A few letters to and from a current family member.

from Disturbing Reality - Thursday, July 21, 2005
accessed 1894 times

I know there are many of you out there that still have parents, friends and siblings in TF. Have you tried to get through to them? Have you sent letters and such in attempt to try and get them to see the real truth? Well I’ve sent several letters to my Dad who is still in TF, and haven’t had much luck. Here are some of the letters I’ve sent along with replies. I was wondering what, if anything, I could do differently to try and get through to him, I’d appreciate any feedback.

Disclaimer: I did not ask him for permission before posting these letters (they are mine) but I’ve EDITED out the names; I don’t feel it’s necessary to name people unless it’s for legal purposes. Note: I left the abusers names, because maybe someone might recognize the names, and frankly I feel no need to protect their identities.

Also, this is kind of a long post, so forgive me, but I felt it needed to be posted in full for anyone who may want to read it.



It all started when I sent him a quick note with a link to “No Regrets: Why I left the Family” by James Penn.


(MY DAD’S REPLY):

Happy belated Birthday (edit) . ILY! Do you agree with these things? If not, please don't send things around that you're not knowledgeable about through personal experience. People say a lot of things, including lies, when they want to excuse their own choices. But it makes for a sad and miserable life, when you just tear down others but don't do anything yourself. I've heard and seen the other side on these things, and can assure you they are gross, twisted, exaggerations. Love ya'! Hope to hear from you again soon! Love, Dad



(MY REPLY):

Dad,

I was not even going to bother to reply to this message because it’s obvious that you’re still blinded by TF’s (The Family) beliefs, and I don’t know if there’s is anything I could really say to change your mind. However, I am going to give it a try because I want it put on record that I tried. I believe I’m finally old enough for you to be able to actually listen to and not dismiss what I say because of me being an immature child. This is the main reason I am writing this now and hoping you will actually think about and look into what I’m telling you. I believe our family needs help as well as many other families that have been affected in the same way.

I don’t even know where to start, because there is so much I feel you should be told about but I’m going to try my best to cover all the bases so you can understand where I’m coming from. To begin with, I do believe the article that I sent you to be an honest account of the mans’ experiences during the 27 years that he lived in TF in very close contact with Zerby and Berg (Mo and Maria), if I didn’t I wouldn’t have sent it to you or anyone. I don’t believe in the article just because the man wrote it as fact, but also because I lived it for the 16 years of my childhood spent in TF. I hope that you know that this man who wrote the article is not the only person who has had these kinds of accounts about the leadership of TF over the years. There have been many others that TF has just pictured and portrayed to you all as backsliders and “full of the devil”. To read other people’s accounts you can go to the web site: http://movingon.org/. At this web site you will read hundreds of stories told by ex-members and children of the first generation of members of TF. I do know that people lie all the time but in this case I think you should strongly consider who it is that might be lying to you all. TF could write off maybe 10 cases as being “bitter ex-members wanting to persecute” TF because they don’t have better lives now that they left. However, when there are hundreds or even thousands of us second generation kids saying the same things, can you still write it off with the same excuse of “bitter and angry teens exaggerating”? Beyond the shadow of a doubt?

If you go to the website and there’s still doubts in your mind about kids being abused mentally, physically and sexually while being in TF keep reading this letter. I am one of those kids Dad. I was abused in all three of those ways and have had horrible memories haunting me for years. If you want to read some of those memories here’s some of them I included in two different letters to (EDIT):

“I personally remember 2 individuals that sexually molested me and other girls. One was in Columbia, the name I remember was "Angel". He was a heavy set guy and used to spend a lot of time with us when mom and dad were not around. I dunno if you would remember him. The other one I'm sure you remember, it was in (EDIT) . His name was Pat (other girls that I met later on in the family said that he molested them as well). His wives' name I can't remember if it was (NAME), (NAME) or Love, The last time I saw him was in Mexico.

I wonder if this information would be of any use, please let me know if you remember these guys.”

“You're right, I'm mistaken about the girls. Pat and Love didn't have any kids. I knew I was getting two families confused. Anyways, I saw him last in Mexico and I remember that someone left me alone with him in the same room and all I could think about was how much I wanted to hit the creep over the head with a stupid camera he had in his hand. I know that (NAMES), are girls that I know went through a lot of the same stuff I did while living in that huge home in (CITY).

“In (COUNTRY) that I remember has to be from late 80's to 1990 when we moved to (EDIT).

I remember a lot of instances that happened when we lived in (COUNTRY), but as you said they might not be relevant. I remember once where they beat us all with pbc pipes because no one confessed to making a cup of powder milk with sugar that they found in the bathroom. Later on they found out that it was a maid who had done it I think. I don't recall the names of the Shepard’s of the home in (COUNTRY) but I remember several instances where the Shepard would get us kids together and coach us on how to have sex with his son (I was under seven years old!), (NAME) may remember this because she was there as far as I remember.

In (EDIT) that I remember happened from 1990-1992

I remember a lot of instances where (EDIT) was in trouble in (EDIT). (See my mentality? I say he was in trouble like he may have actually done something wrong. I'II bet what he did was probably not quote the bible verses right or something sick like that.) I remember him being in the "Victors" programs, where they made them dig holes for hours in the big yard in (EDIT), just to fill them back up. I remember instances where the guys would faint from being out in the hot sun digging holes or moving rocks for hours. I remember him being on "silence restriction" all the time. Where he had to wear a sign that said, "I'm on restriction" and he wouldn't be able to talk for weeks at a time. Names of other Teens that I remember that might be able to add more details to these memories are; (EDIT)

About (EDIT), I remember one instance in particular with where they spanked him with a metal coat hanger and he ended up with huge purple bruises on his leg and back. He was only like 5 years old in (EDIT) wasn't he?

I left (EDIT) with Dad and lived in (EDIT) for a while. Try and ask (EDIT) and (EDIT) about (EDIT), cus I know they were always in trouble there too. Dad used to tell me that they were a bad influence. I remember they left while we were living in (EDIT). They must have had a reason to leave while there. While I remember my life Improving drastically when we got to the states, for some reason I don't think it was the same for them. Whatever drove them to leave TF had to have been added to by experiences in the US. I don't remember much about them because I lived in a different home for a while and they were always separated from me because of the age differences.

I'm gonna have to start thinking about what else I remember. These are memories I try not to access very often as they just depress me, I kind of pushed these memories to the back of my mind, but with enough time I'm sure I'll remember a lot more.”


So Dad, do you still think all the second generation kids are grossly exaggerating these stories? You still think we are all lying about what happened to us in TF? Is there still no doubt in your mind that maybe there’s truth in what these kids have to say and even more so what that article said? Believe it or not, kids remember a lot when most of the memories are bad ones. Sadly, most of the memories I have from my childhood are bad memories that I had tried to suppress and forget about. I’ve had many, many problems dealing with everything that I remember happening to me (EDIT) . Not just happening to me, but to all my brothers and sisters. There was even a time that I straight out tried to convince myself that my memories were just delusional imaginations that I had somehow fabricated in my head. You know why I tried convincing myself of that? Because I would look around at all the “normal” kids I knew (my friends in school) and would wonder how all this bad shit could have possibly happened to me and my family, when this kids didn’t even have close to the extent of bad experiences in their life. I convinced myself that it had to be false memories, because no person I knew had ever been through the stuff that I went through, or even close….so I figured it had to be impossible that any of this stuff have gone on without being stopped by hundreds of knowing adults. But then it hit me, you guys were so “well trained” that you all thought it was right. You all blindly accepted everything that Zerby and Berg fed you even though I bet you still, in your heart, had to have had at least a slight inclination to doubt it. Even after I was sure that these stories are real, I was hit with the thought that it didn’t matter. That even if they were true no one would ever be able to prove it, because, it was always gonna be a child’s word against an adult’s word. Also, people in TF don’t use real names, they change them very often as well. But Dad, I’m all grown up now, I’m no longer an insecure child. I’m old enough to know what’s right and what’s wrong. And now that I know we have hope of getting justice for the hundreds (close to thousands) of kids who went through this, I’m gonna try the hardest I can to help out.

Now you’re probably going to sit there and say, oh but even if these things did happen to you and hundreds of kids, they were isolated events and have nothing to do with the leaders of the TF. Well Dad, here’s another website for you; http://www.xfamily.org/index.php/Story_of_Davidito#Page_Scans At this website you’re gonna find actual scans of "the Davidito Book" where they clearly condone sexual abuse of children. It's rather sick to think about all the adults, and worse, parents that read this stuff and agreed with it. If they didn't agree with it, they sure didn't disagree with, seeing that they did nothing about it. This isn’t the only publication you had to read in TF about sexual behavior with and between kids being “natural” and “good if done in love”, most of those books were burned in the “purging” of I believe the late 80’s of incriminating books and documents, and yes I do remember this too. Personally, I want to believe that you and Mom don’t believe this shit. I want to believe that if you both looked at this site right now, you would strongly disagree with it and think it is sick and highly illegal behavior. Well Dad, the leaders of TF didn’t only partake in this behavior, they photographed it, documented it, wrote it down in form of a story, printed it on thousands of papers, binded it into hundreds of books, and sent it out to thousands of adults who trusted their every word and believed them with unfailing faith. They fooled so many into believing that this was the word of God. It makes me sick to my stomach looking at and reading those pages.

Ok now, well if you’ve read up to here, I’ll be I’ve cast at least a little doubt in your mind, or at least I sure hope so. If you’re starting to think that maybe I could be “knowledgeable” about this stuff, then you’re right because I’ve done a great deal of research over the past few days.

Here’s another link that could be of interest: http://www.rickyrodriguez.net/. At this website you’ll read Ricky’s own words in a bunch of articles he wrote before his untimely death. Zerby’s own son! He writes about his experiences living with Berg and Zerby. Most are very disturbing. You can say he’s lyng, because that’s what Zerby says now, but “actions speak louder than words”. He even had correspondence between him and his mom and Peter posted on the site. If he lived such a loving life, then why would he have any reason to kill himself? Why would he hate his mom so much? I can relate to a lot of his feelings, the difference in my case though, is that my parents may be guilty of being “blind” to everything that went on, while his parents are directly responsible for misleading and misguiding thousands of adults around the world into believing outrageous, sometimes perverted and overall illegal doctrines making them think that it was “the word of God”.

In closing, I would like you to know that I don’t hate either you or Mom. I truly believe you’ve made many mistakes and that in your quest to “save the world” you’ve created many orphans. But I do realize that you two were blinded and somewhat brainwashed into doing what you’ve done to us. I can’t speak for all of us, but I’m willing to bet that we all share the same fears. We have all almost grown up, with kids of our own to raise. My biggest fear right now is not being able to raise a mentally stable child. (EDIT) is not the best kid in the world, but God knows I’ve tried to raise him the best I could with the resources I’ve been given. In raising my son, my biggest concern is that I don’t know how to. I know there are many good things in the way I was raised but it could have had a much better result without all the negative. So as a result, I’ve pretty much tried to raise him the exact opposite way I was raised, hoping to God that I don’t make the same mistakes I think you and Mom made. But it’s difficult, knowing everything I know to block out all the bad, and only practice the good. Believe me it’s hard.

The one thing that I would love most in this world would be that you and Mom could realize what you’re been accomplices to. That mostly you would come to a point where you understand that you’ve made bad choices that have ultimately torn our family apart. We are in need mental help. We have taken what we were given and tried to make it in a money hungry world while at many times suffering mental breakdowns because of it all. I’m sure we’ve all had to deal with thoughts of committing suicide or other violent acts. We’ve been horrible to each other at many instances, hating and resenting one another for a long time. Some of us aren’t even on speaking grounds because of all the resentment between us, and whether you want to believe it or not, TF has a lot if not everything to do with it, all of it!

I love you both a lot, but I need to know that you’re sorry for making us endure what we’ve had to throughout our lives and that you’re willing to make amends with us all. I’m not writing this letters to tell you that everything you’ve done has been wrong, but I am trying to point out those wrong things. On a happy note, I do have good memories too. Those memories are Mostly in (EDIT) , of helping poor underprivileged children in orphanages and so on. TF is right on those things, someone needs to make a difference in this cruel world we live in, and there are many ways of doing so while not forgetting about our own families. Does it really justify itself to help out those kinds of kids while at the same time ignoring your own?

I hope you really read this letter and can understand to a certain extent where I’m coming from on all this. I hope to hear from you soon. Love you lots!


(MY DAD’S REPLY) :


Dear (EDIT) , GBY! Thanks for writing back. You mentioned some things about your personal eperiences I never heard before, things which were addressed in Letters even before you experienced them, and shown to be wrong and not what we teach or preach. Some of Dad's writings which were controversial, though definitley not abusive, as some state, were mis-interpreted by some. This is not to say I'm not sorry for any wrong treatment you received, or your brothers or sisters for that matter. Just please keep it in context, as when I asked (EDIT) , for example, when he was 17 or 18, what his feelings were about the things the Family was being accused of, he said: "Dad, there are more wierdos in my little high school than all the Family put together." You have to remember that the Family is a volunteer fellowship, and people can manage to "pass through" that really aren't dedicated missionaries, though certainly much less now than the 15-20 years ago that you are talking about. Where you have to be careful is when you begin to consider your limited personal information as being the norm, even if you have communicated with some disgruntled and vocal people. Unfortunately it is the bad that makes news, and then when situations are corrected, that goes more or less un-noticed and un-reported, as that doesn't serve their purpose or ends. And sensationalist press doesn't help. I'm passing you on a link here, so you can begin to hear from others of your generation who are more positive, or even still in the Family, people who had first hand knowledge of some of the situations which you've heard about. http://myconclusion.com

(EDIT) , I'd like to ask if in future communications you could be even a little more specific in what actually happened to you personally, or what others living with us told you personally. Most of those people you mentioned, if not all, are no longer even in the Family. (EDIT) is in WS, and I have seen and talked with him within the last year, and he is very happy and fulfilled, obviously having overcome anything negative from the past. I also met Angela several times, and she was the sweetest person you'd ever want to meet, very caring an friendly-surprisingly so. This is what it really comes down to, if you are going to let bitterness over past events drag you down now, or overcome. Again I say, I'm very sorry for anything you experienced personally that was exaggerated or harsh, but that has been corrected years ago in the Family. The things done were not espoused in the Letters-they were excesses and abuses that also occur in the world in general, and I would say, at a much higher rate per capita, as the Family is mainly composed of individuals who want to help their fellow man and help change the world for the better. Any others don't last in our fellowship for long, and many haven't-almost 2/3 to be exact.
Anyway, thanks for writing. I love you and pray for you and everyone there often. Love, Dad


(MY REPLY):

Dad,

If you give a person several step by step handbooks on how to prepare and eat a certain food, something they’ve never tried before, using explicit pictures and examples convincing them that it is the right thing to do, that it’s “gods will” and they prepare it and eat it, then you take the book away, and tell them that you were wrong, that it’s a very wrong thing to do. Do you think that it changes the fact that they already did what you told them was “god’s will”? And what if they liked it? Do you think that simply telling them it’s “now” wrong to do, will stop them from wanting it or eating it?

TF leaders did exactly that, they told people it was ok to sexually molest children, they gave them several handbooks on how to do it, with pictures and live examples. They then took it all back, took the book away (purging), told them it was morally wrong, and just assumed that the problem was over with. Well, that’s not the result it had. They created child molesters where there might not have been (who knows if those people would have done it before they were told that it was “gods” will?), and in turn created criminals where there didn’t have to be. Child molestation and child abuse is against the law, plain and simple. You say that TF family dealt with all of this before the things ever happened to me, but it’s not true. Although they may have taken away the books about sexual abuse, the mental and physical abuse was never fully taken back. TF didn’t deal with anything; the only thing they accomplished was to cover up their own asses legally and blame the “individuals” in TF who “didn’t understand, or misinterpreted” the publications. They didn’t turn anyone in to the authorities, they didn’t investigate and find out how many kids had gotten abused, and to this day they haven’t offered any of the children that were affected any sort of help.

Did you even bother going to the sites I put there for you did you Dad? And if you did, what are your specific replies to the different issues I brought up? You don’t have the time for your own family? I find it ironic that the group that you have given your entire life to is called “the family”…what family are they referring to? They want you to give up your entire family to help others? Who is supposed to help your own family? Are you just going to forget about your family? The nine of us that you created, which are supposedly “blessings from god”? We’re just supposed to fend for ourselves? They don’t allow you care about your own family?

We have tried for years to adjust to a “normal” or as you would say a “systemite” life and have had many problems. I think you should be able to take the time from your life to try and figure out what you can do for your own children that are having trouble. I don’t see that we are asking too much. You’ve made TF your priority for many, many, years and I doubt that God would be too upset if you were to take some time to help your own family out. Or just to try and understand us, and really look into everything we’re saying. You said, “It's the third party stuff I have a hard time with, as I can't tell what's really true, and I know most of it is very one-sided, like all negative, and I know it's not the way things were meant to be.” I don’t understand what you’re trying to say but it sounds a lot like you’re saying that you don’t believe us. We’re not telling you things that we were told happened; we’re telling you what we directly saw, experienced, and remember happening. Personally, I’ve rarely talked to anyone about the experiences that I went through in TF (and when I have, it hasn’t been with TF Members), therefore I have not formed my opinions on what happened by what others have said; everything that I mentioned are memories of my own that I saw, experienced and remember happening to me and my brothers and sisters while in TF.

No one is telling you that what you chose to do with your own life is wrong, helping people in third world countries is, in theory, a great thing that needs to be done. But take some time to get to know your own personal family too. In the end, when it is all said and done, will you really be completely satisfied with your life? Yeah you’ve done great things in third world countries and have either directly or indirectly helped change a lot of people’s lives, but what about your own family? We’re not “backsliders” or “full of the devil”, because we never chose to be in Tf in the first place. In fact, as soon as most of us got old enough to be able to form our own opinions on life we chose to get out of TF. You choose to do whatever you want with your life, but you can’t expect your kids to follow the same tracks. The point here is that no, we didn’t want to be in TF, we chose to follow our own dreams and do what we will be the happiest doing in the long run, and you should be able to help us and encourage us to follow our own dreams. Will you really be happy and fulfilled in the end when you realize that your own family needed help and you weren’t able or willing to provide it?

I just wish you could realize that we’re just asking for help before our family completely falls apart. Love lots.


(MY DAD’S REPLY) :

(EDIT), I truly am sorry for anything you suffered in your younger years, (EDIT). But the expunged books you refer to were never "manuals" teaching teaching child molestation. All they had were some pictures of semi-naked women (ie. from the waist up), which at that time in the world was a lot more acceptable. As far as my spanking some of you too strongly, I am sorry about that, and any emotional distress you felt as a result. I later found-through Family publications-that I was being too strict, and I tried to make that up to you all, asking each of your forgiveness even back then, though you seem to not remember. As for having time for you, (EDIT), you should remember I went to search you out in (EDIT). Unfortunately, I don't have the funds to go around and visit you all again like I did then. But if it were possible for you to visit here, you would be welcome, of course, respecting my lifestyle and faith. Please remember, I am still near you, and you actually chose to leave, so I don't know how you interpret my being faithful to God's call in my life as not caring about you. anyway, it seems like you're yielding to a pretty negative current in the media and from other spheres up there, and I can only warn you it has a bitter end. They are not trying to help anybody, but rather just destroy, so please pray you can have a more balanced, healthy view of things, and leave the past behind. Remember the good, and ask god to help you forgive the things that weren't right, as continuing to carry them with you is like self-torture. anyway, I do love you all. More later. Love, Dad


(MY REPLY) :
Dad,
“anyway, it seems like you're yielding to a pretty negative current in the media and from other spheres up there, and I can only warn you it has a bitter end. They are not trying to help anybody, but rather just destroy, so please pray you can have a more balanced, healthy view of things, and leave the past behind. Remember the good, and ask god to help you forgive the things that weren't right, as continuing to carry them with you is like self-torture.”
Negative because there are other people who feel the same way as I do and I can relate to their stories? Negative because it goes against what you have been taught in TF? Or negative because frankly, you don’t see anything wrong in the way I was raised and think I’m just a bitter teen wanting to “destroy” TF?
Dad, I’m not out to “get” or “destroy” the family. I’m simply a 22 year old girl (your daughter) who went through a lot of shit while growing up and has been negatively affected by it on an emotional level. I don’t see where keeping in contact with other kids who went through the same stuff is a negative influence on me, and I don’t believe it will have a “bitter end”.
However, I’m not going to continue this discussion because honestly, I don’t see a point. It’s falling on deaf ears. I was not expecting you to be so incentive to your own daughter, and realizing this, I don’t see how talking to you about it will ever change your views.
So, I will continue to struggle through life and do whatever I can to try and help myself and others who have gone through the same things as me, and you’ll go about your life “saving all the lost souls”.
Maybe one day you’ll realize how important your family should be to you, but until then, good luck!
Love,
(EDIT)

I still haven’t gotten any reply to this one, any suggestions? Sorry for the long post, but I wanted to express both sides of the story here, so you could get the whole picture.