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Getting Out : Inside Out
Our Upbringing Adding Insult to Injury | from jolifam77 - Tuesday, December 26, 2006
accessed 2148 times Our upbringing was on the level of abuse known only by the worst dregs of society and scum of every nation. Couple the abuse meted out by today's fundamentalist Christians on their kids, in the form of daily rebukes and threats of burning in hell for minor offenses and casting the specter of a ferocious God, Devil, or both on young ears to torment them with nightmares and guilt that in some cases last a lifetime,
couple THAT with the abuse that a poverty stricken drunk and/or desperate family does to their children when they force them to beg on the streets to cover their asses and burden their young souls with the responsibility of caring for the entire family, when this shouldn't be their burden to bear.
Christmas time, a time when families cling together and remember all the good memories of childhood, when you can "look into your father's eyes," when you can take the opportunity to tell your mother how much you love her; when you can laugh with siblings and other relatives. This is the not the case, not with me. I want to want to do all those things and sometimes I've tricked myself into doing them or forced to play along, as I'm sure many do to an extent, but at the same time it just isn't there at all, the desire that is.
How can you love a mother who recklessly drags you and a couple siblings around a third world country with a bunch of Doomsday delusionals, with full knowledge that she prostitutes herself to bring in support for "the cause" (feeding and providing housing for the group, the only cause the Family ever really had), the full knowledge that she fucks every guy in the home, sometimes two a night. It made me sick as a kid, and it makes me sick now. Somehow I'm not surprised my father and mother separated when I was toddler and I have siblings one of whom to this day does not know who the father is. And then she passes me halfway through childhood to my father who doesn't have a clue about raising a kid. What a role model. I had special needs, I had handicaps and she just threw me in with the herd, I almost never saw her. Was always herded around, forced to do chores, clean toilets for hours, babysit, get eaten alive by mosquitoes in a third world country, live in tents, live in hotels on the road, memorize, memorize, memorize, smile and pretend to like strangers so they will help your uncles and aunties with a donation, stand in parking lots under the hot sun for hours and hours trying to sell enough posters to meet your quota...all before the age of ten, what sweet memories.
And my father, well, all his problems, you know somehow became my problems. Somehow I felt responsible to go out and sweat it, beat the pavement and make enough money, selling family items to cover his quotas to the home and maintain his reputation as a star salesman and breadwinner. About the happiest memories I have from my adolescent years was living in a trailer park, just us, our family NO OTHER FAMILIES for Christ's sake. When we could be alone, and free from some of the pressures the Family places on homes. Ah happy memories of the trailer park, finally elevated to the level of America's trailer trash. Of course it only lasted for a little while but hey.
Point being, I'm not a psychologist but, I'm pretty sure it's not good for a child, in this modern society at least, to have to bear either mentally or physically the responsibilities and related pressures of adults that parents customarily bear, such as basic responsibilities of survival or deep religious matters of guilt, penance and such. Maybe in the stone age or some primitive cultures, there exists/existed such a thing as child labor, but in our modern society e.g. in the U.S., this is bad, namely because our society is formed in such a way that children go through nearly uniform processes, a certain number of years of schooling required, laws forbidding abuse, child services, child protection agencies all these pretty much enforce that children are raised in the U.S. along the same lines.
Children in normal societies, as compared said primitive cultures um and the Family, are treated with respect for the most part. There's also an evolutionary process at work, as I see it, where the parents KNOW what they are getting into when they have kids. They start saving immediately for the kids college. They cater to the child, read books on child rearing perhaps, make sure the kid gets the right schooling, makes sure the kid's physical needs are met, and cosmetic needs as well, such making sure the kid gets braces, encouraging healthy sportsmanship, collecting the child's trophies on a wall, collecting diplomas, awards, etc. i.e. preparing the kid for the real world, when all these things are going to be replayed later on. In adulthood the kid is going to have to do these things all over again, collect certificates, get the approval from superiors, make acquaintances, compete in business and academics, all these things will to an extent be second nature to the kid, because he did all these before!
I have know idea what I would be like now if I was given a proper, preparatory upbringing in a normal society. Of course not everyone in society gets a proper upbringing, but as hell sure do know that all my relatives kid's did! Which leads me to believe that I would have had a proper upbringing if I were not raised in TF. I'm speaking hypothetically of course because I know that TF is what brought my parents together. So what am I to do? as I curse my upbringing, should I curse my existence as well? The fact that I can't say that I ever was truly happy growing up, perhaps explains why I have zero desire to commune with my either of my parents and their spouses during the holidays. I could and it would be okay, but I don't have the desire to, and it brings me guilt. Especially looking forward. As my parents age, does the fact that they neglected me as a child and gave me the adult responsibilities of acting as a bread winner for them, give me any incentive to support them now that they are growing older??
This whole family thing and my own family makes me sick to my stomach, and it's hard enough to maintain the small ties that I do, which are necessary. But one thing's for sure, and one thing I cannot stand, is when they wonder why I seem to turn my back on them...uhhhhhh like you wonder....you made me this way, I was browbeat by circumstances into being what I am. There was a wrong way and a right way to raising a child and you, my parents, did it the wrong way, flunked the test, not an A, B, C, or D, you got an F. So typical to blame me once again for your own failures....
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from catuireal
Saturday, February 23, 2008 - 09:27
(Agree/Disagree?)
Does any of the comments below cite psycotherapy? Didn´t read any. You gotta get this stuff sorted out! Truly hope this website is a help. Best wishes.
(reply to this comment)
| from J Mullagain
Tuesday, January 02, 2007 - 22:31
(Agree/Disagree?)
I appreciate the warm and fuzzy sentiments of some of the posters below about how everything will be made ok with a hug and they will take wonderful care of the aging parents without getting within an inch of a "horrid" home.
I take it you will quit your jobs then? Too bad the parents didn't give a better start in life so you'll be less financially strapped doing so. And I hope y'all didn't get too busy too fast poppin out the younguns yourselves while in the cult, cause that won't help the cash flow situation any.
All crankiness aside though, I wonder how many of us have a realistic idea of what old age is like, seeing as how most of us were kept away from grandparents and other relatives older than baby boomers. A few hours performing in an old folks' home does not quite convey it. Which brings to mind the irony of the cult traipsing us to sing and then write testimonies about visiting the poor lonely "old folks" so forgotten by their systemite offsrping, when most of our parents "forsook" their own parents to an incomparable degree.
For somebody who has never seen an elderly person through illness and frailty, it may be easy to be all uppity about not putting your parents in a home, but think about the kind of medical care and attention they may need. The kindest thing to do would be to have them where they have that attention and care. The catch is that, as someone posted below, that is not cheap. But qualified home health aides or care is even less cheap. It's not an easy job for them, and they are trained.
Even if you quit your jobs, have you ever had to deal with an elderly person who fell and can't get up or even wield their bodies so you are more likely to help them up? Ever seen what it's like when they can't make it to the toilet for either number? That's just the beginning of the practical issues.
Then consider dementia and alzheimer's. If you've seen an elderly person whose marbles are a bit jumbled, good luck with people who have spent decades the cult's demented world.
If you can't afford to quit your job, don't even think of fobbing it off on your kids. Making them raise babies is a kindness in comparison.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from Oddman
Saturday, December 30, 2006 - 00:47
(Agree/Disagree?)
Parents. I'm not sure I even understand the word. It's one of those surreal terms that might come out in a Tolkien book. It sounds like a word, and you think you know what it's supposed to mean, but you can never be sure.
We all have different emotions and relationships with these people, (if we could indeed classify them as such) and therefore, we will reach very different conclusions.
I never knew my biological father. He was apparantly some fish or sheep, or king or.... Ok, in short he was some random guy composed of 50% sexual needs and 50% Charlie Ash. I grew up with my biological mother, and her mate, husband, boyfriend, master, pimp, whatever you could call him. About three years back, they finally went from FM to god's vomit. My sister had died, he was diabetic and going blind, and they were now drowning in debt. I convinced him to meet a lawyer, and he declared bankruptcy to dodge the debt collectors. I helped my mother clear her debts, and paid six months worth of back rent. It was almost a trade. You smart up and look after the younger children, outside TF. I help you reset your lives.
I've forgiven my mother to some extent. She admits she's made mistakes. She won't apologize for anything specific, but she's sorry for the damage caused, and she regrets her choices. I can accept that. She joined when she was 16, and had a child at 18. She was a full fledged hooker for Jesus before she knew what had hit her, and popped out babies so fast she never had time to really understand what she got herself into. My mother is my flesh and blood. She strived to maintain a good relationship with her relatives, rarely broke any laws, and while in no way perfect or a good mother, she loved her children. She was always weak, both emotionally and physically. As unhappy as I am about the way she raised us, I feel her knowledge that she made the wrong choices, her regret, the weight of remorse, I feel that is punishment enough, and I do not wish to add to that pain. One thing I can say in her defence, she never laid a finger on me. I've never seen her use violence against a child. I have seen her cry for those children. She may not have done everything she could, but she did all she thought she could. She has saved my life.
I have no kind words for her husband. I cannot bring myself to call him my father, nor do I feel comfortable refering to my parents in the plural form. This man was abusive, violent, drunk, power hungry. He was an absolute dick. His violent tendencies were at times even too much for TF to handle, and partial ex-com and ex-com were frequent occurences in his life. He's attempted to take my life on one occasion.
I accept that my mother loves this man. I avoid visiting my mother to avoid meeting him. I am worried I will be unable to shed a tear when he dies. I am frightened to think I may be secretly jubilant come funeral day. An ugly young heart sneering at the cold lifeless corpse of a man placed in the cheapest coffin money could buy. I do not wish to be that ugly heart. I yearn for closure, even with this man I sincerely hate. But he does not feel he did wrong. He has never said the family was wrong, or that he hurt us. He says we were hurt, but not that he hurt us. How can there be closure thus? I hope he does not die before his eyes are opened. I wish I could find it in me to forgive him, not only during my time, but during his.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |  From Samuel
Sunday, December 31, 2006, 06:57
(Agree/Disagree?)
Okay, Lisa. I take some of that back. I didn't mean to call you crazy. I can understand if you want to protect your sister (it's only the right thing to do). But you have nothing to worry about. Cyber-crushes are out as far as I'm concerned. I tried two online relationships, both were unfulfilling and both were depressing when they ended. It really isn't a good thing to do, in case anyone on here is thinking about it. As far as Rain being nice because she feels sorry for me, I don't know- I'm not Rain. I can't get into Rain's mind, and neither can you. So while I am giving your idea that Rain is being nice because she feels sorry for me some credibility, the only person on this site that can be sure of that is Rain.
By the way, reading your comment I now take comfort in knowing that I'm not the only who has a hard time typing the word "because".(reply to this comment) |
| | From Samuel
Sunday, December 31, 2006, 04:50
(Agree/Disagree?)
Lisa, you are crazy if you think I'm in love with your sister. It doesn't mean I don't want to be friends. It doesn't mean I don't respect her for her mind. It doesn't mean I don't admire for being open minded. There are qualities she has that I want more of, and I think the world would be a better place if there were more people like her. That doesn't mean I'm in love with her.
It doesn't mean I'm not going to pick on her, though : o ) (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From Oddman
Saturday, December 30, 2006, 17:31
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Oh my Satan.... Have I been wrong all these years?
I always thought friends were supposed to give each other wedgies, shake each others beer, scribble on each others sleeping faces, laugh at whichever one just skateboarded his left nut into a traffic sign, laugh at the others dance moves, steal each others bar flirts attention, beat the crap out of each other over flirting with sisters, buy each other lapdances, laugh at the others choice of stripper, have copper when the other doesn't, ask for copper simply because you want to keep the crisp bill for lines, have cigarettes when the other doesn't, have weed when the other doesn't, be sober when the other isn't. That kind of stuff.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From Rain Child
Saturday, December 30, 2006, 16:04
(Agree/Disagree?)
Ooh look, Lis, we've got ourselves some labels. We're a collectable set. you're the acidic one, I'm the saccharine, and we're both fit to dangle on Vixen's charm bracelet...good thing she doesn't know about the others...the Nympho with her head in the clouds, the computer-geek Jesus-Freak, and the Barbie Girl. Otherwise the set would be so valuable we'd have collectors coming from over the sea.(reply to this comment) |
| | From vix
Saturday, December 30, 2006, 16:25
(Agree/Disagree?)
Heh. You know I wouldn't *really* reduce you both to such one-dimensional creatures, it was simply a light-hearted observation on the roles most often occupied by your selves in the great soap-opera that is this site.
BTW, I would have stood up for your good character in chat yesterday but I thought for sure it was some in-joke between yourself and placebo and I didn't want to muscle my way in. You know that if you ever needed it I would totally have your back!
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| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From Samuel
Saturday, December 30, 2006, 04:37
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Come and chat, the master's calling, come and chat.
Let us chat in the sucky chatroom all the time.
He who fed the multitudes, turned the water into wine,
Come and chat, the master's calling, come and chat.
Sorry, Rain. Just had to do that. : o )(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | from Rain Child
Friday, December 29, 2006 - 05:22
(Agree/Disagree?)
In spite of all the ways our childhood was not what it should have been, when it comes to the time that our parents are old and completely dependant, left with nothing to show for the years of effort, the years of sacrifice, and the years of belief, having to live with their demons, wondering how they could have lived the life they did, I think we will find compassion.
I think the only thing we will be able to do is to hold them and tell them it's okay, we turned out fine and we will look after the little ones. So they can rest easy, and so we can have a happy ending, salvaging whatever is left to us of the parent-child relationship. You're young yet, Jolifam, but I do wish that closure for you -and all of us- someday.
(Please don't take offence. But that is how I feel.)
(reply to this comment)
| From If you can afford it
Sunday, December 31, 2006, 07:24
(Agree/Disagree?)
December 30, 2006
Elder-Care Costs Deplete Savings of a Generation
By JANE GROSS
To care for her ailing 97-year-old father over the past three years, Elizabeth Rodriguez, a vice president at the Federal Reserve Bank in New York, has borrowed against her 401(k) retirement plan, sold her house on Staten Island and depleted nearly 20 years of savings.
The money has gone to lawyers’ fees ($50,000) to win a contested guardianship. It has gone for home-care equipment like the mattress for his hospital bed (about $3,000 in all) and for a food service to deliver meals ($400 a month).
It has gone for a two-bedroom rental apartment big enough for herself, her dad and a home aide ($1,600 a month more than a one-bedroom apartment in the same building), and for a wheelchair-accessible van to get him to doctors’ appointments ($330 a trip).
Asked to tally the costs, Ms. Rodriguez, 58, said she had no idea how much she was spending. “A shower chair, body cream with no alcohol, new shoes,” she said. “You don’t stop and calculate. You just buy what you have to buy.”
Ms. Rodriguez is among the legion of adult children — more than 15 million, according to various calculations — who take care of their aging parents, a responsibility that often includes paying for all or part of their housing, medical supplies and incidental expenses. Many costs are out of pocket and largely unnoticed: clothing, home repair, a cellular telephone.
Adult children with the largest out-of-pocket expenses are those supervising care long distance, those who hire in-home help and those whose parents have too much money to qualify for government-subsidized Medicaid but not enough to pay for what could be a decade of frailty and dependence.
The burden is compounded by ignorance, according to a study by AARP, released in mid-December, which found that most Americans have no idea how much long-term care costs and believe that Medicare pays for it, when it does not.
Families have always looked after their elderly loved ones. But never has old age lasted so long or been so costly, compromising the retirement of baby boomers who were expecting inheritances rather than the shock of depleted savings.
“There is a myth out there that families abandon their frail elders,” said Dr. Robert L. Kane, a geriatrician at the University of Minnesota School of Public Health. “Instead, across the income spectrum, children are sacrificing to care for their parents to the limit of their means and sometimes beyond.”
Researchers have documented the time spent by adult children, and others, caring for ailing relatives. But data is woefully inadequate on how much they actually spend, health economists say, because most people do not keep itemized entries as they write checks, use their credit cards or pocket money to meet the demands of the day.
“When you’re in the middle of the forest, with so many things coming at you, you can’t really see the trees,” Ms. Rodriguez said. “But each one of those trees has actual dollars connected to it.”
Costs are astronomical for long-term, low-tech care, the sort most often needed by those who linger with Alzheimer’s disease or are too frail to get around on their own. Medicare is of almost no help, since it covers only acute episodes like a heart attack, cancer or repair of a broken hip.
That means the elderly and their families are left to pay for assisted living (which averages $35,000 a year), nursing homes ($74,000) or home health aides. Only the very poor receive Medicaid, which pays nursing-home bills nationwide but home care in only a few states (New York among them), and nothing toward assisted-living rent.
Nor does Medicare cover equipment like grab bars for the shower and incontinence supplies, which alone can run $2,000 a year, or travel expenses for an adult child responding to medical emergencies.
Marilyn de Leo, for instance, has made two trips from New York City to Los Angeles since September, when her mother fell in the bathroom and broke her neck and both ankles. Ms. de Leo, 62, an associate director in the development office of Mount Sinai Medical Center, spent $800 on airfare for the first frantic trip , plus $50 a day on taxis, since she had left her eyeglasses behind in a mad dash to the airport and therefore could not rent a car. Ms. de Leo has no savings left, and is $5,000 in debt. When asked about her own future, she said, “I’ll have to work till I drop.”
Only one authoritative survey, in 2004, has even asked adult children how much they contribute to their parents’ support. Half said they did, and the average monthly expenditure was $200. Respondents who looked after their parents at least 40 hours a week said they spent an average of $324 a month.
But those figures were based on “quick, top-of-the-head estimates,” said Gail Hunt, president of the National Alliance for Caregiving, which conducted the survey.
Knowing the extent of these expenses might inform public policy, some experts say, calling attention to a gap in the government safety net for the elderly.
“Should this burden fall solely on the individual and the family?” asked Judy Feder, dean of the Public Policy Institute at Georgetown University. “And can we really expect this arrangement to keep doing the job as a larger and larger population comes to grips with it?”
Congress recently passed a poorly financed bill that would help family members who need a break to pay for substitute care of an ailing loved one. But the Bush administration, to date, has preferred a private sector solution, recommending long-term insurance and reverse mortgages.
For spouses, most expenses are tax-deductible if they exceed 7.5 percent of adjusted gross income. But children cannot claim parental expenses unless they pay more than half of a parent’s support, which is often not the case when the parents are on Medicaid, likeMs. Rodriguez’s father, or have savings, like the Schoengood family.
The elder Schoengoods, both 86, own a home in Yonkers and a condominium in Florida and have assets enough for round-the-clock care, which can cost $100,000 a year. Still, their son, Matthew G. Schoengood, 49, vice president of student affairs at the Graduate Center at the City University of New York, has kicked in at least $1,000 a month since 2005, when his mother had the first of two strokes.
Mr. Schoengood flew his family nanny to Florida, for example, to look after his father. Now that his parents are permanently up north, Mr. Schoengood orders their groceries online along with his own. “As a child, it’s just something you do,” he said. “Mostly you don’t even think about it.”
His father makes a half-hearted effort to pay him back, but Mr. Schoengood always says, jokingly, “I’ll put it on your tab, Dad.” Typical of their generation, his parents fret about every penny. His father asks, incessantly, “Do we have enough?” Mr. Schoengood tells him not to worry.
For sure, he hopes his own children will do for him what he is doing for his parents, but he cringes at the prospect of burdening them — one reason long-term care insurance is becoming attractive.
Mr. Schoengood’s out-of-pocket spending is not sensible, elder-care experts say, but the result of the awkward minuet of preserving a parent’s pride.
If families behaved logically, said Steven Schurkman, an elder-care lawyer in White Plains, all expenses would be paid from the parents’ money, which if depleted would entitle them to Medicaid. “What most of us do isn’t sound financial planning,” Mr. Schurkman said. “But it’s healthy for the family dynamic.”
Carol Levine, director of the Families and Health Care Project at the United Hospital Fund in Manhattan, said that paying for her mother’s needs required delicacy, even subterfuge. When Ms. Levine went shopping, her mother would say, “Take $5 out of my purse.” Her daughter would return with 10 bags of groceries, and both would pretend that was all she had spent.
Both Mr. Schoengood and Ms. Rodriguez say their out-of-pocket expenses will not ruin them. Others are not so lucky.
Take Patrice B., 47, who returned to her childhood home in Jacksonville, Fla., seven years ago to move in with her mother, 84, who has Alzheimer’s disease, and her father, 86, who has congestive heart failure. (They requested that the family’s last name be omitted so neighbors would not know their plight.)
In their African-American culture, Ms. B. said, putting her parents in a nursing home would have been shameful. Plus, they could pay for some home care out of pensions as well as military disability checks. She, on the other hand, after years of sporadic part-time work and untallied out-of-pocket expenses, is broke.
She has catastrophic health insurance, but it will not pay for the hysterectomy she needs. She has lost her credit cards after accumulating $20,000 in debt. “Honestly,” Ms. B. said, “I’ve got nothing anymore. I go from very angry to very depressed.”
Kate Mesmer, a single mother in Northern California who had always worked for nonprofit organizations, was living paycheck to paycheck when her mother had a stroke in 2001. Ms. Mesmer took a tenant into her house so she could contribute to her mother’s $6,000-a-month rent at an assisted living center.
Then Ms. Mesmer lost her job and had to move her mother to a board-and-care home. A second stroke forced her mother into a nursing home, where she qualified for Medicaid. That is where she died last year, with nothing left but an $18,000 I.R.A. The State of California is seeking that, contending the $18,000 should have gone toward nursing-home fees.
Given what she learned in the final years of her mother’s life, Ms. Mesmer said: “I have a panic attack at least once a day. It’s frightening to think about our generation and what’s going to happen to us.” (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From 163157154145155156
Friday, December 29, 2006, 11:08
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Years of effort? Years of sacrifice? Years of belief? Whose parents are you talking about? If you are talking about yours, because I know you are not talking about mine, please refrain from using the word "Our" when making mention of them.
Without kids in tow, provisioning would have been far less productive. Without 5-10 kids litnessing and postering FAR less shitty pamphlets would have been sold. And do you think that two grown people would have collected even a fraction of the change thrown into an open guitar case that 5-10 kids did when "busking".
Are you assuming that "our" parents did anything to help us transition into life in the real world, that they pointed us in the right direction where schooling, life, family, and career were concerned? Are you assuming that "our" parents ever sat down and said "You know, I don't know what the hell we were thinking but here is what we should have done, and we are sorry for not having done it." Are you assuming that when we were all finally out, "our" parents said "Okay, the nightmare is over, let's show you how to live."
Say what you like about your parents, but please don't presume anything on my part. I wish things were different with them. I wish I had good memories to pass on to my children. I wish I could credit them with any of the success I have found in life. I wish I didn't feel so nauseated and uncomfortable when I see them that I could just get up and leave without a word.
I have children now, and they are my world. I work my ass off so they don't have to. I tell them how great they are, how handsome or beautiful they are. I help them get good grades. I help them achieve independence when they are ready for it. I give them everything I have in me and want them to have everything they want in life. The more time I get to spend as a parent the less I understand how they did what they did to us. So don't be too sure that "we" will ever just be okay one day and suddenly find compassion. I just don't see it happening.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From Rain Child
Friday, December 29, 2006, 16:28
(Agree/Disagree?)
I'm sorry as well for the way I came across - I know that some people's situations with their parents are such that there is no repair which can be done without causing further damage, and I'm sorry that seems to be the case for you.
I wasn't really trying to suggest that you forgive your parents for their sake - my point was that, well, it's for you and your children. I mean, they're your flesh & blood, and to me that's important. But I understand that perhaps I was out of line and assuming too much.
Anyway, I'll just step out of this thread now.(reply to this comment) |
| | From jolifam77
Friday, December 29, 2006, 11:26
(Agree/Disagree?)
ditto. It just is incomprehensible how parents could use their children as mere tools. It goes against nature. The bible mandates it though, "everyone who hath forsaken houses...children, etc.", pure lunacy, pure lunacy. it's just so hard for me to understand my parents mentality. I personally would never have kids unless I had the absolute means to make things as easy as possible for them, with all the backing and support, advice, money, nice clothes, everything, knowing how hard it is to live in poverty without the medical attention I needed, just the absolutely miserable time I had growing up. I would never wish that on anyone.(reply to this comment) |
| | From food for thought
Friday, December 29, 2006, 10:03
(Agree/Disagree?)
This ending might vary depending on what your parents did to you and if they committed some of the worst offenses on you, and then whether they sought forgiveness. I somehow don't see a Zerby or other incestor ending up in the loving arms of a Ricky without some repentance.
I am glad it seems that some parents did not commit acts unconscionable for anybody, much less parents, on their kids but News Flash, some did.(reply to this comment) |
| | From jolifam77
Sunday, December 31, 2006, 08:15
(Agree/Disagree?)
My parents never did anything "unconscionable" to me, which is why it is with ambivalence that I approach disowning them. It is their lack of forethought for the welfare of their children who might choose another path then they did; and their lazy abandon to throw away their lives because they were caught up in the moment of some Jesus revolution--their children be damned.
In this case I have to rationally approach the situation, and logically declare that their ignorance was no excuse for neglecting me. And is in my best interest to approach the way I deal with them in a way that is in accordance with my true feelings: ambivalence. Not love, appreciation, or anything else. I'm not going to waste my love and energy on people who chose to be ignorant.(reply to this comment) |
| | from Reminds me
Wednesday, December 27, 2006 - 09:21
(Agree/Disagree?)
I was in this class and the discussion topic was "should people be legally obligated to support their aging parents as they are obligated to support their children".
So I said "only if the aging parents did support their children".
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | From AnnaH
Sunday, December 31, 2006, 12:25
(Agree/Disagree?)
There's a great short story by Mark Twain called "The Story of the Good Little Boy" about a boy who longs to be like the heros in the Sunday School books but all of his good deeds bring him nothing but misfortune.
When he tries to help a blind man getting harrassed by bullies the blind man mistakes him for a bully and beats him up. Once he sees a boy stealing apples and climbs the tree to read him a story about the consequences of stealing and promptly falls out of the tree and breaks his leg. He ends up getting blown to pieces at the end and no one appreciates anything he did. Such a good lesson. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From PopNFresh
Thursday, December 28, 2006, 11:51
(Agree/Disagree?)
I think it's horrifying to put your parents in a home. However there is something I learned from The Family's "real fathers" doctrine, and that is that you shouldn't have attachment to anyone who didn't actually contribute to your "care" and growing up. It's the ones who are there for you who are your real family. So I have no clue what's gonna happen to my mom when she is too old to take care of herself, but you can be damned sure that my boyfriend's grandmother (who is like a mother to me) isn't gonna see the inside of a nursing home if I can help it.
In all seriousness though, I think that if my mom ever truly needed me I couldn't turn my back on her. I don't know why, but I'm not like that no matter how pissed off I am at her.(reply to this comment) |
| | From Shaka
Friday, December 29, 2006, 04:43
(Agree/Disagree?)
My "stepfather" ( I don't even know the proper term as he never married my mom) had better hope he never has to rely on me in his old age because the second I get control his ass is going in the cheapest, nastiest, most ghetto old people home I can find. Ah yes, with lots of diapers and drooling. And I'll show up every once in awhile to taunt him, mix up his meds and hopefully drive him to insanity. Yaaayyyy!!(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From Oddman
Thursday, December 28, 2006, 14:52
(Agree/Disagree?)
Hell, I've never met my biological father. My "real father" was the biggest abusive bastard I've encountered in my life. I also spent 12K fishing my mother out of debt he accrued in her name. The only emotional connection I have with this man is anger. Now he's diabetic, half blind, obese, and coping with the realization that he was wrong for 30 years. My mom works to feed him and the rest of our family. So far, 1 has passed away, 4 have left the nest, 1 has issues and will need care his whole life, and 5 remain. My worry is rather that my mom will keel over from overworking herself, and suddenly we'd have our siblings to raise. Some FGAs are having children into their late 40's, meaning they could be senile grumps before their child gets his first job.(reply to this comment) |
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