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Getting On : All My Politics
What freed your mind? | from Rain Child - Tuesday, July 25, 2006
accessed 1721 times I loved the movie Almost Famous, It struck a chord in me. (I almost named my son William after the boy in the movie!) One scene that resonated was when the older sister gives William her record collection and says, "They'll free your mind". I was thinking about the process of my own mind becoming free. (Starting with watching 'The King And I' at age five and thinking, "those people worship Buddha like we worship Jesus, how do I know we're right and they're wrong?"
I think the three books that really helped my mind on its journey to freedom almost more than anything else in my young teenage years were, 'A Nun's Story' (In the end she walks out of the convent, ready to begin a new life. That scene and all its implications never left me) '1984' (I must have read it at least four times during my teenage years, and I could still read it again) and River Phoenix's biography. (I especially remembered this during the times everyone was getting prophecies from him, because the prophecies always contradicted what he had said about The Family while he was alive. Also, the book, 'Sex, Sin, & Salvation' helped me look at The Family as though I were outside looking in and helped me see some of the absurdities for the first time.
I'd love to hear what did it for you... |
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from valhalla
Friday, March 30, 2007 - 13:36
(Agree/Disagree?)
chemical experimentation worked great for me :-) not to mention my regular smoking up habit while i was in TF
(reply to this comment)
| from Rain Child
Thursday, October 12, 2006 - 02:49
(Agree/Disagree?)
Sorry to dredge up one of my old articles again...but I found this, thought it was gorgeous, and wanted to share it...couldn't think of the right article to add it to. Any other fans of George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four, this is for you.
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Censorship
(reply to this comment)
|  From Rain Child
Thursday, October 12, 2006, 03:07
(Agree/Disagree?)
Another Uncyclopedia gem...
On this day...
October 12: International day of using Bible Verses for any purpose whatsoever
* 29 - From the Book of Punter, Chapter 4, verse 19: "And Bob doth sayeth unto thee, the only thing we have to fear, is me." At this, the people became frightened, and began to question Bob about his faith and relationship to the Nazorean, Jim.
* 1322 - As being hauleth up the cliffs of insanity, Vizzini informeth Fezzik "Behold now behemoth, which I made with thee; he eateth grass as an ox. Art this not conceivable to thy smallish cranium?"[1]
* 1492 - Christopher Columbus placeth the first "John 3:16" sign in the New World.[2]
* 1695 - Isaac Newton discovereth the Golden Rule.[3]
* 1696 - Isaac Newton gets badly bruised after attempting to get retribution on his schoolyard bullies.
* 1775 - Anne Frankle predicts the first International Day of Using Bible Verses for any Purpose Whatsover, in the Lord's name.
* 1941 - Winston Churchill falleth asunder, crying "My bowels, my bowels! I am pained at my very heart; my heart maketh a noise in me"[4]
* 1958 - Andy Warhol discovereth that a feast is made for laughter, and wine maketh merry... but money answereth all things.[5]
* 1989 - Actor Patrick Stewart goeth for a walk. And as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.[6]
* 1995 - Bill Clinton declareth on oath that thrice was he beaten with rods, once was he stoned, thrice he suffered shipwreck, and a night and a day he has been in the deep.[7]
* 1999 - The Red Hot Chili Peppers successfully committeth Californication with all the kingdoms of the world upon the face of the earth.[8]
* 2003 - Jeb Bush, Governor of Florida, maketh an law that will cut off from the people him that pisseth against a wall.[9]
* 2004 - A court sentenceth Martha Stewart to six months in chains, as well threaten to smite her with a consumption, and with a fever, and with an inflammation, and with an extreme burning, and with the sword, and with blasting, and with mildew.[10]
* 2010 - George W. Bush quotes Ezekiel 25:17 to God before popping a cap in his own ass.[11] (reply to this comment) |
| | from
Sunday, August 20, 2006 - 04:44
(Agree/Disagree?)
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0226180700/ref=sip_pdp_dp/103-8604203-7209437?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=283155
book about leaving a cult
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from
Saturday, August 19, 2006 - 18:51
(Agree/Disagree?)
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0226180700/ref=sip_pdp_dp/103-8604203-7209437?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=283155
book on leaving a cult
(reply to this comment)
| from
Saturday, August 19, 2006 - 18:43
(Agree/Disagree?)
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1931741654/103-8604203-7209437?v=glance&n=283155
The doors of the 'Kingdom Hell' are open
Friday, August 18, 2006
Dear Sir:
How sad this commentary is. Pam is yet another Jehovah's Witness judging someone she knows nothing about (me). Has she even read my book, "Out of the Cocoon: A Young Woman's Courageous Flight from the Grip of a Religious Cult" I can assure you she has not. Why?
Because she is forbidden to know the truth about the Watchtower. Cults are good at censoring anything that might expose them for what they are.
For the record, I was never disfellowshipped, nor did I rebel. I simply wanted to live a "normal" and healthy life I was tired of living in dysfunction. Most importantly, my wounds were definitely not self-inflicted As a 12-year-old child, I watched my 1-year-old nephew and others being horribly beaten - ritually - with a belt for not sitting still during three-day (8+ hrs/day) assemblies and other religious services This left an emotional scar on me that will never heal.
I am happy to also report that I have nothing to repent for (my life is wonderful now) If I had only known when I was a Jehovah's Witness child and wanting to commit suicide at the age of eleven that my life would be this grand someday... It would have made the pain more bearable.
Lastly, 'Kingdom HELL' certainly isn't the place to find solace. Hundreds of thousands of recovering Jehovah's Witnesses can attest to this.
Brenda Lee
(reply to this comment)
| from murasaki
Thursday, August 03, 2006 - 05:09
(Agree/Disagree?)
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver. It's an amazing novel about a missionary family in Africa. So much of it reminded me of the way we were raised and the way that the Family refuses to see how outsiders perceive them, like living in an alternate reality, convinced that only they have the "truth".
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | from smashingrrl
Tuesday, August 01, 2006 - 21:21
(Agree/Disagree?)
"Almost Famous" has got to be one of my favorite movies. Other than "Fight Club" can't think of one I love more. The scene where their plane almost goes down is priceless.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | From Rain Child
Saturday, August 19, 2006, 16:35
 (Agree/Disagree?)
I'm reading the most brilliant book right now, The Power Of One by Bryce Courtenay. It's everything a book should be. Anyway, I painstakingly typed out a couple paragraphs that I thought were a rather crisp observation of the religion we were brought up in...enjoy.
Creating born-again Christians for Pentecostals was like scalp hunting for Red Indians. Occasionally there was a really big coup when a well-known drunk or fornicator or even a three-pack-a-day cigarette smoker was brought trembling to his knees before the Lord. This person then testified in front of the congregation. I’m telling you, some of these past sinners washed in the blood of the Lamb really got carried away when the congregation started to respond. When the Hallelujah-ing and Praise-the-Lord-ing and spontaneous bursting into song and clapping of hands and sighs of joy were going on, the convert would be crying and sniffing and having a really good time telling about all his really bad deeds. Every time the testimony got really juicy a silence fell on the congregation as they soaked up the last drop of vicarious sin. … But sometimes being born again didn’t last and the person who used to be loved was said to have backslid. Backsliding was the worse thing that could happen in the apostolic mission. It meant all the spontaneous love had been wasted and that the Devil had won. Mind you, this was generally seen as a temporary setback. To the Pentecostals, the things of the flesh, tempting as they might be, didn’t compensate for the promise of everlasting life. Once you were born again and then became a backslider you challenged this whole premise of pay now play later. The born again Christians were all working very hard for their segregated mansions in Heaven. …
…A converted drunk or a sinner who admitted to adultery was such an obvious loser that he just naturally belonged. Backsliding was therefore not easily accepted and a lot of work went into bringing the lost child back to The Lord. The stakes were pretty high. In return for bringing a really lost soul back to The Lord you gained a fair amount of real estate in the sky, according to Pastor Mulvery. At least a two-storey mansion set back from the street with trees and green lawns where the soft breezes carried the glissando of harps…
…For the drunks who were smart enough to become born again and then backslide, the Apostolic Faith mission served as a sort of drying-out clinic where love and reassurance, fresh clothes, and a new start could be found from time to time. Really juicy backsliding stories filled the church and gave everyone present a precious time with The Lord and Pastor Mulvery a bigger collection plate.
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| | | | | from exister99
Tuesday, August 01, 2006 - 14:21
(Agree/Disagree?)
The Courage To Be by Paul Tillich.
(reply to this comment)
| from Korpesco
Tuesday, August 01, 2006 - 10:17
(Agree/Disagree?)
OMG is this an inverted variation of testimony time?
(reply to this comment)
| From smashingrrl
Tuesday, August 01, 2006, 21:20
(Agree/Disagree?)
Expounding on that, we should put together our own video. Remember all those damn videos we had to watch? Random people we never had nor ever would give a shit about rambled on about their testimonies and bored us to tears. We can make our own and send it back to them. Now that would be damn fun; educational too! They'd get to know all the little fuck-ups they made that caused us to wake up out of our trances.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | from placebo
Tuesday, August 01, 2006 - 05:30
(Agree/Disagree?)
Billy Corgan screaming " the fickle fascination of an everlasting god" just about finished up religion for me.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | From smashingrrl
Tuesday, August 01, 2006, 10:20
(Agree/Disagree?)
She scratches a letter into a wall made of stone.
Maybe someday another child won't feel as alone as she does.
It's been two years and counting since they put her in this place.
She's been diagnosed by some stupid fuck and mommy agrees.
Why go home?
She seems to be stronger, but what they want her to be is weak.
She could play pretend. She could join the game, boy.
She could be another clone.
Why go home?
What you taught me put me here.
Don't come visit, mother... sting me...
Why go home?
What you taught me put me here.
Don't come visit, mother.
Why go home?
-Eddie Vedder(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | from smashingrrl
Friday, July 28, 2006 - 11:18
(Agree/Disagree?)
I was supposed to be cleaning up the "forsake all" pile in Switzerland when I was around 13. I found a little radio. I hid it in a little hole in the lining of my pillow. I used to stay up half the night listening to rock on Armed Forces Radio. The music helped. I couldn't understand why our music had to be so crappy. Before that though, it was the whole heavenly city thing. They gave us all these exact dimensions and (not positive) it was supposed to stay on earth for either 100 or 1000 years. Anyway, I kept wondering why if everyone was fucking everyone and having kids and this was supposed to be a physical city; why would that work? It would be full in ten years. That really started my questioning of other thingss. After I left, when my parents finally came around, I still had some guilt. My grandmother gave me a book called "Of Human Bondage". It's beautiful, you should read it. Anyway, that one book got rid of any doubts I had left. I'd prayed for so long to change. I wanted to be normal. The book's about a guy with a club foot. One day, he reads the verse about moving mountains if you have enough faith. So he prays for a normal foot. He keeps thinking god won't fix it because he's not being good enough. Eventually, when he's older he realizes he was praying to nothing. That's exactly how I felt. It hit me in gut. The guilt was gone and I went on with my life and started liking the person I am.
PS. yeah, I'm back. My damn sister's pretty persuasive.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from GoldenMic
Wednesday, July 26, 2006 - 11:52
(Agree/Disagree?)
I come from a different cult, started at the same time by a similarly deluded "prophet" who claimed to be Christian and then added all kinds of wierdness. The biggest difference (and it WAS a big difference) was that sexual freedom was never added in, so at least the constant sexual activity and molesting of children was not publicly supported. Even so, I am like Vixen in admiring those who had the clarity to leave earlier, since I stayed from age 3 to age 27, and had fully bought into the cult mentality. What got me out was the dawning realization that my two young children. 2 and 4, were going to be subjected to the same life as I had. Somehow, what I could live with for my own life was simply unacceptable for my children, the poverty, the lack of education, the mental domination, and the constant separation of families. Later, I read two books that made me fully come to grips with the reality that I was born and raised in a cult, Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism by Robert Lifton (1969/1989, University of North Carolina Press) and Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steven Hassan (1990, Park Street Press).
(reply to this comment)
| From Randi
Thursday, July 27, 2006, 00:34
(Agree/Disagree?)
"An unexamend life is not worth living"-Socrates
That's what did it for me too, my son. I was always in trouble growing up though. (victor camps, etc etc...) I had questions and was "dumb" enough to voice them...so I believe that a portion of my mind was always independent and free, but I never really grasped the seriousness of the cult thing untill I gave birth. It was as if something was awakened within me at that moment. For one, all of sudden an intense pain hit me....questions like, how could any parent do "those things" to a child. How could a parent desert their children while they're being beaten and sexually abused. I had all these flash backs of instances where I realized the slow process of how my parents traded in their reason, themselves, conscience and parental instincts for the blind faith of the cult. I held my new born child in my arms, and thanked him for bringing enlightenment to my soul and I promised him that I would change my life and that I would always be there. From that point on I started seeing life, myself and the world through new eyes. Slowly my distorted and toxic paradigms were chipping away.
Education opened my mind too in a major way..even though I had already left, I was amazed to discover how so many cult mindsets still remained within me. Studying philosophy and psychology, taught me how to analyse and reason things through ... I started asking myself: what do I truly believe in and why...it was then that I lost interest in religion. ( I don't know if discarding ones faith is a good thing in itself, I don't know, but I do think that after you've been indoctrinated and "force fed" religion, I think it's a healthy thing to "swing the pendulum," I think it's the only way to truly "free your mind" and start again. To find your own way..etc)
Some other experiences, like therapy, or revisiting country's etc, opened my mind....so I would say that it was more than just one thing...and it's still a process I believe.(reply to this comment) |
| | From Rain Child
Thursday, July 27, 2006, 02:30
(Agree/Disagree?)
When I was still a young child and completely believed that Grandpa was the endtime prophet and Jesus was coming back soon, I made the decision that if I lived long enough to have children I would leave the Family as soon as they were born. My mother remembers me explaining it to her. I hoped Jesus would forgive me but thought he would understand because he must know how much kids in The Family wish they could have normal lives.(reply to this comment) |
| | from Phoenixkidd
Wednesday, July 26, 2006 - 11:03
(Agree/Disagree?)
I beleive I was thoroughly brainwashed by the cult, "The Family". At age 10 I begun to have serious questions about our lifestyle, why we were always broke, and why we had to be seperate from the rest of the world. I was very upset at my parents and the situation I was in. These feelings were surpressed when I was finally living with kids my own age and experiencing more freedom in my teen years and through the school system...At least it wasn't as bad as it was in SACRO, Pacro was much more lenient. I went through the victor program and I resoluted myself to not even question authority or the cult's ways. In my quest for mental survival and to not have a complete breakdown, I now think that my mind developed a "hardening" "unquestioning" attitude, kind of like the soldiers of the nazi era, or any other warmongering nation have done, their soldiers become numb to violence rather than accept the consequences.
Then in 1998, after going to many countries, and enjoying the family life to the best of my ability, no bills, responsibility, etc...I looked at a cassette tape, copyrighted Dec 1986 and realized, I have been selling these same tapes for over 10 years, since I was a kid, that's a career--that has no merit in normal society. I had no glorified ministry and in many ways felt at the bottom of the cult hierarchy, I WANTED OUT!!! I didn't philosophize, or question the cult's or my beliefs, I just wanted to experience the joys of life that every young person in the free world is entitled too--regardless of the consequences of man or society--At least I could say I've tried it, I've done it and then access my life's decisions.
I told the leader, I just want a ticket back to Japan to visit my family. I hadn't seen them in 4 years and before that it was 2 and yet before that for 5 years I only visited them. The leader said, just take this road trip (to a faraway city) with Auntie so- and so, don't talk about it to anyone and then decide. I promised not to backlash them to the media or "wreak havoc" on their community, as other ex-culties have done. and to this day have kept my promise.
I am more than happy to have left--My only question is, "Why didn't I do it sooner?" I would be at a much better stage now had I left 4 or 6 years earlier than I did--My only answer--Brainwashing & my inability to make decisions at that age--Which I attribute to my cultish upbringing and lifestyle--I wish no more children have to experience what I went through.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from katrim4
Wednesday, July 26, 2006 - 10:40
(Agree/Disagree?)
All the financial indiscrepancies did it for me.
I grew up in field homes constantly fundraising and supporting whatever breeders happened to be in the home. Even though that was tiring and annoying, at least there were SOME adults that did the same as us (or at least had to take us out fundraising). Then I ended up living with some area shepherds and later was around some CROs and I was shocked at how many luxuries they allowed themselves.
It made me so angry to think of my parents or my brothers and sisters fundraising to support those people while they struggled to get by. It made me even angrier when I talked to my parents about it and they acted like that was the way it should be.
I ended up back in a field home and the VS's came by and told everyone to quit their jobs (post charter) and live by faith and I couldn't stand it anymore. I told them off and left shortly after that.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from Wolf
Wednesday, July 26, 2006 - 09:38
(Agree/Disagree?)
There was a lot of stuff that just didn't seem right, like "the Last State" and "Grumblers Get Out", but the thing that really did it for me was "No Regrets" by James Penn. It's not that he said anything new, it's just that he compiled it all in one place. The cult loves to explain things away one by one, but when confronted with a lot of the ugly truth in one document it's harder to refute.
(reply to this comment)
| From vixen
Wednesday, July 26, 2006, 09:52
(Agree/Disagree?)
Actually, I agree with you on that, Wolf. When it came to making the final psychological break with the ideological foundation with which I was raised, No Regrets was a pivotal influence on me as well. And like you said, it wasn't really the fact that I hadn't already thought all those things myself, but something about hearing it straight from someone who knew more than almost anyone else what the inner sanctum of WS was all about, helped to cement my own convictions. Reading it encouraged me to finally visit this website (which I had resolutely avoided up until that point), and interacting with others here was hugely eye-opening for me, having not had a particularly terrible experience growing up in TF. I directly credit this forum and several of the individuals that used to post here regularly (I miss you guys!) with my eventual emancipation from the cult and its lingering influences on my thought patterns.
Thanks Jules!
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| | From Christy
Wednesday, July 26, 2006, 20:23
(Agree/Disagree?)
I had already been out for a few years when I first read "No Regrets", but it was still a defining moment for me. That's when I went from thinking that top f. leadership were basically sincere, just really out of touch and ineffective, to realizing how manipulative they really are. Finding that article and this site definitely caused me to change my attitude regarding TF. (reply to this comment) |
| | From afflick
Wednesday, July 26, 2006, 11:41
(Agree/Disagree?)
"No regrets" did it for me, too. I am ambivilant concerning how I feel about James Penn, I can never forgive ANY child molester, no matter what. BUT...I had been reading The Grapevines where KZ and SK were telling us not to read anything James Penn had to say, to stay away from him and his lies. At first, I was unquestioning. JP was just another nay-sayer inspired by The Enemy.
About a year later, I was googling something else Family-related, looking for links, when I came across his website. I felt anger and disgust, because that is what I was told to feel, but I am human. I was curious.
I read it with a very Family-ish mindset, amazed that he spent this much time in writing a bunch of lies and garbage. His level of detail was increadible. I was sure that the leadership's reply, posted under his letters, would be just as specific and to the point. After all, a lot of tension had built up in me reading these horrible things and I was certain the rebuttal from our loving leaders would be swift and exact, cutting this backslider down.
Except, there was no detailed and specific reply. Instead, what followed was a lot of "trust us"s and "we don't have to answer that." Surely there was more, I thought. There had to be another part to what I was reading: weak, feeble attempts to justify not having to defend their position. There wasn't.
So now I went back to the top of the document (the whole process took me hours) and started re-reading it, with the tinest glimmer of an open mind. Dates and facts took on new meaning and the horror that even some of this MAY actually be true devastated me. We we taught that all our enemies did was lie, that we were chosen, that the persecution would come but we would be victorious in the end. But how could I equate this with what Mene went through, with the deception?
I went to bed that night and made the decision that I had been wrong all along. The Family was not God's Chosen, but rather a naive group of dreamers bound together by criminals on the run with our money.
The strangest thing about this experience was what happened next. I had a long drive ahead of me (I was visiting a friend) and I was sure I would die on the road. I couldn't disconnect God's protection from the cult and thougth that by rejecting one I rejected another. I made a deal with myself: if I died on the road that morning, I was wrong to doubt TFI. If I didn't, I could continue to delve into investigating these claims and rethinking my life plan.
I didn't die, needless to say. That was four years ago. Since that time, I have become an entirely different person: college graduate, wife, athiest, business woman. I had new ambitions for myself and a new outlook. I am stronger and happier than I ever thought I would be. It was very, very painful getting to this place but I am very glad to be here.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From afflick
Wednesday, July 26, 2006, 11:41
(Agree/Disagree?)
"No regrets" did it for me, too. I am ambivilant concerning how I feel about James Penn, I can never forgive ANY child molester, no matter what. BUT...I had been reading The Grapevines where KZ and SK were telling us not to read anything James Penn had to say, to stay away from him and his lies. At first, I was unquestioning. JP was just another nay-sayer inspired by The Enemy.
About a year later, I was googling something else Family-related, looking for links, when I came across his website. I felt anger and disgust, because that is what I was told to feel, but I am human. I was curious.
I read it with a very Family-ish mindset, amazed that he spent this much time in writing a bunch of lies and garbage. His level of detail was increadible. I was sure that the leadership's reply, posted under his letters, would be just as specific and to the point. After all, a lot of tension had built up in me reading these horrible things and I was certain the rebuttal from our loving leaders would be swift and exact, cutting this backslider down.
Except, there was no detailed and specific reply. Instead, what followed was a lot of "trust us"s and "we don't have to answer that." Surely there was more, I thought. There had to be another part to what I was reading: weak, feeble attempts to justify not having to defend their position. There wasn't.
So now I went back to the top of the document (the whole process took me hours) and started re-reading it, with the tinest glimmer of an open mind. Dates and facts took on new meaning and the horror that even some of this MAY actually be true devastated me. We we taught that all our enemies did was lie, that we were chosen, that the persecution would come but we would be victorious in the end. But how could I equate this with what Mene went through, with the deception?
I went to bed that night and made the decision that I had been wrong all along. The Family was not God's Chosen, but rather a naive group of dreamers bound together by criminals on the run with our money.
The strangest thing about this experience was what happened next. I had a long drive ahead of me (I was visiting a friend) and I was sure I would die on the road. I couldn't disconnect God's protection from the cult and thougth that by rejecting one I rejected another. I made a deal with myself: if I died on the road that morning, I was wrong to doubt TFI. If I didn't, I could continue to delve into investigating these claims and rethinking my life plan.
I didn't die, needless to say. That was four years ago. Since that time, I have become an entirely different person: college graduate, wife, athiest, business woman. I had new ambitions for myself and a new outlook. I am stronger and happier than I ever thought I would be. It was very, very painful getting to this place but I am very glad to be here.(reply to this comment) |
| | from solemn
Wednesday, July 26, 2006 - 09:06
(Agree/Disagree?)
I don't remember having ever not doubted. Even as a young child I constantly mulled over the relativity of TF's belief system. When I was seven, during devotions, I asked how we knew Berg was the lord's end time prophet. I furthered it by questioning how we were sure Berg was not just some guy who said he was a prophet and everybody believed him. You should have seen the faces. What followed was not a good day for me. I could never shake the fact that they had no answer for me, and that I was punished quite thoroughly for a perfectly logical question. On that day on I decided that nothing they said was true. I decided that, since I would be an adult, I would leave TF at age twelve. I left at age 12.
(reply to this comment)
| From vixen
Wednesday, July 26, 2006, 09:31
(Agree/Disagree?)
I've always admired those of my peers who showed the mental acuity and strength of character to be true to themselves even at such a young age, and in the face of such terrible consequences. I have at times been deeply disappointed in myself for having been so easily beaten down and subsequently having wasted so many more years in the cult, but it's getting to the point now where I can accept that since that was the way I dealt with it, it must have been the only one I was capable of at that time. If I've not said it before, I think that those who made up the original wave of dissenters were remarkably courageous individuals.
(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Randi
Thursday, July 27, 2006, 03:21
(Agree/Disagree?)
I too find the "battered wife" and cult member syndrome, to have a psychologically striking resemblance. I think it's odd how so many battered women don't even think they're in abusive relationships, just like a lot of us didn't realize we were in a dangerous and deceptive cult. Kind of scarry how the mind works...or maybe doesn't work sometimes.(reply to this comment) |
| | from loch
Wednesday, July 26, 2006 - 08:47
(Agree/Disagree?)
A couple things did it for me.
The first is a little embarrassing, because its such a simple book, but the Divinci Code made clear to me a lot of things that I was already thinking. About the stupidity of symbols, and peoples fear of them. The way realism uses them as a fear and control factor. Etc. Etc. Any of you who have read it probably know all of what I mean.
The second thing in the list of things that clearly elevated my mind I can't state too obviously, but I can honestly say that it has done a world of good to me as far as learning to accept, stop judging, experience and let go! Wow. Doing something that a lot of people "just say no" to has honestly changed my life in a good way.
Another one, which is also not widely accepted so I kind of regret putting down in words, is the study of anarchy, and the reading of some of it's greater writers.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from vixen
Wednesday, July 26, 2006 - 05:10
(Agree/Disagree?)
For me the first time I seriously contemplated the possibility that it was all a load of nonsense (and more importantly, that it was in fact something particularly insidious and dangerous to myself and my peers) was when I read The Last State at age eleven. I remember that I really identified with Mene and that her 'doubts' were the same things that I had wondered about but had tried to push to the far reaches of my mind. I remember a feeling of utter disgust at the thought of anyone treating a child in such an abusive manner, and trying (and failing) to reconcile the image of a loving, wise, godly prophet that I had been brought up to believe in with the image of a drunk, perverted and mentally disturbed freak that that letter conjured up in my mind.
But it was a shortlived moment of realisation for me, I'm afraid, because the letter also freaked the fuck out of me and I was very frightened of having something similar happen to me if I 'let the enemy in'. It was frightening on two levels - one that if what we believed in in fact was true, I might actually become a 'demon-possessed mental case' like Mene due to my sins of doubt and rebelliousness, and two, that even if it wasn't all true, if i did not hide my true opinions I too might be brutally beaten and abused by those who held such all-encompassing power in my little world. I just buried my misgivings and tried to believe with all my heart, and I was quite successful at it too :-(
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Friday, July 28, 2006, 04:48
(Agree/Disagree?)
I remeber reading the Zach Attack and Techi series when i was about 12 and really being annoyed and irritated with Berg and Zerby with the way they talked about it. I thought they were being terribly unreasonable.
In particular i remember reading how Zack Attack was corrected for climbing trees or something like that and i thought it was really unfair. I would say thats when i started questioning things... though that did lead to punishments and several camps and i tried very hard to "fit in" during my adolesence to avoid that. The thing that finally became the last straw was in the last home i was staying there was an older SGA who had spent the last 20 yrs of her life taking care of other ppls kids and it was a split second realization that thats what i would be if i didnt get out NOW. I left within the month. It took a bit longer to sort out all my issues with regard to my belief, but i would say the process started instantly on leaving and lasted about a year till i could say i wasnt "worried" about the consequences of leaving anymore.(reply to this comment) |
| | From lisa
Friday, July 28, 2006, 16:56
(Agree/Disagree?)
The 'Life with Grandpa storys', the ones where they try and buy davidito a motorbike, as a kid I thought that was so unfair, when we had to all share the toys in one basket and wheren't allowed to have our own, he was able to have a motorbike. Also the one where Ricky was zooming the cars down Bergs legs under the blankets and he did it too fast, Berg started yelling at him. I think that was where I started questioning that the 'adults' where always right. (reply to this comment) |
| | From cheeks
Wednesday, July 26, 2006, 20:28
(Agree/Disagree?)
I think the thing that really sealed it for me as well was the Mene series I read that at eleven. I had read the Spokes of Light a few times earlier that year. I had lived close by that family when I was younger and had a fairly good idea of who they were and how they interacted with thier children. So I felt the letters were out of line esp, when Berg spoke about Dave's drinking. Seeing that Berg had written I am a driunk and howZerby had snuck stuff in his wine.
I went to the Jumbo right after that and had my own nine months of hell. After that I really tried to stay under the radar. I think the most fortunate thing that happened to me was one of my friends who was rejoining and was later kicked out. His attitude towards the Family and how much he really analized eveything that was in the letters and took them apart paragraph by paragraph. I was never the same after that. I had started developing my spine before that and after I was a rock. I knew if I had children I would leave and as soon as I found out I was expecting I started making my plans. My child was born out of the Family and I owe that mostly to Nat. (reply to this comment) |
| | From Rain Child
Wednesday, July 26, 2006, 19:39
(Agree/Disagree?)
I don't think I was allowed to read much of Mene's story when it came out, I was too young. But I remember one of the adults telling me, "Mene called Grandpa a drunk pervert, and he slapped her across the room". After that I never quite thought of Grandpa in the same way again. I also thought the Tony series was grossly unfair, and the way they chose that awful photo of him shouting, "We're living in the time of the end" to make him look mad or out of it or something.(reply to this comment) |
| | From loch
Wednesday, July 26, 2006, 08:38
(Agree/Disagree?)
Thats exactly how it made me feel! I was 11 when they read it to me, an age when naturally one starts asking questions and rebelling, and after reading that all I could think was "Oh shit, I need to keep my mouth shut and my head down!" Same thing with the Tony series. I couldn't help thinking there was nothing wrong with him, and wonder why they were picking on him.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From lisa
Wednesday, July 26, 2006, 15:44
(Agree/Disagree?)
A big moment for me was reading Mene's story, (I'm not sure excactually where it was) I had always dissmissed her storys and beleaved the offical story that she was crazy; but when I read her story all I could think was 'shit, thouse are my words, that sounds exactually the storys so many of my freinds have told me'. That rocked everything I had ever just taken for granted, and made me really start looking at things, and being willing to question what I had been tought. (reply to this comment) |
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