 from chaos*
Friday, August 15, 2008 - 10:27
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Initially I was a little hesitant to post under this article, but after reading it through again, I couldn't help it. Your pain and suffering are so vivid, it couldn't help but invoke some kind of response.
I don’t know you nor your woman personally, but I've always had a fairly good impression of you around this site. I for one, thought that I had experienced some loss in my time. But somehow reading your experience so personalized in your pain and your rage leaves a mark on me.
One thought strikes me. It's quite a downer, though I guess necessary realisation for me, that no matter how low our lives have already beaten us down, somebody else has it worse. I can't begin to imagine what it must feel like for you. Your words are indication enough of how lucky most of us are. Life is fragile. Life is cruel. Nothing can be taken for granted. Nothing is guaranteed. There is no justice. There is no rhyme or reason. There is no why. The worst things happen to the best people. There are times that we might justify to ourselves that we deserve better. Sadly, it doesn't mean jack shit.
You may get some insensitive or ill-thought out comments or responses from people, but I sincerely hope that the fact that by and large everyone is rooting for you and hopes and wishes you all the best manages to get through. I don’t think there is anything we can say that you don’t already know yourself. All I can say is the tragic loss of life is ringing on our screens and in our hearts. On some level, we are connected to you. Though nothing close to the degree that you do, we do feel the effects of your tragedy. We see your sorrow. Whether you chose to try to lift it, drown in it, carry it or whatever, I hope that you find your own way of dealing.
Finally, I know this is not the right place for this but I wrote something a while back for a lost loved one. I know it’s not entirely appropriate and granted not under the same circumstances, but I thought maybe you could appreciate some of the sentiments.
I cling to memories that torture my mind.
I dream only in colors of you.
It is said that moving on takes it’s time.
And another “Paradise Lost” is nothing new.
So I sink myself into drunken fest.
I look to the horizon for the next best thing.
Tell myself I’ll become stronger by test.
That somewhere, someday I will uncover meaning.
Meaning to a right turn, on a right road at the wrong timing.
To my fallen cupid’s tale of love loss and tragedy.
I brave the oncoming storms in search of silver linings.
But this life’s no one’s fault, just the way it has to be.
Until at last I can feel no pain.
Holding on to nothing I know can’t be kept.
I set out to take tomorrow by it’s reins,
With nothing to lose because there’s nothing left.
I’ve closed the book, I’ve turned the page,
And stemmed the tide of my emotions flow.
No more sadness or hope, no passion nor rage.
This is my way of letting you go.
I afford no flashes or feelings to reach me.
No nostalgic lingering moments to remind me.
The only lesson that love had to teach me,
Was to open the door and let sorrow find me.
It took my tears in a glass, my heart in a vice.
What I have I remain, what I gave won’t come back.
My sure thing turned gamble with the devil throwing dice.
And the price I pay for losing is everything he asks.
I walk on though only to cover the distance.
A slave to the future, a prisoner of the past.
Forever to wear these scars as my pittance.
For still love has no cure and good things never last.
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