Living through Dreaming

from madly - Saturday, March 17, 2007
accessed 1073 times

Just random thoughts on life and dreaming…

I dreamt that I was living and woke to find, I had only been dreaming. In my dreams I was alive, but in my life, I was only half awake. I want to live my dreams...to feel that sense of passion, urgency, vivid honesty and clarity of desires that only comes to me in slumber. I want to see waking life as my chance of making every dream come true, every fantasy, longing, or desire. Why live if you don’t feel alive? Why breathe if you don't use your breath to live fully? Why wake up if your dreams hold more relevance than your waking life?

Am I sleeping while awake and dreaming myself alive again? Why do I coast through life, getting lost in the routine of it, forgetting life is about the moments that make us feel something. To feel emotion is to be alive. Anger, sadness, joy, passion, lust, love, hate and every other emotion are given to us to be felt, respected. To use them all is to be a complete living person.

There is so much in me dying to be discovered, parts of me I have never met. I know that I have barely scratched the surface of my full potential that lies dormant, hidden away, because of lack of self discovery. I feel as though I am a stranger to myself, within myself. There are numerous sides of me, none of which have found their life, nor seen the light of day, because I give them no chance to live, breathe, or develop. Am I cheating myself from myself?

By letting emotions have their power and by allowing them to run freely through me, I might be taken to undiscovered sides of me. Sides that maybe I am scared of, yet need to be revealed in order to truly know myself, and accept all that is me from the inside out. Every part of me should have a chance to be found--the ugly sides as well as the beautiful sides; for having both--and accepting this--is to be 'real' and that, to me, is beautiful.

To know the dark side of oneself is being honest about who you are, what you choose to be and what sides you choose to portray and develop within yourself. We all know we have a dark side, but we hide it away and pretend not to feel that part of us. Maybe we need to discover our darkness in order to understand it and how it affects us, as it is a part of who we are.

Why do we think that happiness is the ultimate feeling, which we base everything on? I would only feel half alive if I were happy all the time, for happiness is an emotion that can only be appreciated if compared to other equally important emotions. Sadness can be just as powerful and give you the sense of life’s frailty; an emotion that can make you search into your soul and find it staring right back at you.

Are my dreams a way of my soul living fully, trying to fulfill and attain the lack of living I deprive it from? Is my soul dying and trying to live again through my dreams? There are so many forms of fulfillment, mental, physical, emotional, sexual, etc, whereas the fulfillment of the soul can be satisfied only through the vision of the order of the whole of human experience; which would include all forms of fulfillment on some level.

Life is here now, and every moment, hour, day, can never be relived and I am using them up as if I had a never ending amount to consume. What am I waiting for? Has the routine of it all overtaken me and left me a zombie or can I wake up and live again… feel again? I need to slap myself awake, fully open my eyes and live.

I don't want to fake it or simply go through the motions of pretending to be alive and here. I don’t want to make life nothing, meaningless, a waste of breath and space that someone else could have better filled. Why live if I don't take it, hold on tight and run with it? Life wasn’t meant to be safe, but rather 'real', honest, full, lived completely, utterly, without hesitation or restriction. Dreams should not cast a shadow over life; life should cast a shadow over dreams. Maybe like music, life is finding the rhythm, the passion that comes from waking up from a dream and realizing that it could be real if you stopped sleeping while awake and started living as though you were dreaming.