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Getting On : Family
My Parents. | from Visp - Wednesday, September 08, 2004
accessed 1738 times Why did your parents join? If they left, why did they? How are they now? My father was a typical rich kid. Born with a silver spoon in his mouth, intelligent, went to a good school, wrecked a dozen cars, etc. Halfway through college, he met ‘Singing Sam’ and was witnessed to. I remember when I was younger, listening to his “testimony” which all boiled down to the fact that Sam was able to out-argue him, and my father, happy to have found someone who seemed to know more than him, followed him home. Just like that.
He met my mother in South America. She was from working class family in Oklahoma, had been a flower child, had done the pot, the communes, the running away from an ex-military controlling boyfriend, and had ended up with the good ol’ COG. They worked well together, and a Shepherd “counseled” them to marry. Together they had a son and went through many wacky Adventures, including a coup in Argentina.
One day, they returned to the States for a wedding. One of his family was getting married, and his parents offered to pay for their air fare back up to them – one way. Once there, away from the constant influence of the Shepherds, MO letters, and the isolation of being in a foreign country, it all faded. They had another son; she went on birth control and returned to college. He got a job investing in and developing real estate. They got a lovely little house, with a yard and a pool. The whole matter of the Family was just some wacky thing they had done as teenagers. Then, the little son was found floating face down in their pool.
How to cope with the loss of a child? How to deal with the guilt? How to justify why? People do it all sorts of ways; turning to religion is a favorite choice. It’s all part of a plan that your son drowned, it’s for a reason, there is purpose. Funny, I’d rather believe that chance doles out shit every now and then than believe that some being out there said “let’s do this to them, and see what happens”, but I digress. So, if God exists, and he must, for we are looking to him to comfort us in this time of trouble, than this was for a reason. Why? We were bad. It’s hard to believe that something infinitely more powerful than you is wrong or cruel, so it must be you. Sometimes people want to be at fault, want to be punished – it’s simpler. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have done that, shouldn’t have been so concerned with the “carnal” things in life; I’ll be better, and it won’t happen again.
And so it began. The quest for redemption, the quest for a reason, the quest for someone else who could tell them that it was all okay. Twenty years, seven more children, three different countries, and then it happened again. His mother had cancer, and not long to live, our visas were running out, time for another trip. We stayed. It was after the charter, our family was too big to just join a home, we stayed on our own. We went to public school, learned about life outside, slowly the influence faded. After a year or two, we weren’t D.O., then we just faded out. My father was the head of the family, and with no one to tell him what to do every second, without being trapped in a foreign country, struggling with survival so hard that there wasn’t any time to think anything else, his interest waned. We were out.
My father is a typical upper-class git. He’s not as rich as he would be if he had spent the last 20 years of his life working on it, and he can’t stand it. He’s working for a solar company, he parrots every word the others say, he revels in the belief that the Bush administration would like to get him because Bush is an oil man and solar could revolutionize the world. He’s in denial about everything that ever happened. He never hurt us children, in fact, he didn’t do any of that stuff. He worked in business overseas and had wacky adventures around the world, it was all a lark, and who remembers much of it anyways? Not him. It’s not him that changed, it’s the family. It used to be a group of cream-of-the-crop cool kids who teamed up for fun, now it’s full of degenerates, he was discerning and wise to get out when he did. He’s left my mother, and found a painfully stupid, tanned skeleton that listens to everything he says with wide-eyed worship that would do any ‘Babe’ credit, and doesn’t know any of his past, other then what he tells her.
My mother is back in college. She lives in a condo with some of the older children. She never really wanted to be a mother, she hates cooking, cleaning and the trouble that small children cause. She loves us all but sometimes she wishes that we didn’t exist. She lost one and made seven trying to replace him, only to discover that she didn’t really want them in the first place. She loves them all, and this means guilt. Guilt over the time she spends with them now, not guilt over the past. Hey, our spirits must have chosen to be born to her, so we are all responsible for our own pasts. |
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from cyborcosmic
Tuesday, September 14, 2004 - 09:24
(Agree/Disagree?)
You are not responsible for anyone's choices, other than your own!
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |  From moon beam
Wednesday, September 15, 2004, 14:09
(Agree/Disagree?)
Ask her why she allowed other people too. If she says it was because she trusted them ask why! If it was "because they were christians" ask her why that makes a person trustworthy. Remind her that most parents vet their babysitters and people who work with children have to be vetted before they get a job. If you can get her to critise some of the practises *she didn't agree with* ask her why she didn't try and change them. ( She may well have agreed so ask why she thought such and such was a good idea, then hopefully you can explain why you felt it was not)
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| | From Fish
Wednesday, September 15, 2004, 04:48
 (Agree/Disagree?)
The 'choosing to be born' nonsense is from the family. That way they can say; "your having a lot of tests (abuse) and going thru a rough time, but remember you chose to go thru this before you came to earth." In other words its not their fault its yours. So “endure hardness” as a good love slave. Rated R for RETARTED!! I mean really! Who in the nine hells would choose to be born in some slum in Bombay? Maybe heaven is populated purely be masochists and a few sadists. (reply to this comment) |
| | from Nina
Tuesday, September 14, 2004 - 01:57
(Agree/Disagree?)
ha, I find you
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from Baxter
Saturday, September 11, 2004 - 01:52
(Agree/Disagree?)
Hey, if it makes you feel any better, my parents did pretty much the same thing. The worst thing was, the trigger was that my mum had a dream that I died! I MEAN HOW FUCKING INSANE? ISN'T THAT A FUCKING HOOT? I didn't even have to end up face down in the pool. My genius mother has a fucking dream and we're back to being the fucking Addams family. GREAT!!!!
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from porceleindoll
Friday, September 10, 2004 - 18:15
(Agree/Disagree?)
"So, if God exists, and he must, for we are looking to him to comfort us in this time of trouble, than this was for a reason. Why? We were bad. It’s hard to believe that something infinitely more powerful than you is wrong or cruel, so it must be you. Sometimes people want to be at fault, want to be punished – it’s simpler. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have done that, shouldn’t have been so concerned with the “carnal” things in life; I’ll be better, and it won’t happen again."
I think you explained very well the core of reason as to why I abandoned my belief in God. It was either guilt vs. acceptance. I was in a constant state of guilt because every bad thing that happened was my fault, couldn't be God's. But discarding the whole idea of God and judgement and guilt has brought me a great peace and deeper happiness with my life, an acceptance that shit happens once in awhile but we make it through, and it's not a judgement because of our sins, or a withholding of blessing because we failed in some unknown area.
Didn't it always seem so hard to please God and receive His blessings? And so easy to blame ourselves for not being blessed? A vicious cycle of guilt and works trips. Even though I'm not presently a Christian, this lifestyle we once lived seems to be very far removed from the verses themselves--"for by grace are you saved..not of works.." And yet we had to work so very hard to be blessed--praise time, love time, no doubts, no disobedience, total yieldedness, no selfishness. And if something went wrong, we were so quick to blame ourselves, to introspect and find our faults, confess our sins, and hope that God would forgive and bless us.
But what blessings did we actually receive? The blessings have turned into curses in that God abandoned us as soon as we chose a different direction for our lives. And so, can God blame us for abandoning Him? We who gave our hearts, our youth, our total committment to Him, who then became our fair-weather friend when we chose to seek a new life and needed the help of the only Parent we had--"When my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up"? Does a parent abandon you as soon as you choose a different career than the one they chose for you? Not a parent who truly loves you and wants you to be happy.
And so it is easier to separate our lives from God and realise that God is either non-existent, or far-removed from humanity, and we are carving our own destinies out of what we have left of our lives, families and youth.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | | | | From frmrjoyish
Wednesday, September 15, 2004, 06:46
(Agree/Disagree?)
While my comment was meant to be lighthearted, you seem to take pleasure in heckling much of what I say. Chill out a bit, would you?
And never mind the fact that you have no pictures posted, but if you would've shown up a few weeks ago you would've seen that I did have quite a few pictures posted until I recently removed them. Not that it's any of your business, but someone I know found out about my past and should that person decide to google the COG and stumble across this website I didn't want my screen name associated with me at this point. (reply to this comment) |
| | From exister
Monday, September 13, 2004, 09:46
(Agree/Disagree?)
I have always found great peace in a probabilistic world view. Quite simply: all events operate within the bounds of a probabilistic model. While the model for the whole universe is too complex to be described in mathematical terms, I am convinced that it does exist and that the universe operates within it's confines. I find great comfort in the fact that all of our destinies are regulated by uninterested numerical quantities, which have no feelings and hence don't care either way. Among the many benefits that this world view provides are:
You can get a cold and just take some Dayquil without feeling like you must have fucked up recently.
You can start a car and speed around without spending 10 minutes fervently praying beforehand, since no amount of ritual will change the predetermined probability that you will croak in an accident. Note that the probabilistic model for an accident would likely have a variable S for driving skill and M for the mechanical condition of your vehicle, but is very unlikely to have a variable P for how long you prayed or H for how many hands you layed on the stupid junker of a car.
You can take risks without worrying about some stupid concept like "Tempting God."(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From Wolf
Tuesday, September 14, 2004, 23:20
(Agree/Disagree?)
No, the credit should go to the US / Canadian organizers, who made the Finns play the first 4 matches in European-size rinks, of course they didn’t have time to adjust to US-size rinks in two matches. The “World Cup” of hockey is basically a farce, everything about the organization and refereeing is designed to make the Canadian and US teams win (and despite all the help, the US team didn’t win!).
For the sake of fairness, the Canadians also won the last IIHF championship, which is perfectly fair … so hail to the hockey kings!(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Wolf
Wednesday, September 15, 2004, 11:15
(Agree/Disagree?)
How could starting a championship in one size and ending in another possibly be an advantage? It’s comparable to qualifying in the wrong size swimming pool, then competing in the finals against people who qualified in a correctly built pool. It takes time to readjust, and by the time you’ve readjusted somebody else has already won.
I agree, however, that having competed in both rink sizes during one’s lifetime gives any player an advantage.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Wolf
Tuesday, September 14, 2004, 21:32
(Agree/Disagree?)
mathematics:
n.the systematic treatment of magnitude, relationships between figures and forms, and relations between quantities expressed symbolically. (Random House)
It is my understanding that mathematics is both a concept and a language; our mathematical symbols are probably uniquely human, but I’m sure you know that many animals use math, though perhaps they don’t do it consciously. For all we know some animals may even have a mathematical language of their own.(reply to this comment) |
| | From JohnnieWalker
Monday, September 13, 2004, 14:23
(Agree/Disagree?)
Just for fun, I'll throw a little argument out there (or play devil's advocate, if you prefer the term).
To use your example, variable P might just help you focus long enough on what you are about to do, thereby increasing your awareness, and in turn enhancing your S variable.
I'm not saying there is any sort of spiritual influence here. You might get the same results by pausing for a minute of deep breathing and relaxation, intensely studying the vehicle manual, or chanting the renowned mantra of "Think like a car. Think like a car. Think like a car....".
Naturally, there is also variable D--The drunk driver who would put an abrupt end to all above mentioned variables.(reply to this comment) |
| | from venus_fly_trap
Friday, September 10, 2004 - 11:28
(Agree/Disagree?)
My mother is considering leaving the cult for one of my younger siblings. I don't think she will do well if she leaves. The only thing that keeps her sane is the hope that Jesus is returning soon. She had a horrible life as a child and if she leaves, I fear she will return to that type of mentality. She has always told me she borders on a problem with alcohol. I've heard she turns to the hit the bottle frequently even within the cult when shit hits the fan. I worry about how they might survive if they leave.
(reply to this comment)
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