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Getting Out : Inside Out
My most controversial stance | from rainy - Saturday, April 28, 2007
accessed 1565 times Well, Madly reckons we should talk about it. So why not? I was reading my sister(Still a sold-out family member)'s blog today, and nearly in tears for the memories it brought back so strongly. The agony of living every day in the cult, trying so hard to please the lord, trying to endure, to stay in his will, not to doubt, not to think too much, to throw yourself so hard into your work that it takes over and you don't have to sleep until you can't hold your eyes open a second longer, trying to keep doubts at bay, trying to make childcare and witnessing and the lord your entire world.
It's still fresh, the memory of that life. And judging by a lot of people's honest expressions on this site, we still go through similar feelings by a different name. We also struggle with the emptiness, the despair, the wanting something elusive.
I just wish that my sister could come on here, write the stuff she writes on her blog, and be respected and taken seriously instead of torn apart like she probably would be. Who can understand what she feels better than we can? And here current members might finally find voice for their doubts. It takes a long time for your mind to come free. Mine is still so influenced by my upbringing, I find. But at least I can recognise that influence and try to step outside it. At least now I have a point of reference.
Anyway, I'm interested in discussing how we all feel about our left-behinds. It's obvious that I still feel quite attached to them and still have a lot of hope, still see the good, still see myself in them. It's obvious that many others don't. They are still welcome in my life, I still chat to them on yahoo, and avoid religious issues. What do you think? |
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from Oddman
Tuesday, May 01, 2007 - 21:13
(Agree/Disagree?)
Hmmm, interesting. I think they should be absolutely free to post, as the rules of the site allow it. They are second gens after all. If we wanted a censored anti-TF propaganda site, we would be running the site like myconclusion does. On the other hand I think we should be free to rip them to shreds if we so desire. I don't see any point in "babying the babes". Whoever comes on this site, even an Admin, will have their opinion attacked if it's silly enough. There are many ex-TFs that also get ripped at, get offended, and scamper off the site. Some can take it, some can't. That's really all there is to it.
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|  From vix
Wednesday, May 02, 2007, 06:37
 (Agree/Disagree?)
I agree with you, Oddie, a big part of this site's appeal (for me, anyway) is that if you say stupid things people aren't afraid to make it known to you. As much as I might get sensitive sometimes, I keep coming back because the positive value of that kick in the teeth once in a while far outweighs any slight hurt. In my opinion I and others here are performing a much needed public service, if you like, (and benefitting from the same). It forces people to examine their thinking and challenges their prescriptive thought processes. Especially upon first leaving and starting to rebuild one's identity, I believe there is something to be said for having a bit of harsh opposition from time to time. The fact that we're also lucky enough to have some very generous, sympathetic and perhaps less obnoxious members who can fulfil the 'good cop' role, makes for quite a well-rounded atmosphere on this site, IMO.
I think there's also an important distinction to be made in the way that most of 'us' usually treat current members. There have been a number of times that people have come here for help and advice or with genuine attempts to have some kind of respectful dialogue and these individuals have more often than not been met with sympathy and friendly advice, or at least a more gentle ribbing than is customary. These were the ones who were struggling to decide where their loyalties lay and whether or not they could continue in the cult. I like to think that they had positive experiences in their dealings with us. I do hope so. Where I don't have any sympathy at all is where people come here to preach at or attack us. As far as I'm concerned they chose to enter the proverbial Lion's Den, and as per their belief that 'all they that live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution', I'm only fulfilling their self-inflicted (though sadly not self-generated) yearning for more of the same.
Rainy, I realise that there is much merit in your opinion too - of course I would be upset to see my siblings or my friends being torn to shreds. But in all honesty, I don't think that anyone who came here in the capacity that you describe above would be treated as harshly as you imagine. I think that actually, there would be intelligent and empathetic attempts at support and guidance.
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| | | | | from fragiletiger
Monday, April 30, 2007 - 03:03
(Agree/Disagree?)
Just btw can people stop stating how controversial their opinions are in their titles. If you create controversy more the better, we need something to talk about on here besides rehashed articules.
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| | | | | | | | | | | | | from fragiletiger
Monday, April 30, 2007 - 02:57
(Agree/Disagree?)
Though perhapes those that have left also need a place to be angry, a place to be unreasonable, a place to rage against the machine. This is our only support, they still have the whole family to tell them what good little boys and girls they are. In the end it is their choice, some of them actually like and want to be there. Why should we have to be nice to people?
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| From Samuel
Monday, April 30, 2007, 05:14
 (Agree/Disagree?)
The only support system they have is TF, Lisa. And as long as they use TF as a support system, they're going to be stuck there. Plus, don't you think there are things on this site that they need to see? Cassy wrote a great article called "Character Assassination No More", but it's not going to do SGAs in The Family any good if they don't come here and see it. Or how about Jules' "Lying Lips" or Tim R's expose on plagiarized art? You can still be angry, be as unreasonable as you choose, and rage against the machine (whatever that means). The only difference is that now the doors would be open for other SGAs to come here and test out their ideas and thoughts, and see how they stand up to scrutiny.
You don't "have" to be nice to people, Lisa. But why wouldn't you want to be? The world is tough enough as it is. One nice or kind deed may not make much difference, but if everyone does it they can join together and hopefully make the world a better place. (By the way, you just did one the other day when you were trying to be helpful, and it's too late to take it back now).
One example: There was a girl in my middle school class, I never figured out what was wrong with her. I think it was some kind of retardation because she talked slow and had trouble thinking. Everybody made fun of her for it. Well, we became good friends. I don't know why, I guess I could relate to her. Sometimes we'd eat lunch together, but usually I'd just see her in the hallways or on the street by the school (she walked home), and I'd wave at her or say Hey. Just trying to be a good friend, after all, she was there when I needed her too.
She came into my store the other day. She's starting college now. I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said "I want to be a sexual abuse counselor."
Who knows what kind of effect just being nice and friendly made on her life back then? The one thing we had in common when it started was that we both were outcasts, people that nobody cared about or wanted to talk to. But you know what? People misjudged her, she has a heart of gold and she's one of the sweetest girls I've ever met. And she wants to go to college so she can do her part to make the world a little more manageable, a little more tolerable. And I wish her the best. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From rainy
Monday, April 30, 2007, 05:21
(Agree/Disagree?)
One more point:
In my opinion the major form of control and abuse maintained in The Family today is the mental control. One thing that gives that mental control so much power is the isolation.
When I was in The Family I had a few very close friends who had left and truly hated The Family, but never let it come into our friendship. They never let go of me, and stayed the friend they always had been to me; and for that I thank them. In my previous relationship, when my ex isolated me, burned my address books, and alienated all my friends, there were two who never let go, who refused to be offended by my cutting them out of my lives. I so badly wanted them to hang on in spite of the fact that I was doing everything to cut them off.
The more we alienate our brothers and sisters still in, I think the more power we give the cult over them. The more alone they are with nothing but the doctrines. All I'm saying, is, let's be that friend to them.
But it's EASY to pick on a cult member. It doesn't take skill. It's like spearing fish in a bucket, and everyone loves to join in and have a go. We don't really need little ego-boosts like that do we? Really? It makes us feel superior that we can lay waste to something a cult member has to say? They don't need anyone to do that for them, they do it for themself every time they open their mouth. But the hope is that they will see it. 'Told you so's not needed.(reply to this comment) |
| | From Oddman
Tuesday, May 01, 2007, 21:19
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Fair opinion. I suppose I've lost the need to personally worry about that, as my whole family is out, and I just choose to assume all my teenage crushes have 5 or 6 children by now. I did a pretty good job of not making too many friends, so I don't miss them. I can pretty safely wish all stupid people just die, without wishing any of my friends dead.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From fragiletiger
Monday, April 30, 2007, 06:11
(Agree/Disagree?)
You know I agree that we should allow all the little cult babies to express themselves. God knows I did my fair share of saying stupid brainwashed things, and it was only becuase of those who kept talking to me, that I've been able to find who I am. (Ha Ha Ha yea right)
BUT I have heard it expressed that this is a place for people to vent, to be unreasonable, to express pain without having to take in the considerations of how it will affect others. To not be nice, becuase we are so sick of being NICE!
I think you have a valid point, but I think maybe there needs to be another forum for them, or somethien.
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| | From Might this help settle things?
Tuesday, May 01, 2007, 08:13
(Agree/Disagree?)
http://www.movingon.org/faqs.asp#1
1. Who is this Web site for?
MovingOn.org was created for people born and/or raised in the religious group known as The Children of God or The Family. While the majority of participants are people who have left (hence the name Moving On,) second or third generation young people who still live in Family communes are welcome to participate on here as well.
Friends and relatives of participants are also welcome here, as are those who were raised in other religious groups. However, the web site's primary purpose (see FAQ #2) is to discuss life in and after the Family for those raised in it, so please keep the discussions topical and respect that this is “our space”. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | from madly
Sunday, April 29, 2007 - 15:58
(Agree/Disagree?)
Rainy, as I expressed to you earlier, after reading your sister’s blog, I couldn’t agree with you more! As far as I know, this site was intended for all SGAs. It was set up with all of us in mind… those currently still members and those of us who have left. As far as I am concerned, the SGAs still in, need it far more than I ever will.
I know that the intention of this site being set up for both means little if the ones of us who have left and now frequent this site allow no tolerance for the ones currently still in. I have seen current members come on here with their silly brainwashed notions and receive serious shit for their opinions, to the point that would discourage future visits. I am in no way saying the negative reaction given them wasn’t warranted or provoked, but shouldn’t we be above that, because we understand the process that occurs before and after leaving.
I mean, we know that a life of indoctrination doesn’t disappear over night (if ever fully) and them putting a voice to their beliefs (or what they want to believe is their beliefs), is the first step at taking a look at their belief structure, sorting through it and hopefully beginning to see some holes. This is the part of the process where doubt sets in and hope begins. It is a long drawn out progression that takes one years to achieve. It is the hardest thing to do… to admit to yourself that what you have been taught your entire life is a lie. We should understand this and give them some time to see it for themselves by allowing them some room for free expression.
I personally find them to be utterly annoying, obnoxious, and exasperating, more so than probably anyone, but the reason behind my feelings of aggravation is that I find their state of mind to be so reminiscent of my mindset a few years back that it makes me sick at the thought or the memory of me ever viewing life and the world that way. What an absolute idiot I was, but it wasn’t my doing or my fault and in the same way, it isn’t theirs.
I am just promoting tolerance for those who need it. It may be hard to give or allow, but it could be just the outlet needed to put them on the road to self discovery. We all start somewhere and we have all been where they currently stand. With this in mind, we might consider being a tad more hospitable and a little more sympathetic to their plight. I am talking to myself more so than anyone. I hope I can be the bigger person… I will definitely try.
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| | | | | | | From madly
Monday, April 30, 2007, 03:42
(Agree/Disagree?)
Rainy, I am not sure what you mean by this, but I hope I didn’t say too much or lose track of your point. I encouraged you to write about something that was obviously on your mind, something I felt that maybe you needed to say. They weren’t my thoughts and they weren’t weighing on me in the same way they were on you. It was right for you to write your feelings on the subject; they came from a more honest place coming from you than from me. I just wanted to stand behind you and let you know I understand what it means to leave someone you love behind. (reply to this comment) |
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