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Getting Real : Speak your peace
Vendetta against Dan Brown | from Fish - Friday, May 12, 2006
accessed 1896 times I hate him....
My brothers and sisters in the lord, I come before you asking this question. What the hell am I doing here? Why on this fine Polish Friday night am I wasting time in a cybercafé, instead of doing something productive, like drinking myself silly? Why am I not out making a fool of myself in front of beautiful women?
The answer is anger. Anger at what I was forced to see. It is this anger that forces me to write.
It all started innocently enough. I had nothing to do yesterday, so I thought I would catch a movie. They were playing "V for Vendetta", and I had heard it was good. So there I was, siting in the fine cinema here, waiting for my movie. Then without warning the trailer for the "Da Vinchi Code" flashed across the screen.
Dan Brown......."An ancient secret"........"We must find the truth or it will be lost forever"........."Only then will mankind at last be free"........Tom Hanks.......
The result of this barrage was an epileptic fit, complete with foaming at the mouth. By the time I was resuscitated, I had missed half the movie.
So WTF? Why? The book was bad enough. Anyone who managed to read that book without feeling insulted has mental problems. His material was unoriginal in the extreme. The fact that Danny boy became so popular because of that one book is proof to me of a massive decline in the intellect of the masses. The fact that some people can read that, take it seriously, and then consider themselves "alternative" causes me to lose sleep.
"Oh, Im gnostic now." Vomit.
In this increasingly fickle world, where people change there beliefs like they change their clothes, this sort of foolishness is the last thing we need. Before, if someone were to claim to be "gnostic" it would be the prelude to and interesting conversation, involving Alistair Crowley, Abraksas etc... Now its all about Dan fucking Brown. With this rubbish the level of banalization in society has reached a level beyond the obscene.
Thinking all this wasn't bad enough, now he must needs make a movie. We wouldn't want the illiterate to miss out on the "emancipation of mankind". And as if to insure the maximum yield of vomit from those present, he casts Tom Hanks as the "hero". For such a smugly written story, I cannot think of a better choice than the star of "Castaway". (Wilson!!)
So fellow Vandaris, what do we do? Do we submit to being force fed this excrement? Hell no, I say. I say we boycott this film. I say we take pride in not seeing it. (Remember "Titanic"?) I say that we make it an excommunicable offence to see this film!! Amen?
On a happier note, "V for Vendetta" was rather good. So good in fact, it deserves a sequel. In the dementia that followed seeing Dannys ghastly trailer, the plot for a sequel has emerged. Hows this:
"B for Bolshevism"
Set in Russia ten years from now. The people are crushed under the autocratic rule of Putin, whose government has grown rich off of oil. In this time of trouble our hero emerges. "Remember, remember the 6th of November". Wearing a Lenin mask, a red cape ,and wielding a hammer in one had and a sickle in the other, he sets out to thrash the Kremlin guards. This movie would have the added benefit of involving multiple Russian women. Furthermore, in this movie, the man (B), and not the women would be bald.
The final scene would involve hordes of red clad, Lenin mask wearing Muscovites storming the Kremlin.
You must all agree, Dan Brown has nothing on me.
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from AndyH
Tuesday, May 23, 2006 - 17:43
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Massive decline in the intellect of the masses? When were the masses intellectual? I completely agree that this whole thing is stupid, but the most it will get out of me is a chuckle, not an epileptic fit, and an evening brooding about it. I hope that you are exaggerating how bugged you are, if not, you need to seriously lighten up. People are always going to be idiots. And a boycott? That's just silly, it's already like the 13th most popular movie worldwide, what effect would a few hundred Vandari make?
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| | | | | | | from Armisael
Tuesday, May 23, 2006 - 17:17
(Agree/Disagree?)
Totally Agree whit you Fish
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| from gragon
Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 06:41
(Agree/Disagree?)
Perhaps you would be interested in taking it a step further such as these idiots in the link below. Hunger strike....? LOL! WTF! It's even got the albino's panties in a twist. Geez.....it's just a movie!
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wireStory?id=1968741
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| | | | from PopNFresh
Wednesday, May 17, 2006 - 10:41
(Agree/Disagree?)
I read the book and found it incredibly boring for the most part. I never felt involved, or engrossed in it for more than 3 chapters at a time. That's why it took me 5 months to read it... and I had the illustrated version!
So when I finally read it, it ended in a huge let down. I have nothing against the author or the story. I'm not religious and don't really care if it changes people's faith. But what I have been telling Christians who have been so against reading the book is "the book sucks, watch the movie". For the first time in history I think this movie might actually be better than the book.
When I hear religious and non-religious people whining about how a fictional book can change one's faith, I ask them how much faith the person could have had in the first place. The book does well to show by it's own crazy theories that any idea can be believed if you have faith in it. So anyone who reads this book and changes their beliefs probably didn't REALLY believe in the first place. Recent times have made it quite acceptable to be athiest, agnostic, etc. I think a lot of people are just starting to see how the only thing holding their own religion together is their own belief in it. I'm not trying to bash religion, and I honestly respect people who use religion to enjoy their life.
The ideas behind the book were a little silly IMO. Using things as common as a rose, a V and a ^ in art to act as proof of such a big conspiracy is hilarious.
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| | | | | | | | | | | | | from SeanSwede
Wednesday, May 17, 2006 - 06:31
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Why, do I feel reminded of David Berg in the way you are writing and what you are saying? Get help...quick!
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| | | | from kats
Wednesday, May 17, 2006 - 05:01
(Agree/Disagree?)
I havent read any of his books so I cant say my opinion of his writing but as I have had too many of my colleges and friends push me to read it and my reply has always been that Im waiting for the movie, I have an obligation to see it. And since there has been such a diverse reaction to his book, Im intrigued to watch the movie, if just to understand the fascination with the book. I cant say that I agree with your scheme of boycott, even so I sympathise with you. In my opinion it might just be an experience to watch, though undoubtingly painful one, but never the less worthwhile.
As a foot note; I have already seen the documentary proving Dan brown wrong, and I enjoyed the thought that, some guy writing a fiction novel (yes its fiction, even though he actually believes in what he is writing) can get so many peoples panties in a twist, so much so that they feel the need to make a documentary proving him wrong.
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| from D
Wednesday, May 17, 2006 - 03:39
(Agree/Disagree?)
Maybe if you would of stayed awake instead of wasting time being resuscitated you would of enjoyed the film. I don’t think Dan Brown is anti religion, as in another one of his books he writes about Anti Matter that proves so called the existence of God, not that I believe in God.
I think the book is more about how the Christianity has repressed women and the female side, that was once embraced in some pagan and ancient cultures. It’s more about politics than anything. I love Dan Brown, as an author, much to the disgust of anyone who is anti popular culture. My favourite line in the book is ‘everyone loves a good conspiracy’.
As a friend of mine put it, it’s Indiana Jones in tweed.
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| | | | | | | from neez
Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 23:04
(Agree/Disagree?)
Anything that causes religious types to get their panties in a twist is alright with me.
In fact, I think I'll watch it twice. Just for you.
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| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |  From Dissonant
Tuesday, May 23, 2006, 14:04
(Agree/Disagree?)
I have no problem showing my ass, and it is a sweet ass, I just don’t know if I am ready to plunk down my semi-hard-earned dubloons when you have yet to outline any form of doctrine. As far as I can tell I would merely be tithing to come and view a sort of an ass gallery. I’m not opposed to an ass gallery, but it’s so secular, where is the churchy part. I want to feed my soul not just my eyes. Yes, I want to be a believer!(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | From the Most High Priestess
Tuesday, May 23, 2006, 14:13
(Agree/Disagree?)
I haven't yet cleared this with the High Priest, so don't hold me to it, but I'm pretty sure that the only tithe we will require is a voluntary contribution of a particular fluid which is most blessed and holy unto us. Little plastic cups will be located to your right as you enter, tissues at the far end of the building.
(omg I totally don't know where I am going with that^^^)
Oh, and the churchy part, hmmm. We will be anointing your head with oil on a regular basis, and laying our hands on you too. That good enough for you?
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| | From Jesus Crust
Tuesday, May 23, 2006, 14:31
(Agree/Disagree?)
Enough I say! I shall hear no more of this! “Thou shall have no other god before me”, nor shall thou have a god behind me, for I am not that kind of god. I am the Alpha, and the Omega, the beginning, and the end! The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. Yea, that is a little something I told Ezekiel a few years back, and it doth still apply! Heed my warning o thou iniquitous ones and turn back from thy ass path!(reply to this comment) |
| | From God
Tuesday, May 23, 2006, 14:46
(Agree/Disagree?)
Yea verily I say unto you my son, your church has become wicked and wayward. If these the children wish to make a false idol of the asses which I have created them, how canst thou blame them? Blame ye rather thy priests and followers which have left them disillusioned and hungry for perverse sex acts.
Shift thou thy focus unto thy father, whom thou hast neglected. I have not seen thy face for many a month, and thou promised me thou wouldst stop by the home and visit me, yea, I am weak and lonely, and I fear that my caretaker doth steal from me. This vexes me sorely. (reply to this comment) |
| | From Jesus Crust
Tuesday, May 23, 2006, 14:53
(Agree/Disagree?)
Damnit pop, why must thou come here and bust my balls? I hate how thou always treateth me like thy child. I am 2000 years old, I think I am able to handle mine own affairs. And perhaps I would visit more often if thou were not so critical. Thou art all like "I am the lord thy god", and, "Harken unto me sonny", and, "There was an earthquake today, guess you missed that one, hehehe". I can't wait till thou art gone and I take over.(reply to this comment) |
| | From God
Tuesday, May 23, 2006, 16:19
(Agree/Disagree?)
I say unto thee, it shall not be long, for thou dost weaken me with thy rebellious ways. Thou art surely an ungrateful and unruly son. I give up, I wouldst like to see thee do a better job though, thou canst not even control thine own church. Dost thou ever see the Jews going off on these wild tangents? When was the last time there was a "loving God revolution?" Thou hast cast judgement on these ass worshipers, at least they have keep children out of it.
What say thou to that? Thou little brat!(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From Jesus Crust
Tuesday, May 23, 2006, 14:46
(Agree/Disagree?)
Jesus doth not care if it is just "bum fun". Yea my father in heaven did once rain down fire and brimstone on a whole town for their habitual "bum funning". It was a little town called Sodom, perhaps thou might have heard of it. Yea, he even went so far as to extend his "bum fun" containment program to neighboring Gamorah as a cautionary measure. So, speak to me not of bum fun, thou shalt be cut no slack today.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From Jesus Crust
Wednesday, May 24, 2006, 08:44
(Agree/Disagree?)
I never want to see thee again. Why art thou always trying to out me in public? Yea, I spend half my time waiting for a crowd to start chanting; "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry". Nay I can abide no more of thy cruel ways. Oh, by the way, I am going back to women, thou were just a phase.
At first I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me
Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive (hey-hey)
It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
and now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me
Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive
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| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From Jesus Crust
Wednesday, May 24, 2006, 13:25
(Agree/Disagree?)
Well thou did nothing to help out the day I was crucified, so it is not unlike you to be lazy, yea even too lazy to sign in. I wish thee to know that thou art not welcome at my B-day party this X-mas, and if by some chance I do come to pick thee up from the retirement home it will be to push thee and thy wheelchair into the river. Thou art a crusty relic of a god and when thou art passed on I shall throw a huuuuuuge party in thine own house such as was not from the begining of time no nor ever shall be.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From The Most High Priest
Tuesday, May 23, 2006, 14:22
(Agree/Disagree?)
Yeah I don't where you were going with that either. I can't imagine what we would do with it.
As for you my curious friend, there will be no depth in our church. We are just some very ass focused people who want to congregate and worship the ass, and have lots of ass-play. Is that so wrong? It certainly beats worshiping a dead carpenter IMHO.
"Anointing your head with oil." I can't believe I never saw the dirty possibilities in that. Bless you Most High Priestess, you are truly an ASSet to our church.(reply to this comment) |
| | From vixen
Tuesday, May 23, 2006, 14:28
(Agree/Disagree?)
Oh oh oh! I do know where I was going with that! The 'tithe' is dumped at the nearest 'Bank' in order to fund our Church, but really (far more important than any monetary gain), the method by which said tithe is obtained is the *real* delicacy. I will of course be at hand at all times to oversee all such proceedings, that these acts of debauchery be conducted in as holy a fashion as possible.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | from ErikMagnusLehnsher
Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 21:36
(Agree/Disagree?)
To be honest, I enjoyed the book. I just read it as a work of fiction in the same manner that I read Grisham or Crichton or John Sandford occasionally. I didn't expected to be enlightened and wasn't. I'll probably elbow my way through the picket lines and catch the movie. Your boycott call-to-arms reminded me of this classic SNL skit (of course it's funnier to see it than to read it):
Al Sharpton: We have an egregious situation! These allegations of a voter intimidation have forced us to start litigation, 'cause George Bush is trying to win this election over prestidigitation.
Jesse Jackson: That was good.
Al Sharpton: Thank you.
Jesse Jackson: But I will keep focus on our message.
Al Sharpton: This election was ambushed, bushwhacked, and a Gore in the hand is worth more than a Bush in the Oval Office. Push Bush into the bush!
...
Jesse Jackson: But I digress.. Dick Cheney - big ol' butt; one Denny's Grand Slam away from dead. Let's make sense. Now, Mr. Bush has appealed to the highest court in the land. Next Tuesday night, we will march on the steps of the courthouse, and when Katherine Harris come out.. lookin' like Dracula..
Al Sharpton: We will go upside Dracula's head!
Jesse Jackson: Tuesday, and we will continue into Wednesday, if that is what it takes.
Al Sharpton: We will march into Thursday, if necessary. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday! Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday! Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday!
Jesse Jackson: We may have lost this battle, but the war is not over! Wherever you are tonight, you can make it!
Al Sharpton: [ singing ] "The NBA.. is in the house.."
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/00/00gupdate.phtml
(reply to this comment)
| from foshfhasdohfoashf
Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 17:40
(Agree/Disagree?)
v fer vendetta sucks donkey cock you're obviously sum gay person living in europe... i mean spending a sat night writing how much you dislike sum author is really gay... tom hanks is on eof the greatest actors of all time with oscars to show fer and the da vinci code is also directed by great oscar winning director... you'd be and make a lously film critic... one thing i do agree with you though is how pathetic and gay people change their views based off of a fictional book... so i guess the saying is true takes a fag to know a fag
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| | | | | | | from exister99
Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 13:26
(Agree/Disagree?)
I ignore all fiction that is less than 30 years old. I also ignore pop culture in general, so I guess you can count me in on the boycott.
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| | | | | | | from TP
Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 06:46
(Agree/Disagree?)
I'm not giving the makers of the movie my 8 bucks to see it in the theater. I'll watch it when it comes on DVD. It'll be a half-ass boycott for me. :)
(reply to this comment)
| From Samuel
Tuesday, May 23, 2006, 07:02
(Agree/Disagree?)
There's nothing wrong with that. I did the same thing for "MeetThe Fockers" when it came out in theaters because it had Barbara Streisand in it. I hate Barbara Streisand.
Meet The Parents was much, much funnier. I should have known the Original is always better than the sequel.
On the other hand, if we're talking about the war in Iraq- then the sequel rules! lol
I will not comment on Dan Brown, as I have not read his book or seen the movie based on it. Neither do I intend to.
Samuel Mercuri(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | from Rain Child
Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 06:14
(Agree/Disagree?)
Thank you for sharing, Fish.
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