took everything else away, at least the sex was worth it.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from fragiletiger
Sunday, December 09, 2007 - 23:07
(Agree/Disagree?)
To my 14yr old self:
LEAVE, LEAVE NOW! Right now walk out the door, you'll be fine.
Love the me who left 3yrs later
(reply to this comment)
| from murasaki
Sunday, December 09, 2007 - 22:54
(Agree/Disagree?)
To my teenage self:
They don't have the truth so don't let it get to you. Don't yield and led them break you, keep some pride. Having self-esteem is vital to mental health, it's not a sin. It's okay to be selfish, it's okay to be strong, it's okay to be different, it's okay to have fun, it's okay to be angry. Seek out worldly knowledge, question and criticize what you choose to believe. Faith is not all it's cracked up to be. It's okay to do what you want and seek what you want, don't worry about "making a difference" or "laying up treasure in heaven". You will live a lot longer than you expect to, so start planning for the future. Most of all, find out who you are, don't just accept what they tell you you should be.
(reply to this comment)
| from neez
Sunday, December 09, 2007 - 22:21
(Agree/Disagree?)
Probably something along the lines of:
Chin up son, you're better than all this. Oh...and invest in Microsoft. Found out what 'invest' and 'Microsoft' mean.
(reply to this comment)
| from figaro
Sunday, December 09, 2007 - 20:27
(Agree/Disagree?)
My letter to 17 year old me.
Don't train Jason to work the register while you're logged on, put him in the system first then train him on his own log in, he wants your job as manager and will steal money and get you fired, causing you to lose the job stability you need to buy that truck and you will never get any good credit started, this will seriously fuck up every plan you have, you will never fully recover from it. Your current health and dental plans DO cover preexisting conditions, go see the doctor for what you already know is wrong with you, and get a full physical and psychological check up. This will save you A LOT of problems in the future. DO NOT let (name I don't care to say) go to Jackie's party, he will beat your best friend to death in a fit of rage in front of your eyes, do not get into drugs, you will do something stupid and that will be the reason why he goes into that fit of rage. Forget about Samantha, she doesn't care about you, let her go. Tell Jackie that you love her, at least tell her good bye before you leave, you will never see her again, and it will make you want to die inside.
You will move to Austin and it will suck at first but you will stay working for dell and meet Brian, he has a room to rent on campus and your life will suddenly become better then you ever dreamed. But don't let Gabe move in, he will ruin it all. Don't miss work on the 2nd of January 2000, you will lose your job at dell and set off a chain reaction causing your life will plummet to absolute hell.
In 2005 warn Marc as much as you can that what he is doing is dangerous, he will most likely not listen and he will probably still end up dead, but maybe you wont blame yourself so much or wonder if you could have stopped it if you had done more. He will leave you his motorcycle. You will make biker friends and become part of a riding group, the first time you are late to meet up with them on bike night DO NOT speed to catch up with them, you will crash, break 5 bones and require 2 surgeries to put yourself back together. You right foot will be completely fucked and possibly stop you from ever fighting or dancing competitively again. It will also leave you addicted to pain killers and destroy your life COMPLETELY. You will lose everything you have including your home, car, motorcycle, job, wife, and unborn child. You will hit rock bottom and dig further then you ever dreamed of. Starting now go to community college and start taking basic classes and saving money to go to a real college, don't decide that because you lost your childhood you will spend your teen and early twenty years slacking off and having fun, you may never recover from it. Keep your head up, it only gets worse, but you are far stronger then you think, and only get stronger.
Lastly, trust people less, listen to your head more and your heart less. Treasure the time you have with those you care about but know when its time to let them go before they pull you down with them. Look out for yourself, cause no one else will.
(reply to this comment)
| from clark
Sunday, December 09, 2007 - 09:57
(Agree/Disagree?)
my letter to 14 yr. old me:
Make people call you by your birth name, do it now, or you'll never be able to shake your "bible name." Don't worry about Pop and Mom, they will get back together. One day this bizarre lifestyle will seem like a dream and you will laugh about it.
Stick with mom, she needs you and it's not her fault. It's OK to hate J&R, but one day you'll sort of understand why they did what they did.
Tell Stephan and Pheobe not to let Hope go through Austin on that road trip in the spring of '96. Tell them all not to go.
GET AN EDUCATION. Get a degree in nursing so you can be a midwife. In 15 years, you'll wish you had. No matter what your education or income, you MUST work at a little Mex restaurant called JALISCO in Aug of 2000. A tall beautiful man will come in to eat with over grown sideburns coming out of a red cap and wearing muddy boots. He will have the most beautiful eyes you've ever seen. He will want to know all about TF. Tell him, then Marry him. He will help you find more happiness than you can imagine.
Have I said get an education?
You'll get knocked up at 17. It will be hard, but let it happen. She will change your life and will be awsome. Don't worry, you'll be young but you'll be a good mom.
Tell your big sister as soon as she her second girl is born, to get her lungs and brain checked for cancer.
Don't worry, you won't always have giant, overised boobs.
You are probably already inlove with E. Learn from this, next wil be P, learn from that. Don't forget about JALISCO!!
Don't worry about all the hate, hurt and frusteration. It will fade and you will be happy. Mom loves you, she's just distracted.
One day, you'll leave TF and learn so much. The world won't scare you anymore. "Systemites" are good people, probably better than most Family people. You will learn about your real aunts and uncles. You come from a very good family. You'll learn about your heritage and why you do some of the things you do.
Force Mom to visit Papaw. Spend more time with your grandparents. Learn form them and about them, treasure every moment with them.
You will come such a long way. You are hard working and a good kid. When they tell you are rebellious, just smile and nod.
(reply to this comment)
| From conan
Sunday, December 09, 2007, 11:47
 (Agree/Disagree?)
No offense, but this is stupid! Basically, you have no reason to tell your 14-year-old self anything, because if you were hypothetically able to communicate the rest of your life to this point to your younger self, your younger self would probably never believe you and so fuck up your present by fucking up your future in your past. It's a futile exercise in redundancy, because if you're so content with your present, you would not want to fuck with it by tinkering with your past.
Besides the obvious impossibility of communicating with your past self in this fantastical hallucination of yours, you're giving yourself cheesy, simplistic advice that any self-respecting 14 year old family girl would ignore completely.
And what's wrong with giant, over-sized boobs? (Notice the spelling of size????? I guess you're right about needing that education)(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | from -----
Saturday, December 08, 2007 - 20:32
(Agree/Disagree?)
To be quite honest I would write "Save yourself years of pain. It doesn't get better."
(reply to this comment)
| from madly
Saturday, December 08, 2007 - 20:15
(Agree/Disagree?)
Hmmm... I would say: "Yes, you are right, life will continue to be pretty much shit, but at least one day it will come from your own ass."
(reply to this comment)
| from First Draft
Saturday, December 08, 2007 - 16:09
(Agree/Disagree?)
I'd be sure to include "I know that now it seems like an impossible dream, but one day, you will have freedom. Try not to let the Teen Shepherds' messing with your head get to you so badly that when you are out years from now you are still cowering even though they are gone. Try not to buy into what they tell you about yourself, because years from now you will achieve things that will prove them utterly wrong, but if inside you are still crushed by their treatment of your defenseless heart, that would really suck.
When you are scrubbing toilets now and still being berated for not being more yielded and humble and obedient, know that in some years you will have a job that is highly respected and your bosses and colleagues will consider you skilled and brilliant at what you do (even as they don't understand your lack of confidence in your abilities, and even as your self-doubt holds you back compared to others with equal skill). You will need to make an extra effort to have confidence in your own abilities and not be afraid of making decisions, since the world you live in now does not give you any space outside of their control or any opportunity to make your own decisions and considers independence a bad trait, and you can't do anything or go anywhere except what you are told from day to day by your "shepherds". You will get paid for your work too, and you will live in your own space and will never again be forced to have your privacy or body violated by supposed caretakers (and your bosses won't try to be your "shepherd" or dictate your spiritual/psychological life, you will not have to share your living quarters with them and they will not control your leisure time or personal life).
You will have to create a sense of autonomy and independence in yourself, and I know this is hard when you had none of that as you grew up, but try to look at the people your age once you get out, and mimic some of that until you get the hang of it.
You will be able to read what you want, choose your friends, and to the extent you can overcome your lack of education, you will be able to choose your profession and where you live. You will not be punished for having a personality that does not fit in to the Family mould for women, and you will have the opportunity to be appreciated for things other than looking they way they want you to and having the compliant personality they want. You will not be defined and limited to some underclass that is constantly under additional scrutiny and subjugation die to not being a leader's kid or alternatively a consummate brownnose or having looks that mean you are considered a first choice on the sharing schedule.
Try not to buy it when they keep telling you that you would never make it in the system, that you will go crazy, because that self-fulfilling prophecy could cause you a lot of pain and heartache and threaten to derail the life you build for yourself. You will have to work to not feel lost and disoriented when things are going well for you, and to avoid the temptation to get into trouble or crisis because that is what you know.
You will also have to make an effort not to go to extremes and become a hermit and avoid people when you aren't forced to be around them because you are afraid they will be judging and trying to subjugate you, whereas alond you are not subject to anyone's designs for you, and just because you are so relieved to have your own space. Some people can make your life better and broaden your horizons. Haven't you noticed that sometimes you felt obligated to go somewhere and people ended up thinking you were great to be around, and you were surprised at how nice it was to be with smart, interesting people?
It's not really possible to show you a clip of a day in your future life, but believe me, if you knew how it would be, this life would not be maiming you the way it is because you would have hope, and the years of crushing work to make a new life without the support of anyone you know would seem less devastating. I really wish I could show you what it will be like after you leave. I really wish you were not going to be so bruised by the years without any acknowledgment of what it was like or anyone who can relate to you. It really sucks that by the time that comes along, you will have been quite injured and that you will not be able to turn back the clock"
(reply to this comment)
| From afflick
Saturday, December 08, 2007, 19:41
(Agree/Disagree?)
I would say:
You are smarter and stronger than you think.
You do not need to marry young, have children young and work in the kitchen for the rest of your life.
Don't worry about "saving souls."
It is not your responsibility to gain contacts and fundraise for the thirty-five people who live in your home.
You do not need to take Auntie A's eleventh child for quiet time while she naps. Yes, you do need an hour off a day to work out. And no, you are not being selfish by asking.
You do not, at 5'8" and 120 lbs, need to lose five pounds.
Listening to music you like is ok.
But most of all, I would tell my seventeen year old person that someday you will feel strong. There is a whole lot of pain and hurt between today and that day, but you will find your center and find people who love you for you. You will take risks and follow your dreams and it WILL work out for you. Not perfectly, not right away, but it will work out for you. (reply to this comment) |
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