|
|
 |
|
Getting On : Lovers
Sexuality, discussion | from vix - Tuesday, September 11, 2007
accessed 2101 times Rainy's poll was interesting but I couldn't choose an option to represent me. It seems this area is more conflicted, turbulent, changeable, and paradoxical than most, for me, and there simply isn't a straightforward way to categorise my appetites, attitudes and behaviours. I'd like to hear what your general thoughts are on the issues raised by the poll, but also I'm sure the discussion will expand to include many other facets of this very complex area.
*********************************************
POLL
Has your family upbringing made you more conservative or more promiscuous sexually?
Cheating is too much like sharing...could never do it. besides, Sleeping around grosses me out, reminds me of my parents.
Memories of childhood abuse interfere with my sex life and make it hard to let down my guard
Seen naked adults since babyhood, it's hard to get excited about it now.
The Family's warnings about AIDS have made me paranoid
I can't understand the sexual boundaries most people seem to have. They don't exist for me because I wasn't brought up with them.
I want to try EVERYTHING sexually because I revel in the fact that nobody rules me but myself.
I find myself with that "wild and free" spirit that I was surrounded with all my life.
*********************************************
I've not got time to talk about myself right now (that's new, eh!) but I will add something later, and maybe a few specific questions, too.
In the meantime, please expose yourselves!
(NO, not like that)
I will say that the option I probably would have chosenas being most correct, had it been worded ever so slightly differently, would have been
"I can't understand the sexual boundaries most people seem to have. They don't exist for me because I wasn't brought up with them."
as I actually feel that i do understand the sexual boundaries most people have, I just don't personally relate to them, or particularly want to abide by them. However, like I said, it's a conflicted area, probably made more difficult by the fact that being acutely aware of the absence of a natural inclination to 'fit in' with the typical crowd or social demographic, I am extremely wary of marginalising myself any more than I really have to, so there's a constant self-correcting mechanism that seems to make me overcompensate on the side of being vastly more careful about what I do than my desires would dictate.
Of course the fact that I am a woman has its place in this analysis, and I'm sure that the ol' slut vs stud double standard has something to do with why I choose not to engage in some of the behaviours that perhaps come quite naturally to me. But then, I think that's the same for almost all women and not really to do with my upbringing, except in the way that I may have been conditioned to relate to my own sexuality and that of others, and how that might in some cases have set me up for pronounced conflict in this area.
Hmmm, have run out of time. Back later. Start talking, people ;)
|
|
|
|
|
Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from vix
Thursday, September 13, 2007 - 05:42
(Agree/Disagree?)
As far as how my upbringing has shaped my sexuality, I wouldn't call myself a freak in bed by any means, or even particularly adventurous. In fact, as in most areas of my life, I'm a bit boring, really. I don't have any serious 'issues' concerning sex, I don't think, but what i do have in abundance is issues about intimacy and vulnerability, which obviously impacts somewhat on sexual matters.
(reply to this comment)
| from moon beam
Tuesday, September 11, 2007 - 18:18
(Agree/Disagree?)
quite funny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9jJyhu0qOw
(reply to this comment)
| from ErikMagnusLehnsher
Tuesday, September 11, 2007 - 18:10
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Sonja: Sex without love is an empty experience!
Boris: Yes, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best!
Countess: You are a great lover!
Boris: I practice a lot when I'm alone.
Sonja: Boris, Let me show you how absurd your position is. Let's say there is no God, and each man is free to do exactly as he chooses.What prevents you from murdering somebody?
Boris: Murder's immoral.
Sonja: Immorality is subjective.
Boris: Yes, but subjectivity is objective.
Sonja: Not in a rational scheme of perception.
Boris: Perception is irrational. It implies imminence.
Sonja: But judgment of any system of phenomena exists in any rational, metaphysical or epistemological contradiction to an abstracted empirical concept such as being, or to be, or to occur in the thing itself, or of the thing itself.
Boris: Yeah, I've said that many times.
Him: Come to my quarters tomorrow at three.
Sonja: I can't.
Him: Please!
Sonja: It's immoral. What time?
Him: Who is to say what is moral?
Sonja: Morality is subjective.
Him: Subjectivity is objective.
Sonja: Moral notions imply attributes to substances which exist only in relational duality.
Him: Not as an essential extension of ontological existence.
Sonja: Can we not talk about sex so much?
Love and Death (1975) Woody Allen
(reply to this comment)
| from madly
Tuesday, September 11, 2007 - 14:39
(Agree/Disagree?)
What an interesting topic; however, I had better stay away from it or I could easily put my foot in my mouth. I will just say that I am surprised sometimes that I am so comfortable and open with sex and experimenting. How can I love and enjoy sex so much after everything I have been through? It doesn’t seem to fit. I would have thought that being in TF would have made me rigid and prudish, always closed off to being touched, but I have to say I would consider myself to be a little crazy and wild compared to others. I felt that option #7 best suited me. I will leave it there. It is interesting to see how our past has affected all of us differently in this regard.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | from fragiletiger
Tuesday, September 11, 2007 - 14:32
(Agree/Disagree?)
You need an all of the above option.
My choice would be, 'Memories of childhood abuse interfere with my sex life and make it hard to let down my guard, while I find myself with that "wild and free" spirit that I was surrounded with all my life.
MMM even I'm confused now.
(reply to this comment)
|  From madly
Wednesday, September 12, 2007, 16:15
(Agree/Disagree?)
When I am into someone, they could do almost anything to my body and I would be okay with it. I love to be touched, kissed, felt, tasted, but if I don’t know you, or even if I know you, but I don’t feel attracted to you, you had better not touch me or even get too close. I am very protective of my body, who I let touch it and who I choose to give it to.
The weird thing is that some people are just touchy feely and they mean nothing by it. They like to touch your arm, for example, or stand too close (at least what I deem as too close) and this weirds me out and makes my skin crawl. The issue is that they are nice people with nothing wrong with them, other than how I feel about their lack of discernment of proper distance between what I feel is my personal space. I am just curious if most people are this way. Can anyone relate?(reply to this comment) |
| | From . . .
Thursday, September 20, 2007, 01:41
(Agree/Disagree?)
Thats funny -- reminds me when i went to Italy for a visit after having lived in scandinavia and the UK for some time. It seemed to me that everyone was violating my personal space. I guess its a cutural thing too, but i was really surprised I hadnt noticed before, even standing at a bus stop, if you started talking to someone they would get real close to you... creeped me out.
Personally I cant stand if anyone other than my bf comes too close. Reminds me of one to many "uncles" who would do that whilst groping you *shivers* Thats one thing they could always get away with even if they were far too old to try and pressure you into sex (I'm in particular thinking creepy Indian uncles)(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From thatata
Thursday, September 13, 2007, 10:05
(Agree/Disagree?)
I know youre talking about paticularly touchy feely people ,idiots, but for me, touching itself kind of annoys me, like a boss can pat u on the back, but try patronizing your boss, he'll be furious. And women effortlessly touching guys, theres some kind of meaning in there is it possible you know what I mean?
One of the things that annoys me or even possibly infuriates me , is when a person i guess in particular a women, but this is neurotic(I know), shows or acts as if she likes me. Something suspicious. I dont know if its an inferiority complex or a superiority complex. Mabye its the question : why exactly?
Do you know what i mean?
Long live alienation, yeah i feel stupid, but I havent learned to lie as good as everyone else has! But a person can still learn to lie, there is yet hope for me!
(reply to this comment) |
| | From Dizziet
Thursday, September 20, 2007, 01:20
(Agree/Disagree?)
Strangely enough I think I do know what you mean. Most of the time if someone shows interest in me I feel panicked and withdraw. They have to be reasonably oblique about it somehow for this not to happen.
When I was 16 a guy I knew came up behind me and started massaging my shoulders. I went rigid, found it entirely uncomfortable. He accused me of having been abused as a child, which I denied quite vehemently. We left TF when I was 13 and I was never on any sharing schedule nor do I recall any sexual encounters with adults as a child. I hadn't really thought about how strong an impact the sexually charged environment, policies and beliefs would have.
I think everyone likes to be touched sometimes. The only times I like to be touched though is when I feel it's out of spontaneous affection, not ritual, not obligation, not if it feels like they want something from me and this often includes my immediate family. One of the things I hated in TF was that so much of "love" and "affection" were determined by policy and duty. If you visited another home you had to hug everyone you met. There were all those stupid songs with the l word in them and you were supposed to love everyone. However, the moment anyone had to choose between a friend and the group guess who won out?
Looks like I've gone a little off topic. However a few people's posts here mentioned loathing the regulation of their sex and by implication personal lives. This feels like another aspect of that. How can you trust relationships with people when a large part of their thought processes, decisions and attitude towards you will be determined by cult policy? (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | from rainy
Tuesday, September 11, 2007 - 13:38
(Agree/Disagree?)
I, strangely enough, chose the "Wild and Free" option. Don't know if it's the most accurate, but it includes for me not only a hippy-like anything goes approach, but also (and this is not something I like about myself) that annoying "Sharing God's Love" aspect of my personality which I'm struggling to overcome. Intellectually I know that my body belongs to nobody but myself, but that ingrained subservience is still there when I'm not conscious of it. Part of the reason I take refuge in celibacy (a fair amount of the time) because that "look of love" tends to hang out in my eyes or something and I find it hard to stand up for myself or display a strong persona.
(reply to this comment)
| From vix
Thursday, September 13, 2007, 05:13
(Agree/Disagree?)
I can relate here, rainy. I am extremely conscious of the way that sexual allure and perhaps more importantly sexual 'openness' (for want of a better term, excuse the rather unfortunate pun) was ingrained in cult women as pretty much the sole source of self-worth, and more so, the way that women really existed only as an extension of male desire, to be used and then cast off with little regard for emotional and biological ramifications. While this is certainly not unique to our background (sexual attractiveness being for most a mainstay of one's worth as a person, that is), the message was compounded because being 'wild and free' was literally *all* we had (Or I dunno, maybe this is just how I saw it). For this reason, I am quite careful about trying to be as honest with myself about what my motivation is, in whatever sexual situation I find myself in. My sexuality should be a reflection of who I am and *my* wants and desires, not simply an unconscious pattern of looking for affirmation from outside myself (wherever possible, of course - I don't deny that some aspects are unconscious). Similarly, while in practice I can relate to what madly said,
"When I am into someone, they could do almost anything to my body and I would be okay with it. I love to be touched, kissed, felt, tasted"
which sounds similar to myself, I am also very, very wary of allowing my sexuality to become an extension of someone else's appetites. I don't mind exploring where my boundaries lie, but again, I do tend to analyse quite carefully afterwards to assure myself that I didn't in any way compromise my own core being, if you like. I realise this all sounds very tedious, but of course when I am in the moment I just go with the flow, do what feels right, and take things as far as I feel comfortable with. The analysis is really quite a separate issue, and as with most other areas in life things seem to be much more straightforward in real time, it's really only when you stop to examine them that it can get a bit complicated. I still think it's useful to think about it, though, in order to be as self-aware as I can.
(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From madly
Friday, September 14, 2007, 23:35
(Agree/Disagree?)
Sorry, cheeks, I know I promised you a song and here it is. I dedicate this to you and your beautiful baby boy. :)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=nKDkXOOHG34
For You (Per Te)
I smell in the air the scent of you
Little dreams had lived with me
Now I know, I don’t want to lose you
That sweetness which has no age
Your beauty has no rivals
My heart wants only you
For you, For you, I’ll live
Love is going to win
With you, With you, I’ll have
Hundreds days of happiness
Hundreds nights of serenity
I’ll do what you’ll ask me to
I’ll go always anywhere you go
I’ll give all the love I feel for you
Tell me that you know the future, yet
Tell me that this is not going to change
Without you I don’t want to exist
For you, For you, I’ll live
Love is going to win
With you, With you, I’ll have
Hundreds days of happiness
Hundreds nights of serenity
I’ll do what you’ll ask me to
I’ll go always anywhere you go
I’ll give all the love I feel for you
I mustn’t say it to you, by now you know it
That I would die without you
For you, For you, I’ll live
Love is going to win
With you, With you, I’ll do
Everything you’ll ask me to
I’ll go always anywhere you go
I’ll give all the love I feel for you (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From madly
Sunday, September 16, 2007, 20:48
(Agree/Disagree?)
Here is my song for me:
Mad World
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Mad World
Enlarging your world
Mad World.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=v52Igdotisk
(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From madly
Monday, September 24, 2007, 13:55
(Agree/Disagree?)
Because I feel like asking for it, here is my song for placebo:
When I arrived in my old set of clothes
I was half a world away from my home
and I was hunted by the wolves
and I was heckled by the crows
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know
Alongside my innocence I laid in bed awake
conflicted and in chains with the impetus of age
but like a phantom she crept across the floor and out the window
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know
From its place on the mantel my heart was taken down
scattered in a thousand little pieces on the ground
and I below the streetlamp like an orphan with a halo
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know
cuz it won’t last
worries’ll pass
all your troubles they don’t stand a chance
and sometimes it takes more than a lifetime to know
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know
Your confidences fall as your faith etched in stone
neither could comfort you from the wild unknown
so bury your burning hatred like a hatchet in the snow
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know
If you have a broken heart or a battered soul
find something to hold onto until they go
to help you through the hard nights
like a flask filled with hope
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know
sometimes your path is marked in the sky
sometimes it falls too thin in between the lines
sometimes all you can do is say no
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know
I said when I arrived in my old set of clothes
I was half a world away from my home
and I was hunted by the wolves
and I was heckled by the crows
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know
I said Darlin’ do (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From vix
Monday, September 24, 2007, 14:22
(Agree/Disagree?)
No song from me this time, but a poem is in order, I think.
Here's my poem for me:
All I askAll I ask of a woman is that she shall feel gently towards
me
when my heart feels kindly towards her,
and there shall be the soft, soft tremor as of unheard bells
between us.
It is all I ask.
I am so tired of violent women lashing out and insisting
on being loved, when there is no love in them.
Yay for Lawrence.
(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From vix
Monday, September 24, 2007, 16:29
(Agree/Disagree?)
Eh, who am I kidding. Here's my *real* poem for me, tonight:
I have changed the numbers on my watch,
and now perhaps something else will change.
Now perhaps
at precisely 2.00 a.m.
you will not get up
and gathering your things together
go forever.
Perhaps now you will find it is
far too early to go,
or far too late,
and stay forever.
What to do, eh...
(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From madly
Monday, October 01, 2007, 23:01
(Agree/Disagree?)
This is how I feel:
Here's a thought for every man
Who tries to understand what is in his hands
He walks along the open road of Love & Life
surviving if he can
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
Chained to all the places that he never wished to say
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
and as faced the sun he cast no shadow
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
Here's a thought for every man
Who tries to understand what is in his hands
He walks along the open road of Love & Life
surviving if he can
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
Chained to all the places that he never wished to say
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
and as faced the sun he cast no shadow
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
And as he faced the sun he cast no shadow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJyxwgn9CDs(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From madly
Tuesday, October 02, 2007, 11:02
(Agree/Disagree?)
This song is for vacuous:
They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you need to leave.
The tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be.
But everything inside you
knows there's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
filled with empty words
And you're on fire
when He's near you
You're on fire when He speaks
You're on fire burning at these mysteries.
Give me one more time around
give me one more chance to see,
Give me everything Your are
Give me one more chance to be near You.
When everything inside me
Looks like everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take
And I'm on fire when You're near me
I'm on fire when you speak
I'm on fire burning at these mysteries.
I'm standing on the edge of me,
I'm standing at the edge of everything I've ever been
And I've been standing at the edge of me, standing at the edge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZutf32HKeM
(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | from Phoenixkidd
Tuesday, September 11, 2007 - 12:47
(Agree/Disagree?)
It seems like we are still very se**ually open and eager to try things.
If you add up these two categories from the recent results:
I can't understand the sexual boundaries most people seem to have. They don't exist for me because I wasn't brought up with them.
I want to try EVERYTHING sexually because I revel in the fact that nobody rules me but myself.
You get 41%...Quite high marks..
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | From afflick
Tuesday, September 11, 2007, 19:43
(Agree/Disagree?)
I haven't found many people like me, who grew up in TFI and were afraid of sex. Well, not "afraid" but...distrustful. Looking at my sexual timeline, I try to figure out why it took so many years into my adult life to engage in that aspect of interactions. Maybe some amateur psycho-therapists out there can help me out?
Ages 3-7: lots of sex, sexual graphics, sexual play, even a frickin' sex coloring book, for God's sake!
Ages 7-11: introduction of Heaven's Girl and Heaven's Children series, lots of sexual comics, sexual and rape fantasies in print, watching adults have sexual interactions, making semi-nude dance videos, watching others dance for same.
Age 11 -13: sexual content and interaction with peers, sharing schedules. Age 13-17: all sexual interactions barred, no sex before marriage and marriage must be approved by leadership, those who disobey get silence restriction for months.
Age 17 -21: no sex without getting permission from home leadership, marriage highly encouraged for prolonged sexual interactions.
Age 21-24: adult men hitting me up for sex and trying to trap me into situations where I would give in, these mens' wives taking their revenge on me for their husband's interest even though it wasn't reciprocated, married men my age hitting on me when I was only wanting a relationship of my own with someone unmarried.
So, that's pretty complicated. I don't judge those whose reactions to their childhood is unbridle sexuality but I hope they can see how the same traumas might cause someone else extreme reluctance in the sexual arena.(reply to this comment) |
| | From Boss Lady
Wednesday, September 12, 2007, 12:35
(Agree/Disagree?)
my experience was identical to yours except that mine ended at the 17-21 years bracket. how bizarre is it that you cannot have sexual interaction as a teenager when you desire it most, after a sexualized childhood. and then when you are "allowed" to have sex, you must give in to all sexual advances or be viewed as rebellious.
i remember watching marianne at greenfields in japan take a 17 year old girl in our home on a walk to discuss her refusal to have sex with a very adult(45 year old) and very married man. it was soon after this, that i chose to have sex, i was 16 with a boy my age, my choice. i did this because i thought, "wow! only one year and i will have to have sex with whoever wants my body. i am going to make sure my first experience is a good one" i got in HUGE trouble when it was found out. babes status, silence restriction, public exposure (they sent a letter to all teens in japan to pray for my soul). this experience, the humiliation, gave sex a huge ugly guilt thing for me. i felt dirty, sinful, evil for having sex with someone of my choosing. after being told my whole life sex was natural and good. i did it to be in control and they wanted to have that sexual control over me. weird, weird, weird. (reply to this comment) |
| | From Phoenixkidd
Thursday, September 13, 2007, 11:20
(Agree/Disagree?)
I remember this too Boss Lady--The absolute Irony of do as I say and not as I do. I remember being shocked by some of the letters from the cult leader and seeing some people almost choke on how crazy he was when we are all going through this damn conservative phase. It was terribly ironic to young teenagers and I am glad that kids in normal society don't have to go through those wierd experiences we did.
(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From vix
Thursday, September 13, 2007, 05:28
(Agree/Disagree?)
I find that this period of realignment, in a sense, happens on a regular basis with me. My general outlook or feeling inside myself will change rather abruptly and where I once felt quite sexually charged, with almost anything I see or think being a potential catalyst for increased sexual tension, I will suddenly find that that part of me has gone quite dormant and I really don't feel very aware of any sexual impulse or desire (in respect of wanting sex with another person) and vice versa. Either of these states can exist for months (as an overall mood, that is, obviously it will change a bit from day to day according to specific circumstances) and then it will change again just as abruptly. I look at it as my inner self searching, as always, for that state of equilibrium.
(reply to this comment) |
| | From afflick
Tuesday, September 11, 2007, 22:29
(Agree/Disagree?)
I am not talking about celibacy, per se, as I believe celibacy coming after a period of intense sexual relations may just be part of the same extremism that drove the individual to multiple partners in the first place. Sincerely, I really haven't met anyone like myself, a young woman in TF that disliked sex, not on its own merits but on the principle of the circumstances I lived in. I wonder if I am the only one who had that reaction? I know that traveling from home to home, there were very few of my peers who didn't engage in consentual sex when given the opportunity.
It was only after leaving TF that I started to feel like a sexual being and, even then, I had very few partners and prefered committed relationships. (reply to this comment) |
| | From /?
Thursday, September 13, 2007, 22:03
(Agree/Disagree?)
I was pretty much blacklisted when I declined to be on the sharing schedule they set up in the Teen Home, even though they said it was voluntary. The circumstances I lived in, you say. Same here. I mean, put your top 3 choices on a list but be aware that some people are too in demand and you won't get them?? But that was just a symptom. To me it felt like one big incest ring, and that held no appeal. We grew up with everyone being "brothers and sisters". Your choices limited to whoever some leader decides is in your area or home (assuming the rules at the time are in the right phase). They/you can be moved at any time, never to be heard from again. If you are a black sheep like I was, forget it -- on the off chance you have feelings for somebody, they will either say you'll drag down a good cultie or that you will combine with another black sheep to be an even worse influence.
At best, your universe of choices is the limited group of people in this cult-- a cult which you just might be sick of, hate having been born in, and want out of. Although I have no sex life or romatic life, as I have been to busy catching up in other aspects, it seems to me that for a human being one lovely thing about romantic love is broadening your horizons. How can a fellow censore, controlled cultie do that? Most likely they will turn you in on an OHR for brownie points.
I always longed to just be in the world in a "normal" nuclear family and that any romance were of the stripe where it's something that's not communal property or voyeuristic shepherds' business.
I have been around this website for a while after years of not having much contact with other exers. At first I thought, well it's nice that some people still have the ability to have a romance/sex life and on top of that to talk about it. But I just can't relate. I don't seem to want the things most people around here do. But bully for them(reply to this comment) |
| | From rainy
Friday, September 14, 2007, 03:45
(Agree/Disagree?)
You've perfectly encapsulated everything about the Family that totally sabotages any attempts at normal sexual relationships whilst in. And when it comes down to it, living your life is about your choices,not what other people think is ideal. It's almost unacceptable or unrelatable not to want to be sexual. That's part of the long way we have to go in developing our maturity as planet of people. Keeping our nose out of other people's lives and respecting their individuality. Just go with your feelings, the way you've been doing.(reply to this comment) |
| | From /?
Friday, September 14, 2007, 18:03
(Agree/Disagree?)
Thanks, Rainy, I really appreciate that.
Did I mention that at said Teen Home where they had that sharing schedule, on video night the teens (yes, the non-black-sheep ones, the ones considered OK, acceptable people) who "liked" each other were not supposed to sit by each other, hold hands, etc.?(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From cheeks
Wednesday, September 12, 2007, 13:07
(Agree/Disagree?)
I am with you. When I turned 18 it seemed like there was no shortage of people who wanted to sleep with me because now I was "legal". Mostly it was the 45 year old men and the sheps of the home who didn't understand why I didn't want to share with them.
When I moved to a home that had more tns and YA's there seemed to be no shortage of people who swapped around which is understandable considering our upbringing. I decided I wasn't going to be one of them and never slept around in the Family. My first relationship ended up being my husband and we have been together 11 years now.(reply to this comment) |
| | From fragiletiger
Wednesday, September 12, 2007, 02:58
(Agree/Disagree?)
I believe that it is quite common for children who are sexually abused to react in one of two ways. They either completely close themselves off, finding ways to completely de-sexualize them self’s as they go through puberty i.e.: wearing baggy clothes, embracing a goth type look etc
Or becoming very promiscuous, often getting involved in unhealthy situations and relationships.
I would like to add one more as well, something that may be somewhat unique to that family. From the very first we where taught that the only sexual ‘sins’ where saying no and male homosexuality. Which resulted in young people, who seemed very enthusiastic, and sexually confident, where in fact it was more something they thought they should be, rather then a true reflection of who they were.
I think for a lot of us finding out what our sexual morals where, and what we actually where into was and is a huge step in our ‘re-construction’.
(reply to this comment) |
| | From afflick
Thursday, September 13, 2007, 16:13
(Agree/Disagree?)
The point I was trying to make is exactly the opposite. In my experience, it was not just a "react[ion] in one of two ways." I did not close myself off, wear baggy clothing, embrace goth or any other outward manifestation of my sexual hesitantcy. I looked pretty much like every other Family-raised girl and went through everyday interactions (in non-sexual ways) identically. It was much more subtle than can be detailed by dividing into two subcategories. (reply to this comment) |
| | From rainy
Tuesday, September 11, 2007, 22:48
(Agree/Disagree?)
I had very little sex in The Family. I spent the last two years on Partial Excom, first because I was living with my parents and we changed to Trf supporter status and then I 'rejoined'..ie moved to another home. That was 6 months and AIDS tests even though I was still a virgin. Then I lost my virginity to a friend who had left, another 6 months for that. After that I got two more sets of partial, one for kissing a 15 yr old when I was nineteen, and one for kissing someone who'd had sex with outsiders, the end result being that I left the family still very inexperienced in the sexual department. In that way, I was always considered a bit odd by the other girls. A lot of my hesitance was due to a sexual abuse incident as a child, and much of it was because I just sort of had a non-sexual image or something, people had it of me or I had it of myself...I don't know. I was waiting for something magical I think.(reply to this comment) |
| | from rainy
Tuesday, September 11, 2007 - 12:42
(Agree/Disagree?)
Oh, and, by the way, the option which was VERY badly worded was, "I can't shake the prejudice against gays". What I meant to convey there was that the person is closed off to the possibility of homosexuality in themselves, or to any experimentation or openness in that area due to the Family's upbringing.
(reply to this comment)
| from rainy
Tuesday, September 11, 2007 - 12:38
(Agree/Disagree?)
I knew I was failing miserably in trying to put in options. I would have preferred to have left it an open question, but didn't really seem like enough to make an article out of...seems it is. :) I just kind of put in different extremes I thought might apply...but, yeah, there weren't enough options spaces.
(reply to this comment)
| from Yay sex!
Tuesday, September 11, 2007 - 10:31
(Agree/Disagree?)
May as well kick it off with a bang. This is the one that I most closely related to: “I want to try EVERYTHING sexually because I revel in the fact that nobody rules me but myself.” First off let it be known that I am unwavering in my practice of safe sex. Second, I am quite discriminate when it comes to my sexual partners. Sex is good, I like it a lot. Sex neither rules nor interferes with my life. I have been in quite a few -what some might consider- compromising situations and enjoyed the hell out of all of them. I won’t go into detail on a public forum. I hope to find myself in more of those situations before I croak. The way I see it, responsible adults should be able to do anything that doesn’t interfere with their lives or the lives of others.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | | | | From vix
Tuesday, September 11, 2007, 10:58
(Agree/Disagree?)
It did cross my mind, i wonder how many people will want to post under their names, since we all know each other pretty well by now, and there's always a chance that some of us will run into each other again, if we haven't already. I'm going to try to be as forthright as I can in exploring my own feelings about this, but at the same time I am very aware that when i write here I am really quite detached and maybe not as honest as I would like to think. Dunno. As to your chosen option above, that is one of the ones i don't relate to. I do not want to try *everything* that there is to try.
(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From nix
Tuesday, September 11, 2007, 11:09
(Agree/Disagree?)
Well, I took it more as "Everything I want to try" I guess. To clarify, I don't want to do "EVERYTHING" out there as there are all sorts of disgusting and victimizing paraphilias out there. I want to draw myself as few lines as possible, yet mind the ones I have drawn for myself. I don't have any recollections of past lives so I am assuming I only get to do this once. With that in mind I plan to get my money's worth.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
|
|
|
|
(
]
[About the Trailer Park] [Who Links Here]