vermin keep squirmin'

from ThinkingDavinci - Thursday, August 07, 2003
accessed 1229 times

USA! USA!

News Anchor Dan Rather, The Reverend Jesse Jackson, NPR Reporter
Cokie Roberts, and an American Special Forces soldier were hiking
through the jungle one day when cannibals captured them. They were
tied up, led to the village and brought before the chief.

The chief said, "I am familiar with your western custom of
granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and eat you, do you have
any last requests?"

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last
bowlful of hot, spicy chili." The chief nodded to an underling, who left and
returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die
content."

Jesse Jackson said, "You know, the thing in this life I am
proudest of is my work on behalf of the poor and oppressed. So before I go, I
want to sing "We Shall Overcome" one last time." The chief said, "Go right
ahead, we're listening." Jackson sang the song, and then said; "Now I can
die in peace."

Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take
out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to
happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job
till the end." The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and
Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The chief turned and said, "And now, Mr. Special Forces
soldier, what is your final wish?" "Kick me in the ass," said the Green Beret.
"What?" said the chief, "Will you mock us in your last hour?" "No, I'm not
kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Green Beret.

So the chief shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the
ass. The Green Beret went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm
pistol from his waistband, and shot the chief dead. In the resulting
confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the
cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were dead or fleeing for
their lives.

As the Special Forces soldier was untying the others, they
asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you
in the ass?"
"What!" said the green beret, "And have you assholes call ME
the aggressor?!?"