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Getting On : All My Politics
Does anyone else hate the holidays? | from figaro - Thursday, November 22, 2007
accessed 1463 times I hate the holidays! To me the holidays are like a slap in the face. I see everyone else with their families, smiling and happy. It just throws in my face everything that I desired and longed for so much, but was robbed of. So, like the many years before, I am left out in the cold with nothing but feelings of anger, envy, jealousy even some hatred for those who I see that have what I want and that leads to the desire to take it from them and make them feel the pain that I have felt. I don't like feeling this way but I can't help but want to see others suffer the way I suffered. Why should they have the happiness I was denied?
I can't describe (though I'm sure I don't need to, most of you already know) how bad it feels to have people ask me things like "are you going home for the holidays?" or "Aren't you going to spend Christmas with your family?" or even worse when you have to try to find a way to explain to people WHY you don't have a family life and why you are going to be spending the holidays alone in misery. Its hard to get people to understand, they just can't seem to grasp the concept of not having a real family life. Generally I don't tell people about my past, so I usually just say that I don't have any family in town and I can't make it all the way home this year. But after so many years of saying that my friends start to notice that I never actually see or visit my family.
Anyone else have these thoughts/feelings/problems? Or am I alone on this one too? |
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from jolifam77
Saturday, December 15, 2007 - 18:22
(Agree/Disagree?)
It's not just the holidays. It's my entire life. But the thing that bugs me the most is not how shitty I feel when I see other people being happy, I've gotten over that. The thing that bothers me the most is worrying that I will turn into a psychopath without even realizing it. Being alienated and wholly disinterested and hateful of my flesh family, there is no bond to stabilize me. I have to make a conscious effort to remind myself that I live in the real world now. I have to think to myself "People on the street are not the enemy. They're just like me."
(reply to this comment)
| from 3jinosos
Saturday, December 15, 2007 - 00:15
(Agree/Disagree?)
for the sake of the system significant others in your life, try to muster some enthusiasm. if you are lucky that enthusiasm might just rub off on you. my spouse doesn't have enthusiasm for most holidays. one of the downsides to being married to an ex-member sga.
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|  From figaro
Saturday, December 15, 2007, 03:23
(Agree/Disagree?)
I put up a pretty good show when it comes to that, but I don't feel any better. No, the only thing I can imagine would make me enjoy the holidays is when I have some kids of my own. Then I will get happiness from giving them the love, attention, and family that they deserve and I never got! But that's a long way off, I am just barely old enough to have a kid in my opinion, and not ready in any other way. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | from calmbomb
Thursday, November 29, 2007 - 21:11
(Agree/Disagree?)
Life is what you make it to be.
I'm happy to spend Christmas with no one but my puppies...
(reply to this comment)
| from i can't remember who said this...
Thursday, November 29, 2007 - 13:26
(Agree/Disagree?)
All of humanity share the same common bonds. They are the intrinsic truths that are written on the table of our hearts as individuals, cultures, and nations; hence the name of this bookstore. We all breath the same air, drink the same water, and suffer from the same ailments. Suffering is a protection mechanism of life, for when we suffer it tells us that something is wrong; that it needs to be investigated and resolved after the roots of the suffering are discovered. If we brush suffering under the carpet and hope for it to go away,it will only get worse; denial has never brought about solutions and never will. The suffering of one endangers the many, for not one of us are exempt from the causes of suffering.
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| From .........
Thursday, November 29, 2007, 13:31
(Agree/Disagree?)
"....we denounce with righteous indignation and dislike men who are so beguiled and demoralized by the charms of pleasure in the moment, so blinded by desire, that they cannot foresee the pain and trouble that are bound to ensue; and equal blame belongs to those who fail in their duty through weakness of will, which is the same as saying through shrinking from toil and pain. These cases are perfectly simple and easy to distinguish. In a free hour, when our power of choice is untrammelled and when nothing prevents our being able to do what we like best, every pleasure is to be welcomed and every pain avoided. But in certain circumstances and owing to the claims of duty or the obligations of business it will frequently occur that pleasures have to be repudiated and annoyances accepted. The wise man therefore always holds in these matters to this principle of selection: he rejects pleasures to secure other greater pleasures, or else he endures pains to avoid worse pains" - Cicero
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| | | | | from AndyH
Wednesday, November 28, 2007 - 21:43
 (Agree/Disagree?)
No, you are definitely not alone. I know exactly what you mean. After I left my wife, every time I saw a happy couple it was all I could do not to run up behind them and punch them in the back of the head. The more fortunate will always be a reminder of how unfortunate we are, and we will always resent them for so doing.
Ah, the questions. It culminated for me in Spanish class when we were learning past tenses. The best way to practice the imperfect preterite is by talking about your childhood. I had to invent an entire childhood just to get through the class.
I have to disagree entirely with those who've criticized your article, because I think they are looking at it all wrong. You obviously are not some total asshole who is going about ruining people's fun for the sake of sheer spite, just as I never punched anyone in the back of the head. No, you even explained how you make up nice little responses to spare people the whole complicated truth that they wouldn't understand anyway. The only thing you're guilty of is having perfectly natural feelings of envy towards those who didn't get handed the same shitty card as you. You even expressed your dislike for these feelings.
So you let it build up for awhile and then you post an article about how shitty you feel, and ask if anyone can empathize. Instead of empathy, you get the same old victim-blaming, over simplifying, pop-psychology. "Get over it", "Someone had it worse, so that makes it OK", "Because you aren't thankful for your shitty childhood that makes you a spoiled brat". It seems to me that the people who say these things are really saying them to themselves, because they, unlike you, are afraid of dealing with their issues.
This is what they don't realize. We are over it. We have moved on. This does not mean that we don't struggle from time to time with issues that result from our childhood, be it PTSD, or just the difficulty of integrating ourselves into a society that we are completely conditioned against. Presenting these issues on a forum with the hope of finding some help in living a successful life is a sign of determination to overcome your past, not an attempt to use it as an excuse for your problems with the present.
Well, I guess I'm ranting at this point. Fuck the holidays. Fuck happy couples. Fuck baseball teams and hometowns and high schools. I guess I'm just too spoiled to be happy for them.
(reply to this comment)
| From Lithium pissed off Andy
Thursday, November 29, 2007, 02:10
(Agree/Disagree?)
There is no 'wrong or right' way to look at it, Andy. There is only 'a' way subject to the individual's interpretation. What you call criticism is simply the effort to present another view, not a lack of sympathy or empathy. No one was asking Fig to be thankful for anything, that was your and his interpretation. No one asked him to "Get over it" either, that again was your spin. Yes, millions of people have had it worse, and no, that doesn't make it okay and again, no one is saying that it does. The word "spoiled" was obviously taken under a Family connotation of 'brat'. The first two meanings given in the dictionary, which carry the idea I was trying to impart are as follows: 1) Diminish or destroy the value or quality of. 2) Prevent someone from enjoying (an occasion or event).
Perhaps I could have displayed a little more "sympathy" for Fig, but then there's plenty of that to go around and quite frankly, I personally hate the word. I'm sorry if any of what I said triggered you. (reply to this comment) |
| | From Andy is not pissed off
Thursday, November 29, 2007, 11:29
(Agree/Disagree?)
The wine made me a little more passionate then I try to be.
Let's not argue semantics. I wasn't directly quoting anyone, I was summarising the attitude expressed. I don't see much difference between "Get over it", and "Slap yourself out of such poor-me nonsense".
I'm well aware that right and wrong are subjective. You've either underestimated my intelligence, or you are being deliberately condescending. It should go without saying that my observations are subject to my interpretation.
There is no need to apologize to me. I know this seemed like it was directed at you, but it's a trend that has bothering me for a long time. Everything you've said has been absolutely true, but most people can't live their lives in a state of complete objectivity. Most people can't rationalize their way out of every problem, especially when irrationality *is* the problem. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From figaro
Thursday, November 29, 2007, 12:08
(Agree/Disagree?)
I have consumed more drugs and alcohol then you could imagine, believe me, I have taken over 500 hits of acid, over 300 tabs (ecstasy), I have spent in the area of 50 grand on heroin, and I don't even know how much on coke and speed (since I used to sell copious amounts of the stuff). Believe me, getting fucked up is NOT the answer. You may be able to drown or mask your problems, or eliminate your emotions for a short time but once the dope wears off, and you sober up they are still right there waiting for you. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From figaro
Thursday, November 29, 2007, 13:05
(Agree/Disagree?)
I couldn't agree more. There is absolutely no way that I can have what was taken from me and all I can do is try to make the best of the future. Because of this there is no way I will ever enjoy the holidays. I may be able to to get to a point where hate them less, but I will never enjoy them. I will always be unhappy during them and I just have to grin and bear it like just like every other problem stemming from my past. (reply to this comment) |
| | From vix
Wednesday, November 28, 2007, 22:42
(Agree/Disagree?)
I like this a lot, Andy. I'm glad you posted it because I've wanted to say something similar but I just didn't have the energy to verbalise it.
While I agree broadly with what Lithium and others have said to the OP, I also think that you make a very good case for the fact that people post here about the very things that they most likely try *not* to think about or live out in their daily lives.
During the time when I suffered badly from depression I received much very good and sensible advice about how to fight it. All of it was right and true. But I already knew all those things, I just wasn't ready at that time to live by them. When I was, I did so. People have to work through their anger, hurt, disappointment and any other 'negative' (for want of a better term) emotions for as long as they need to, in whatever way is suited to their psychological make-up. Those who are most honest about the complete spectrum of their conflicted thinking are usually the ones who end up better balanced in the long run.
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| | from Phoenixkidd
Wednesday, November 28, 2007 - 08:00
(Agree/Disagree?)
Oh Figs, I forgot to tell you--If you want to get more in the Christmas "Spririt" you can listen to a radio show by nubeat.org--it even has Simon Peter announce it. See here http://www.nubeat.org/Christmas.htm
On the other hand if you want to make fun of the season and it's fundie's you can join tribe.net a social grouping site, I am in a tribe called "FUN WITH FUNDIES" and we have all kinds of fun laughing at the fundies at this time of year.
And what made my day was seeing one family member's blog spot that included this eye candy--Yes I swing the other way.
http://schooloftrueprophets.blogspot.com/2007/11/my-step-son-victor-no-he-is-not-in-his.html
LOL
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| | | | | | | from Phoenixkidd
Wednesday, November 28, 2007 - 07:19
(Agree/Disagree?)
Figaro, I so understand your pain around the Holidays, for years as I was growing up I dreaded the thought of another Christmas, it just meant a really long time of drumming up costume ideas, shows, caroling, trudging the cold streets and performing on even colder sidewalks. I don't think I ever had a real Christmas untill I moved to the HCS, where we didn't have to do all those activities.
I hate the commercialism of Christmas and how here in the States everyone goes hog-wild over Christmas specials at Best Buy, Walmart, even Costco, and feels everyone should have to give presents--Humbug.
I do however, enjoy the decorations, the chill in the air we finally get in Phoenix, and the general happiness of the simple people here thinking that Christmas is so great--it makes me happy too.
My fav holidays are in this order Halloween, New Years and Memorial Day--in Phoenix, it's steaming hot and I love to just spend that 3 day weekend lounging in the pool and chatting with friends.
Take time to enjoy all the Holidays, I only get 6 of them at my work, you deserve it!
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| | | | | | | | | | from madly
Tuesday, November 27, 2007 - 18:09
(Agree/Disagree?)
Figaro, didn’t Geppetto teach you anything? :P
I can relate to a lot of what you are saying, but remember that life comes with no guarantees other than the chance to breathe for a time. Could be a minute, a day or a 100 years, during which time nothing is ever fair or equal and the only thing you can be sure of is the fact that someone will always have it worse and someone will always have it better, and to them the very same. You could have been born with aids and flies in your eyes in Africa or be a man’s fantasy at the age of 7 in Thailand. Or you could have it all and be miserable still. There is no promise in this life and wishing there was is almost as silly as thinking there should be.
With that, it is normal to envy what others have, but remember they all envy someone else, because everyone wants what they don’t have and we are never happy. We think more is the answer, but more is just more and the more you have the more you want. More doesn’t make you happy, less doesn’t make you happy. In all honesty, I don’t think anything will keep you happy for more than a time. Moments are all we have, moments that come and pass and are gone too fast. This is what we get to live for, moments of bliss and the hope of more to come. Again, more, more and more…
I think we could learn a lot from my puppy. Do you think my puppy envies the dog across the street because they didn’t chop his balls off? Do you think he wishes that he had a better owner? Nah, he is content as can be and he will never even get to have sex. Poor bastard, that really sucks, but no one told him that it sucks and so life is good and even if he never gets more, he will never long for it, because he doesn’t know he needed it or even wanted it. Wish we could all be like that. He is my hero.
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| From figaro
Wednesday, November 28, 2007, 13:04
(Agree/Disagree?)
Ignorance is bliss, and your puppies bliss stems only from his ignorance, unfortunately I am not ignorant, so.....
As for always wanting more, I can honestly say that the times I was the happiest were the times when I had a small apartment, a car that wasn't great but ran well, and didn't have a lot of money. I have lived in a beautiful house, with an awesome car, and a good job paying me a LOT of money (well, to me it was a lot, like 6 grand a month) and I honestly was happier when I was living a simpler life. So I am not the type to think that more will make me happy. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From Falcon
Thursday, November 29, 2007, 01:41
(Agree/Disagree?)
Define "everyone else". To me, people are as varied as culture, financial status, race, desires, ambition, occupation, their environment and countless other factors create them to be. I don't think you can lump it so conveniently into "like everyone else", because it is a distinction that does not exist imho.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | from MegaGroan
Tuesday, November 27, 2007 - 16:15
(Agree/Disagree?)
There are a lot of things I hate about the holidays. There are also a few things I like:
1) Halloween kicks ass! Berg hated this holiday, which is why it's my favorite.
2) New Years Eve is a ton of fun, and a great time to do drugs.
3) Fourth of July; I hate patriotism, but I love fireworks. Especially the illegal kind. Independence Day Forever! (PS: We need to overthrow King George...again!)
4) I love saying "Happy Holidays" to Fundies around Christmas. I also keep track of which of my co-workers are religious, and make sure to send them a "Seasons Greetings" Xmas card.
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| | | | from scorpion
Monday, November 26, 2007 - 18:00
(Agree/Disagree?)
figaro what u need is some fukin E. seriously itl take all ur stress away an make u lov evryone haha the worlds to cold an hard to understand, dats my remedy. wheneva u feel like u cant take it no more, rent a hotel an have a crayz e party. pop e an put ur headphones on full blast an go under ur covers or som shiet. ull get alot of answers an feel better. good luck dawg
ps, red scorpions ar crayz good rit now. haha
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| | | | | | | | | | | | | From AndyH
Wednesday, November 28, 2007, 11:34
(Agree/Disagree?)
To be fair to Scorpion, he is capable of proper spelling and grammar. He is a businessman and would not have gotten very far if his comments on this site were indicative of his intelligence.
I theorize that his laziness is due to having a social circle that has failed to stigmatize this behaviour, out of which develops the mentality that effectiveness is the rule of language, and as long as the reader can piece together your meaning, you are communicating. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From AndyH
Thursday, November 29, 2007, 10:42
(Agree/Disagree?)
Oh I wasn't calling for you to respect him. Bussinessman is not a term of endearment for me, as many of the men I do business with are total scumbags. I was merely desginating that his writing style is the result of laziness, not brain damage. If anything, that would call for disrespect, as opposed to the sympathy one would pay to someone with brain damage. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From he he!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007, 13:43
(Agree/Disagree?)
I guess what i took as value from that comment would be that you need to de-in-intensify, (like de-toxify- I know not a real word!) and experience a period where you are not defined by an image, ( politics , religion, status, monetary value etc..) a definition and all the bullshit that brings. Just be a natural soul, existing, with no time and space, your only purpose in life to just be and not do.
animals, birds , trees everything in nature but humans. ( Yet somehow when we are refereed to as 'animals' they try to imply (derogatory) animals are more evil than us on the scale. )
strange world
I'll stop there.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From Samuel
Tuesday, November 27, 2007, 18:55
(Agree/Disagree?)
Yes, scorpion. You see, using good grammar shows that you care enough to pay attention to what you are typing, and that you are intelligent to recognise bad grammar when you see it in your writing, and correct it.
Plus, I don't think it's all about your grammar. Your bad grammar is the most obvious, because everyone can see it. But there are other things like your constant plugs for the Ecstasy drug (what, do you deal in it or something?), your refusal to use any capitalization, your amusement with yourself for completing a sentence or comment, says a lot about your state of mind.
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| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | from rainy
Monday, November 26, 2007 - 01:24
(Agree/Disagree?)
Other people's happiness doesn't depress me, it gives me hope. I become depressed by ignorance, intolerance, and powerlessness. Seeing happy families just makes me proud to be part of this world. There is one thing where I experience similar feeling to what you're describing here, and I'm not proud of it at all: When I see my parents encouraging my youngest sister in her dreams for an education, I feel very jealous. Of course I'm happy for her, but when they refuse to acknowledge the fact that they deprived me of that very thing, some part of me rages. It's not my little sister's chances that make me sad, and I know that intellectually. It's my parents' refusal to apologise and acknowledge that they wrecked my life. (Mum gives me this line: "You could have gotten your high-school equivalency. I told you to do that homeschooling course and you didn't do it." Yeah, after no education beyond the age of 12 I was suddenly supposed to do a course on my own steam at the age of terminally-depressed 17. I could have made that choice I suppose, and I shouldn't be whining about it now. But I was living with a step-dad who expected the world to end each year. The future just did not exist.
It does now, though, and for that I love the world, with its holidays and traditions and sense of continuity.
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| from cheeks
Sunday, November 25, 2007 - 09:04
(Agree/Disagree?)
Why don't you look for other people who don't have a place to go for the holidays either, you could do something together as a group. I usually invite the people at work who are not able to go out of town for the holidays to dinner, or to come and spend the day with us. We usually end up with a houseful of odd people but we have the best time. Or you could alway volunteer in a shelter for the day.
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| from ?
Saturday, November 24, 2007 - 14:49
(Agree/Disagree?)
Paid holiday + christmas bonus + excuse to party = hate?
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| | | | | | | | | | | | | from exfamily
Saturday, November 24, 2007 - 14:36
(Agree/Disagree?)
I hate Christmas. I don't know why, but when I see Christmas decorations and hear Christmas carols, I feel really weird. Maybe they elicit long forgotten or suppressed emotions and memories. But I feel really shitty when I see/hear them, and get quite agitated and angry.
Needless to say, I don't celebrate Christmas in any way, shape, or form, and I go out of my way to rant to my colleagues about the futility of it all.
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| from conan
Saturday, November 24, 2007 - 12:11
(Agree/Disagree?)
The holidays are meaningless to me. My customary response to ‘Merry Christmas’ is 'bah, Humbug!’ and I’m only half-jesting. I hate the holidays for a variety of reasons, some of which are at least closely related to the reasons you listed.
Thanksgiving, whilst in TF, was a ‘feast’ in name only. While I learned the historical significance to the holiday, the traditional bird and sumptuous spread were suspiciously lacking, normally because we couldn’t afford it. We’d have ‘special’ meals such as home made pizza or eggplant parmesan, which to me was not exactly a gluttony-inducing recipe on what is today largely a festival of food. Today, I do enjoy engorging myself on a well-cooked meal at the home of a relative or friend and enjoy the camaraderie around the meal. The parades and displays, etc., are superfluous displays and the phony joy everyone feels so obligated to share with everyone they come into contact with is genuinely nauseating.
Christmas? Fuck, where do I start? Besides the obvious flaws surrounding the religious implications on a pagan holiday being so amusing, it’s become a commercial enterprise just as much as Valentine’s Day or Devil’s Night in the sense that the sole existence of the holiday season seems to be an inducement to the mass populous to spend copious amounts of cash on frivolous expendables under the banner of ‘yuletide cheer’. Of course, in TF, we were taught ‘the real meaning of Christmas’ and all that nonsensical mumbo jumbo including the demonizing of Santa Claus and his many aliases despite the historical tradition behind the practices of St. Nick. Sitting around a tree singing songs was never my idea of a good time, and due to our exiguous funds, we never had gifts of any substance to either give or receive.
As such, I never looked forward to Christmas as a kid, and today have no reason to spend my hard-earned cash on incidental people in my life (family) at a time of year with absolutely no significance to myself. Again, the disgusting displays of affection and happiness due to calendar-induced obligation are distasteful, loathsome, repulsive and repugnant and so blatantly phony that it would be amusing if it weren’t so prominently displayed in every facet of public existence into which I'm often forced to participate.
I celebrate New Year’s as a good time where everyone has (legitimate or otherwise) reason to party hard and get it on. And then I celebrate my personal anniversary of the day I physically left TF by buying myself something I want and then getting myself sufficiently stewed to celebrate the freeing of my mind’s enslavement. All other holidays to me are irrelevant, stupid, and/or just a reason to get drunk with friends. Although I personally don’t need a reason to get drunk with friends, holidays usually imply an additional day or more of non-work to recover from the debauchery we self-inflict and so the drinking and partying seems more excessive than perhaps other casual nights of revelry.
Happy fucking holidays, people!
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| from that time of year
Saturday, November 24, 2007 - 04:56
(Agree/Disagree?)
I know what you mean , but all those things you have been denied, ( the happy family, security to have fun, etc..) can be substituted. Adopt another family or let them adopt you. Create now (cause as an adult you can) what you would have wanted. Replacing those memories with newer ones for you to look back on in a few years time.
All (okay , not ALL) those other people strive for the same things.
They are on their own journey and for you to be an obsticle in their path is not really going to make you feel better about yourself, nor leave any energy left in them to give back to you positive happy , fuzzy, marzipanie festivness.
You will just be repeating the cycle of adding more sorrow to the worlds grid.
Don't bother with other peoples projections on what the holiday should be. Do what you feel makes you happiest.
You have to in some ways do things differently so that your inner child can be happy and feel cared for and loved and that has to come from the adult you.
Then that little one will stop bugging you and begin to feel safe and able to have fun and a sense of satisfaction and release. Don't keep repeating what others did to you to your self. break the cycle, starting with you.
happy holidays
(reply to this comment)
| From Timothy
Saturday, November 24, 2007, 07:24
(Agree/Disagree?)
I don't hate the holidays that much.. But I rarely celebrate them...
It bothers me, all the happy faces and then people and their complaining over something they didn't get or crying for something he wants..
Christmas is no longer something "special" christmas, thanksgiving or anyother day in the year can be more special if I'm doing something I actually like, or around people I actually enjoy being around...(reply to this comment) |
| | from neez
Friday, November 23, 2007 - 15:47
(Agree/Disagree?)
Which one's worse? Self-destruction, or destroying other peoples happiness?
I do agree about the holidays though.
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| | | | | | | | | | | | | From figaro
Sunday, November 25, 2007, 11:55
(Agree/Disagree?)
Say you were walking down the street cause you don't have a car or the money to ride the bus to your full time hard manual labor job, and you see some schmuck with a Ferrari and a million dollar house who has never worked a day in his life and doesn't deserve, or appreciate those things nearly as much as you, and try to tell me you wouldn't feel that you deserve it more then him because of how hard you work for practically nothing, and for at least a moment think about how nice it would be to take it from him. You try to tell me that and I will call you a fucking LIAR! Its the same thing.
Just because you feel that way about happiness, doesn't make it so. My heart and soul are capable of happiness, they were just denied it. Personally, I have not given up the fight to find happiness and peace in this life, I will not lay down and surrender to a life of misery just yet. So don't lay your hang ups on me just because you HAVE! (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | From Lithium
Monday, November 26, 2007, 02:03
(Agree/Disagree?)
You're playing with your little windback car and it's all perfectly okay until another child comes by driving their fancy remote control car. Suddenly you don't even see the little windback car anymore, it's just a pile of metal shit. You want the remote control, so you whine, "why does he get the remote control car and I don't? It's not fair! I want it!" Suddenly you realise you are very unhappy and you are angry and jealous that someone has a better car than you. And if you can't have it, then why should he? You wish someone would take it away from the other child so he can be as miserable as you feel. Yes, spoiled! Happiness is a state of mind. As your mind changes, so does your happiness. It is transitory. There will always be someone with a bigger, better, shinier car.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From figaro
Monday, November 26, 2007, 11:12
(Agree/Disagree?)
No, actually he is completely wrong, I used to have a REALLY bad ass sports car and after I lost it, I got this old cavalier that was not much to look at but it ran, and served me well. And honestly looking back at it I was much happier with that little old cavalier. In most situations like this he would be right, but in MINE he isn't.
It has nothing to do with them having more then me or better then me, its about me not having it at ALL. I never wanted the perfect parents, I just wanted to have PARENTS! I don't need the best, richest family, just to have A family and am I so wrong in wishing that I could have been sent to college? I mean, hell, if I just could have gone to school EVER that would have been great! Am I so wrong in wanting to have a HOME and not just a place were I stay? Am I so wrong in wanting to be told that I WASN'T a bad kid, that someone was proud of me?
Now, if I had been given those things and I was angry, jealous, or bitter because they weren't good enough or someone else's was better then yes, he would be absolutely right. But thats not the case, I wasn't given those things at ALL. I wasn't even given the chance to get them for myself, and yes, I am bitter and resentful and envies of people who do have it and don't appreciate it. Not a single person on this site can tell me they have never felt that way to some degree at some point after leaving!(reply to this comment) |
| | From Lithium
Monday, November 26, 2007, 16:22
(Agree/Disagree?)
Listen Fig, no matter how bad you think you had it, there are always thousands, if not millions who have had it far worse. I too had none of the above mentioned, and of course it would be inhuman to say I never wished for them. You're not wrong to want all that, not even to envy someone who has them, but to wish no one else has it because you don't, is childish. Every day you are alive is a chance to get what you want for yourself. There's actually not that many people in this world who have everything dished out to them on a silver platter, the majority have to work and slave and rough it to get what they want. But trust me, when you do finally get it, it will be that much sweeter.(reply to this comment) |
| | From figaro
Monday, November 26, 2007, 23:26
(Agree/Disagree?)
First off, just because something could be worse doesn't mean we shouldn't want,or try to make; it better. I'm not gonna settle for bad just because worse is possible. So don't give me that "be thankful for what you have" crap that was rammed down my throat my whole life. Secondly, I never said no one else should have it, I said that it makes me mad and angry to see them have it not appreciate it, and I FEEL like taking it from them because they obviously don't deserve it if they don't appreciate it. Just because I feel that way doesn't mean I think that it should actually happen. Also, like I said, I don't LIKE feeling this way, I would seriously prefer to not feel this way, but I do.
And finally, you obviously missed the REASON that I want to take it from them. Its simply because I am sick of myself, and my life, being different then everyone else and I want to take it from them so that I won't feel so alone any more. I never wanted to be special, I never wanted to stand out, I wanted to be just like every one else, and since I obviously can't become like them then I want to make them like me so I can stop feeling so alone. Is that so wrong? You can't possibly tell me that you wouldn't mind feeling like no one understands you or how you feel and no one could ever see why you feel the things and the ways that you do!(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From jolifam67
Saturday, December 15, 2007, 18:41
(Agree/Disagree?)
All this talk about loss, missing out, happiness, longing, etc. really drives one to think about life and its meaning. My anxiety over the years about this has developed quite thoroughly through times of crushing depression, times of desperation, to now, where I'm at a state of perfect and continuous agony, both in an existential sense and emotional sense. Thankfully, I've become quite skilled at denying the emotional side (it's never done me any good to "let it out"). So that now I only have to deal with the pertetual question of "if my whole life was destined to be pure agony, then why was I born in the first place?" And "if life is so short, then why is it even worth living?" One might answer, "it's worth living for your family's sake and your children's sake." But then I answer "but if I have children will my children curse me for forcing these 70-80 years of misery upon them, as I myself have cursed my parents?" I conclude that life is pointless.(reply to this comment) |
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