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Getting Out : Leaving
100 Reasons Why it's GREAT to be a Systemite | from Joe H - Tuesday, July 16, 2002
accessed 7882 times Have a good laugh at the cult -- it'll do you good! 1. You don't have to take correction,and if you justify yourself your own mouth doesn't condemn you.
2. Four sheets, five sheets, 20 sheets -- it's up to you.
3. No OHR's or personal time.
4. You don't need a prophecy to decide which movie to watch, and you can watch as many in a week as you like.
5. Satan's music kicks ass
6. You can go out for a walk or a drive by yourself if you feel like it; screw the buddy system!
7. No one lays hands on you when you're sick, or rubs cooking oil on your forehead for that matter.
8. While you may still have to wake up early, no one comes in your room, turns on the lights and plays "Revellie."
9. You hate TV, not cause it's the devil's tool, but because there's nothing good on.
10. People are generally sincere when they ask for constructive criticism, and won't blow up at you if you have something negative to say.
11. "Going for the gold" is reserved for olympic athletes; normal condom use provokes anything but guilt.
12. If you don't want to tell someone something, you say "None of your business," not "It's selah," or "God bless you."
13. Don't have to memorize poems such as "After potty forget not, boys your penies with paper blot"
14. If you're seriously ill, you go to the doctor, plain and simple.
15. Your name doesn't have to come from the Bible, and you don't have to change it every time you have a "breaking."
16. People who read your mail can be sent to prison.
17. Eat what is set before you, if you feel like it.
18. You get paid for your labor.
19. No one encourages you to have sex with older people in an attempt to "bridge the generation gap."
20. You have a relatively small number of Aunties and Uncles.
21. You have a real job - no more postering, tapenessing, kiddie-viddieing, or other witnessing.
22. You only hear the words "thee" and "thou" during Shakespeare plays or while visiting Amish country.
23. You can take credit for your own good ideas, rather than thanking the Lord for inspiring them.
24. You don't assume Martin Luther King Jr was evil, or that Gadafi and Castro are good just because Berg said so.
25. No one expects you to believe the Heavenly City is inside the moon -- comparing measurements taken by NASA to St.John's measurements cleary shows that it simply wouldn't fit.
26. A double is something you order at a bar, not not something you chalk up.
27. You know that Hitler was in fact a drug user and a follower of the occult, not an instrument of God, and that the Holocaust did in fact happen.
28. You don't have to substitute sugar and chocolate with honey and carob, respectively.
29. You're closer to God than ever, more so even than "Familymites," that is of course if Berg was correct when he wrote "The Benefits of Backsliding."
30. You keep your books on a shelf, and have multiple authors. And no one gets on your case for reading the encyclopedia or the dictionary.
31. The only spirits you need to believe in are the ones sold at the liqour store.
32. Exorcism is just a movie, not something you need to do to your children if they might be Mene cases.
33. Your keys aren't about to turn into swords. If they did how would you open your house or car?
34. You can accept gifts from people without wondering if they contain hitch-hiking spirits.
35. An idle mind, whether or not it is the devil's workshop, is desirable to relaxation and can easily be acheived through meditation, TV, alcohol, or most social situations.
36. Little imps don't sit on your shoulder and inspire negative thoughts.
37. If someone yells "Revolution!!", you can say "Fuck You!" and raise one finger instead of three.
38. "The Weed, the Weed, the Weed - Can't get enough!"
39. You can unwrap all your bundles of faith.
40. You've probably met your Mom and Grandpa, or if not, you at least know where they live.
41. You may still have a flee bag, but you call it something else, like "one night stand bag".
42. While your boss may be a total asshole, he doesn't spank you (or your kids), doesn't live in your house, eat your food, make you clean his toilet etc.
43. People who talk to characters from novels and fairy tales and have sex with "goddesses" are put into mental institutions, not revered as prophets of God.
44. Your only Elixir of Love is KY.
45. You can read 1984 without being treated like one of its characters.
46. You don't think "Mo's Mokes" are funny.
47. No more zucchini, eggplant, or liver.
48. Pow-wowing is something Indians do; normal people shut up and let you watch your movie.
49. JJT is a thing of the past.
50. "Get-out time" has been replaced by "drag-your-sorry-ass-to-the-gym time."
51. You can be happy without being inright, outright, upright, downright.
52. Your traumatic testimonies don't end with the cliche "I found the Family" rant.
53. You can plan your future and that of your children, despite all the crackpots who say the world is about to end.
54. When someone honks a horn at you, you don't say "Hallelujah!!", you give them the finger.
55. "Are you smoking?" - "Higher and higher!"
56. Daydreaming rules!!
57. You wouldn't say "Fill me with your seeds!" to anybody, much less Jesus.
58. Road trips involve lots of alcohol and partying, not fund-raising and provisioning. And you're allowed to gripe about how uncomfortable you are until you're blue in the face.
59. You can eat dinner without singing two or three songs first.
60. When you masturbate you fantasize about real people.
61. Date, sleep with or marry whomever you damn well please.
62. Self-esteem is something admirable to acheive and maintain, not supress.
63. No one you meet has seen the movie "Pollyanna" 200 times, and they will never EVER suggest that you play "The Glad Game."
64. You can have an orgy and not invite God to join in.
65. If you want to read pornographic literature, you don't have to write a reaction to it afterwards.
66. Eventually the details of Berg's personal hygiene habits, Zerby's bowel movements and Peter's STDs start to fade from memory.
67. You don't have to change your name because someone thinks it's worldly, prideful, vain, or because someone else has the same one.
68. If someone hits on your significant other, you won't be lectured on your lack of real love if you smack 'em.
69. You don't have to dress up like a clown, unless your lover thinks it's kinky.
70.
71. You get drunk/laid on New Year's Eve, forget holding candles and all that other crap.
72. While you may be heathen, you don't participate in vain repetitions of "Thank you lord, praise you Jesus, Hallelujah."
73. Smoke, drink coffee or alcohol till you puke, pass out, or die. No one is going to point out that you're "over your weekly limit."
74. Ghosts of dirty old men stay the hell out of your pantry.
75. Flies and mosquitoes are bugs, not "The Devil's Minions". - If you miss while trying to kill them, you're a lousy shot - they DO NOT have the ability to dissapear!
76. Underarm hair is French, not natural.
77. Long scraggly hair equals bag lady, not Bible woman. 78. The chances of your 5 and 7 year old humping eachother are considerably lower than yours were. If it happens, you certainly won't say, "Look! How cute."
79. When her teacher says, "your little daughter is so SWEET--and deep for her age" you don't have to wonder what he means.
80. As a systemite, you definitely aren't your own worst enemy.
81. The only farm animal names you give people are pig, dog and chick. Not sheep, goat, fish and wolf. And cops are pigs, not "Romans."
82. You're no longer forced to listen to people have bad sex just because they're your "room shepherds".
83. You hear and use other adjectives besides "super" and "sweet".
84. Your cars do not have to be jump-started every morning.
85. Both your shoes are the same size.
86. Yolks are for eggs, not for necks.
87. You can live in California without wondering when it will fall into the ocean.
88. You can have an orgy and not invite God to join in.
89. You can suck anyone’s cock you like. Not just the shepherd’s. (Literally and metaphorically speaking.)
And most importantly:
You don't need anyone - living or dead - to tell you how to think.
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from therli
Saturday, March 15, 2008 - 05:57
(Agree/Disagree?)
hahahahalol
these people are geniuses. it's too bad no one else understands this. you could be famous
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from Rain Child
Wednesday, May 31, 2006 - 05:19
(Agree/Disagree?)
You discover forms of punctuation apart from the exclamation mark! (Sorry, old habits die hard.)
What sux about being a systemite: You realise that just reading the Mo Letters does not constitute literature, science, social studies, eschatology, in fact, everything you'll ever need to know! To the contrary, you would have learned more about all these things if you had spent those four hours each day watching TV. (except eschatology, which is not actually a subject.)
(reply to this comment)
| from Rain Child
Sunday, April 02, 2006 - 22:08
 (Agree/Disagree?)
*Your house plants cannot see or hear you, and are not there to judge your grumbling attitude or taste in music.
(A funny story to go with this: When I was a child, one day a fairly new disciple was teaching us science at school time. He was teaching us about the anatomy of plants. I raised my hand, and, knowing I was being impish, asked: "What part of the plant do they use to see and hear?" When the uncle replied that plants cannot see or hear, I replied, "Oh yes they can, look, it says so right here in this Life With Grandpa!" ("Plants And Flowers: They Feel, They Hear, And They Even See!" LWG III) So the uncle said, "Oh, praise The Lord, a little child shall lead them. If Grandpa said it, it must be true. God bless you for your faith sweetie. I guess The Lord can make plants see and hear without necessarily having to give them eyes or ears."
(reply to this comment)
| from iratepirates
Friday, March 31, 2006 - 23:44
(Agree/Disagree?)
You have a list of your favorite musicians and rock stars no matter how shiity they may be.
You are not waiting months for the next "Vas" tape
You can wake up at night and take a piss without disturbing someones "jesus lovemaking session"
Knowlage for the system no longer makes you cool. In fact people think you are stupid for quoting movies 24/7
Everything you know about world history does not come from "7000 years of history" and the mellinum is in none of your books
jews are not trying to take your children away. That whould be Child protection
Jews don't turn into demons on the street
Rasputin destroyed the russian monarchy not make it better
Star Wars no longer is about "serving the lord" in fact no movie is unless the director says so
Jesus doesn't watch the matrix
Tupac does not give shitty raps from beyond the grave
Word time happens once a week on sunday if you want it to
You don't havce to worry if your spouse is a sister you don't know about
no more superworkbooks
you migght have to pay for your magazines but they have other celebrities other than abraham and jesus
(reply to this comment)
| from
Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 18:17
(Agree/Disagree?)
If I lose my crown-I just go to the dentist!
(reply to this comment)
| from Rain Child
Saturday, March 11, 2006 - 02:04
(Agree/Disagree?)
* Having a jet is a symbol of status and prestige, but not because you have an adolescent in your house who cleans, does the dishes and laundry and educates the children, all while conveniently on silence restriction.
*You don't have to multiply every recipe x 20 and replace sugar with honey, cocoa with carob, and white flour with bran and wheat-germ.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from Sydney
Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 22:13
(Agree/Disagree?)
Dude that was so fucking funny...made me laugh... I only had to take half of the xanax pill that I normally take to get me through the day...I was in stiches!!
(reply to this comment)
| from Sydney
Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 22:12
(Agree/Disagree?)
Dude that was so fucking funny...made me laugh... I only had to take half of the xanax pill that I normally take to get me through the day...I was i stiches!!
(reply to this comment)
| from Arneth
Monday, January 16, 2006 - 15:36
(Agree/Disagree?)
Ha, this was pretty funny in parts, actually. I do remember (not so fondly) the silence restriction, pow-wows and all that sort of thing. Even outside the Family, though, I wouldn't agree with a lot of your 'advantages' to being a 'systemite'. The kinds of freedom you espouse are certainly typically enjoyed by most young people. On the other hand, after a while life becomes very empty and boring. Who wants to endanger their health and happiness, anyway, by drinking all they want, engage in lots of promiscuous sex (isn't that what you're accusing the Family of anyway?). That said, I agree with a lot of your criticism, and I do like watching more than one movie per week.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from M&M
Wednesday, February 16, 2005 - 23:59
(Agree/Disagree?)
Lobster, Shrimp, Calamari, Octopus, Shark Fins, Jelly Fish, Mussels, Crab, Clam, Eel.
Notice to all the children in TF.
Try Lobster trapping. You NEVER EVER EVER EVER catch a lobster with a big piece of crap in it's claws. You NEVER even find Lobsters with a tiny piece of crap in it's claws. Clams do not chew on crap like you see in "why is the sea salty". Octopus also do not eat crap. I eat Sushi (Yes that's raw fish, shrimp, squid, octopus, you name it) at least once a week, and do not get indigestion.
(reply to this comment)
|  From Sydney
Tuesday, March 07, 2006, 22:31
(Agree/Disagree?)
Yeah I never knew how good seafood was until leaving the family... you know what I reckon one of the reasons they made that up was cuz lobster is so fucking expensive...
mmmmm prawns......sushi...mmmmm yum...
my first ever food shopping trip when I left the family went somethign like this...
goes in shop...looks in awe at all the food she has never seen... fills shopping cart with
gum,coke,lollies, ice-cream, shellfish,white suger, coco pops,potato chips, alcohol, smokes, jello, white bread, suger buns, bacon, pork, fairy floss (boy I thot that was the coolest thing ever) bubble gum, smarties
....etc...blah, blah...blah needless to say when I got home and realised after a day or two that this was all I had to eat until next pay day and food shop... I didn't feel quite so clever anymore...but man did I felt delightfully naughty!!
of course my weekly shopping trolley is much more adjusted now... but boy that first time was fun...
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| | | | | from Lizzybean
Sunday, January 16, 2005 - 15:30
(Agree/Disagree?)
[Removed at author's request]
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from NOMORE!!!!!
Friday, January 14, 2005 - 13:10
(Agree/Disagree?)
I CAN BUY NEW SHOES, SHIRTS, PANTS NO MORE HAND ME DOWNS.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | from Oddman
Friday, January 14, 2005 - 02:58
(Agree/Disagree?)
When your kids sing traditional songs (i.e. Row your boat) other kids can sing along, cause the lyrics aren't screwed.
You can crack "Yo Mama" jokes without fear of having to read "Mutt & Jeff" again for the nth time.
People come and collect your laundry, wash it right, and return it right. This beats having your underwear washed in the same machine as those cloth diapers. (That also became part of your angel costume.)
On Halloween you get to be Freddy, Chucky, Terminator, Larry Flynt, or whomever you damn well please. Beats being restricted to A) Abrahim, B) Merlin C) Moses.
Raybans protect your eyes. They are not worldly, and you won't be slapped around the head for wearing them.
Southpark rocks.
When listening to your favorite album, you do not need to reduce the volume to ziltch, use one earphone only, hide beneath your blanket, or sleep with your other ear to the door.
(reply to this comment)
| from evanman
Tuesday, December 07, 2004 - 11:42
(Agree/Disagree?)
Actually the cops in Rome are Romans.
Also the Abominable Snowman is from the Himalayas, and not from Switzerland.
The Pied Piper was not a prophet, he just caught rats.
Also, your dreams are not necessarily incredible and immense revelations from God.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from Samuel
Thursday, May 27, 2004 - 12:38
(Agree/Disagree?)
Another reason why it's great to be a systemite:
"AC" stands for "Air Conditioner"- and it's always been that way!
(reply to this comment)
| from sarafina
Saturday, April 03, 2004 - 18:30
(Agree/Disagree?)
One more..You actually can both wash your hair and wank/wink in the shower if you want and not have to choose between which one you wanted the most due to your allotted 3 min shower time. =)
(reply to this comment)
| from Tez
Tuesday, December 30, 2003 - 10:06
(Agree/Disagree?)
more good reasons for leaving:
a) if you don't eat your rotten fishcakes for lunch, they are not fed to you again at dinner, breakfast, lunch, etc... until they are gone.
b) you can make a meal without first having to chop off the moldy bits
c) you don't have to memorise "prophecies" you can quote at prayer time to make you look spiritual
d) you don't have to practice saying elephant over & over again really fast so you can convince the adults you really do know how to speak in tongues
e) you can answer somebody's questions without being put on silence restriction for "answering back"
f) you realise that there are way cooler & heavier bands than Fleetwood Mac
g) you can become a biker, wear leather, make-up, & jewellery, hang out in rock bars, and take as much drugs & alcohol as you want
& a few bad ones...
1) you can no longer sell sweets, cigarettes, & michael jackson tapes for triple their value to the other kids
2) you can no longer make money out of writing the other kids OHR's
3) going to the shop no longer has that heady thrill it used to have when it was FORBIDDEN
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | from dawnbringer invictus
Friday, September 05, 2003 - 23:45
(Agree/Disagree?)
Here's some
1.) You eat at McDonalds or wherever when you feel like it, and not when the manager of that fastfood says you can.
2.) Three bedroom homes are meant for a young family with 2 kids under the age of 5.
3.) (This one is for me personally as I'm a guitarist) You no longer have to convince yourself that Jeremy Spencer is a good guitarist. In fact he sucks.
4.) You no longer have to block out the fact that those FTTs are an insult to your intelligence.
5.) Your kids will be taught their english, mathematics, science, history etc... by people who are qualified educators and not by homeschooled kids who were in turn schooled by ex hippies who believe that mathematics is summed up in X - (X x .14) = googol.
6.) Magazine subscriptions do not cost US$100.00 a month.
8.) A rented video is not the highlight of your week.
9.) (This is for all you family borns) You discover that the music you hear on the radio is actually shit. Needless to say that means that FTTs must be fermented shit.
10.) You understand that systemite is a word coined up and used by weak minded people to comfort themselves when faced with the day to day fact that they can't handle life.
11.) With all the money that he rakes in, you wonder why Steve Kelly doesn't invest in some propecia tablets.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from fryhead
Thursday, July 31, 2003 - 10:16
 (Agree/Disagree?)
75 is very nice....other than that , a lot of you are paranoid with this shit ...get over it.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from fryhead
Thursday, July 31, 2003 - 10:16
(Agree/Disagree?)
75 is very nice....other than that , a lot of you are paranoid with this shit ...get over it.
(reply to this comment)
| from frmrjoyish
Monday, May 05, 2003 - 20:32
(Agree/Disagree?)
here's another one: you can sleep with an old guy 'cause he's rich, not to "bridge the generation gap"
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | from himwotcleansdoloos
Monday, March 03, 2003 - 06:58
 (Agree/Disagree?)
10 "Disadvantages" of leaving the Family
1) Smoking is no longer cool, it's just bloody expensive
2) You can't make people have sex with you anymore, "guilt trips" rarely work either
3) You have to spend time and usually quite a bit of money to get any attention
4) You feel like you missed your childhood, so your on a constant drug induced spending sprees
5) You don't get movies explained to you anymore, you have to figure out who is the baddie by yourself
6) You can't blind the eyes of the Police anymore, you feel a moral duty to keep to some sort of speed limit
7) Literacy levels drop as you are no longer required to read long publications and then write 1500 word OHR's
8) In conversation you have to figure out something original to say, quoting Joan of Arc just makes you look crazy
9) You have to come to your own conclusions about world politics, no one is there to explain why Bush is in power
10) You no longer have access to those great Kiddie Viddies, now you have to put up with that twat Barney instead
Oh how am I ever gonna cope
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | | | | from Isislively
Wednesday, February 19, 2003 - 17:55
(Agree/Disagree?)
My all time favorite: Though president's day is a federal holiday, you don't have to celebrate a dead mans birthday if you don't want to! And you certainly don't have to fast, ever!
(reply to this comment)
| from one
Tuesday, January 07, 2003 - 00:07
(Agree/Disagree?)
Amen!
out of the mouth of babes and sucklings.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from Victoria
Saturday, January 04, 2003 - 18:56
(Agree/Disagree?)
PTL GBY ILY but You know what honeys you are all being really out of the spirit and you should all be on silence restriction
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | from Mir
Thursday, January 02, 2003 - 12:28
(Agree/Disagree?)
Ha ha ha! This is brilliant! How about "you don't have to stick to 6 oz of wine on video night, you can drink the whole damn bottle, or two, or three if you want!!" or "you can chose whatever video you bloody well fancy without checking that it has been "previewed" first!!"
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | from Cultinvator
Monday, December 16, 2002 - 04:36
(Agree/Disagree?)
As soon as we get the 100th reason, I think the universe will dissapear or some shit like that. The prophecy has fortold... lol! Brilliant, the most creative work ever in my opinion that relates to our cult! I'm sure group effort helps.
(reply to this comment)
| from cZER
Thursday, October 24, 2002 - 22:21
(Agree/Disagree?)
You can IGNORE the Bible and tell yourself that "God" did not create the Earth.
...Or, you can BELIEVE the Bible and Matthew 24 and countless other chapters that say that the "Endtime" IS coming, but STILL ignore it and do nothing about it--because your lifestyle does not require it.
You can live alone.
You can look forward to being unprepared for Jesus' return. (NOT)
You can wonder what you will do--and WHO you can count on to be there for you--when the time comes when Christians everywhere are being reviled and persecuted. What WILL you do?
What will you do when you hear the magnificent trumpets, and the booming voice of the archangel, and see the dead rising? What will you do when you YOURSELF start rising--leaving behind any of the friends whose souls you've not been concerned about?
You will weep at His return over a wasted life and foolish choices.
You will weep at His incredible mercy, grace, & love when he takes you into His arms and says "I love you my bride. I died to save you. Was that not enough?" And then He'll wipe your tears and kiss you and say "It's OK. It's in the past. Let's do better now."
(reply to this comment)
| From Sydney
Tuesday, March 07, 2006, 22:50
(Agree/Disagree?)
oh no....I'm going to run quickly to the nearest family home and re-join....NOT!!!!!
dude you the one who's going to be sitting in your death bed when your old or whatever...most likely you're suffereing from AIDS or some other STD you've picked up from sharing with Auntie lovejoy all those years ago...or was it Auntie Jewel...etc....
wondering whatever happened to jesus and his 2nd coming...
the bible is just a silly book some clever person complied together to gain power and control of stupid people like you....to get them to follow them, hand over their money and their feeble minds.
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| | | | | | | | | | | From elkyle
Tuesday, August 31, 2004, 14:03
(Agree/Disagree?)
YOU ignore the bible: it is better to have a millstone tied around your neck and be thrown into the deep than be the cause of just one of these little ones to go astray.
the reward is sure, your righteousness is as filthy rags {rage was an interesting typo} in His eyes.
so pray, don't preach.
Jesus words are pure but the uses the bible are put to are justification of bullshit in SO many cases, and have driven the multitudes FROM the truth.
so get some humility and get the point.(reply to this comment) |
| | From Banshee
Tuesday, August 31, 2004, 15:22
(Agree/Disagree?)
I'm sorry, but not only do I not get where you are coming from, but I don't even get where you're going....
WTH are you talking about? If I am correct, you're actually not, nor ever were, part of The Family/COG, and you are CERTAINLY not one of the "young adults with parents who joined...The Family/COG" for whom this site was created. Therefore, you quite probably don't know WTH we are talking about here, which is a good explaination for why I don't know WTH you're talking about either.
Oh, and with the "pray, don't preach"? --Right back atchya'...(reply to this comment) |
| | From elkyle
Tuesday, August 31, 2004, 14:02
(Agree/Disagree?)
YOU ignore the bible: it is better to have a millstone tied around your neck and be thrown into the deep than be the cause of just one of these little ones to go astray.
the reward is sure, your righteousness is as filthy rage in His eyes.
so pray, don't preach.
Jesus words are pure but the uses the bible are put to are justification of bullshit in SO many cases, and have driven the multitudes FROM the truth.
so get some humility and get the point.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From LOL
Sunday, January 05, 2003, 16:17
(Agree/Disagree?)
Pass the bucket man! where did all this self righteous bullshit come from? who says any of us ex members don't believe in God? living in a cult DOES NOT make you chosen by God. David Turd, oh excuse me David Berg was a false prophet and a pervert and he will burn in hell for how he screwed up our lives! so my suggestion is get out and get a life (and a job rather than being a baby factory and washing the dishes, God bless you honey)!(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From BabaYaga
Friday, October 25, 2002, 11:37
(Agree/Disagree?)
cZer, along with my own personal experience in TF, add to that 1) hearing about all these horrible stories of abuse, 2) finding out they were not "isolated" cases, 3) all the abuse was done by people who claim to be serving God and have a connection with him, 4) these same people now deny the abuse and claim it's all lies and exaggerations, and finally 5) finding out that we are "Vandari", I have to say:
I would prefer to burn in Hell forever than to have anything to do with their kind of God.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From Ian
Thursday, October 24, 2002, 23:40
(Agree/Disagree?)
Go somewhere else and preach....I don't think anyone here gives a fuck.
Two men grow thru life, one works hard and supports his family and his society. The other sits around dreaming and reading of VERY STUPID SHIT like religion. One of them has definitly wasted a life.
I could be more dramatic and elaborate but I think that sums it all up.
"Another fine post by ian"(reply to this comment) |
| | From Rolling my Eyes
Thursday, October 24, 2002, 23:36
(Agree/Disagree?)
If I believed there was a Great Tribulation right around the corner, I assure you that I would not for one minute count on anyone "to be there for me" who was not there for me when I was supposedly serving him and the leaders of his Endtime Family abused me so thoroughly.
Fortunately, though, I believe not one whit of this Tribulation/Rapture stuff. If I am ever a bride, you can rest assured I will be someone's other than Jesus, it will be an actual living man. If I were to meet Jesus face to face it would not be with tears but with service of process. And I consider none of my considerable achievements a "wasted life" or "foolish choices."
How lucky for me that me and my fascinating friends don't have people like you to compete with us at our places of higher learning and high-powered jobs, or to pollute our cultured company because you're all hunkering down for the Second Coming (so maybe Jesus is a woman...have your sex freaks considered having the sisters imagine they're men when masturbating?).
(reply to this comment) |
| | From Auty
Friday, October 25, 2002, 00:25
(Agree/Disagree?)
I beg to differ with you Rolling My Eyes, I do not believe this person would be any competition to any one of us. They are probably like most of our parents that barely have their High School diplomas. You know, if education stops at the 6th grade, you have a very uneducated group preaching hell and damnation . . .a frightening thought.
I comfort myself in the fact that soon my education will surpase that of anyone that I have met in TF.
My thoughts on religion: It's what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.(reply to this comment) |
| | From Monk
Friday, October 25, 2002, 03:20
(Agree/Disagree?)
Excellent put thought on religion. As far as I'm concerned Religion is nothing more than a means of control through fear of the unknown or fear of reality or morality which do-gooders and manipulative people use to gain power or wealth at the expense of others. Which leads me to my argument that an person who knows religion is a lie would be the kind of person to profiteer from it. I absolutely doubt the motivation of any one who has profiteered from the hard working efforts of many in "The Family" who are sincere in their beliefs regardless of how bizarre and hurtful they are. Many in the Family will keep "sacrificing" & "giving their all", like dumb sheep, while those in positions of leadership or those for whom “The Family” is an economic or social “step-up” will continue to benefit by their intentional deception.
I say lock up those in charge of “The Family” for intentional deception of mankind (among other things) & throw away the key. The fact that both my parents are still in "The Family" will not deter my opinion in this regard.
(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | from
Friday, October 11, 2002 - 08:09
(Agree/Disagree?)
you can look forward to groing up
(reply to this comment)
| from Joe
Thursday, July 25, 2002 - 18:57
(Agree/Disagree?)
I updated the above list with the posts I thought were funny and relevant and I think we need to take out a couple of mine that aren't or reword them.
"Have a good laugh at the cult, it'll do you good"
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | from VWBabe
Wednesday, July 24, 2002 - 11:01
(Agree/Disagree?)
Flies and mosquitoes are bugs, not "The Devil's Minions". - If you miss while trying to kill them, you're a lousy shot - they DO NOT have the ability to dissapear!
You don't have to hear about some drunk dude's fantasy "vision that he got while making love" (we all have those dude, and they're NOT from god), you just had a lousy/ugly partner!!!
(reply to this comment)
| from EyesWideShut
Wednesday, July 24, 2002 - 06:24
(Agree/Disagree?)
Your breakfast does not consist of skim powdered milk, powdered eggs, scrambled eggs with leftover liver, spinach, and apple sauce, and lumpy brown flour/tofu cereal.
You don't have to hug anybody in the middle of August.
You don't have to ask god whether or not you should wear make up.
Your kid gets chicken pox because he caught it from somebody at school--not because you're a bad person.
Doing nothing inparticular can be called meditation and not idleness.
You can ignore someone you don't like.
You can tell somebody you like them with out using the word "burden" anywhere in the sentence.
The holy ghost is NOT ipso facto a woman--that is if there is such a thing in the first place.
You don't have to smother your food in Katchup just to get it down.
Soy sauce is a condiment, not a drink.
It's not your fault that loosers don't get any. You don't have to take it upon yourself to teach them how to wash and brush their hair, teeth, and privates more than once a year.
Underarm hair is French, not natural.
Long scraggly hair equals bag lady, not Bible woman.
The chances of your 5 and 7 year old humping eachother are considerably lower than yours were. If it happens, you certainly won't say, "look! How cute."
If you wake up in the middle of the night and find your mom in bed with another man, she's more likely to say, "don't tell daddy" than she is to say, "go tell daddy that he can come back any time now. He's in Silvia's room."
You don't have to worry about your 7 year old participating in "ML contests" when at school.
When her teacher says, "your little daughter is so SWEET--and deep for her age" you don't have to wonder what he means.
(reply to this comment)
| from Lance
Thursday, July 18, 2002 - 05:11
(Agree/Disagree?)
1. As a systemite, you definitely aren't your own worst enemy.
2. The only verses you memories are the words to your favorite songs.
3. You don't have to fill out a questionnaire when you want to fuck someone.
4. If you want to do humanitarian aid work, you go and join the UN.
5. You don't have to worry that some horrid 55 year old is going to sexually pounce on you the moment you turn 21.
5. The only 14% of your income that you have to give up is called "Taxes"(look it up in the dictionary)
6. 6. Your "taxes" help stabilize your government, providing you with many freedoms and securities. They are not used to publish copious amounts of propaganda that you’ll probably never read anyway
7. The name for banging someone else's wife is called "adultery", and the husband usually doesn't know about it.
8. A stranger is a potential friend, not a "contact".
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | From Deb
Thursday, July 18, 2002, 07:42
(Agree/Disagree?)
A few more...
1. You can speak your mind without someone sticking you in the corner and making you memorize James 3 (over...and over...)
2. You can laugh at someone's stupid joke without being labled "foolish" and getting dishes for weeks.
3. You're not forced to run in 100 circles for get-out because it will "cure your asthma".
4. No one steals your panties from the community laundry area. (Whoever lived at the HCS knows that I mean!!)
5. You're no longer forced to listen to people have bad sex just because they're your "room shepherds".
(reply to this comment) |
| | from cigaretta
Wednesday, July 17, 2002 - 15:42
(Agree/Disagree?)
You hear and use other adjectives besides "super" and "sweet".
(reply to this comment)
| from Jules
Wednesday, July 17, 2002 - 10:51
(Agree/Disagree?)
1. A double is something you order at a bar, not not something you chalk up
2. If you want to read pornographic literature, you don't have to write a reaction to it afterwards
3. Eventually the details of Berg's personal hygiene habits, Zerby's bowel movements and Peter's STDs start to fade from memory
4. You don't have to change your name because someone thinks it's worldly, prideful, vain, or because someone else has the same one
5. If someone hits on your significant other, you won't be lectured on your lack of real love if you smack 'em
(reply to this comment)
| from Tim
Tuesday, July 16, 2002 - 20:32
(Agree/Disagree?)
How about: You don't have to dress up like a clown (Unless your girlfriend thinks it's kinky)
(reply to this comment)
| from Joe
Tuesday, July 16, 2002 - 19:37
(Agree/Disagree?)
While we're at it, here's the top 10 reasons why it sucks to be an ex-member:
1. No sharing schedule - you have to either be charming, good-looking, or rich.
2. You are no longer part of the 144,000 (who else could it be but them?).
3. No one has to dance with you if you ask them, and they may slap you if you ask for a slow dance.
4. You can be arrested if you molest children.
5. You don't get cool endtime powers.
6. You don't get to plan your heavenly mansion.
7. You're part of the rat race.
8. You're probably the topic of one angry word prayers (hopefully somebody in the circle will space out and accidentally pray for your health and safety).
9. You can't serve God anymore - You're Mammon's bitch!
10. If you get raped and murdered it's your own fault.
this is satire, most of you know that but satire and sarcasm are wasted on some people (yes 7*s I'm talking to you and your ilk)
(reply to this comment)
| | | | | | | | | | from dave
Tuesday, July 16, 2002 - 18:47
(Agree/Disagree?)
Absolutely no "Loving Jesus" nonsense!And us guys don't have to try to imagine ourselves as "women in the spirit".
No "lights out" or "bed time".
No more "devotions". We read what we want when we want.
When don't have to hear "is it rated?" for movies we watch.
No more "attack days" or witnessing "pushes" when we're flat broke.
We don't have to "turn every thought into a prayer".
And though we all wish we didn't have to work, we don't believe working for a living is "serving mammon".
We don't believe pursuing higher education is throwing ourselves or our kids into the mouth of "Moloch".
No more "checking with the home shepherds" or "teamwork" before inviting friends over or before going out.
(reply to this comment)
| from cm
Tuesday, July 16, 2002 - 17:38
(Agree/Disagree?)
One more,
1. "Going for the Gold" means that you reach for the gold colored Trojan, not risking getting herpes and impregnating someone you hate.
(reply to this comment)
| From damjam
Tuesday, April 08, 2003, 12:56
(Agree/Disagree?)
You don't have to watch hundreds of screaming children all day just cuz some one decided to "go for the gold."
You're learning algebra and trig when you're eighteen, not trying to remember to put six in your heart and adding three on your fingers like Uncle Dan teaches you to do.
When you're fucking someone you aren't wondering if they could be your half brother or sister and you just don't know it yet.
When you leave the house you check if you've got a pack of Camels, not making sure you've got 100 "Camel's Nose" tracts, in your pocket.
(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From
Thursday, July 21, 2005, 12:31
(Agree/Disagree?)
"When you're fucking someone you aren't wondering if they could be your half brother or sister and you just don't know it yet"
The best one so far!!! My brother in law's dad had about 15 children (besides the 13 he had with his wife) spread around Brazil (and perhaps other parts of the world) and most of them only found out they all had the same dad recently.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | from cm
Tuesday, July 16, 2002 - 17:32
(Agree/Disagree?)
1. Your library may include multiple authors.
2. Your cars do not have to be jump started every morning.
3. You get to keep the underwear that your grandma sent you for your birthday.
4. The women are allowed to shave their underarms(or anywhere else they choose).
5. You do not have to to pay your bills in quarters.
6. You can use the air conditioner.
7. Both your shoes are the same size. (Those of you who lived in Mexico will know what I am talking about).
8. Food!!!
9. You never get fleas.
10. You can masturbate without being afraid of shaking the bunkbed.
(reply to this comment)
| from dave
Tuesday, July 16, 2002 - 17:16
(Agree/Disagree?)
No more "Birthday Fast" & "Birthday Feast" before and on Feb 18th every year.
No more "Prayer Vigils".
No more "Candlelight Service".
(reply to this comment)
| From afflick
Wednesday, July 17, 2002, 12:09
(Agree/Disagree?)
--'going shopping' includes malls and credit cards, not a garage and the forsake-all barrel.
--a razor doesn't have to last you a month.
--having a day off work has nothing to do with reading new mailings.
--the only 'wine taster' in your life is the maitre'd.
--yokes are for eggs, not for necks.
--drums are a legitimate instrument and don't require a prophecy to justify playing.
--your hair, your decision.
--Not to be confused: white sugar=a sweet treat, heroin=a distructive drug. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | from JohnnieWalker
Tuesday, July 16, 2002 - 16:51
(Agree/Disagree?)
Here are some more that my wife and I came up with:
1. Every song you sing doesn’t come with motions & you don’t have to close your eyes when singing a song you really like.
2. If you only wash two outfits per week, you feel like a slob.
3. You can stay on the toilet as long as you like without having to feel guilty for making 20 people wait for their turn.
4. The fairytales you read to your children were not written by the aunty down the hall who heard from dead animals and spirits.
5. You’re not dependent on the next load of provisioning or forsake-all to get a new pair of pants & when you get the pants, they reach below your ankles.
6. You eat your fruits and vegetables fresh without having to cut off gooey parts first.
7. You don’t chant, “Thank you Jesus, Hallelujah, Praise you Lord, Thank you Jesus, Hallelujah, Praise You Lord, Thank you Jesus, Hallelujah, Thank you Lord”.
8. The glove compartment of your car is not stuffed with toilet paper rolls, devotional books, the cassette jackets of broken DTD tapes, crumpled To You With Love tracts and crumbs from last week’s sandwiches.
9. You only have to use the titles of “King” and “Queen” in reference to royal families.
10. The alarms on your wristwatch are not set to 10am, 12am and 5pm.
(reply to this comment)
| | | | From Joe
Tuesday, July 16, 2002, 18:04
(Agree/Disagree?)
some of this kind of went over my head dude. Like the alarms on the watch, was that for prayer vigil? And since when was anyone but WS aloud to write anything vaguely resembling a children's fairytale? I like the one about chanting, it's ironic that we all memorized the verse were Jesus says: "When ye pray, use not vain repetitions as the heathen do, for they think that they will be heard for their much speaking." Can you believe those damn heathens call us apostates?(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Lauren
Wednesday, July 17, 2002, 03:53
(Agree/Disagree?)
Fairytales: Most of the "spirit stories" published by WS seem to be sent in from folks on the field. And they are "given" (written) by fairies, animals, people and the list goes on.
At the outset of the spirit stories there was something published saying that like Jesus' parables in the Bible (which Berg believed were really life examples)these also were true to life although who can understand the way the spirit world works -- something to that effect. I mean, animals can talk, can't they?(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | from Sara
Tuesday, July 16, 2002 - 15:46
(Agree/Disagree?)
A few more for you...
You don't have to say I love you, or God bless you when you really want to say Fuck Off.
You can drink as much hot coffee or alchohol as you want without someone saying "you're over your weekly/daily limit".
You'll never be forced to watch someone elses snot nosed brats unless you want to or are getting paid.
When playing contact sports, you can acutually have contact without being told that you're out of the spirit.
You can talk to someone you think is hot without having to witness to him/her-utterly humiliating yourself in the process.
(reply to this comment)
| From Kirschy
Wednesday, July 17, 2002, 07:29
(Agree/Disagree?)
On that thought...
-You can look good without being labelled 'worldly'.
-You don't have to thank anyone for the food on your table but yourself.
-Your sex partners don't encourage you to follow Zerby's "Cool Tips for Hot sex", but let you experiment or just have a damn good shag
-Random sex rules. ‘Dates’ are demeaning.
-You don't have to worry about 'Mo' visiting your pantry and judging the nutritional content.
-You don’t have to hoard your quality shampoo and conditioner for fear you won’t get more till your next ‘visa’ trip six months down the road.
-Sex is for satisfaction, not spiritual attainment.
-You can suck anyone’s cock you like. Not just the shepherd’s. (Literally and metaphorically speaking.)
(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | from Tim
Tuesday, July 16, 2002 - 14:40
(Agree/Disagree?)
Very funny! Can we get this on a poster?
(reply to this comment)
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